dayglowy

[dayglowy]

is it weird to say i feel a protectiveness over this feeling?

this strange agony that comes from missing you?

the thought of letting it go, of moving on is like expired milk, a rancid smell and sour taste.

you were not my first love, as much as it felt like that.

but you were the strongest.

yet again, i find myself wishing this was easy.

maybe if it were different it could be as clean cut as a box cake recipe. simple and comforting but all too familiar.

but life is far more complex, love is a matrix that sits unsolvable, and i have dirtied far more dishes than the simple meal calls for.

i hope it’s worth it, in the end. to slave over the bread, the pie, the tart, the cookie. the life.

i hope it is better than easy. i hope you taste it and it makes you happy, and suddenly the mess you must clean up is not so complex, not so daunting.

i hope there is love to this. to the hard road.

[dayglowy]

it is a lonely existence, i think, as i sit in my lonely bed.

the cold seems to stretch out far past the ledge of this mattress,

and it rusts my hinges, makes my joints creak.

it is a lonely existance indeed, i think, and once again i wonder: what if you were here?

i am idle and the world is dark. the only light in this house is my bright lamp and i feel invincible.

i feel lonely.

when i shudder in a breath, i inhale the sensation:

you, by my side in a bed too small with hearts too large. me, shakily reaching foward to touch your cheek.

us, holding eachother until morning light.

until the fears that threaten to claim us disappear.

how strange, that i still know the quirk of your jawline. the slope of your cheek.

when i turn back around,

it is just an empty bed.

it is always an empty bed.

[dayglowy]

I think I loved you the whole time. How could I not? I was always looking for you. I was always waiting for you to look for me. And when you did, God, I never wanted you to stop.

I hope you look for me again. I’m still looking for you.

[dayglowy]

I never realized how hard it is to let someone go until I had to let you go

- Its killing me

[dayglowy]

It’s time to be friends again

[dayglowy]

Memories from a dimly lit room

It still beats beneath my chest,

I still get shivers down my spine,

Miss the way your lips part slowly,

When you whisper "you are mine"

I get sparks under your touch,

Still feel your fire in my core,

You know just how leave me breathless,

Always begging you for more.

Oh how your kiss tingled on my lips,

When I was scared and drawn away,

I love the way you paint my colors,

But my world is dim and gray.

-A

[dayglowy]

#0138 (day 50)

Some days, I really am okay. But others – today, I just really want you to come home.

[dayglowy]

“i thought this feeling was gone. i thought it was done, i thought it made so much sense to leave you. But here i am, crying because im alone, and i miss you. I fucking miss you And you? You’re off loving again, how could you forget? How could you forget all we went through. Love isn’t fair. It’s fucked up and heartbreaking.”

—

[dayglowy]

I miss you more than I thought I would.

Amber run

[dayglowy]

“I miss you, but I don’t tell anyone. I don’t tell my friends. The poetry I write is brutal, unforgiving. I don’t mention your name, even on the phone. I’m afraid it will summon you further, like a spell uttered with reckless disregard for the consequences… I’m afraid you’ll sense the weakness and claw your way out of the dirt, find a way back in through a chink in my armor, and lay there beneath my most recent scars, digging your way in even deeper. I know it’s not healthy. Out of sight isn’t really out of mind. And the box I’ve shoved you in still rattles in the closet in my head, waiting to be let out. Insistent. Angrier and more powerful the longer it goes on, ignored. The poetry I write is about demanding more. It’s about moving on and finding someone better. But what if you were my only chance? What if you were the last opportunity I’d ever have to be held and kissed and treated at least like I mattered a little? What if the scraps you had to give me were all that I would ever deserve? And now I deserve nothing. I know there has to be more out there And maybe I’m just lonely And I should have moved on But my stupid, stubborn heart Brags I miss you.”

— “I miss you”

[dayglowy]

It's so hard not talking to you.

[dayglowy]

I dream of you in colours that don't exist

[dayglowy]

When you told me that you love me, was it something that you meant?

When I told you that I loved you, that's the only thing I felt

Ali Gatie, Lost my lover

[dayglowy]

“I was doing fine without you ‘Til I saw your face, now I can’t erase”

— The Less I Know The Better, Tame Impala

[dayglowy]

“my love, you should have came with a warning sign.” 

a.a

[dayglowy]

I wish I could tell you I love you without fearing what your reaction might be