drinkingyourblood

[drinkingyourblood]

TOTALLY lost my streak lmao I've been busy as hell and actually I still am, just thought that rant here wouldn't hurt anyone.

My ADHD is keeping trying to make me do everything and I end up doing nothing and barely finishing a couple of things I chose to do; it keeps trying to make me study, play guitar, play videogame, bake, go to the gym, work out at home, go out, stay in, do new activities but don't forget the old ones.

I'm also seeing my therapist quite often but honestly I feel like it's never enough and I'd like to see her even more often than once a week but I'd feel guilty because I have to pay her and I don't want to take away her time even if this is a paradox???

Not going to add very much now to it because I'm quite tired and the things I should say are not something to yap about jokingly (actually yeah, they are, but not while I'm feeling bad for those) so maybe I'll do it in the next days(?)

yesterday was van Gogh's bday! yippie!!!

[drinkingyourblood]

Almost lost my streak lol.

Today I went out with my sister and her boyfriend, walked a while, I thought it would be useful since I don't think staying always inside is good for my mental health. I expected for it to be better, to find the peace I usually find when I'm out by myself. I wasn't able to feel this way tho.

Then, I went to buy cookies ingredients. I went back home and I made cookies. The first time I burnt them, then they came out fine!

That's basically all I did. I have to catch up on homework and school program, but I still have more than a week to do so ig? I really have to start working tho. I feel like I could do it if I felt actually good and had the energy to do these things, but I guess the only choice I have is to wait the end of my finals to recover from SCHOOL.

[drinkingyourblood]

[drinkingyourblood]

lucio corsi + 🫎

[drinkingyourblood]

Gli stanno facendo una intervista in diretta a TOPO GIGIO per chiedere cosa ne pensa su Lucio a Eurovision piangoooo

[drinkingyourblood]

I feel like I'm hurting myself remaining alive and looking at the terrible things people can do and say. I've not been going out and stayed on the internet, but maybe I should really delete all social media and spend all my days outside looking at nature since I find it so beautiful. I'm tired of knowing what's happening in the world

[drinkingyourblood]

So happy Lucio's going to represent Italy in Eurovision!! I just hope he's not going to end up like Måneskin. I know it's not going to happen because he's genuinely so sweet and modest while Måneskin already were kind of arrogant with their attitude and music, I just hope Lucio won't go on tour here and say "thank you italy" like they did lmao 😭

I met my aunt's new dog today and it was so funny because I thought he was a puppy but he's three years old already. He was so shy at first even if after some minutes he wanted for me to scratch him and when I stopped he would bump his head on my hand to ask me to go on (my cat clearly got offended I chose to cuddle a dog instead of him because later he ran away from me when I got back home).

I posted a video on tiktok a while ago showing how my alt style evolved in these years and ppl straight up roasted me. Now, I do NOT think I look bad with my current style and I like being goth. Why are ppl on the internet so mad bro? I feel like the dead internet theory is just making ppl feel more entitled to hate on who they see, because at this time we can't even say "remember there's a person behind and account" since it's not even always true and humans just wanna insult everything if they don't agree with it. "If you post something you have to think about the consequences and about how ppl are gonna react 🤓" I wasn't doing anything tho??? This would be a valid argument if I was doing something inherently bad, which I wasn't doing. Literally the only problem is that I'm alt

[drinkingyourblood]

One year ago today my guitar's teacher first song got published!!! Yippie, happy birthday to the song!!! (I find the courage to text him that and got scared sm to be blocked for some reason 😭 he just thanked me)

Today I woke up and felt good. Maybe good is an exaggeration, but I wasn't asking what's the point in all of this lmao. My cat woke me up purring and wanting to cuddle like most of the times, so we just stayed in bed for a while. When I got up I didn't really knew what to do (I could have chosen to study but didn't lol), so I ended up making pudding. I also thought I wanted to make cookies but didn't had the ingredients, so I said I would've waited for the afternoon to go and buy them. In the meantime I also tried to play new songs on guitar (obviously made by the artist I've been obsessed with lately except for one I started learning with my guitar teacher and another one I tried to do alone)

Then I decided to play videogames (life is strange 2) which I just started. Someone told me it becomes annoying but I'm liking it for now.

In the afternoon I actually went out to buy the ingredients for the cookies, but I messed up and still forgot some things I thought I had at home, so I got mad and decided to just don't do them anymore (don't judge me, I'm on my period lmao). To be fair I searched for solutions and alternatives but everytime I was able to fix something another problem came out, so I gave up. I ended up being tired and barely being able to go to my own bedroom despite I'm not doing anything which can actually make me tired.

Still, I don't think all of it was useless because while I was going to the supermarket I took my time to look around at people and nature. I took a path with a lot of green. I sat down. I don't know why but while I smoke I get so damn poetic and philosophical, so I looked around, I focused on what I could feel on my skin and see from far away as I listened to music (guess who) and thought "damn, how can be there people who look around and are not able to see beauty around them?" I just love seeing humans interacting. I think I already mentioned it. But I really like seeing people as an external figure that do their jobs, live their lives, go around. I like seeing that everyone has something to do with someone else. "The human race did this and that, it's terrible, it's violent, maybe we really do need to die" bro. Take a deep breath. We're not "the human race". There are people who do terrible things but what are they compared to the beauty human life can be in it's semplicity? Really. I don't need anyone to be great. I need them to be simple and genuine so that I can love them.

Don't get me wrong, I do understand the concept of feeling so tired you're not able to feel loved or appreciated no matter what you see. I really, genuinely, absolutely hate cynicism tho. Yeah, I know. The humans are self destroying, there are wars, global warming, people do suffer and die but fuck, I just need a moment to sit down, spend some minutes smoking and looking around and saying "this is beautiful". Just give me some minutes and then I'll go back to reality and start focusing again on real life and struggles and suffering.

[drinkingyourblood]

[drinkingyourblood]

[drinkingyourblood]

I swear I feel like I'm going insane. Everytime I go to my guitar teacher's house or pass near to it either I risk getting hit by a car or get harassed. Like, last time I had lesson with him as soon as I got out a grown man started to talk to me saying I'm gorgeous, I'm beautiful (thank god I always have my headphones with me so I faked to not hear him and didn't turned around since he was behind me). Today I arrived to my teacher's house and I lean against the wall of his building waiting for him to finish the lesson with the other person he was meeting before me and this man does the same but looking towards me??? He seemed like he wanted either to talk with me about me or about a religion since he had something that looked like the Bible in his hands but I DO NOT CARE about your religion!!! There's nothing wrong with being religious, I just don't want to be and I do not care about what they have to say to me.

Talking about the rest of my day, today I woke up and the first thing I've seen was an audio who lasted 40 minutes from one of my best friends. It turns out it's the recording of the art lesson because I've not been going to school these weeks and it looks like my art teacher misses me because he said to go back to school and took my friend's phone to text me some nosense message lmao.

Today I was talking to my guitar teacher and I said I have not been playing lately, so he asked me if I've been listening to someone lately and I talked about the singer I mentioned in my previous post. It turns out my teacher knows and likes him as well. I'm not surprised by this because they do share the same vibes and I just knew it was the type of music he would listen. I'm going to add a couple of songs by that singer here:

His voice is seriously majestic and I'm happy seeing someone doing music as well. His lyrics make me feel full and empty at the same time. It's difficult to explain. I was risking to cry while I was going to lesson because I had him at full volume in my ears and I was hearing him talk about love and hate and expressing his true self while looking around and seeing human beings interacting with eachother showing love or hate and expressing themselves as well.

About human beings interacting with eachother: after my lesson my mom picked me up and bought me home. We were trying to get inside of my house as the gate was opening automatically and we saw a man with a white cane trying to understand where to go. My mom waited for him to pass and someone honked at us. Then my mum managed to enter in the garden and free the road and that asshole kept going?? I saw that poor man looking around to understand if they were honking at him, so my mom got out and went to help him. Maybe it's the bare minimum to help others if they're struggling, but I saw how good she is.

[drinkingyourblood]

Soo, here are the things that deserve to be mentioned today:

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Today has been quite useless. I finished life is strange true colors, which felt like losing time to me. I'm sorry, it wasn't a bad game at all, it just wasn't like the first one or before the storm(?) It didn't hit that hard, even if I'm supposed to emphasize a lot more with Alex than with the other main characters in the game since we kind of share a similar childhood. It felt way shorter when it apparently wasn't, but to be fair almost an entire episode was RP. I feel like they spent a lot on unnecessary things and then rushed the things in the last chapter because they found themselves having to finish the game and not knowing how to do it gradually.

For the rest, I haven't been doing a lot. I got out of home after days, but just to smoke. I've been not smoking cigs for 4/5 months and thought I had quitted since I started going to the gym, but with depression I'm going less to the gym and feeling the need of smoking.

I spent all day fangirling over a singer, who became popular these days here in Italy participating to the Italian song's festival lmao. He seems genuinely sweet and caring, I can't help feeling affection towards him. He's so delicate.

These days I've been drawing and trying to dedicate my free time where I have some strength to art, but life feels like a rollercoaster right now and I go from dancing and singing to crying myself to sleep not being able to get out of bed. I managed to do these anyway.

Tomorrow I'll have guitar lesson but I haven't touched my guitar in over a week... I feel like I don't have the strength to use it everyday, but my teacher is genuinely the most peaceful person I've met in a long time and genuinely so caring as he listens to me and what I have to say. I'm so grateful I found him. I get to forget the bad things in my life for a hour a week when I'm with him.

[drinkingyourblood]

I decided to start a blog because I need someone to vent to lmao and I want to be free to yap all the time without feeling guilty. If you're not interested you don't have to read, if you are good for me. Maybe I'll find someone interesting and who can give me advices, someone to discuss in a healthy manner, I hope.

I want to use social media to say my story, talking about my journey with depression, AuDHD, OCD and anxiety. This blog will not only be about mental health. I need somewhere to be myself and talk about my passions and what I hate, my strength points and my weaknesses.

Lmao, I'm making it sound so serious when it's really nothing deep. I'm just willing to share the daily life of a spooky kid. 🦇