daymareloop
daymareloop
Hanna
67 posts
19 Writer and poet and a mad book/words lover HY
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daymareloop · 4 years ago
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I daydream
Of hugging
Without any talking
Just hugging you.
feel your wounds merge with mine and heal
I imagine the smell and the warmth and how perfect our bodies fit together.with my arms around your neck.and your hands on my waist pushing me closer and closer.
Till i could feel your heartbeat go in sync with mine
Your perfume clouding my sense im overwhelmed with your presence but i just
Dont want to let go.
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daymareloop · 5 years ago
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Emoji spell for money to make its way into your pockets 😉😉
💲💚🕯💵💰💵🕯💚💲
likes charge, reblogs cast✨
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daymareloop · 5 years ago
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Back to black
Im chained by my ends
No im free but not exactly
Im floating but not really afloat
Im somewhere in between and it's driving me to insanity
I don't know myself anymore and i doubt anyone remembers me anymore
I know what i need but dont have the will to approach it
Im scared of the people who i care about the most
Im scared for myself and my broken heart to be even more shredded until i fail to recgonize myself as a human being.
Alone but my walls are sky high, perhaps i keep even myself out. sometimes im a territory i dont want to cross either so i dont blame you for walking away from me.
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daymareloop · 5 years ago
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Its too real and too physical
Its eating away at my heart
Nibbling at it slowly and painfully i can feel everything and my breathe is so heavy
So heavy like i need to get something off my chest
Physical
They said its mental?
It feels way too real i have no idea what i need
Its Not like a headache a simple pill would ease
Its an ache nothing can relive
Im tossing and turning in my sheets like a fish freshly brought out of water, its home and oxygen has been deprived from it
Anxious and scared
When will the agony end
Or how will it end
To the eye of a clueless stranger im a girl with a roof over my head
Snuggled up in bed
But no one can see the volcano within me not satisfying but eating away at my insides
Lonely but terrified of touch
Skin on skin i shiver and slide further away from it
Cold hard ground is my good old friend
Steady, steady. The only balance i could achieve so far.
Steady i said loudly
I lie wide eyed at 2:59 AM waiting for the pressure to lay aside and give me some space to rest
As the story will be remain untold
Repeated the next day till madness settles between my bones and flesh
And no one recognizes me as me.
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daymareloop · 6 years ago
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A narcissist
Im not a psychiatrist or anything of this sort im a mere writer
And this is from my experience what people who fit to this name so much act like
Every one of us must have someone around them that is a narcissist, it could be one of their parents or maybe siblings or even their boyfriend/girlfriend but, most importantly it could be you.
A narcissist is perfect in every way possible they are usually smart and lead a successful education life, landing the highest grades and a successful work life where they keep getting promoted which makes people wonder what is their secret.
If they dont work they have a promising future that no one can deny.
Their life is pretty much perfect as in THEIR life. They are usually decent looking and majority are actually very good looking. Once in their life they could have admitted to you or someone else or even themselves that their life is perfect that THEY are perfect. They never fail to complain about every aspect of it. Even if theres nothing to complain about they'll make up something.
They usually are very good at arguing and seek fights. They cant pass a day without picking up a fight with someone and winning it viciously with their venom like words as their nice appearance attracts people to them, you'll find them having tons of friends thats if theyre an extrovert of course. People trust them with their deepest secrets but, during fights they shed their beautiful skin and underneath it shows their true colours. Biting you when you're at your weakest and calling themselves champions when theyre mere monsters. Still they make people doubt themselves as they're so perfect and so smart how could they ever do wrong?
A narcissist would never admit to wrong and if they did they probably did it to relieve themselves from some guilt they hate to feel. Not to please or genuinely apologize to the other person. Everything they do must reflect some advantage to them, their whole existence depends on pleasing themselves and choosing themselves first and above everyone. They are unable of love all they can feel is maybe need. Nothing more and nothing less.
I wouldn't call those people humans i would call them lookalikes who actually look like the best version of humans but deep inside they are on the contrary. If the word toxic makes any meaning anymore in our generation, then this type of person is the one who made it its own and merged with it till they became one
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daymareloop · 6 years ago
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I lost my talent if there was any for writing
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daymareloop · 6 years ago
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The bus stop was very dirty 2 kids were standing by it rather than sitting on its bench. My legs were aching so i sat on the very edge of the musty looking bench careful not ruin my jeans. I took out of my bag another bag but plastic and ate the ice cream i bought before it melts. I ate it while waiting for the bus to come and zoned out and found myself watching a boy who was on the other side of the pave walk practicing skateboarding . He wore a loose fittin yellow hoodie that reaches below his thighs and a black jeans . He wasn’t quite skilled but he seemed determined i found myself smiling everytime he tripped or ruffled his hair in frustration. i averted my eyes and glanced at the two kids who now i think are together but maybe in a fight. The girl had her arms crossed over her chest and looked straight in the way the bus would come as if she cant wait to ride it and the boy on the other hand was looking anxiously glancing at her and pacing like a mad man. It was 9pm I wondered where the skater boy went when the bus came unannounced. Mint. First thing that hit my nose once i entered the bus and clicked my card on the sensory screen, till it went from red to green. The doors closed before i found myself a seat, and I stumbled clumsily and sat on a seat behind a man who i discovered is the reason of the mint aroma almost blinding my senses and made me sit uptight for some reason.
He chewed on mint. Like actual mint leaves not the gum im not sure anyone was aware or maybe they were but they didn’t care. I looked out the window and found myself smiling when i remembered the skaterboy because just then i was reminded of him. With his curly on a good day, wavy on a bad day hair. His watch thats always stuck on 2:30. The necklace he always wore which has no significant meaning and the variety of white shirts he owns and loves to wear because he knew. He knew i loved white.
The way he held my hand a little longer when we handshaked or the way he matched with my footsteps. I remembered when he called me pretty when we were just eating and i thought hes joking and slapped him.
Never as painful as when he fell from his skateboard when he was trying to show me a new trick he learned. And i ran to him laughing and between laughs asking if he’s okay. He smiled at me in pain and said he’s okay and laughed along later i found out his arm is broken .
I remembered him all at once and my heart ached for how foolish we were. He was too stupid and im too proud and now god knows where he is
i hope he is somewhere.
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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My canvas werent filled with paint it was simply wounds. Open gash wounds untreated , infected
If my life was a painting it would be a splash of red color and its undertones
With a hint of darkness leading to more darkness.
The haze of my vision is now revealing my wounds. Beware of my wounds...
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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Im sorry
I truly am suffering
I often feel like my heart is in great pain like its being ripped and shredded but other times i feel like my heart isn’t there Like it has escaped or snatched from where it laid and theres only a hollow cold space left where light can’t reach
And other times i feel like im a vase that had flowers. Beautiful flowers but its owner forgot them and they wilted and died and now im an empty vase with dust inside of me and dust around me. On some shelf no one looks at. Beautiful from the outside but empty and dead from the inside
And other times i feel exhausted not just my body but my mind and my feelings. I feel like i was overused or maybe wrongly put together.
I feel like alot of things but i never feel alive
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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Every Wednesday i see him
He always wears 2 sweatshirts which seem totally unfashionable but extremely fitting on him
He comes and goes whenever he wants when he passes by me i feel like the air is being sucked out of my lungs gradually but swiftly
And in fleeting seconds he is gone with a hint of perfume lingering in the air for me to write about him all night again
His eyes pierce me. Expose me i feel weird when he looks at me. I feel like he sees me.
His eyes are so dark yet bright under the sun
I never managed to know what their color is because i was too afraid too look too much
As he is too aware of everything
Like im just a bird in his cage overlooking the forest of his soul.
I thought he’s challenging me when he looks at me. I looked back but i always break the eye contact because i cant handle it but he never even once smiled or returned it.
He just stares like hes trying to read me even more and that scares me
I wonder where he goes off in the dark after we are done
He disappears as if he’s a figment of my imagination.
To the mysterious boy in my english class.
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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Utmost uselessness
Lost my star in the sea
I think she escaped
I want to escape me too
If i could I’d abandon my soul
This cursed body
Leave it all behind and ascend somewhere else
Where air is crisp
And my reflection isn’t a nightmare
That mirror speaks the truth im a monster
Flowers don’t bloom on my palms
Stars don’t shine in my eyes
The end of me wont be a rainbow
The end of me... will be like me.
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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Stars
The sky holds my deepest secrets and my worse regrets
I look at the sea of stars and ask them for answers i wave my hands to the sky as if i’ll find an escape. A letter or two. A meaning somehow to this life.
I wonder in this night where the stars are scattered along the sky. Do they call out for each others? Do they wonder if they shine brighter than the other? Do they think what it will feel like being closer. Do they wish upon each others?
I saw many shooting stars today and with each one I wish the same wish.
I wish the same wish even if a million pass by. Sometimes I think my desperation is the reason of them ignoring me or maybe my constant ignoring of their beauty and wishing instead of focus on how their light colors the dark sky and sends waves of goosebumps along my arms.
I wonder if maybe a shooting star is a star that needed attention but is instead wished upon and ignored even in its falling. Its beauty can never be noticed behind its magical promises.
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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She glowed in the night brighter than any moon known
Her fingertips left a trail of fire as she touched the stars of my body
Her feet pressed ever so lightly on the ground with her white clean converse making the most unnoticeable sounds as if floating or maybe im the one head over heels for her
She glowed at night i swear i saw it when she smiled.
Her eyes shone and transformed into crescents like a beautiful eclipse on a hazel moon and freckled sun.
Your skins constellation is my Stargazing
HY
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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Currently reading Hero at the fall
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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I wish i could be able to show my full potential and not be trapped inside my own mind gasping for air or any sort of escape from this complex, endless maze of pure pain and shame.
HY
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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I wish there was a solution for my problems such as sitting down an planning or talking with someone.
and just not taking pills to numb everything even the good things.
HY
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daymareloop · 7 years ago
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It isn’t just mentally straining pushing myself to the edge of my mental illness but its also physically straining and very painful.
I don’t just face failure and brick walls, I face the equivalent of wounds, inability to breathe and a racing heart.
-HY
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