darkhue

[darkhue]

You were sitting in front of me with a numb face in a room full of people.

You pretended to not care about anyone.

But I closed my eyes to pray opening up to see you watch me and smiling.

Watching you having emotions was not a normal thing for everyone else but I know you never ignored me and that's not just for spreading grace.

It sent me to another world when I saw your appreciating blush. No other person could make your blood rush.

Then you approached me later when I was alone, and then the time spent with you was a melody in a loving tone.

Your tries to start talks and you remembering the statements I mentioned to you before, it made me feel so special before all of it tore.

Because then we neared the time of goodbye and you jokingly pat my back with another hand in the front wishing to touch mine.

It wasn't something like a normal bidding because your feelings through the touch was enough to make me high.

♡♡

[darkhue]

Somedays just a wave of your smell visit the depth of my soul.

I search if you're around but it never is the reality.

I know there's not a chance for us but I just missed you when we exchanged glances.

The way you still pleasingly approached to talk to me, that was the act which remained in the back of my mind owning it.

[darkhue]

Is there someone making you happier? If there is then do you love me enough to forfeit your happiness?

I always wondered if you had someone as for a beauty with such poise how could people not find it charming?

But what oppressed my mind day and night was a question if someone actually success in pleasing you. Pleasing is still fine but did anyone make an impression for you to love them back?

I know you adored me as well because sweetheart you stayed. You stayed long enough to know my value and worth and I am dreadful.

But was I enough for you to feel appealed also in your anger like how the little plant might be execrate the clouds for such heavy drops falling from such height but still the compassion about the rain always spreading tenderness for the tiny plants' growth?

I wonder if you actually want me because darling there's so much out there for you which is healthier unlike me who oblige you to find myself gratifying at disapproving times to let go of the indignation.

[darkhue]

Say you're lucky to love me like you used to. The time that you almost got me with your lunatic fake love.

Say you're lucky to love me like you used to.

The time when you confessed that you love me saying that you're mind's all filled up with my thoughts.

The time when you used to tell me a hundred times a day that you feel yourself as the luckiest to have me.

The time when you really felt like I was the special one.

And now that the time has been over I am on the 'everyone else' side of your priority list.

Your desperate desires are now all forgotten and the place you used to put me in is a place you put all of your unnecessary past.

Still, here I am wondering you must also almost miss me when your eyes are caught by the night skies because that's what we gazed at together.

Me pointing the stars and you making out constellations just to make me smile.

Now that I look up it really does feel like all of your makings just makes me look disappointed.

The way I laughed back then aching my stomach saying it did not look like everything you said, is the way I cry now knowing it really didn't but yes I still want to hear it because you pretending to love me to make me feel good still is enough because atleast you lied to make me feel good.

[darkhue]

When I knew you talk to others better than you do with me, that's when I knew I wasn't the special one.

When I knew you wanted her more, that's when I knew I wasn't the only one.

When I knew you think of her as the one to trust with your stuff, that's when I knew I was never the one you could be yourself with.

When she asked you about me, you told her I was weird, that's when I knew it didn't bother you to backstab me with words.

Tell me if I ever restricted you against your wish.

Was I really this bad for you to give me such hell?

I don't get it, all of the pampering and praises. All of the pride about me being yours.

Where did it all go?

Just a moment with her and I did not matter to you anymore.

[darkhue]

Couldn't you know that I was the one? Yes the right one for you, the one you belonged with?

I remember your pride about having me once upon a time. You showed it off to everyone. I remember what it felt like when I mattered to someone.

Tell me what lacked in me. I need the answers. All of your insecurities and all of our arguments about me being with others, all of our fights about people in my life and all of your restrictions as time went by.

Didn't I also agree to all of it?

But tell me wasn't all of it what I should've done?

You talked to everyone. Your previous lover, the people you liked before me, also you found new ones while you had me, shouldn't it be me who questioned you all of what you used to ask me. Shouldn't it be me who actually restricted you? And wasn't it me who was the one who could've been trusted blindly the way I trusted you?

You kept him away from me because you hate what he did to me earlier but to be honest it hurts doesn't it? To realise the one you despise is the one you're turning out to be eventually. Still you stay in denial.

[darkhue]

Even though being a human I never felt this vulnerable thinking about anyone.

You? Just thinking about you kills my mind by like millions of stabs and needles pricking and while I am in all this pain, I feel like I still just lay on the floor staring out the window at a dying tree, I wouldn't leave it's company.

[darkhue]

I desire to be at a masquerade party. Isn't it pretty, romanticizing people with masks and not being judgemental about their looks. Just a pleasant time wrapping hands into each other's, dancing, exchanging glances.

[darkhue]

My beats and your breath matching is my favourite memory of my love for you.

No I don't think this is me bragging but I feel sorry about how you don't get what I mean.

I don't know what to feel penitent for or whom to sympathize.

You losing a true one or me no longer having the one I love?

Or maybe I feel sorry for loving someone who does not believe my truth.

Yes I couldn't help but linger on to your shoulder while feeling your breaths on my neck. I liked the feeling when I knew I loved you. Not for me but for you because to be the one to provide true love to the one you want to see content and blessed is what I realised is significant.

♡♡

[darkhue]

Oh my beloved dear, would you leave if I tell you I am filled with my anxious rage and busy burying hatches or would you be by my side being the peace provider for my obnoxious mind?