diary-of-papaya

[diary-of-papaya]

I guess I should have figured out how fucked I was when I looked into the mirror and didn’t recognize myself.

When I quite literally couldn’t see any joy and life in my eyes

When a stranger was staring back at me. Someone devoid of life and genuine happiness.

How do I go back and find the person I used to be

[diary-of-papaya]

I’ve never considered it before but I think I’d be fine if I was poly. Wild

[diary-of-papaya]

Being the oldest daughter is hard. It’s hard especially with a single mom. Yo carry so much love for her and want to make her proud. But sometimes the anger and pain you feel is too much to bear. I love my mom and want to be as strong as her but I also don’t want to be anything like her. I miss her everyday but all I want is a hug from her after a long day.

[diary-of-papaya]

Despite all the bad in the world and all it’s chaos sometimes there’s good moments and good people. Maybe hoping for humans to become better isn’t such a waste of time

[diary-of-papaya]

I hate being sensitive

Every failure and heartache tear me into millions of shards

My emotions create damage so vast the best captain couldn’t navigate its waters

I love being sensitive

Every hope and joy fill the deepest reaches of my soul

My love for life and those in it becomes so great I wonder how my body can handle it

I love and hate this twisted heart of mine

[diary-of-papaya]

Do you ever feel the crushing weight of living in current America. I feel weighed down by the cost of living, not knowing if I can ever pay of student debt, unsure if I’m even eating right, the weight of the work culture. I want to be weighed down by the thoughts of do they like me? When will the next book come out? How much material do I need for this art project? Will this recipe turn out okay? I know I just saw her but when is a good time to visit again? Not will I even make it to the age of 60?

I need to graduate with my degrees then look into work abroad.

[diary-of-papaya]

Up too late but if i sleep tomorrow arrives faster. I’m dreading tomorrow and every day after.

[diary-of-papaya]

Do I actually get up and write and do my laundry. Oh and go get food. Or I can lay in bed and just become one with my mattress. Plus side this song is on repeat

[diary-of-papaya]

Diving back into my tumblr era with no regrets. On the hunt for new books and writing ideas.