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i'm genuinely kind of happy with where i'm at right now but it scares me.

i like my job a lot. i'm doing well in college even though i'm getting burnt out. i have a partner who i love so so much.

but my brain likes to fuck me up the most when i have a good thing going and right now i'm so so enthralled with the idea of picking up a vice and ruining myself with it. i've never drank and i'm not interested. i've never smoked a cigarette either and i'm REALLY not interested. i smoke weed occasionally so that would be the closest thing, i daydream about it. getting absolutely fucked up and not being able to think or be haunted by memories or shitty feelings. i think that's a big thing right now. i want the memories to stop. i don't have super easy access to any of these things so i'll probably just continue on with my routine while i yearn to ruin myself with SOMETHING to distract from the shit that makes my skin crawl as it creeps up into my mind every waking second and when it can worm its way into my dreams.

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It can be an uncomfortable topic for people so it isn’t talked about as much, but it should be talked about more because a lot of people feel shame for being hypersexual or sex-repulsed because of trauma.

It is completely okay and valid if your trauma made you hypersexual, even if your trauma was not sexual trauma.

It is completely okay and valid if you are sex-repulsed as a result of your trauma, whether your trauma was sexual or not.

And it is completely okay if you are both and/or you fluctuate.

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POV: My mind on the daily.

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Sorry for having symptoms of a mental illness I literally told you I have it will happen again

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unpopular opinion but I don’t hope my abusers change and grow to be better

I hope they die scared and are miserable leading up to their deaths

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˚₊‧ ⊰ ⸸ ⊱ ‧₊˚

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one hard pill to swallow (that i had to learn myself) is that in order to actually learn coping skills and progress with living successfully with your mental illness is that you have to take action. whether that’s going to therapy or removing yourself from toxic enviornments/people, living your life solely for yourself or whatever. you can’t sit around venting forever and expect it will change. theres only so much understanding and patience that others around you will have. sometimes mental illness is a burden on others. it’s a burden when you have access to help and choose not to take it. sometimes it’s exhausting. there’s no magic day where it will all fall together. you have to actively make that magic.

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words from we hug now by sydney rose

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quick little art about dysmorphia and how i don’t know what i look like

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kate elizabeth russell, my dark vanessa.

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summer is the worst season for me and it's not even here yet but i smelled the AC in my car and felt the warmth of the sun on my skin and felt the soul crushing, harrowing anxiety of a trapped animal. cheers to ptsd. 🍻

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*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

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when your friend watches how a lack of communication traumatized you and made your relationships fall apart and now they're turning around and doing the same fucking thing.

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fake dgaf-er I saw you yearning for your mother's love

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Borderline culture is not being able to grow up. Being the little scared and broken child trapped in the body of an adult that must take charge and be able to handle everything.

But you're not that adult, you have no idea what you're doing and you keep messing up and everything is just so much all the time a d you just don't understand anything about how life works because you're only 5 or 11 or 14 or however many years old up in your brain.

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