drama-nerd

[drama-nerd]

Sick Days

Pairing: Seho

Word Count: 2,693

Summary: Oh Sehun just wanted to enjoy and live through autumn without catching some sort of illness. Was that too much to ask? According to the universe, the answer is yes. On the bright side, he had a lovely man to take care of him during this time of misery.

Alternatively, five times in which Oh Sehun was ill and the one time he cared in return.

Tags: Domestic Fluff

~~~

-one-

“And this is why you don't play in the rain in four-degree weather,” Junmyeon scolded his younger boyfriend as he brought in a tray of soup to their shared bedroom. The blond had just returned from a tiring shift at the local bakery, Heavenly Bakes, to find that his boyfriend of three years had been suffering from the symptoms of a cold these last few hours. Great way to kick off the weekend.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” the younger, Sehun, protested as he sat up from his position on their bed. For the past few hours, he was forced to the confines of their bedroom as he cannot breathe through his nose nor could he move/feel his body. To someone as active as Sehun, these past few hours felt like hell. All because he decided to jog five kilometers in the rain… without a jacket.

“Well, look where that got you,” the blond gestured to the recovering body of the brunet as he neared the edge of the bed. “I told you that there was a sixty-percent chance of rain that day.”

In his defense, it was only drizzling when he started his monthly run and the more serious part of the rain started on his way back home, three kilometers away.  

“Stop patronizing me,” Sehun whined as he watched Junmyeon set the tray of steaming soup on his bedside table, being careful to not accidentally set it on the brunet’s charging phone (because no one wanted a repeat of what happened last year). “I’m already miserable enough as it.”

“Oh shush, you’ll be fine,” the older shot back as he carefully lifted the bowl of warm, steaming soup from the tray, bringing it closer to Sehun. “You’ll be fine as long as I take care of you, love.”

For a moment, the stuffy-nosed brunet warily stared at the soup bowl, as if expecting a goblin to jump out and scare him. His eyes shifted between the contents of the bowl and his beloved boyfriend before he gave up, gingerly taking the warm dish from said boyfriend’s hold. You can’t blame him, however, with the look Junmyeon gave him. It was too adorable to deny.

As he began taking spoonfuls of the rich, warm liquid, Sehun muttered, “Only because I love you.”

Unknown to him, Junmyeon smiled in return.  

-two-

“Achoo!” The sneeze of a certain twenty-three-year-old rang throughout the two-bedroom apartment of the Kim-Oh couple. At that moment, the said couple was snuggling in bed as the younger sneezed and “mouth-breathed” in misery. Another weekend wasted because of this bug that had been going around. Screw Jongin, Sehun’s brother, for coughing on him the other day.

Wordlessly, Junmyeon reached over his boyfriend’s form to hand him one of the many boxes of tissues that were resting on their bedside table for emergencies such as this.

“Thank you,” Sehun muttered as he graciously took the box from the older’s hands to cradle it in his arms. As he did, the couple returned to snuggling as the older spooned the younger from behind. While Sehun loved cuddling the blond, he hated being ill, and this was the second time this season (again, screw you, Jongin.) It doesn’t help that despite the number of hours Junmyeon had spent with a sick Oh Sehun, his boyfriend never seemed to catch whatever Sehun was offering. The universe truly despised him.

While it’s not the blond’s fault for Sehun’s shit immune system, he cannot help but be petty and whine at the unfairness of his situation. “Fuck your healthy self. Screw your immune system!”

Not wanting to aggravate the younger much more than he was at that moment, Junmyeon continued to spoon his beloved as the latter kept complaining about his slight predicament.

Until a sudden comment on Sehun’s part caused the older to inquire, “Well, if I’m sick, who’s going to take care of you and your whiny self? Hmm?” While Junmyeon wouldn’t mind skipping work (Kyungsoo was capable of handling the bakery for a day or two), he wasn’t really on board with the whole “I’m suffering, you should too” mentality that his beloved seemed to possess.

(Sick buddies, amirite?)

“We can ask Chanyeol hyung,” Sehun’s hoarse voice responded as he snuggled closer to Junmyeon. “He is a nurse and he’s only next door.”

“I don’t think Yixing would appreciate us taking advantage of his husband’s services,” the older chuckled.

“Eh. It was worth a shot.”

All of a sudden, Sehun turned his head to land a quick, yet meaningful kiss on his unsuspecting boyfriend’s precious lips, before he returned to his previous position. As a small smile graced his face, Sehun whispered, “Good night, Jun.”

Silence. Before-

“BLEH! SEHUN! YOU’RE SICK!”

-three-

“Sehun, if I see you on the computer one more time, I will tape you to the bed,” Junmyeon warned as he attempted to guide his boyfriend from the study back to their bedroom, for the third time today. The blond kept persuading the brunet to take a rest as he was ill, yet the younger wouldn’t give up. However, this would be the last time. Once Junmyeon realized that his previous efforts to pull him out of the study proved to be unbeneficial, he resorted to wrapping his arms snuggly around the younger’s middle before he dragged said male down the thin halls of their apartment.

“But, Jun,” Sehun protested hoarsely in his lover’s hold. For a shorter man, he sure was strong, stronger than him. Not that he’s going to admit that his love’s strength us one of his favorite attributes about him. No siree. “Dr. Byun needs my report as soon as possible.”

“I’m not hearing any of it,” the older declared as they finally entered the room. Immediately, Junmyeon gently pushed Sehun onto their unmade bed. He then proceeded to stack blankets upon blankets, which somehow ended up on the floor, on top of his beloved. “You have a cold. Take a rest will you?”

It wasn’t long before a sea of blankets rested on top of the brunet. Underneath the layers of fabric, Sehun attempted to protest once again. “But-”

“Sehun,” Junmyeon sighed exasperatedly. He paused for a second as he walked over to the bedside table in order to grab their only thermometer. With a smooth voice, he said, “Love, I’m sure Dr. Byun would understand if you don’t turn in your amazing research concerning rocks by Friday.” Once he finished his thoughts, the older pressed the cold surface of the thermometer against Sehun’s temple and waited.

Just as the brunet opened his mouth to say that he’s fine, no need to check his temperature again, the thermometer dinged.

“39 degrees,” Junmyeon tsked before setting the instrument down on the bedside table. “You’re staying in bed, mister.”

Finally admitting defeat, Sehun sunk into their mattress and let his beloved fuss over him. However, in the deepest depths of his mind, he knew that he would be lying if he thought that he didn’t enjoy this treatment. Not that he’ll state it out loud.

-four-

“Why didn’t you call me?” Junmyeon asked the minute he walked through the front door. His forehead glistened with sweat as he stripped the multiple layers from his body. One by one, coats and sweaters were piled on the floor nearest to the door. From his frantic behavior, it’s evident that he rushed over here from his previous destination after hearing the news from his neighbor.

“I didn’t think it was serious,” Sehun responded with a scratchy voice as he watched his boyfriend from his position curled up on the couch. The former was bundled up with two rather large blankets and wore Junmyeon’s oversized hoodie as he watched subtitled episodes of Haikyuu!! on the television. To be honest, Sehun looked absolutely adorable; if not for the fact that he had a small, grey bucket settled right next to his hip with a bright blue box of tissues cradled in his arms. Not to mention his sickly pale skin and his red nose. Overall, anything but, “not serious.”

The blond sighed in irritation as he crossed the room to feel his beloved’s forehead. This. Boy.

Sure, said male is twenty-three years young, yet his level of judgment seriously needed some work.

“Having a high-grade fever and vomiting after each meal is not ‘not serious,’ love.”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Sehun responded defensively while he watched Junmyeon leave his side to head into the kitchen, most likely to fill a bag with ice to reduce his temperature. “You told me that your client ordered a complicated list of desserts for their event this Friday.” He coughed. “I didn’t want to stress you out.”

From their small kitchenette, Junmyeon’s face was graced with a slight smile. While Sehun was the one that was ill and suffering, the younger felt worried about his workload. In any other situation, this would be endearing; yet it made Junmyeon feel uncomfortable. He could not let go of the fact that his beloved ignored his own health for the older’s sake.

Snapping back to the land of the conscious, Junmyeon quickly filled the ice bag before returning to the main room where his boyfriend sat in misery.

“Love, your health means much more to me than my clients and their orders. Especially more than Mr. Wu’s glow-in-the-dark cake,” the older soothed as he took a seat next to his ill boyfriend. Junmyeon then placed the ice bag on the younger’s head, holding it in place to ensure that the bag did not fall. “Besides, I left Kyungsoo in charge. I’m sure he can handle Minseok and Zitao for the rest of the day.”

Before Sehun could smile back at the words of reassurance, a sudden sensation caused him to quickly turn to his side and heave into the bucket situated there. As Sehun’s body emptied the little amounts of food in his stomach, Junmyeon wordlessly set the ice bag aside as he rubbed the brunet’s back soothingly.

After he emptied any sort of food from his stomach, Sehun leaned away from the grey bucket, sank into the cushions of the couch behind him, and closed his eyes. He did not want to see the disgusting mixture of soup and bile that sloshed within the container next to him.

Seeing that his love was finished with his business, Junmyeon quietly stood up, as to not disturb the ill male, and took the container away to the bathroom with the intention of washing said bucket.

As the blond left the main room, he heard Sehun whisper, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love.”

-five-

The day eventually turned to night. The bright apartment darkened as the hours passed. In the bedroom, a certain twenty-three-year-old and his twenty-six-year-old companion had long since retired to bed. It had been a long day. The former apparently caught a bug from one of his colleagues. However, it was nothing he could not handle. He would be fine before the week ended.

In the meantime, Sehun would enjoy his time with his boyfriend.

With him being a researcher in geology and Junmyeon owning a bakery, Sehun spent only so much time with his lover. While he was sick and miserable, he would cherish the moments in which the older took care of him.

That night was one of those moments. At that moment, the older of the two had his arms wrapped around the middle of his boyfriend as he snuggled into his back. Their legs were so intertwined that it was difficult to see who’s leg belonged to who. Nothing but comfortable silence was shared between them.

That was until Sehun groaned and shifted his position. While he could handle most the symptoms that came with this bug (i.e. a runny nose, slight fever, etc.), the one major symptom he could not handle was the mind-splitting headaches. Not that he would admit that out loud though.

“Sehun?” Junmyeon rasped as he unwrapped his arms from his beloved’s torso to cast a look of concern. “Are you alright?”

While the younger was saddened by the loss of contact, he pushed that aside and responded, “I’m fine, Jun. Just another headache.”

“Are you sure?” Junmyeon persisted. The last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to cry again from the intense pain he experienced from the previous headache because of his carelessness.

A few moments of silence passed as Sehun tried to ignore the pounding within his skull.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” At that, Sehun laid back down on their queen-sized mattress as Junmyeon joined him not long after. They then slipped into one of the routines they had developed over the last three years: Junmyeon’s arms encased the younger from behind with Sehun relaxing into his hold.

However, the peace did not last long. A few moments passed before Sehun groaned in pain yet again.

Yet before Junmyeon had the opportunity to remove his arms from Sehun’s middle, the latter let out something akin to a whine.

“No,” he protested, “Just hold me like this.”

“But Sehun,” Junmyeon hesitated. “You’re sick.”

“No, I don’t care,” Sehun slurred in return. All he wanted was his boyfriend’s comfort when his head decided to kill him. “This makes me feel better.”

A few moments passed as Junmyeon weighed his options and the pros/cons of each option. Finally, he said, “Alright. Besides, I have a strong immune system.”

  -bonus-

As the end of autumn drew near, Sehun’s health seemed to improve ever so slightly. His bouts of nausea and discomfort lessened, and for once this season, he felt as if the universe was doing him good.

However, that lasted until one, fine December morning.

It took a lot for Oh Sehun to genuinely freak out; making sure that his boyfriend was properly cared for as said male suffered from a cold was one of those situations.

“‘I have a strong immune system,’ he says,” the brunet muttered under his breath as he searched the medicine cabinet. In all the years he had known Junmyeon, the latter had fallen ill thrice, not including this time. Why the hell do we have six bottles of Midol in here? Sehun thought as he pushed aside bottle after bottle.

“Technically,” Junmyeon weakly called out from his position on the bed. He was under a pile of warm blankets with used tissues strewn around him. Apparently, the bin was “too far” to reach (read: it was next to the bedside table.) “This is your fault for kissing me the other week.” He coughed for a moment before continuing, “Therefore, you brought this upon yourself.”

Popping out of the bathroom with a bottle of cold medicine, Sehun retorted, “We do not bring up my past mistakes.”

When Junmyeon saw his boyfriend approach the bed, he propped himself up and leaned against the headboard. When Sehun reached the bed and sat on the end, most likely to avoid the mounds of tissues, Junmyeon took the medication with grace. Well, as much grace one could possess while feeling like shit.

Once he was finished, Sehun took the bottle back and set it on the bedside table. It was then that he remembered their previous conversation and picked up with, “Besides, you complied with my actions.”

“You know I can’t say no to you,” Junmyeon defended.

“True, but now I have to take care of you,” Sehun sighed, “I won’t be as good as you though.”

“I have confidence in you, love,” the blond comforted before another cough racked his body. Despite that, the older male managed to direct a weak smile toward the younger. Naturally, Sehun grinned back.

The two then entered a comfortable silence before Junmyeon’s suddenly eyes lit up. With the strongest voice he could muster, he joked, “You know what, think of it as payback for all the times I took care of you these last few months.”

  “Oh shush your mouth.”

While Oh Sehun was not the greatest caretaker (the burnt soup and other situations proved the said point), as long as he had Junmyeon silently guiding him along the way, everything would be fine.

~~~

Inspiration... depleting...

-A 

[drama-nerd]

My younger dog found a way to my extra credit homework and now my older dog is mad at him. I don't know whether to be flattered or confused.

-A

[drama-nerd]

Good Night

Pairing: Baeksoo

Word Count: 1,149

Summary: Kyungsoo knew he didn't have a lot of time. Yet that didn't stop him from listening to his love’s voice one last time.

Tags: Angst

~~~

Kyungsoo couldn’t believe that it happened to him honestly. One minute, he was sleeping in bed. The next, he's on the floor of his kitchen. While that may not seem horrible as is, there was one factor that Kyungsoo wanted to forget: that his blood was pooled on the said floor and was growing larger with each passing moment.

He knew he shouldn't have checked the rest of the house when he heard a thud during the night. He should have suspected that the thud was from a thief breaking into his apartment. He should have guessed that said thief brought a knife. Yet he didn’t and proceeded to check the apartment anyway.

Maybe if he fell back asleep, he wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe he would be fine, with the exception of a few stolen goods. So many maybes and what-ifs.

Was he really ready to die now? Like this? Kyungsoo expected that he would have died a peaceful death, preferably in his sleep. Not in a pool of his own blood.

He couldn't die now. He had so many things to do and food to eat. He had places to visit and a bucket list to fulfil before he turned 30. He had plans of finishing college and having a job in IT. He had dreams of marrying the love of his life and adopting kids when they turned 35.

Wait. The love of his life. Baekhyun.

What would happen to Baekhyun? Would he remember to wash his clothes on Saturdays? Would he forget to take out the trash on Mondays? Would he remind himself to eat his breakfast on weekdays and leave for work with a full belly?

Who would tell him “I love you” if he was gone? Who would remind him that he's worth it? Who would celebrate with him after he earns his well-deserved promotion? Above all, who would gift the ring that Kyungsoo had sitting in his drawer for weeks to him?

So many questions unanswered and deeds not done, yet so little time.

But he had just enough time for one thing.

With all the strength he could muster, Kyungsoo lifted himself up and made his way to his bedroom, gripping his abdomen like a vice along the way. Each step felt like hell as blood trickled out of his wound, yet he needed to accomplish one more deed before he went. He thanked the heavens that the distance from the kitchen to the bedroom was a mere three meters.

Stumbling through the hall and into the room, he grabbed his phone on his bed and tapped his most recent contact: my future husband <3.

He knew he should have called the police. Yet, something inside him told him that they wouldn't make it in time. Even if they did make it, Kyungsoo didn't need a medical expert to know that his wound was too deep for him to be alive for their arrival.

The blood didn't stop flowing yet Kyungsoo needed to hear Baekhyun’s voice one last time. Just one last time.

The universe needed to give him enough time to do this at least, if he were to go peacefully.

Immediately the call was answered. “Soo?” The raspy voice of his boyfriend rang from the other side. “What are you doing up? It's one in the morning there.”

“I,” Kyungsoo silently winced as he held onto his abdomen. He needed to last a few more minutes. He needed to hear his voice one more time. He needed to keep going. “I couldn't sleep.”

He heard the rustling of bed sheets before Baekhyun continued. “Missed me huh?” He tiredly teased.

Kyungsoo tried to laugh yet the pain was too much to handle at the moment. “Of course I do. You're in Beijing right now while I'm here at home.”

“I miss you too, baby.” Baekhyun paused for a second before he said, “I just want to go home and have you in my arms right now.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes silently filled with tears as he realized that he would never feel Baekhyun's embrace again. Yet, he pushed through. Ignoring the blood that was seeping from his wound onto the bed, he whispered, “You'll be home soon though.”

“But I want to go home now.” His lover whines into the call. “Your voice isn't enough to satisfy my needs.”

“Your voice is all I want right now,” Kyungsoo muttered offhandedly.

“Did you say something, love?”

“No,” He quickly denied. Baekhyun couldn’t know right now. If he broke the news now, Baekhyun would be torn. There’s nothing he could do in Beijing and he would urge the younger to end the call to contact the police. Yet, the younger wanted to be selfish one last time. Kyungsoo needed to say this one phrase one last time before he expired. He hastened when he realized that his vision started to blur. “You know I love you right?”

“Of course. And I to you.” Baekhyun answered, a slight bit of confusion mixed with his response.

“Good,” Kyungsoo muttered again. His surroundings blur even more. “I love you so much.”

The younger heard Baekhyun shift on the other line. The rustling of the bed sheets became prominent. “Kyungsoo? Is there something wrong?”

“No. No,” He denied as he held in his screams of pain. The blood kept coming and coming. “I just really miss you.”

Not entirely convinced, Baekhyun reluctantly responded with, “Okay. But I'll see you soon, alright?”

“I look forward to that.” Silent tears were now streaming down his face. Oh what he would do to see Baekhyun's face again, one last time.

As the pain finally became too much to handle, Kyungsoo knew he had to end the call. With stifled cries, he whispered, “Good night, Baek.”

In the smoothest voice that Kyungsoo had ever heard, his love responded warmly, “Night love.” At that, Baekhyun hung up.

With a pained groan, Kyungsoo shifted his body so that he was now laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. His hands relaxed as he let the blood flow without resistance.

Now, he can go with the comfort of knowing he talked to Baekhyun one last time. Even if it was just for one minute.

In his last moments, Kyungsoo tried to remember all the memories he had and replayed them over and over, cherishing each and every one. From childhood injuries to the breakfast he had this morning, his memories played like a film as he stared at the blank white ceiling.

Kyungsoo felt himself drift in and out of consciousness. For a moment, his worries ceased. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t change the fact that he's a goner.

The last thing he thought of as he succumbed to nothingness was the words “night love.”

However, just as Kyungsoo fully accepted the darkness, he heard the vague sounds of sirens.  

~~~

To answer some questions before they appear, the neighbors called authorities. They heard something suspicious and reported it. Whether Kyungsoo is dead is up to your interpretation. To me, he died before authorities could save him. Yeah, I'm a pessimistic person.

Based on this Tumblr post.

-A

[drama-nerd]

For You

Pairing: Baekchen (but not really), mentioned!Chenho

Word Count: 2,834

Summary: They were best friends, Jongdae and him. Despite their differing personalities, they were inseparable. Jongdae Kim, the epitome of childhood innocence and naivety, and Baekhyun Byun, the anchor and protector of the weak. Ever since childhood, Baekhyun protected Jongdae and that was that.

AKA Taking protection to a different level.

Tags: Suspense

~~~

They were best friends, Jongdae and him. Despite their differing personalities, they were inseparable. Jongdae Kim, the epitome of childhood innocence and naivety, and Baekhyun Byun, the anchor and protector of the weak. Ever since childhood, Baekhyun protected Jongdae and that was that. From the elementary school bullies to the false friends that eventually left despite their seemingly genuine behavior.

Baekhyun was there for Jongdae during the joyful times of summer happiness and stayed during the dreadful moments of winter despair. Whether it be the simple joy brought by a family pet or the devastation that came with said pet’s death (rest in peace, Kyungie the cat), Baekhyun was there to accompany Jongdae. Even if Baekhyun hated said cat, he stayed for Jongdae’s sake as the brunet cried for days over its passing. Yet nothing prepared them for the heartache that struck during their teenage years.

It was their last day as high school seniors. The night before, Baekhyun and his family invited the Kims to a party that celebrated Baekhyun’s sister’s graduation from Stanford. It was supposed to be a small gathering with their parents and siblings. However, that soon escalated when Baekhyun’s brother Baekbeom decided to introduce the wine.  With all the commotion and drinking, the Kims decided to spend the night over.

The next day, the boys woke up twenty minutes prior to their class starting. Baekhyun and Jongdae hurried through their morning routine before they raced out the door, skipping breakfast as neither of them had time to spare for that. They would have made it earlier yet Baekhyun took an exceptionally long time preparing for school doing who knows what.

It wasn’t until they went back to Baekhyun’s house after school when the tragedy struck. The house was quiet, as it always was with everyone at work or university, yet something felt odd. A slight chill ran up their backs. It might have been the fact that Baekbeom’s luggage was still at the front when he should have been on his way back to UC Davis by now, or the fact that the television was still on from this morning. As the duo ventured deeper into the house, their hearts, especially Jongdae’s, began to beat faster and faster. Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

When they entered the kitchen, Jongdae’s screams of terror filled the air.

“Oh my God! MOM! DAD!”

The rest of the day was a blur. All Baekhyun could remember was calling the police, Jongdae freezing up in the corner near his mother, seven still bodies, and the distinct scent of almonds.

~~~

For the next few days, Baekhyun had to stay in Jongdae’s house, as his own was deemed a crime scene. However, he didn’t mind, for there was something wrong with his friend. From that day on, Jongdae stopped being Jongdae. He stayed silent a majority of the time and rarely left his room. It killed Baekhyun. He couldn’t stand seeing his friend in such an unresponsive state. Baekhyun could not bear to know that he was failing at his only job. The hurt is only temporary, he reminded himself, Jongdae will get better. He will understand.

It wasn’t until after the funeral when Jongdae broke down. The duo took their time going back to the house for they had no reason to rush. Only silence was shared between the two, with the exception of a few sniffles and hiccups. However, the minute they stepped through the door, it was as if a switch flipped within Jongdae. In an instant, sobs racked his body as he stumbled on the floor.

He kept muttering the semi-understandable phrases of “why” and “leaving”. It pained Baekhyun to see his friend in so much pain. Without hesitation, he kneeled on the floor next to Jongdae and wrapped his arms around him. “It’s okay,” he soothed, “It’s okay.”

For minutes, Jongdae kept sobbing and sobbing until it mellowed down to occasional sniffles and hiccups. It was then that his muttering became clear. “Why does everyone keep leaving me?” He asked in a small voice. He sniffled again. “First it was my old friends. Now, everyone’s gone: Mom, Dad, your dad, everyone.”  

Baekhyun’s hold grew tighter. “I’m here.”

At this, Jongdae pushed himself out of Baekhyun’s arms. Wrapping his own around his shaking body, he mumbled, “Who’s to say you won’t leave me too?”

Baekhyun felt insulted. He wasn’t going to leave Jongdae, ever. They needed each other. With conviction, he said, “Because I promised to protect you, and I’ll be dead before I break that promise.”

Jongdae spoke of nothing for a few moments. Steadying his breathing, he finally replied, “Thank you.”

The rest of the night proceeded with silence as Jongdae and Baekhyun immediately went to bed after a minuscule dinner; that is if cheese and crackers can be considered “dinner”. Before they drifted off to sleep, with Jongdae in his bed and Baekhyun on the floor, Jongdae mumbled yet again, “Thank you.”

As Baekhyun heard Jongdae’s breathing level out in the bed above him, he whispered, “Everything in this world happens for a reason. You will understand in the end.”

~~~

Life had been well for Baekhyun in the upcoming years. He along with Jongdae moved out of their former neighborhood and settled in separate houses close to their university. After four grueling years of sleep deprivation and tears, they both graduated college with degrees in literature. Even after school, Baekhyun kept his promise of protecting Jongdae. It was them against the world. Although the culprit responsible for the murders committed during their senior year was never caught, Jongdae started to act more like himself as time passed. Five years later, Jongdae finally started to make jokes, laugh, and smile. For the first time in forever, Baekhyun felt as if everything was right in the world. That was until she came into the picture.

Junmi Kim: a recently hired part-time worker at Min’s Beans, a coffee shop near Baekhyun’s new house. Normally, Baekhyun could care less about who worked at Min’s or not. However, Jongdae seemed to persuade him into going to Min’s more often than not ever since she appeared. This went on for days. Soon, days rolled into weeks, then into months. It wasn’t long before the “cute barista” became a frequent topic in their daily conversations.

To be frank, Baekhyun did not enjoy her presence, and it frustrated him that Jongdae did not feel the same way. Baekhyun took pride in his ability to easily read people, as it was essential for him to protect Jongdae from those with ill intentions, and he did not like the vibes he felt from this girl.

Every time he went with Jongdae to get their daily dose of caffeine, it was her face that greeted them. Every. Single. Time. Not only did she become a regular in Jongdae’s life, it seemed as though she tried too hard to become his friend. She made terrible coffee puns, laughed longer than necessary to Jongdae’s occasional jokes, and regularly ruffled Jongdae’s brown locks, despite the fact that he was five inches taller than her. Worst of all, it felt like she deliberately tried to take Jongdae away from him; as if she was more capable of protecting Jongdae than Baekhyun was. Every time she spoke to Jongdae with Baekhyun in the vicinity, she would glance at him with a smug look in her deep coffee eyes. He was running out of time.

For the first few months, Baekhyun attempted to steer Jongdae away from her. “Let’s go to another place today,”  he urged, “I heard they make really good caramel macchiatos.”

Yet every time, the response was, “Junmi wanted me to try this new blend today. Maybe next time, Baekhyun,” with the occasional ruffle of Baekhyun’s red bird’s nest that he called hair.

As the months wore on, Baekhyun felt worse. He was failing his job yet again. He wanted to tell Jongdae the truth, yet the witch’s spell had captured him. He would never believe Baekhyun, for the witch will always be known as “the angel with the stained apron” to him. It wasn’t until one Sunday morning when Baekhyun knew he was too late.

Jongdae had left to Min’s early in the morning and told Baekhyun to meet him there when he was done with his work. He had something important to tell him. Thinking nothing of it, Baekhyun grabbed his favorite coat, a simple down jacket Jongdae bought him for his twenty-third birthday, and speed walked to the coffee shop. On his way there, Baekhyun pondered as to what Jongdae wanted to tell him, ignoring the collecting clouds above his head.

Once he entered Min’s, Baekhyun’s eyes zoned in on the table in the back. There, he saw Jongdae, her (the little devil Junmi), and three cups of coffee. Schooling his expression to a mere furrow of the eyebrows, Baekhyun plastered on a smile and approached the table. Apparently, Junmi saw him enter the shop because once he was halfway to their location, she exclaimed with a grin, “Baekhyun!”  

The nerve of her, Baekhyun cursed in his head as the smile disappeared off his face, I can see right through your act. Shoving his thoughts to the side, Baekhyun coolly said, “Junmi.”  He turned his gaze to the person right of her and grinned. “Hey, Dae.”  Ignoring Junmi’s deflated countenance, Baekhyun took a seat in front of the pair and grabbed the coffee situated there. Might as well, Baekhyun shrugged as he took a sip. Bitter, just the way he liked it.

After a few sips, he set the cup down and focused his eyes on the people in front of him. “So?” He raised an eyebrow. “What did you want to tell me?”

At the question, Jongdae started to fidget, a habit he picked up over the years when he was nervous. He looked at his friend and offered him a nervous grin. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now.”

“Okay.” Where is he going with this? Baekhyun pondered.

Jongdae glanced over to Junmi as she gave him an encouraging gesture. What is going on? Baekhyun proceeded to panic in his thoughts.

The brunet took a deep breath before he blurted, “Junmi’s my girlfriend. She has been for a month now.”  

For moments, Baekhyun just sat there, staring at the couple before him in shock. He couldn’t believe the news. Sure, he had been suspecting it for quite some time now, but he never thought that it was true. Thoughts swirled within his conscience. I should have noticed sooner. I should have dealt with this sooner.

“Are you okay?” Jongdae fixed his gaze to his best friend, eyes spilling concern and anticipation. Jongdae’s smile wavered as he took note of his best friend’s expression. In an effort to ground himself, he subtly moved his left hand from his thigh to his girlfriend’s and slightly squeezed. This garnered an awkward smile from Junmi. On instinct, Jongdae gave her a comforting smile back.

Their actions, however, had not gone unnoticed by the red-haired male in front of them. It took all of Baekhyun’s willpower to not grit his teeth. She doesn’t deserve him.

“I’m fine! Just surprised,” Baekhyun forced out as his gaze shifted up to meet Jongdae’s. With a tight-lipped grin, Baekhyun said, “L-Look Dae, I have to go.” I need to sort some things out.

“I see,” Jongdae whispered and squeezed his girlfriend’s thigh tighter. He watched his best friend grab his coat and drop some bills on the table. Next to him, Junmi gave her best sympathy smile. “He’ll come around. Just give him time. He’s your best friend.”

Before he could hear any more of their conversation, Baekhyun sped out of the coffee shop, his coat still clenched in his hand. As Baekhyun walked from the shop to his house, he paid no heed to the darkening clouds above him. If it rained on the way home, Baekhyun didn’t care. He had more important issues to deal with than an impending storm.

Once he arrived at his house, Baekhyun slammed the front door. Without delay, he stomped to his quaint living room and threw his coat on the sofa. He paced back and forth, back and forth, as his thoughts took over his mind.

Baekhyun never had this problem before. Unlike his previous obstacles, this particular issue had been a thorn in his side for quite some time now. Junmi: the persistent, manipulative, little brat. No matter how hard he tried, she wouldn’t leave. Instead, she returned again, and again, and again.

Frustration bubbled within him. Baekhyun knew where this would end. He knew how cruel this relationship could be, with all the potential cheating and heartbreak. It would ruin Jongdae. Sure, he may seem happy now, yet that would soon change when Junmi reveals her true colours.

In this world, happiness eventually turns to hatred and hurt. No matter where one finds it, it all goes down the same path of despair. Therefore, one must destroy that source of potential suffering, at any cost, whether it be human or not. Baekhyun knew that, yet Jongdae was too naive to understand that. Thus, Baekhyun did it for him. I needed to protect you.    

Baekhyun paused. He knew what he needed to do. She won’t come back this time.

~~~

The rain came in sheets, beating the roof of the house. The house was essentially empty, save for the figure of Baekhyun sitting on his sofa. His legs were crossed with his hand resting on his thigh. His pale, slender fingers scratching light lines against his equally pale skin, leaving slight trails of red. His other hand was running through his yet-to-be-dry auburn hair.

Baekhyun did it. He didn’t know what he was capable of until then. Once again, he had accomplished his job of protecting Jongdae. Junmi wouldn’t hurt him anymore. He couldn’t remember what happened; only the thoughts of protecting Jongdae mixed with feelings of chilling anger and frustration clouded his mind. Despite the seemingly immoral sense of the act, it had to be done, there wasn’t another way.

You did this for him. You did this for him. You did this for him.

Suddenly, the distinct lyrics of “You’re My Sunshine”, rang through the air, breaking Baekhyun from his thoughts. Jongdae. Without hesitation, Baekhyun answered the phone.

Before he could utter a word, Baekhyun heard Jongdae cry, “B-Baekhyun!”

A flash of emotion took over him. Concern. “What happened?”

For a few moments, the only sound that could be heard was the quivering breath found on the other line. “It’s Junmi,” Jongdae hiccuped. “She’s… Oh my God!”

Baekhyun widened his eyes. “She’s what?”

Jongdae kept mumbling on the other line. His words seemed to bleed together. “Dae, speak up. I can’t understand you.”

“She… She’s dead!” Afterwards, Baekhyun could hear the loud sobs of Jongdae. It broke Baekhyun’s heart, he didn’t deserve to suffer. Yet, like most things in this world, this would be temporary and heal with time. You did this for him. “H-Her body… so much blood… there was so much blood… blood… oh my God!”

“Shh. Shh. It will all be alright. I’m coming over, okay? Where are you?” Baekhyun hastily stood up, grabbed his coat with a pair of trousers, and sped out the door, “You have me, remember? It’ll all be okay.”

As he made his way toward Jongdae’s location, his thoughts took over, numbing him. You did this for him. You did this for him. YOU DID THIS FOR HIM.

A few miles from Baekhyun’s house, Jongdae was huddled against the patio stairs of a quaint, one-bedroom house. His head was buried within his knees as he sobbed. His fingers loosely held onto his phone. The rain pounded against his back yet he didn’t care. He couldn’t go back inside, after what he saw. Blurred images of red, white, and purple flooded his head, replayed like a broken record. He couldn’t get rid of the images no matter how hard he tried, for it’s burned in his memory forever.

Inside, the living room was in disarray. Broken vases that were once filled with flowers scattered across the floor with pillows and cushions thrown haphazardly anywhere within the space. On the floor nearest to the kitchen, Junmi’s eyes were wide open, staring lifelessly at the ceiling above her. Dried tear tracks trailed down her face with her mouth somewhat open; as if she was trying to scream at her offender. Her body arranged to appear as if she was merely laying on her back to rest. From a distance, she could’ve been mistaken for simply sleeping, if it were not for the pool of blood mixed with aster and white heather petals she was resting in, spread behind her like a wicked cape.

In all its wickedness, the most chilling part of the scene was a messy carving made on Junmi’s right thigh, still wet with blood: DID THIS FOR YOU.

~~~

When you forget the password to Tumblr and disappear for a while... Now, serious talk. First of all, I do not condone Baekhyun's behavior. If you or a loved one are acting like this or see someone act like this, please be careful. He's possessive and obsessive. Stay safe everybody. 

-A 

[drama-nerd]

This is what happens when you let A play with Letter Generator at 11:20 PM. Anyone willing to take this as a prompt? Nope... Okay... 

[drama-nerd]

Stare at this beauty... ♡-♡ 

(Images not mine)

[drama-nerd]

Just look and remember this beauty. Don’t forget

(Images not mine) 

[drama-nerd]

TEN FROM NCT - “Dream in a Dream” FROM: THAILAND GENRE: POP ALBUM: N/A

[drama-nerd]

What You Meant to Me

Pairing: Xiuhan

Word Count: 1,659

Summary: He didn’t know what he had until it was gone.

Tags: Angst

~

“People say you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.” -Unknown

It was an old saying how people never truly appreciate something until it’s gone. In reality, we knew what we had, we just chose to ignore the fact that it would possibly be taken from us in the future. Minseok felt as though that never applied to him. He had amazing friends, close family, an adorable girlfriend (potentially fiancée), and had enough money to sustain him a good 80 years or so. He never felt as though he underappreciated anything. He prayed to God every day on what he was thankful for and repeatedly expressed that to those he cared for.

Suddenly, that all changed. In a course of 1 month, Minseok managed to lose everything he cared for, truly understanding that well-known statement.

~

Minseok didn’t know when everything started to fall. When everything in his life began to crumble. All he could remember was the pain he felt afterward. He remembered the streams of tears. He remembered the long, cruel nights staring at the ceiling, hoping for something to happen. He remembered the countless hours trapped in his own mind, trying to clear up the emotional war zone left behind.

It may have started when his girlfriend of 7 years (soon to be fiancée; he bought the ring and planned an extravagant proposal) left him for a “real man”. Saying something along the lines of how she “couldn’t deal with the everyday struggle of being with someone like you”. That left him scarred for weeks. Minseok became more self-conscious and less like himself. She left his best friend to pick up the broken pieces.

It may have started when his parents died. His beloved parents passed away due to a drunk driver colliding with their vehicle. They were in the car with Minseok. He vividly remembered driving them to the airport for a small business trip. Then, there was a blur. It was like watching a movie with some of the scenes being deliberately left out. Minseok seemed to recall snippets of it. He remembered the smell of burning flesh and the crimson blood flowing down the windows. He remembered the shrill scream of his mother. He remembered the searing pain in his head. Minseok chose to not think about it much.

After that, he had to undergo extensive therapy (Not like I need it, he thought.) with the help of his best friend. In addition, Minseok had desperately tried to hold on to what he had left. Such as his best friend, his remaining family, heck, even the apartment he owned.

Yet luck was not on his side. It never was.

~

It was a warm spring afternoon. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining brightly, and the people of Hangzhou were going about their day. On this afternoon, Minseok was cleaning out the spare bedroom in his now empty apartment. Beads of sweat rolled down his face as he moved box upon box out of the room. He started to feel the strain in his muscles yet he didn’t care. Everything had to be gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Everything about him had to be gone.

It’s been approximately 3 weeks since he left. The person who made him smile. The person who made him laugh. The person who made sure he took care of his body. The person who made him happy. The person who easily became the light of his life. The person who comforted him when he went through a horrible breakup. The person he confided his feelings to. The person he shared 15 years of his life with. The person who cuddled with him on stormy, rainy days. The person that helped him with his girl troubles. The person who helped him bear the pain of losing his parents. The person who was just there. His best friend.

Lu Han, better known as Luhan, was a 26-year-old whom Minseok met when he was 11. They met on the field, playing football to their heart’s content. There, they just clicked. It was as if fate was destined to have them together, platonically of course. Sure, they had their faults and differing ideas on some issues; yet Minseok wouldn’t have changed that for the world. Their friendship was strong to the point onlookers presumed they were more than just friends. However, Minseok would never cross that line. He was a straight male after all.

Although this past month, Minseok didn’t understand anything. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t feel. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t smile. He couldn’t act like a human being. All he knew was that it hurt. A lot. It hurt more than when his girlfriend dumped him 4 weeks ago, permanently this time. Or when his parents passed away due to a freak car accident. It felt like a whole new level of hurt and anguish.

Everything started to go downhill a long time ago yet this was the cherry on the damn sundae.

As Minseok shoved the last box in the cluttered hallway, a letter fell out of the box he was previously holding. He planned to return all of his belongings to his parents and presumed the letter was meant for them. However, when Minseok picked up the letter to return it into the box, neat characters spelling out his name stopped him. He knew that handwriting belong to him. Who else would it be? Wu Yifan from next door?

What? Minseok thought as stared at the letter for at least 2 minutes. It’s been 3 weeks and I just notice this now? With hesitation, Minseok carefully ripped open the letter that was clearly addressed to him (He doubt that there was any other ‘Minseok’s in the area considering he lived in China for the time being; not Korea). There, it read in familiar scrawl:

Minnie,

We were never meant to be. I understood that a long time ago. I’m gay. You’re straight. I’m head over heels for you. You’re head over heels for her. (Big surprise) I’m always by your side. You’re never there for me. I’m your “best friend”. You’re my everything. I hate how you’re always hurt by her. How she breaks you down every day. (Don’t think I didn’t notice).

I hate how you’re still with her when she clearly hurts you. I hate how I see bruises on your perfect face when you come back from her house. I hate how you never notice. I hate how you brush it off. I hate how you defend her actions. I especially hate how you make me feel. I hate your adorable nose. I hate your puffy cheeks. I hate your round features that bring out your inner and outer beauty. I hate how I don’t hate you. In fact, I love you.

For the last 10 years. You ruined my personality. You ruined my love life. You ruined my opportunities for a happy ending. You ruined my thinking. You ruined my feelings. You ruined me. Yet, I don’t care. I don’t care what you’ve done to me. I don’t care the emotional turmoil I felt with you by my side.

However, I do care how you feel. I care about your health. I care about your feelings. Although I’ll be gone, I’ll never forget your smile. I’ll never forget the way you used to see me. With admiration. I’ll never forget the way you get excited about little things. I’ll never forget your mono-lid eyes. I’ll never forget your lovely cheeks. I’ll never forget the way you cuddled into me when you had a nightmare. I’ll never forget you.

Despite my feelings. Despite my desires. Despite my needs. Despite my wants. Despite our relationship. Despite the last 15 years. Despite my life for the last 26 years.

I think it’s time to say goodbye.

I love you

Goodbye.

-Luhan

~

For what felt like hours, Minseok just stared at the letter. Drops of tears stained the paper, smudging the graphite writing. No words escaped his mouth. Minseok just sat there; with his hands clutching the unfortunate piece of paper and staring at it intently. The only noises filling the room were the ticking clocks and the chirping birds from the outside. They shouldn’t be so happy, Minseok bitterly thought.

A puddle of thoughts swarmed furiously around Minseok’s mind. He couldn’t comprehend what was going on, there was too much to process. One; his best friend LOVED him for the past TEN years. Two; there was no apparent reason as to why he left. Three; he had the nerve to write a heart at the end of it all. Minseok was so tempted to rip the paper the half. To burn the damned piece of paper. To just damage it. Yet deep in his heart, he couldn’t. It was the last memory Minseok had of Luhan. Getting rid of it was equivalent to burning a kitten to death and watching it die as it cried in agony. That was when he realized that Luhan mattered to him more than a friend should. A friend leaving shouldn’t shatter his entire world. A friend leaving shouldn’t make Minseok want to ask the cruel world to just end. A friend leaving shouldn’t result in him breaking.

All of those nights cuddling together. All of those days laughing with each other. All of those days teasing each other. All of those nights under the stars, dreaming of the future, would never happen again. Just because he didn’t realize his feelings sooner. Just because he didn’t realize how much Luhan meant to him. Just because he realized how much she didn’t matter.

Minseok felt dumb. Stupid. Ignorant. Oblivious. Confused. Agitated.

Finally, he just whispered, “I’m sorry…"

Suddenly, the front door opened, revealing a familiar, blurry figure.

“Hey…"

Luck was never on Minseok’s side. Until now.

~

I don’t think I’m cut out for writing angst… Oh well!

-A

[drama-nerd]

Trees & Pee

Pairing: Xiuchen

Word Count: 1,323

Summary: To some, it is difficult to find love, no matter how hard you search. Yet, Kim Minseok found his chilling in a tree one fine summer day.

Tags: Humor

~

It had been a fairly normal day for Kim Minseok. He had finished his shift at the local coffee shop, Ghost Town, and was resting at home. At the moment, he was laying on his side on his couch, an extremely uncomfortable couch at that.

Minseok was a 23-year-old living on his own after earning his bachelor’s degree at a local college. He had many friends, including Byun Baekhyun and Lu Han, both of which he met during elementary school. Despite being twenty-three, he never had the time to have a devoted relationship with someone. Now that he thought about it, he only had one relationship during second-year college. Huh, he mused, I wonder how he’s doing.

The clock ticking resonated throughout the room. I’m bored, Minseok thought. Option one; he could go grocery shopping. The fridge had been empty for the last couple days. I don’t want to though, Minseok ruled out option 1. He could clean the house. But I already did that yesterday.

Minseok sighed loudly, absolutely bored to the point he was willing to do anything to entertain himself. Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. I could go to the park and run some laps. Since he had no other options, Minseok shrugged. Why not?

Soon after, Minseok jumped off the couch that had seen better days and proceeded to change into his sports attire. He quickly packed a water bottle, his phone, and two granola bars (also known as the necessities) into a small, lightweight bag and headed to the park.

Once he arrived, he started immediately to run the perimeter, not forgetting to plug in his earbuds to listen to some empowering music he found on the radio. (He forgot the name of the singer but they had a nice voice).

~

It had only been 20 minutes and Minseok started to feel the burn often associated with exercise. Beads of sweat effortlessly glided down from his forehead to his cheeks. He ran about four laps, judging from the fact he passed by the same tree four times now, yet Minseok was still bored. Since nothing was stopping him, he continued to run the perimeter of the park, not noticing a young man in the background scaling a tree?

~

Minseok ran five more laps before he decided to take a quick snack break. He settled next to a large tree, its branches flowed with the slight breeze. It was calming and aesthetically pleasing, the perfect spot to rest in after such an intense workout.

Minseok unplugged one ear bud as he took a large gulp of his water bottle, leaving approximately ¾ left in the bottle. After drinking his water, Minseok dug through his bag to fetch a granola bar, which turned out to be an extremely difficult task. I swear this backpack ate my granola bar. How large is this thing? How much stuff do I have in here? I need a new backpack. Wait a minute, I think I found it. Nevermind. NOPE. It was a wrapper.

Several moments passed before Minseok finally found the damned thing (Turned out it was in the outer pocket). As he unwrapped his prize, a voice suddenly broke him out of his relaxation time.

“Hey is that the chocolate chip one? Damn bro, that is some good stuff, I tell you!”

“AHH!” Minseok jumped, dropping his unwrapped granola bar on the grass in the process. He ripped out his other earbud, in the unlikely case the voice originated from his iPod.

“NOO!! YOU DROPPED IT!” There it was again. (Was it just him or did the voice suddenly become hotter?)

Surprised, Minseok stood up. “Please tell me that I’m not imagining things and that this voice has a body.”

“Up here!!”

Obeying the voice’s orders, Minseok looked up. There, he found a (hot) stranger perched on a thick branch in the tree. He took note of the stranger’s pronounced cheek bones and feline-like appearance, from his sharp eyes to the way his lips seemed to naturally curve upwards towards the ends. Overall, he wasn’t half bad, in terms of appearance that is. Apparently, Minseok was staring (He was not! He was studying this new person) because the stranger suddenly smirked and said, “Checking me out? I’m flattered. You aren’t bad yourself.”

Minseok reddened before blurting, “No! I was not! I was just… wondering why you were in a tree.”

Nice save, Minseok, he mentally praised, let’s just hope he didn’t notice the hesitation.

“Oh, this?” The stranger gestured to himself. “I was just enjoying the nice view and the beautiful air.”

From the seemly sarcastic tone of the stranger, Minseok thought otherwise. “You’re stuck, aren’t you?”

The stranger sent a sheepish smile toward him. “Yeah… My cousin left me here after I scaled this tree to retrieve his kite. After I threw the stupid kite out of the tree, he dashed… Damn you Jongin… That was an hour ago.”

Minseok gave out a low whistle. “Tough luck.”

“I know I just met you 5 minutes ago, but can you get me down. I really need to take a whiz. I’ve been holding it in for an hour and a half now.”

“Oh… yeah… sure…”

~

It took Minseok several attempts to get that mysterious stranger, whom of which introduced himself as ‘Jongdae’, out of the tree. First, he asked Jongdae to jump from his position of the tree. The drop was only 4 meters, therefore the worst case scenario was a broken ankle or something like that. Yet the scaredy cat (no pun intended) did not want to ‘damage [my] delicate skin’. Next, Minseok attempted to create a staircase for Jongdae to safely descend from, yet it looked as stable as a year’s worth of dishes piled on top of each other. Third time’s a charm, Minseok hoped as he attempted the third option.

“Minseok, I really need to take a whiz… I swear I’ll pee up here!”

“Hold on, Jongdae!” Below Jongdae, Minseok gathered a pile of leaves into a concentrated section on the grass. It resembled a bed of green, inviting Jongdae to sleep there. Suddenly, he felt the tree shake. Looking to his right, Jongdae found Minseok climbing the trunk of the tree. “What are you doing?!”

Without words, Minseok scaled the tree with minimal effort, landing on the stop next to Jongdae. “I have an idea but you won’t like it.”

“Great! Now we’re both stuck!” Jongdae complained. “Do you know how important it is for me to pee right now?”

“Not exactly…” Before Jongdae could respond to his cryptic message, Minseok roughly pushed him off of the safe branch into the bed of leaves.  

“THE FUCK!!!” Jongdae landed on his right arm, which was not broken thankfully. “Owwwwwww….” He gradually sat up and looked up to where Minseok was perched. “Why did you do that, idiot?!”

With grace, Minseok carefully scaled down the tree. How….? Jongdae silently whined as he stared at him. This is unfair. Curse him and his athletic abilities. It took a lot of willpower for him to not stare at Minseok’s ass because damn, does he have a fine booty.

Once on the ground, he rubbed his hands together, symbolizing a job well done, and glanced at Jongdae. “Because it was the last option and you would have peed up there if I tried to do anything else.”

“You could have done it with, oh I don’t know, a warning, you know!”

After a few moments, Minseok stared at Jongdae with a confused expression. “Don’t you need to pee?”

In an instant, Jongdae stood up, ignoring the pain due to the urgency of the situation, and raced to the nearest park restroom. As Jongdae’s figure grew smaller and smaller, Minseok yelled after him, “A ‘THANK YOU’ WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE!”

~

“- and that kids, is how I met the most beautiful person on this earth, your father.”

~

Congrats to me on my first Tumblr post. *Claps sarcastically for self* Hopefully, this is not my last.

-A

[drama-nerd]

The struggles of shipping every single EXO ship in existence

yeah i ship everything tbh