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d-p-f-m · 3 years ago

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Your tags give me so much life ahahahaha, thank you so much for your feedback! I'm glad you feel that way with my story, because that's the same I feel when I find a nice post in a specific genre I like 😂💜

To love, to protect, to claim |💕|✖|🍑|

Pairing: Alpha!Jimin x F!Beta!Reader

Genre: a/b/o!au, wolf!au, friends to lovers, fluff, smut-ish, angst with a happy ending

Warnings: swearing, mentions of smut, slight insecurities

Word count: 5621

Summary: You’ve loved him for so long, you don’t even remember when you stopped hoping for him to want you back. Maybe it’s time for him to prove you wrong.

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“You would make the perfect luna.”

Looking up from where you’re watching Jimin playfully tug at a loose threat attached to your shorts, you raise an eyebrow at him in amusement. As always, the alpha seems to be even more at ease in your own home than you are, his usually assertive gaze just the slightest bit drowsy from the nap he had taken earlier and body thoroughly relaxed.

You really don’t know why he chooses to spend most of his free time at your place in particular when his room alone is bigger than your whole living space, but it’s not like you mind including him in your daily routine, so someday you just came to the silent agreement that your door is always open for him to walk in and out whenever he pleases.

When the male continues to stare up at you with curious eyes, waiting for some kind of reaction, you shrug half-heartedly and tap his nose with your index finger to give yourself more time to think. He scrunches his face cutely at the action and your lips pull into a fond smile in return.

Admittedly, his words caught you off guard. How your initial conversation about the last pack meeting even managed to convert to him calling you luna material is beyond you and you’re not sure if you’re emotionally ready for whatever direction this is starting to turn into. One moment you were discussing the next hunting party and suddenly he’s ranting to you about how his second in command is nagging him about finding a mate.

Having been at his side for more than half your life, it’s obviously not the first time you talked about it, yet it manages to dampen your mood every time without fail. Still, you’re doing your best to not react when he mentions other females in front of you, only casually throwing in your opinion on what you think would be best for the pack when he asks you to. You’ve already come to terms with the fact that your feelings for him are one-sided and that you aren’t the one he’s going to choose.

Well, at least that’s what you’re trying to tell yourself everytime the topic comes up.

“You think so?” is all you can bring yourself to mumble out, tone carefully neutral. Jimin hums easily in response, as if he doesn’t even have to consider his answer.

“You’re smart, strong and perfectly in sync with the pack’s needs. You think I don’t see how everyone comes to you for advise or when they’re stressed out? Your presence soothes them. Aside from a capable leader, there’s nothing more important to a pack’s survival than a luna who has everyone’s hearts and trust.”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you give your own hum in reply and shuffle against the back of your couch to ignore the way your heart misses a beat or two at his praise.

The hand that comes up to touch your face out of nowhere startles you out of your thoughts and when you look back down, Jimin’s eyes are already on you. His thumb softly wanders along your jawline, slightly tilting your head.

“You’re also extremely beautiful,” he adds with a breathy whisper, like he’s in awe. As if he hasn’t seen your face a million times before.

You can’t help the snort of surprise that comes out at his compliment and when Jimin cranes his neck to get a better view of your expression from where his head is positioned on your lap, you inadvertently turn your attention away from him out of embarrassment.

Aside from not knowing how to react to all the praise he’s showering you with, you also don’t want him to notice the blush that most definitely colors your face, if your warming cheeks are anything to go by. You silently curse yourself for not being able to control the rapid beating of your heart, every time he looks at you like that. Like he couldn’t take his eyes off you, even if he tried.

As if he knows you’ve already written off his words as empty flattery, he suddenly shifts his body until he’s half on top of you, his hands flat against the couch on either side of your thighs, caging you in. With one cheek pressed against your shoulder as he accommodates to his new position, he gives you a pointed look.

“I’m serious.”

The alpha in front of you lets out a good-natured huff at the playful roll of your eyes, but refuses to move even as you subtly push against his chest to get him to back off. Instead, he leans in further to brush his nose over your scent gland, making you shiver involuntarily. “None of the other wolves I’ve met so far ever came close to compete with you.”

Jimin doesn’t stop you when you reach out one arm to run your fingers through his hair in an attempt to distract yourself, not sure how to respond. It’s already painful enough to remind yourself that he isn’t interested in you romantically without him giving you false hope and the way he holds onto you like he doesn’t have important duties to go back to sooner rather than later is definitely not helping either.

Thankfully, he doesn’t press you for an answer and only sighs happily to let you know he enjoys your touch. Both of you sit in comfortable silence as you let him cuddle you closer, body relaxing against your smaller frame and face buried in the crook of your neck. Slightly pulling down the collar of your sweater to have better access to your warm skin, the older wolf inhales deeply, a pleased hum rumbling low in his chest and your breath hitches at the sound, no doubt catching his attention.

He’s told you before that he likes your scent specifically, despite having to get so close to you to actually get a good whiff of it.

It’s not that your scent is weaker than others’ per se, but while alphas and omegas smell more alluring or prominent by default due to their natural roles within the pack hierarchy, yours is more neutral and less provocative, and therefore harder to fully catch from a distance.

The way Jimin exhales against your skin with a small grunt sounds almost frustrated now and you wonder if he’s pouting into your neck, but when you start to lean back to check on him, he growls in warning and pushes your hips down to keep you from moving.

“Don’t.”

Shocked at his uncharacteristic display of possessiveness, your body immediately becomes pliant beneath him and you barely manage to suppress the whine that’s threatening to spill from your lips as his grip on you tightens in response, your instincts telling you to submit to the stronger wolf pinning you down. It’s pitiful, really, how eager you are to please him while you’re not even sure what triggered his reaction in the first place.

Maybe his rut is coming up soon. Although it’s unlikely, considering you can’t sense any changes in his scent. Plus he’s never asked you to help him out during his cycle before, always preferring one of the many unmated omegas living outside the main camp. And even though you can’t deny that it hurts to see him choose another pack member over you time and time again while you’re right there, it’s not really surprising. Being the head alpha, he can have his pick out of many.

Compared to all the available females in your territory, you’re nothing special. If you hadn’t been raised side by side since your early childhood, he probably wouldn’t even spare you a second glance. Or maybe your friendship is the reason he doesn’t see you as a potential partner in the first place. Maybe he simply can’t bring himself to pursue you because he’s known you for too long.

But you wish he would.

Even if just once, you wish he would acknowledge your desperate pining, no matter how skilled you are at pretending to be unaffected by his presence. On some days, the thought of him with someone else physically hurts to the point where you can’t even bring yourself to meet his eyes out of shame.

And now that he finally has you underneath him, canines carefully prodding at your collarbone while you absentmindedly play with his soft locks between your fingers, you can’t bring yourself to ask what’s gotten into him. Not when he’s pushing up the hem of your sweater to trace the bare skin of your waist with both hands, your name falling from his lips in a low murmur.

With a shuddering breath you close your eyes and let your head fall back to expose your neck further, hesitant and confused about his behavior, but more than willing to let him do whatever he wants with you.

Strangely enough, something about your act of submission seems to snap him out of whatever daze he was in. Slowly, he detaches his mouth from you and nuzzles his forehead against your shoulder as if attempting to soothe you. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong, when he suddenly lets out a defeated sigh, his voice still low, yet a lot softer than earlier.

“It sucks that you’re a beta.”

Instantly, your eyes snap wide open. There’s something about the implication behind his words that doesn’t sit right with you and your stomach starts to churn unpleasantly as you wait for him to say something else. He can’t possibly mean what your anxiety is pushing you to read into it. Not him, not Jimin, not your alpha.

Your hand has long since stopped stroking Jimin’s hair and you let it fall back to your side to dig it into the cushions, nearly ripping the material with how tight you hold onto it.

Grumbling at the loss of contact, he nudges your chin with his nose affectionately before laying back down to mold himself against you, basking in your warmth.

“Things would be so much easier if you had presented as an omega.” The words are slightly muffled from the way he hides his face in your sweater and the whine in his voice would be cute, if you could acknowledge it over the deafening sound of your heart shattering into a million pieces as the realization hits you like a punch to the face.

If you had presented as an omega.

“Maybe you would have wanted me then,” he adds so quietly you don’t even register what he said over the blood rushing in your ears, before he moves again to look up at you through unreadable eyes, chin resting on your stomach. “I would have asked for your permission to claim you right after your first official shift, you probably would have said yes and we’d be raising a whole litter of pups already. Gosh, just thinking about it… they’d be so pretty.”

You watch apathetically as he carefully shifts to one side until he’s back in a similar position as before, laying on top of you with his head nuzzled against your inner thigh.

“Instead, you’re stuck with your position as delta until you find someone you’re compatible with and I’ll have to start looking for a suitable mate in other territories. It’s such a waste.”

Someone you’re compatible with. A suitable mate. Not you. An omega. Not a waste like you.

He reaches out to take your free hand in his like it’s second nature to him, and maybe it is. He has held your hand countless times in the past, his touch always managing to put you at ease, making you feel valued, protected, loved.

But when he starts to absentmindedly play with your fingers, completely unaware of the sorrow slowly beginning to rip you apart from the inside, all you want to do is curl away from him like he burned you. You feel numb and hollow and sick all at once. Your skin grows ice cold as you think back to all the times you let yourself think that maybe, just maybe, Jimin would someday love you back. Stupid. You’re fucking stupid.

The drastic shift in your emotions must have finally caught up with your scent, because Jimin suddenly stills against you, head shooting up in alarm to look at you with wide eyes. Using the opportunity to slowly pull away from him while he searches your face for an explanation, you fight the useless urge to run and hide, body instead pressing into the back of the couch behind you to make yourself as small as possible.

You can see it in his gaze the exact moment he realizes what’s going on. It’s a strange mixture of shock, regret and something else that you can’t quite place. Softly shaking your head as he opens his mouth to say something, you mindlessly look around the room as if it would help you find the best way to escape from this whole situation. You don’t want to hear what he has to say. You don’t want him to comfort you and say that he’s sorry for not rejecting you more politely. You just want to be left alone.

“Hey… no, I… that’s not what I meant. You don’t-”

Your brain shuts down the second the alpha tries to touch you. Body acting solely on instinct, you slap his hands away and jump to your feet with a warning growl that sounds more hurt than threatening, even to your own ears. Teeth bared, you glare at him through glowing eyes.

“Why are you still here, then? Go and secure our pack’s future, instead of wasting your time with someone like me.”

The venom coloring your voice sounds in total contrast to the distress heavily souring your scent to the point it’s almost unrecognizable. Jimin has never seen you so upset before.

Visibly doing his best to ignore the blatant disrespect of your actions in favor of letting you express your anger, the alpha simply shakes his head at your words, his own voice calm but firm when he eventually decides on what to say.

“That’s not fair. Y/N, what’s wrong? Why are you so on edge all of a sudden? You know I wasn’t trying to belittle you.”

He’s lying. He didn’t have any reason to say it if he didn’t mean it.

With an agitated huff, you take a provocative step forward instead of giving him an answer, stance bordering on challenging. You wouldn’t actually attack him, not even if you had just the slightest chance of winning. But with your back facing a wall and the other wolf in front of you, you suddenly feel like a trapped animal backed into a corner.

Unease and exasperation burn the inside of your throat like acid when you realize there’s no way Jimin will let you out of his sight anytime soon. And you’d rather let him kill you than submit to him right now.

Ignoring the predatory growl you receive in return to your defiance, you narrow your eyes at him.

“How else am I supposed to take it when you tell me it ‘sucks I’m a beta’, right after explaining how I would be your first choice, if I hadn’t been born with the wrong subgender? Because to me, it sounded like an abstract of all the various reasons as to why I’m worth less than some random omega bitch you fuck in your free time.”

There’s a certain edge to your voice as you repeat his hurtful words. It’s raw and painfully vulnerable, causing the man in front of you to restlessly shift his weight from one leg to the other, his instincts probably telling him to comfort his distressed pack member, while your body language is warning him to keep his distance.

“It might come as a shock to you, but I’m actually comfortable in my skin. Presenting as a beta was never something I felt ashamed of and I never wanted to change into something else.”

Except for you. I would do anything for you.

It’s only now that you register the fact that you’re shaking, and you have to forcefully suppress the tremor in your voice to keep talking through gritted teeth.

“I’m sorry an ordinary beta like me isn’t good enough to serve as breeding tool for your superior alpha genes, but you didn’t have to spell it out like that. If you wanted to hurt me, you could’ve just mauled me instead of spitting on my pride.”

Your accusation has Jimin visibly flinching back. He breathes out harshly and takes a few cautious steps towards you while you watch him intently, eyes flashing gold when he gets too close.

“No. No, you got it completely wrong! I just thought you… shit, shit, okay. I need you to calm down, y/n. Be good for me and come here, yeah?”

The snarl that rips from your throat as Jimin reaches out to pull you into his arms causes him to freeze mid-movement, surprise mixing with the worry in his dark eyes. Through your clouded mind, you silently acknowledge that you still have all your limbs, the amount of self-control the alpha displays being more than impressive.

You know you shouldn’t test his patience like this, but he’s far too close now, his familiar scent confusing your emotions more than you can handle in your state and aggression is the only way you can think of to try and keep him at a safe distance.

“As you so accurately pointed out, I’m not one of your precious omegas. I don’t need you to console me with your fucking pheromones, Jimin.”

This time, the alpha does react. Straightening to his full height, he bares his canines and slowly takes the last few steps until he’s right in front of you.

“Y/N,” he rasps right against your ear, a violent shudder wracking through your body at the threat in his tone. Immediately, you have to fight the urge to bow your head, instead forcing yourself to stand your ground. He doesn’t touch you, but the menacing growl you receive the second you try to move away is enough to freeze you in place.

“I know you’re upset with me, but I am still your alpha. Fucking act like it.”

With every single one of your senses on high alert because of the potential danger he’s posing to you, your muscles are so tense you feel like you’re going to snap any moment. Rationally, you know Jimin would never harm you. At least, not on purpose. But you aren’t the only one almost solely running on instinct now and you can’t be sure what it would take to set the alpha off.

Forcing your body to slightly relax, you let out a dejected whimper that gets stuck in the back of your throat, making it harder to breathe. You wish he would physically hurt you instead of using his status to compel you into submitting. Having to fight your wolf at the same time as being in Jimin’s overwhelming presence is pure torture.

“I think you made it quite clear that you would never consider me as anything more than good company. You didn’t come here as my alpha, you came here as my friend. And right now you’re the insensitive asshole that told me he’d prefer literally anyone else over me as long as they’re born with the only thing I can’t change about myself.”

Your voice audibly cracks at the end and you squeeze your eyes shut in humiliation. There’s no way you’ll ever be able to go back to how things were before your argument.

Mentally, you’re already planning to move in with one of your cousins living at the furthest corner of your pack’s territory. Or better, join another pack entirely. That way, you won’t have to live with his pitiful stares while you force yourself to act like he didn’t make you feel like a worthless piece of shit.

Another whimper tumbles over your lips, hands at your sides tightly clenching around nothing in the need to touch him. To pull him closer or push him away, you’re not quite sure yourself.

“I would have never dared to ask you to choose me, even if you didn’t point out how ridiculous it is for me to even wish for it. If you wanted me to take a hint, you could have simply picked your mate and I would have silently stayed by your side as your delta. You didn’t have to insult me.”

For a few seconds, it’s deadly silent, the only sounds in the room coming from your uneven breathing. Then you feel him move to gently grab your chin, warm fingers lifting your head up until you have to look at him.

“You wanted me to choose you? You want to be my mate?”

You can’t stop your eyebrows from furrowing in confusion at the strange tone of his voice, sounding almost relieved and in pain at the same time. Studying his unreadable expression with a slight tilt of your head, you hesitantly wrap your fingers around his arm holding you in place. You’re significantly calmer now, heart still pounding against your ribcage but the anger that was clouding your mind a few moments ago slowly dissipating. You’re more concerned for your alpha now than anything.

“I… That’s not the point. I always knew you don’t see me as a potential partner. Just… please go. I can’t keep pretending that it doesn’t hurt. Not after you told me how you actually feel about me.”

The words are barely out of your mouth before Jimin softly hushes you. Cradling your face in both his hands, he leans down until your foreheads touch in what you can sense is an attempt to comfort.

“Oh baby, no,” he breathes out, voice a low timber, warm and soothing and you feel yourself automatically relax in his hold. “I need you to listen to me, because I couldn’t have fucked this up more even if I tried.”

He ignores the confused noise you make in response, simply pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead before pulling you flush against his chest, arms coming around you to keep you close.

“It’s not that I don’t want you. Fuck, trust me, I want to make you mine so bad it hurts. I don’t care if you’re a beta or an omega, because you’re fucking perfect for me.”

That’s all it takes for your eyes to well up with unshed tears and you press your face into his chest to muffle a garbled cry, your hands holding onto the material of his shirt for dear life. With everything that’s happened before, you’re not sure if you believe him. It just doesn’t make sense. If he wants you, why would he-

“I thought you didn’t want me.”

What?

“What?”

Body tensing in shock, you put your hands against his firm chest and push back until you can look at him. You search his face for any sign of dishonesty, afraid that maybe he’s just trying to placate you out of feeling guilty, but his eyes don’t waver when they meet your own. With a humorless chuckle, Jimin shrugs his shoulders in reaction to your quizzical expression.

“There’s rarely any changes in your scent when I’m around, no matter how hard I try to get a reaction out of you. After a while I assumed you simply don’t see me as a potential mate. That maybe you’re more interested in omegas.”

Dumbfounded upon hearing him say that, you can only stare at him in response, face blank and head slightly shaking from side to side in disbelief. There’s no fucking way.

Not sure how to take your impassive reaction to his confession, Jimin decides to continue to explain, one hand all the while gently stroking up and down your back.

“You never really give any sign of approval to my courtship and I was afraid if I outright told you how I feel, you would either reject me or accept out of obligation to your pack alpha, not because you feel the same. I wanted you to know that the final decision will always fall to you.”

Now that gets your attention.

Blinking up at him with wide, incredulous eyes, you lick your dry lips before you finally bring yourself to answer, voice suddenly turning meek and almost bashful.

“You were courting me?”

In any other situation, the look Jimin gives you in return to your question would make you laugh out loud. However, right now you feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment at the mixture of bewilderment and disapproval adorning his usually soft features.

“Don’t tell me you didn’t realize,” the alpha rasps, sounding just the tiniest bit exasperated and you instantly want the ground to open up and swallow you whole.

“Your favorite food I make for you every week even though I hate cooking? The amount of time I spend solely around you every time I get the chance? The way I touch you…”

His voice suddenly drops and you watch in awe as he softly cradles your face with one hand, the other reaching for your own to carefully guide it towards his chest, holding it there. “…and the way I allow you to touch me.”

You only become aware that you were subconsciously holding your breath when you feel yourself exhale shakily, gaze focused on where your palm is splayed across Jimin’s familiar chest. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you register that his heart is pounding at least as fast as your own, the fact strangely soothing to you.

“I was scared I was reading more into it than it actually was. I thought maybe you were just being nice because we’ve been friends for so long,” you admit quietly, causing Jimin to make a sound between a huff and a chuckle.

“Nice?” he asks, clicking his tongue.

“Nice is me holding the door for a pack member who walks behind me. Nice is me leaving the best parts of a kill to everyone else after a long hunt, because I want them to know I’m proud of their hard work.”

He suddenly grips your jaw just the slightest bit tighter and props your head back up to fix you with a hard stare, causing your own eyes to widen, pupils dilating in surprise and something akin to excitement.

“Nice is me holding back from ripping another alpha’s head off when I see one of them making a move on you.”

Leaning forward, Jimin nudges your cheek with his nose before replacing it with his lips, carefully trailing them over your soft skin. When your breath hitches in response, he lets out a content sigh against your ear.

“I don’t touch anyone else like I touch you,” the alpha whispers, his thumb grazing your bottom lip while his other hand possessively squeezes your naked thigh as if to get his point across. You jump a bit in surprise at the unexpected action, your gasp cut short by his fingers gently wrapping around your throat.

“I don’t look at anyone else like I look at you,” he practically growls, voice so gravelly it almost doesn’t sound like him anymore. Swallowing harshly against his grip, you can’t stop a pleasant shiver from running down your spine when you sense his scent spiking, subtly enticing you to give into him.

“I don’t imagine anyone else with me when I lie awake at night, trying to find relief I know only you can bring me.”

The whine that leaves your lips at his words sounds needy and weak and just the tiniest bit pathetic. Jimin doesn’t seem to mind though, as he starts to teasingly nip at the column of your neck, hands now grabbing your waist to pull you flush against him, making sure you won’t slip away.

You bare your throat in submission without hesitation, body arching into his in a silent plea and the primal snarl he lets out against your skin in response has your knees threatening to give out with how light-headed it makes you feel.

Instinctively, your hands roam his stomach up towards his firm chest in your need to feel more of him, while he takes his time alternating between small kisses and loving bites along your jaw and collarbone. You feel his muscles flex where you trail your fingertips across the thin material of his shirt, followed by a pleased hum from the alpha when you finally wrap your arms around his shoulders to bring him even closer.

His familiar scent is almost overwhelming as you press your nose against the warm skin under his jaw, flooding all your senses until the only thing you’re aware of is him.

It’s calming and exciting at the same time, putting you at ease while riling you up to the point where you can’t decide if you want to curl into him for cuddles or beg him to wreck you completely. He feels safe. He feels like home. And suddenly you can’t remember why you were ever worried about admitting your feelings to him.

You almost keen in delight when you feel Jimin’s cheek rub against yours affectionately before he moves further down to your neck to scent you properly, your stomach doing somersaults at the thought of him marking you as his own for everyone to notice.

Body thrumming in exhilaration, you have to remind yourself to breathe because of your heart beating so fast you can feel it in your throat. Scenting between the members of a pack isn’t anything special. It’s instinctual, part of survival and as your leader, Jimin has obviously scented you many times before.

But never like this. Never with the intent of having his scent cling to you for days and weeks and years to come.

Eventually, the alpha lets up from his task to look at you with a content smile. His soft hair tickles your skin as he slowly leans towards you, his hands gently cupping your face to hold you in place and you eagerly push against him in silent confirmation but he only hovers, plush lips brushing yours almost teasingly in a feather-light touch.

You make an impatient sound in the back of your throat, causing him to chuckle fondly and when you move away to give him a small pout, he nuzzles his nose against yours in an attempt to appease you. Though there’s a certain glint in his darkening gaze, that tells you he isn’t nearly as much in control of himself as he tries to make you believe.

The realization has you subconsciously rubbing your thighs together in anticipation and Jimin’s eyes flash blood red for the briefest of moments when the smell of your arousal hits his senses. With his thumbs absentmindedly tracing your jawline, he mumbles against your parted lips.

“Tell me you want me. I need to know you accept me as your mate before I do something you might regret later.”

Sighing happily, you run your fingers through his silky locks and gently tug as if to make sure you have his full attention despite his wide, vulnerable eyes never leaving yours for even a moment.

The storm of emotions in his curious gaze has your breath caught in your throat and it’s only now that you realize Jimin is just as terrified of being rejected as you were before his confession. You give him a bright smile and softly scrape your nails against the back of his neck as a silent way to comfort him, wanting to soothe every last one of his insecurities like he did for you.

“I’ve been in love with you for so long I can’t even remember when I stopped hoping for you to want me back. I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me. Yours to love, yours to protect, yours to claim as your own. Please don’t make me wait any longer, alpha.”

And just like that, he’s all over you.

Lifting you up by your thighs like you weigh nothing, he pins you against the wall behind you, his lips immediately chasing yours in a desperate kiss that has you gasping into his mouth. In turn, you wrap yourself around him like he’s your lifeline, your hands tightly gripping his hair.

He lets out a guttural growl somewhere deep in his chest in response to your touch, the sound causing your whole body to flush with need. Pulse quickening to an unhealthy pace, you reflexively squeeze your legs around his hips, feeling his hardening length press right against your throbbing core.

You break away from his lips to throw your head back in pleasure and keen at the sensation, prompting Jimin to sink his teeth into the juncture of your exposed neck with a shuddering groan.

Instinctively arching into the pain, your mind goes blank and you start begging, soft pleas and wanton moans tumbling from your lips along with cries of his name. Blood running hot under his attention, you gasp and you whimper and you beg him for more until the alpha hushes you with a loving kiss, carrying you in his arms while whispering sweet nothings against your heated skin.

And when he finally presses you down into the mattress of your bed, crimson eyes flashing with both desire and the same unconditional love you feel deep inside your chest, there’s no doubt in your mind that you are right where you are supposed to be.

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Alpha!Jimin x F!Beta!Reader |💕|✖|🍑|

Author’s note:

Hey guys! Surprisingly, I’m still alive. Sorry if some of you are waiting for me to upload requests or update some of my other works, I promise I haven’t forgotten any of them!

Anyway, inspiration hit me for a second, so here’s a lil something to make up for my inconsistency in the meantime.

Hope you enjoy!💜

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#some ppl just know how to tag #I enjoyed reading this so much thank you #I never respond in time I'm so sorry #but I'm really grateful #you guys who actually react to my stuff always make my day #ur the best

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d-p-f-m · 3 years ago

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Jonquil |💕|✖|🍑|

Pt.13: Deeper

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Word count: 4370

The thrum of the music slowly fades into background noise as you make your way down the dimly lit corridor and away from where the next student steps onto the stage to perform. Everyone else stayed behind while you told them you wanted to be the first to congratulate her on nailing her routine. It’s not like you expected anything different, but it kind of became a thing between the two of you, ever since you watched her first public performance.

You’re wrapped up in a tight hug the second you step through the door of the dressing room. She’s still sweaty, not having had enough time to change out of her stage outfit before you joined her, but you can’t be bothered, only throwing your arms around her in return with a surprised squeal.

“So? What did you think?” you hear her soft voice right against your ear, slightly muffled from the way she buries her face in your hair. She sounds breathless but excited, probably still pumped from having such a big audience. You know she was especially nervous this time around, because there were some important people watching, like talent scouts and known directors, and you can’t help but let her cheerfulness affect your own mood as well.

“You were awesome!”

At that, the taller girl lets out a relieved laugh that sounds more like something between a hiccup and a snort. When she eventually draws back, she places her hands on your shoulders to hold you in place while she looks at you with a bright smile that has her eyes disappearing into little crescents.

“You always say that.”

Arms reaching up to press your palms against her cheeks, you squish them together with a huff. She was never good at accepting compliments. “Because you’re always awesome!” you pout, before you grin at how silly she looks due to your squeezing.

As usual, her whole face lights up at your praise. You’re not sure if it’s because it came from you specifically, or because she knows you would never lie to her about something so important. Maybe it’s both. But no matter the reason, what you do know is that it’s your favourite expression on her face. It’s been a long time since you’ve seen her this happy. And you hope she’ll never stop looking like that, ever again.

“I’d disagree, but it’s impossible to get you to change your mind, anyway. …thank you, y/n.”

You let out a whine when she ruffles your hair, but before you can playfully shove her away, she’s already out of your reach. Instead of following the older girl to sit next to her at the dressing table like you normally would, you just stand there and watch in silence as she pulls out the clips holding her hair in place.

When she finally checks on you through the mirror with a questioning tilt of her head, you bite your bottom lip and avoid your eyes to stare at your own hands as you tug at the hem of your dress, suddenly feeling a bit bashful.

“If… if I try really hard…, do you think I’ll be as good as you when I’m older?”

There’s a pregnant pause after your question and you immediately feel stupid for asking. Of course, you’ll never be as good as her and you really don’t want her to think you’re trying to copy her for attention. Dancing has always been what she’s best at. But maybe she’ll teach you what she knows, if you find a way to prove to her that you’re serious.

When you don’t hear her react at all, you eventually lift your head up to give her a curious look. Her body is turned in your direction and you know from the way she’s watching you with a neutral expression, that she’s carefully considering what to say.

Quietly, she reaches out her hands to beckon you toward her and you almost stumble into her arms with how fast you react. Smiling in amusement, she pulls you in until you’re leaning against her side, before she finally opens her mouth to answer.

“Is it what you want?”

There’s nothing but honest curiosity in her voice and you relax in her hold, nodding your head in response. “Yup. Dancing is fun! And you can spend more time with me if I get better, right? You were away for so long to get healthy again, and I don’t want to miss you anymore now that you’re back home.”

You feel her grip on you tighten at your words, but she tugs you closer when you try to move away, so you can’t look at her face. “Y/N...” she says your name in a strange tone that borders on a sigh, one of her hands coming up to gently run her fingers through your slightly messy hair. Neither of you speaks up for a while, both simply basking in each other’s warmth. After some time, the older girl finally pulls back to look at you with a genuine smile. Although you can’t really place the unreadable mix of emotions in her dark eyes.

“Let’s make dancing our thing, yeah? We can both practice for each other, so we know we have someone who’s going to watch us get better.”

There’s the slightest tremor in her hands as she cups your face, but you’re too focused on her words to pay it any mind. Slowly caressing your cheeks like you could break if she’s not careful enough, she crouches down to your height so she’s right in front of you.

“I'd like for you to think of me when you dance, okay? That way, I’ll always be with you, even if there’s times when I’m not around. I want you to remember that you never have to feel lonely.”

What she’s saying doesn’t really make a lot of sense to you, but you can hear in her voice that it’s important to her. And you know that she wouldn’t ever lie to you. That’s why you nod your head with your eyebrows furrowed in determination.

“You’ll always be there?”

Intertwining your pinkies, she leans her forehead against yours and hums softly while you close your eyes with a smile.

“I promise.”

Suddenly, there’s a sharp pain where you could feel her forehead touch your own just a second ago and your eyes snap open in shock. Blinking a few times, you realize the face hovering right in front of yours isn’t the one you were expecting. When you finally regain all your senses, you let your head fall back against the wall behind you with a groan.

“Go away.”

“Wow, rude,” is the only response you get, while you rub the sore spot on your face with your palm. Rude, huh? Says the one who just flicked you on the forehead without warning. You glare at her with one eye open and kick her thigh with the sole of your foot, almost knocking her off balance from where she’s crouching opposite you. “What did I ever do to you to be disrespected like this?” you whine, but she only rolls her eyes and changes her position to sit cross-legged in front of you, completely ignoring your question and your request for her to leave you alone.

“Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're getting your recommended amount of sleep for the day. But I’m curious how you’re supposed to judge my choreography, if you're not even looking at me.”

With a heavy sigh, you place both hands on the floor to either side of you and straighten your back, so you mirror her position. You know she’s right. Partially, at least. And you immediately feel bad for letting her think that you don’t take this seriously. Because you do want to help her. You just didn’t expect it to be so overwhelming the moment you stepped inside a practice room for the first time in years. But of course, you would never tell her that. The conversation it would most likely result in isn’t one you’re ready to have. So instead, you kiss your teeth in feigned resignation.

“Sorry I’m not as enthusiastic as you about something you convinced me to do against my better judgment. Though if you had asked nicely, instead of just assuming I wasn't paying attention, I would have already told you about your pre-stepping on 3 during the first chorus, or the lack of tension in your legs during the jump at the end.”

The young dance major obviously didn’t expect you to say something useful, because she stumbles over her next words, as if she had already planned on giving you a speech and can’t really figure out how to backtrack.

“What? No, that's not- ... I mean, that's true, but you didn't even-“ After you watch her confused expression for a moment, you eventually cut her rambling short with an amused snort and then shake your head, smiling.

“I asked you to keep the music at a low volume for a reason. Why are you acting like we've never practiced together before?”

At that, Suji just stares at you like you’ve grown a second head and your smile turns into a smirk. Although, you manage to somehow school your expression into a neutral one when you see her narrow her eyes. Better be safe than sorry.

“That's why you always did that?! To hear me misstep. How are you even doing that when you’re not the one dancing? When I close my eyes during practice, at least I feel when something’s wrong instead of only hearing it."

Shrugging your shoulders, you carefully stretch your legs out on either side of your best friend when you feel them start to tingle, so she’s sitting between them.

“It's not the most accurate, but it’s easier for me to focus that way. I love watching you dance, it's hard to concentrate on your steps when all I want to look at is your face while you're lost in the movements."

She visibly relaxes upon hearing your explanation, her annoyance slowly morphing into something like resignation, as if she’s surrendering to her fate. To that, you can relate.

“I wish you would do this on purpose to show off, instead of just genuinely being this talented,” the younger woman grumbles, smacking the inside of your thigh for good measure to let you know she feels offended. Before you get the chance to explain that it doesn’t have anything to do with being talented, the door to the practice room swings open, causing you to almost do a double-take when your gaze follows the movement, and you realize who walks in.

Jimin sets down his bag against the wall on the other side of the room after closing the door, acknowledging you both with a nod while he fumbles to take out the headphones he has in his ears. Suji gives him a quick wave in response, and you subconsciously return his smile when you lock eyes with him. As you look back to your younger friend, you raise a questioning eyebrow, giving a sideways nod in Jimin's general direction.

"Since when are you two close enough to be practice buddies? Thought you share the room with Sunhwa."

Now it’s her turn to shrug you off, like it shouldn’t be a surprise to you. As if she didn’t purposefully keep quiet about the fact that Jimin would join you, because she knew it would be one more reason for you to stay away.

Not because you don’t like to be around him, obviously. In fact, spending time with Jimin is the only thing you’ve been doing aside from studying for the last few weeks. You love to be around him. Maybe even too much.

But you would have preferred not to meet him in the one place that makes you uncomfortable to begin with. You feel tense and more emotional than usual. Even worse, you feel vulnerable. And you’re worried about how you’re going to react, if one of you says something that sets you off for no reason.

Watching Suji nonchalantly scroll through her phone without even sparing you a glance, you have to suppress the urge to smack it out of her hand, so it hits her stupid, pretty face. Not telling you that another one of your friends would be here almost feels like a betrayal of trust and you know it’s childish to think of it that way, but rationalizing your feelings doesn’t really work that well, when you weren’t stoked about the whole situation in the first place.

As if she could hear your thoughts, she suddenly looks up at you with a somewhat sheepish smile, her phone falling into the safety of her lap with a quiet thud. Oh well, there’s always next time.

"Ah, it’s actually kind of funny. So, we talked a while ago, right? And it somehow came up that I wanted to change my training schedule. Jimin's previous studio partner just so happened to be able to switch, so I jumped at the chance."

When she doesn’t say anything else after that, you pull your knees up to your chest and cross your arms on top of them, so you can rest your chin there while you stare at her with narrowed eyes. Jimin mentioned that he sometimes passes Suji in the hallways on his way to practice, but he never said anything about talking to her. Traitors, both of them.

“You talked. About what?” you ask, incredulous and with a hint of suspicion in your voice. The sly grin that forms on her lips at your question causes you to grimace internally and you’re ready to tell her to fuck off, in case she plans on teasing you for being ‘jealous’. Surprisingly, she just gives another shrug.

“About you, obviously.”

You want to ask her to elaborate, though before you can even open your mouth, you see Jimin walk towards you from the corner of your eye, effectively shutting you up. He crouches down next to Suji, so you don’t have to look up at him by awkwardly craning your neck, his forearms resting on his thighs.

“Hey, y/n. Here for moral support?”

Suji scoffs and you glare at her. Sadly, she knows you too well to be intimidated by that alone. She ignores your death stare in favour of unlocking her phone again, casually tapping away on her screen while she answers for you.

“She's helping me with my routine. At least, that's what I pay her for.”

Rolling your eyes, you reach out with one hand to poke her forehead and she half-heartedly pretends to snap at your finger with her teeth, still not looking away from whatever she’s typing on her phone.

“You don't pay me shit, what the fuck,” you deadpan, but she holds up her index finger as if to interrupt you, before slowly moving her arm to point on the floor beside you, where your empty coffee cup sits forgotten next to your still unopened water bottle. Damn, you really need to drink more.

“I pay you with eternal gratitude and coffee, what more do you want? The only thing I got in return until now is a headache, anyway.”

You want to tell her that one cup of coffee wouldn’t normally be enough to get you through a six-hour long training session, especially since you’re mostly sitting on the ground, not actively taking part in the routine. But it’s true that you did appreciate it when she met you outside your apartment with your favourite coffee at seven in the morning, and you don’t want to be mean. If she’s making an effort to show you her gratitude, the least you can do is acknowledge it.

“My methods haven't changed since last time; I don't know why you're whining. You asked me to come,” you mumble against the plastic of your now opened bottle of water, before downing half of its contents in one go.

Suji actually looks up at that, one eyebrow raised as if to call you out on your bullshit. Because ‘last time’ was more than two years ago, when you weren’t just sitting in one corner of the room, calling out instructions from the side-lines, like a retired fitness coach.

“Good instructors change up their style of teaching to improve, you know? How about going with the times, granny?”

Unimpressed, you let out a huff, before leaning forward with your arms resting against the insides of your thighs. Both of you just stare each other down for a second, then you tilt your head as if to challenge her attitude, your tone casual when you answer.

“How about me going home?”

There’s a moment of silence, while Suji contemplates how serious you are about your threat, and you want to roll your eyes when her lips pull into a mischievous grin instead of the appeasing frown you had hoped for.

“Oh, but Jimin would be so disappointed if you just up and left so early. Wouldn`t you, Jimin?”

Narrowing your eyes dangerously, the glare you gave her earlier finds its way back onto your face with double the intensity. She’s starting to move on thin ice, maybe even trying to provoke you on purpose to see how far she can test your patience. In moments like this, you really have to remind yourself that you love her. Because the menace that sits in front of you right now isn’t at all what you expected, when you decided to help out the innocent, bright-eyed girl you met at the academy all these years ago.

Jimin only hums in response to Suji’s teasing, his plush lips pulled into a small pout as he tilts his head at you in confusion. Ignoring the fond feeling that’s suddenly fluttering in your chest at his cute expression, you nod at him questioningly.

“What is it?”

He shifts his weight a little while he seems to think about what to respond, his curious eyes turning more thoughtful the longer he watches you. As if he’s trying to figure something out. Trying to figure you out.

It’s scary, you think. The thought that he could be genuinely interested. That he’s starting to care.

“I can't tell if you're joking or not, to be honest,” he finally decides to say, causing Suji to look at him with a frown.

“Joking about what?” she asks before you have the chance to react, and you silently watch as his eyebrows furrow even more.

“Y/N helping with your routine.” Jimin’s gaze shifts to your friend while he talks to her, then he looks back to you, continuing. “I thought you can't dance?”

Oh. Yeah. He does think that, doesn’t he? That kind of slipped your mind for a moment.

“Ah, that. I don’t really get why, but she says that to everyone who didn’t know her before university. That little liar was top of her class and kind of my mentor back at the academy. If she can't dance, then we should definitely sue our educational system for playing favours. Because last time I checked, they don’t hand out scholarships to just anyone.”

Suji’s tone sounds more than a bit accusatory, as she answers for you again, not even asking if you’re okay with it and you start to actually feel irritated with her now. Though, you don’t get to tell her to mind her own business like you plan on doing, because Jimin whips his head so fast from your friend to you that you’re worried he accidentally pulled a muscle in his neck.

“You studied dance? As in, you wanted to go professional?”

Growing more and more uncomfortable with the attention unexpectedly focusing on your personal life, you slowly pull your legs back against your chest as if it could shield you from Jimin’s assertive gaze. When you awkwardly shrug your shoulders in confirmation, you can see his eyes widen in surprise. There goes your last chance for him to move on from wanting to get to know you more, you suppose. Not that you actually wanted him to lose interest, but… well. It would have still made things a lot easier.

“I guess I did, way back when. Changed my mind though,” you say as if it’s not a big deal, although your casual attitude does nothing to quell the anxiety you feel clawing at your insides. Talking about your life before moving to Seoul isn’t something you particularly mind, as much as it’s a waste of energy and emotions in your eyes. It’s fine, but it’s easier not to think about it too much.

Visibly annoyed, Suji clicks her tongue at your blasé explanation, and you mentally prepare yourself in case you’ll have to calm her down. You know she was hurt when you left Korea to live with your mother without telling her anything, so you don’t hold it against her for getting emotional over it. And it’s not a surprise that she doesn’t understand your sudden decision to stop dancing, since you can’t tell her much about it without the risk of revealing that you didn’t have a choice.

It’s too soon to admit to her what’s really going on, your own shock of having all your hopes and dreams for the future ripped away from you after one single visit to the hospital still not completely out of your system.

Sometimes, you still wake up and allow yourself to think that the last two years were just a cruel nightmare. That you aren’t in Seoul, but back at home and that any minute, your father is going to knock on your bedroom door, to make sure you’re not sleeping in before he’s leaving for work.

Reality can be a bitch.

Just because you’ve accepted your condition, doesn’t mean you want to confront all the consequences it continues to have on your life.

“And by that she means she randomly gave up on her hard-earned scholarship, before disappearing without any explanation right after we graduated. Just to come back as if nothing happened a year later. To study acting.”

The harsh tone in your friend’s voice almost makes you wince, but you manage to hide your discomfort by taking another sip from the bottle that’s still in your hand, before slowly closing the lid to put it back down next to you. Subtly avoiding Suji’s angry gaze, you opt for looking at Jimin instead. If just to have something to occupy yourself with, while your mind is trying to come up with a plan on how to change the topic. However, you immediately learn that Jimin isn’t the most pleasant option to focus your attention on right now, either.

He's staring right at you, the serious, maybe almost concerned look in his dark eyes even worse than Suji’s bitter one. You’re not used to him being so quiet, you realize, while you wait for him to react in some way. He doesn’t. He only looks at you, the expression on his face nothing like you have seen from him before.

Feeling heat creeping up your neck in embarrassment, you swallow the sudden lump in your throat and avert your eyes to stare at some invisible spot on the wall to your left. Your next words don’t sound as convinced as you would like them to, and now you really start to regret that you agreed to come in the first place.

“Acting suits me better, anyway.”

“Debatable.”

With another roll of your eyes, you grab the empty plastic bottle to toss it at her head. She catches it without difficulty, giving you an unimpressed look. In turn, you just wave your hand at her dismissively. You don’t want to argue in front of Jimin.

“Alright, that’s enough about me. How about you both go and do your thing? Suji is supposed to be out the studio at four and we’re wasting time with small talk.”

For once, Suji doesn’t need to be told twice, probably just as tired of being angry as you are of feeling guilty. Leaning forward to use your knees as leverage to get to her feet, she taps the top of your head with her index finger afterwards to get your attention.

“How about you actually get up and help? I could teach you the steps and you show me what I should change,” she asks, sounding hopeful. You stare at her for a few seconds in contemplation, but then you decide to just shake your head, motioning for her to move along without you. With a disappointed sigh, the dancer makes her way over to stand in front of the mirror while she answers, her back turned towards you.

“You’re going to have to join in eventually. There’s no way you’re sitting on your ass just commenting the whole time.”

Watch me.

“You’re not dancing with her?”

The unexpected question makes you flinch before you can stop yourself. Jimin is still crouching in front of you, finally deciding to speak up after silently watching your exchange for the last few minutes. As if running on autopilot, you give him the same shrug you give every time when it comes to the topic of dancing.

“I told you, I don’t dance.”

It’s obvious that he wants to ask what you mean by that, if the confusion written all over his face is anything to go by. But you already had that conversation on Jeongguk’s birthday, and you really don’t feel like going over it again right now.

So you don’t give him the opportunity to even open his mouth. Getting up from the floor, you smile at him apologetically and point in the direction of the door.

“Be right back. I need a bathroom break.”

And maybe you’re just paranoid, but after you come back from the bathroom, you constantly feel Jimin’s curious eyes travel over to where you’re leaning against the wall to watch them both practice.

You only bring up the courage to glance at him through the mirror when you’re sure he’s not paying attention.

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

Fuckboy!Jimin x Reader |💕|✖|🍑|✒| Pt.13 |

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I really don't know why my brain refused to come up with anything for so long, but I finally got around to write something for Jonquil again🤧🔥🔥

Hope you enjoy!💕

Tag list:

@friendly-neighborhood-michelle

@vonvi-blog

@yesalexus

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

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d-p-f-m · 3 years ago

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A new rec list to check out! Let's appreciate all the time and effort this blog puts into spreading love and awesome content💜🔥

(Also thank you so much for my first ever mention on a rec list omg I'm so emotional rn🥺💕)

PARK JIMIN | JAN-MAR ’22 FIC RECS

⇰ hey, everyone! welcome to my quarterly fic recs list, featuring the love of my life, park jimin. ❤

❥ welcome! this year, i wanna try dividing the year into quarters to lessen the amount of work i had to do at the end of the year, last year. these lists will be shorter than that one, but hopefully more inclusive!

❥ length: there are three broad categories based upon lengths: one-shots, series and drabbles, and an additional category featuring a handful smaus.

❥ ps! this list contains fics that i have read within these months, not just the fics that were posted during this time!

❥ WARNING ❥ MOST OF THESE WILL BE 18+ AND CONTAIN EXPLICIT SMUT - MINORS SHOULD STRICTLY NOT INTERACT.

Keep reading

#bts #jimin #park jimin #park jimin smut #park jimin fluff #park jimin angst #rec list #pjm rec list #jimin recs

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d-p-f-m · 3 years ago

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this is so sweet, thank you so much for taking the time to reblog and share your thoughts with me! I'm so glad it got the emotions out of you that I wanted to convey🥺 I rarely get to interact with my readers on here, so it really made my day🥰💜