ditsylittlepixie

[ditsylittlepixie]

Why don't I learn?

I had better days - not good days, good days are pain free and I haven't had one of those in a year or so - and instead of learning from my last few better days I went and did things. I did all the things that I've needed to do for weeks on top of walking my MIL's dogs (tiny little things) while she is away and my usual shopping trips.

I've had electric shock like pain through the day which isn't debilitating yet but it hurts like hell. The dizziness started this morning and shoved my balance off. Now the fatigue is getting worse, my joints are aching like crazy and a headache is forming and spreading into my eye. The heavier pain meds are already out but they leave me with a brain like cotton wool worse on top of my brain fog.

Why haven't I learned that this will happen each time I push? Why do I fall into the same trap? A diagnosis cant come fast enough so I can at least put a name to this thing

[ditsylittlepixie]

I'm tired

Im tired of being in pain.

I'm tired of not knowing.

I'm tired of not being able to do things I need to do.

I'm tired of not being able to do the things I want to do.

I'm just tired.

[ditsylittlepixie]

It was cold, so cold that even without hours of riding his legs would have struggled to move. Getting off the horse in one motion was a well practised move but his hips and knees were frozen stiff. His fingers were frozen, his gloves only capable of protecting him so much but he was able to signal to Dina to stay on her horse.

Climbing up the steps, his frozen body fighting every move, he pulled his gun from his side. Moving for the open door he froze at the noise coming through. The chain link fence was rattling and the infected were growling and gargling. This wasn't the infected trying to get to them. This was something else.

Creeping slowly forward, feet steady on the snow and ice, keeping ever careful. A scream had him shift forward faster keeping his footsteps as silent as possible on the slippery ground. The snarling increased, a scraping sound, scrambling in the snow. Keeping tight to the corner he popped his head around. A girl was on the ground fighting against an infected, blood pouring down her face. Even from a distance he could see the bite to her cheek, the flesh raw. It wouldn't take long for the Cordyceps to spread to her brain, not from there.

Pulling back a little, he took a breath startling at the scream that echoed in the small space. Peering back around the corner his heart racing in his chest he saw the infected at the fence squeezing through the gaps they had torn, the sharp edges tearing into their flesh. Looking to the girl he found the infected that had her pinned was biting into her hand and forearm the sleeve of the girl's coat shredded.

Breathing carefully he weighed his options.

He could take the shot ending the girl's misery. The sound would alert the horde to him and when he ran, to Dina. There was no way to fully secure the building to stop them from getting inside and with the storm and plummeting temperatures there was no way they would survive outside. There were no other nearby structures for them to hide in. They were much too far to reach the safety of Jackson both from the infected and from the cold. It was death no matter what. Or worse.

His other option was to back away quietly, bolting the door behind him and hoping they would not hear any of it.

She was still screaming but her legs were already beginning to shake, her head twitching even as she tried to push the infected away. Backing away gun still pointing towards them he made his way back to the door. The noises had dimmed slightly, the fungus battling its way into her brain swiftly. As he reached for the door closing it as slowly and quietly as he could he heard the fence fall.

Closing the door it seemed the universe was on his side, the sound drowned out by the crashing of the fence, the metal scraping against the side of the building allowing him to slide the bar into place. The metal brackets were rusted and worn, the bolts and screws loosened over time. If the infected caught the sound the two of them were doomed.

Taking a few breaths he remained still his gun still in hand, waiting. When no sounds came for several moments his shoulders dropped sightly. Turning his good ear to the door he leaned forward but couldn't hear anything.

Looking around he couldn't see anything else to barricade the door further. Biting back on the curse he wanted to let spill he stepped away slowly, continuing to look around hoping to see something but nothing showed itself. Catching Dina's eyes he put a finger to his lips thankful she was paying attention enough in the low light to not suddenly call out to him.

Step by step he moved away from the door and back towards Dina and the horses. Finally reaching her she looked at him before looking back up towards the door where it was thankfully still silent. He took a moment to stroke the horse his heart still beating against his ribs. It didn't matter how many times he came up against the infected it always felt like the first time.

Meeting his eyes she mouthed to him but all he could do was shrug. He didn't know if they were gone, didn't know what would happen now. All they could do was wait it out. Either they came through the door and they had to make a run for it out into the storm or they were able to wait for the storm to pass before returning to Jackson.

"The girl?" Dina mouthed again and Joel shook his head. She hadn't survived, wouldn't have unless he had gotten to her before she had been bitten the first time and he didn't know when that was. It could have been moments before he appeared, it could have been why the infected were making chase. In the end he would just never know. She was just another unknown lost in the war.

[ditsylittlepixie]

Fairies

I've always loved fairies.

I loved the fairy godmother in Cinderella and the three fairies in Sleeping Beauty. I was lucky because my Dad had a friend who worked at a video rental place (showing my age) and they would get sent posters for when they were starting to rent certain film so I had a massive Cinderella poster in my room as a kid.

I didn't want a fairy godmother despite hardships as a kid, I wanted to be the fairy godmother. This led me down a path of discovery. You have no idea how heartbroken I was when that photo the girls took of fairies in their garden turned out to be fake.

The flower fairies made the biggest impact and led me down a path of fairies and nature that I still work with today teamed with my own love for the moon.

Maybe it's just the magic and nature is definitely magic in it's own way

[ditsylittlepixie]

Days of the week

There should be a day for just reading and enjoying books, maybe visiting a library or a book shop and just getting lost in there.

There should be a day for art, maybe 2 or 3 incase the reading made inspiration hit.

And there should be a day devoted to just not getting out of bed.

Wash and repeat

Thankyou

[ditsylittlepixie]

A video of my final idea for the Snake prince.

I thought I had shown this one before but apparently I had only shown the colour version of this - which OMG it took so much longer than I actually thought it would. There is a video of that one somewhere and when I find it I will share it too

My favourite prince who as far as I am concerned is still standing waiting for the start of the fight.

[ditsylittlepixie]

I've made this moth before but I love it. I wanted to tweak the design almost as soon as I finished Celestial Moth. This is closer to what I had in mind when I originally thought of it.

I still think it needs something - Maybe I just need to see it in colour - but I do still love it. The simplicity of the line work just appeals to the monochrome loving part of me

My fingers itch to make this with my gold ink

[ditsylittlepixie]

One of my favourite pieces so far. Still working on an ink one with stippling. Will take pics soon of how far I've gotten