dragon-sass
dragon-sass
Divine Beast
6 posts
This blog is specifically designed for an alcoholic who suffers from multiple mental health disorders. This is an outlet for her, not a platform for you. Be kind or Be gone.
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dragon-sass · 5 years ago
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Art in progress. Bipolar disorder: Start new project, never finish.
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dragon-sass · 5 years ago
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dragon-sass · 5 years ago
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Art Therapy
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dragon-sass · 5 years ago
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Nightmares
     Last night I knew exactly what I wanted to write today.  Then, of course, my mood changed.  I was lost in thoughts about my ex, who is definitely not a good guy.  He has cut off my ability to obsessively keep tabs on him.  Which, when you think about it, is actually a good thing.  It doesn’t feel very good though.  
     I decided to focus on art therapy.  It’s my new thing.  I posted a picture of it below this post.  It’s supposed to be a sunflower where someone has pulled the petals out.  It’s that whole “he loves me, he loves me not” kind of things.  I thought it would be a good way to get the whatever it is out of my head.  
     I was wrong.  I had back to back nightmares of this man all night long.  The dreams were all different, but they were focused on the same basic premise.  In each dream he was taking something from me.  Mostly, it was personal belongings such as my computer and phone.  I’m sure there’s underlying meaning to that, but it was the feelings it brought with it that really drove the point home.  It was this constant loss inside that he was perpetuating.  I think that may have been the theme of our whole relationship.  He wanted to take everything from me that I was using to build myself into who I think I am.  He spent a lot of time trying to fix me.  He always thought he knew better when it came to my therapy and coping skills.  He wanted to be the only outlet I would ever need.  
     He was wrong.  I’ve found coping skills, therapies, hobbies, distractions, and all sorts of ways of getting through without him.  Who knew right?
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dragon-sass · 5 years ago
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Art Therapy:  He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not.
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dragon-sass · 5 years ago
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Definitions
Borderline personality disorder is an illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behavior.
     I’m 34 years old and I am just starting to figure out what that means.  I used to think the roller coaster of trying to find myself and who I’m meant to be was so much fun.  Now it’s a day-to-day damn hassle.  
That word up there, self-image, that’s the hard one.  Everything else just kinda takes a backseat to that.  It comes down to this:  I suffered some sort of trauma as a child.  In my case, neglect.  It caused me to spend so much of my growth as a person to focus solely on how to get attention.  I became a people-pleaser, an attention whore, a chameleon, and then an echo, just repeating back whatever is thrown my way.  I’ve come a long way since being diagnosed, but I still have a long way to go.  So let’s go.
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