dontlookatmeeeeeee

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

im crying. we’re moving soon so some guys came to take shelves. i have two cats, magic and wonder. wonder, like a normal cat, hid under a bed. magic however, hid in the god damn CHIMNEY

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

On the first day, God created the dog...

God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I’ll give you back the other 10?“

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a 20-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for 20 years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I’ll give back the other 40?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you 20 years.”

But the human said, “Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

🎶If you feel like shit then clap ur hands clap clap if u feel like shit then clap ur hands clap clap if you really feel like crying and you think ur really dying if u really feel like shit then clap ur hands clap clap🎶

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

i went to the jambalaya festival in Gonzalez, Louisiana today. one of the booths had several boxes of stickers, including marvel ones. i found the wanda one so i hid it under a basket of stickers so nobody would find it till i could come back with money. when i came back the lady running the booth watched me lift up the basket and get the sticker and she asked me when i’d put it there and i told her about thirty minutes before and she prob didn’t see me because she was talking to someone else. she started laughing like really hard and after a minute she told me to take another sticker so i got natasha!

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

help my Dungeon Master just described an NPC in our campaign as “hagrid meets ed sheeran”

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

the last time i went to summer camp, i was walking over to a bench to eat lunch and a boy comes up behind me slaps my butt, and walks away like nothing happened. in turn, i set down my lunch box, walked over to him and his friends, and slapped him. in the face. he got suspended from camp and i didnt even get a lecture. best part was, the camp had rented a snow cone truck, so i got two snow cones instead of one. by far my favorite summer ever.

[dontlookatmeeeeeee]

i was in science class and me and my friend (both of us love avatar) were talking abt glucose and she thought i said zuko and now i need someone to draw zuko as a plant pls. preferably on fire.