dream0bserver

[dream0bserver]

UPDATE:

Day 1 - no call from HSPCA. Decided to call next day, he is probly fine and recovering. Figured "no news is good news".

Day 2 - I call and find out they can't update anybody about any animals, so there is no way of knowing how he is doing. They told me the best case scenario would be; he is survived, and fixed and sent to adoption center, and on the website available for adoption.

So i check the website just in case they update it daily. Low hopes he even lived :/ but sure enough i find him listed under his codename Garfield i gave the ems lady. So i called the HSPCA right back and was transferred to adoption center. I told them i wanna adopt garfield but im not able to make it there before yall close, and i ask can u hold him til the morning for me?

They cant hold animals.. and this one came in with an upper respiratory infection and FIVpositive. Feline HIV basically. So the URI if not treated could be a problem. They were gunna put him down bc of the other cats in the shelter :( but i told them plz, disuade ppl from adopting him and dont put him down... i will adopt him! I have a transport crate, am familiar with him, he knows us, etc..

There are rules now tho, he has 2 stay indoors bc hes chipped now and is a liability to let him out free again. I also wanna get him treated for the URI and FIV+.

Anyways.. they asked for his animal id number, which i found on the site under his listing, and they r supposedly helping me out here and unofficially holding him for me somehow. Which im so very thankful for. If this goes as planned anyways.

Day 3 - They open at 11. I plan to call and find out about URI/FIV treatment, and letting them kno im on the way to officially adopt and register "garfield" into our family of me, and my dad, a 3x cancer survivor who endured radiation and chemo, but no longer has a voice or smells thru nose. Hes a perfect fit.

Last night i went and got a new litter box, litter, and a scooper. Back at it again. We are so ready for you PapaPump! U survived buddy! Against heavy odds too! Omg :)

[dream0bserver]

Waiting on the call. Hang in there big papa pump!

[dream0bserver]

Hang in there buddy!!!

[dream0bserver]

I am Steve, im 38 or 39, i dont remember. im awkward and shy but i have alot of things running thru my head. After a very long and disgustingly rough time fighting this, thinking there were other ways, finally, I am starting a new journey of healing with an anti-depressant called Prestiq, generic anyways.

Its been about a month and a half and im finally feeling good enough to open up qnd update any old friends who may find me here, and to introduce myself to anyone else and put myself out there. I have PTSD and depression, ADHD, aspergers, and anxiety mostly. I dont fit into any particular mold or "label", i tend to prove alot of people's assumptions wrong actually when they do try to label me. But even i dont really know myself. I learn more every day. But i seem to learn things that dont really gain me much of what life requires... Money.

Jack of all trades, cant figure out what one thing to focus on bc i can only focus on things when im interested in whats going on and cant be easily distracted... And thats always changing. I usually have many hobbies i use my hands for. Ever since i was a lil boy, i would look thru magazines for "craft section" type stuff. Things to fold paper into or make tee shirts with parents, whatever! I really loved hands on stuff! I struggled in school stuff and reading/comprehension was an early issue, but videogames stimulated my brain to learn no problem, andk art and P.E. was my jam! I was shy but always the center of attention, usually in trouble for the weakest shit like dress code or asking too many questions and being a class clown. I wasnt tho, i just had a strong sense of humor and loved makin ppl laugh, and when i felt so much focus on me i would handle it by being silly or doing something i thought made me likeable. The kids got it but the teachers never did so i was always looked down on until i gained their favor somehow. Which i didnt care to do, i stayed myself, and still won some teachers over. So ha! :)

I dont like cheating, lying, starting trouble, i didnt do drugs, drink or smoke, was in athletics and ROTC and photography, business computer technology, business image multimedia management, web design, web mastering, drafting/design, was a sponsored skater by local skatepark, and played football, ran track and did high jump, but i dressed weird... Mmkay lol. I still graduated on time. Which wasnt looking to be possible for a hot minute.. truancy became an issue too later on and my dad was gunna be in trouble! That kicked my rear n gear!

I defly have some things i have learned to be very proud of. As well as so many mistakes i am ashamed of, but i learned the lessons and became better thru it all, i just came out very damaged and bruised up, and lonely, and without a clue how to make it. And now i am a caretaker, of my dad who survived cancer 3 times and multiple surgeries, and chemo and radiation, but lost his voice and is a "neck-breather" now, thats an official medical term btw. Lol.

I need to renew my license but i need my birth certificate, tried to get a new one from austin tx, and apparently i dont exist.. they cant find any record of me. I dont fuckin get it. Its like im not meant to get out there. When i do get a job, its like I cant hold a job apparently, even when i had a 2 year gig going, 15.00 an hour.. state inspectors license... Drama and reality show politics took over the workplace and bc i chose not to get involved, i became a target. Like i said.. ppl love to judge me. Usually wrongly. And hate me but pretend to like me, and i dont realize til its too late how im being used and just made a joke of.

I guess thats enough for now. I plan to blog more, about dreams, past experiences and stories. I have a very vivid and detailed memory, and my life was great growing up and the hardships do NOT reflect my perspective on my life! So i look forward to it :)

Trying to find my footing and path is too hard. I cant find out how to make money online when i kno i have ideas that can make money... And i see so many ppl actin like they just make money on youtube so easy. Makes me feel retarded sumtimes. But i deal with alot of mental pain. Thats the worst kind ofvpain. It can take over and ruin ur entire day if the right memory or invasive thought rushes in... I have lost alot of family within a period of 1 year while my dad was goin thru his cancer and we had our hospital visits to deal with. I cant even remember everybody and i dont wanna start dropping names and reasons bc that would be a huge distraction and i would lose my focus big time. Lol. But it has been a harsh reality check and wakeup call, just didnt effect me how i wish it would've.