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Nobody:

Me (day drunk and high af): what if Ketheric Thorm respeced Druid 🤔

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Prime video says “‘the Accountant’ is back!” like I’m supposed to have heard of this show “the Accountant”. It’s even got Ben Aflac and the guy from “the Punisher” in it like I’m supposed to have heard of this show “the Accountant”. Trust me when I tell you I have never heard of this show, “the Accountant”.

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Thank you to everyone who got me to 500 likes!

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I studied philosophy now I Kant get a job

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Handschuhe which in English means gloves but in German translates to hand shoes. Ain’t German neat!

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the smiley face pancake - though emotionally stimulating- is not ideal for adequate syrup distribution

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The ironic thing is that I haven’t seen Johnny Depp in anything since the trial

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The Ferangi cultural norm of one's self worth being dictated by how well one can hustle one's peers is less sci-fi and more where we're headed as a society.

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Hate allergies. What, I gotta suffer because the trees are horny? Da fuck

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Trump is the best thing to happen to America not because of his policies or beliefs or anything his reich of subordinates praise him for but because America is a despotic global hegemony that needs to be brought to ruin and he’s our best shot

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Nike 2225: don’t not

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Side quest titled “a side called quest”

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Being a child star must be the most extreme version of emotional whiplash possible. One day the universe be like: “hello brain that isn’t fully developed yet. Here’s a large dose of fame. Did you like that? Well never again.”

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The Vatican just elected a 69 year old as pope

Nice.

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When the boss fight start playing the title theme song

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Gandalf: *exhales a hit of that good good shire dank*

Fuck what if the dark lord return?

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What we’re doing now feels like something we’ll be apologizing for in 40 years