cynical-recovery

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A post after years after a conversation with my therapist

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“You can’t reverse the past; you focus on present. You can’t forget; you let go. You can’t really erase the pain; you weaken its power over you.”

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It’s a disorder, not a tattoo.

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And he told me that therapy was just words coming out of my mouth to a stranger and my response was an empty, forced smile because he wouldn’t understand. He never thought that maybe that was exactly what I needed; that maybe there wasn’t any willing ear to listen; that maybe I didn’t want to be a burden by sharing my thoughts; that maybe I needed a space to express myself; that maybe I have underestimated my own feelings by prioritizing the ones of others; that maybe words have the power to heal too and not only cause pain; that maybe I needed to utter these words to guide myself as I would to a friend; that maybe, after all, that’s why the majority of my responses are those smiles. Because no one truly understands -and I don’t expect them to.

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Why You’re Still Stuck On Hurt | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue -- shared by UC Mini

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<3

On the left, I was suffering from a life threatening eating disorder.

On the right, I was suffering from a life threatening eating disorder.

Weight does not define suffering.

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This year, instead of focusing on being less, let’s focus on being more. Resolve to have more gratitude for everything your body does for you. Take up more space in the world. Speak up more about things that are important to you. Do more joyful movement. Eat more delicious food that nourishes you. This year, instead of trying for to create a ‘new you,’ resolve to take the old you out for a spin. I think you’ll find that she’s pretty spectacular.

Ragen Chastain, What 8 body positive activists want you to know about losing weight in the new year (via endangeredbodiesnyc)

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While cleaning out my room I found a paper that my therapist gave me some time ago to deal with obsessive and intrusive thoughts. Sorry the paper is a little crinkled and stained, but I figured I’d post it in hopes that it will help someone like it helped me.

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Trust me, I didn't choose my eating disorders. If I could choose an addiction, I would have chosen drugs. Unlike food, they are illegal and harder to find. Why would I choose to live with my addiction, having to face it every single day of my entire life? (I am not promoting drug use. It was just an extreme comparison to show the irrationality of several myths on eating disorders, which can only enhance the secrecy and guilt of the person who suffers from them.)

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Flesh with souls, bodies with memories. You never really forget, you just learn living with it.

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