dutifullyscreechingdragon

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Look... I read the story in English in what... 5th grade? And no... I ain't risking this

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Michael the Distortion X Reader

A/n: Hiiii, I should note from the start, that the characters belong to the Magnus Archives Podcast, which was written by Johnny Sims. So, yeah, I do NOT own the characters. That being out of the way, enjoy:)

You were an Archival assistant. You were also Helen's close friend. So it was natural that she went to you for comfort after being trapped in the weird halls dimension and terrorised by a series of weird doors. It was also natural for you to suggest she makes a statement for the Archives. There was a chance, however slim, that they might do some digging into the matter.

And naturally, you were there with her as emotional support. It would be cruel to make her face Jon's scrutiny on her own.

So here you were, listening to your friend rambling about her encounter, nodding along and giving her encouraging smiles. You glanced at Jon. He wasn't pleased, but he wasn't wearing his usual look of skepticism either.

"...Maybe you can make some sense of it" Helens words finally drew you out of your thoughts.

"We'll try our best" you gave Helen another smile and gave her a pat on the back. Your little moment was interrupted by Jon:

"You said you don't remember the man's name..."

"I... I think he told me, but I just, I..." Helen begins but is interrupted, by Jon:

"-it wasn't Michael, was it?"

"Yes! Michael..." Helen's face darkens "Do you know him?"

You furrow your eyebrows and turn to Jon:

"You don't think that-"

"Maybe. I don't know!" Jon sighs and turns to Helen "We'll make some enquiries and get back to you"

"Right, well... I'll just leave you to it" Helen says before leaving.

You watch her and turn to Jon, to start discussing Helen's statement. You brace yourself for his questions. Maybe he'd ask you to provide some more context. However, instead Jon opts for calling Sasha and you resignedly plop into the armchair once again.

You look over the maps Helen drew. They really don't make sense. At all. Weird lines crossing one another... They are oddly fascinating.

When Jon and Sasha finish talking you brace yourself for questioning once again, but freeze when you see a tall, lanky man.

He has golden locks that twist and turn into intricate patterns. His hands are abnormally long and his fingers curl around the doorframe he leans on. The suit he wears makes you dizzy. It looks woven out of caleidoscopic fabric. And his smile. It's unnaturally wide. His features... Are weird... As if shifted a bit, making his face a bit mismatched, misaligned.

He is not supposed to be in the archives. You are sure of that.

He speaks:

"Do you know they're lying to you?"

The words make your hair stand on end. Or maybe it's just the static that seems to rise in the background with every word he speaks.

"I'm sorry- This uh... May I help you somehow? This place is off limits" You hurriedly inform the impromptu visitor.

"I disagree" the man says leisurely.

"Who let you in here?" Jon cuts to the chase with his questions. This seems to amuse your stranger.

"Let?" He laughs. It's breathy and out of sync. It makes you shiver. "I'm afraid this isn't how it works..."

"You're him" Jon states, rather than asking.

"Yes"

"Michael"

The creature holds a pause before speaking:

"That is a real name"

"Wait. Pause. Break" you interrupt. This is... Well, you'd say weird, but anything concerning the archives is weird... It's more than your daily intake of "weird".

"You're... Michael" you restate.

"Ah... The little archival assistant's comprehension skills deserve the highest praise" Michael muses.

"No. I mean... You're the guy that Sasha met... Michael 'How would a melody describe itself if asked' the distortion ?"

"Mhm... Yes... The Deceitfully distorted being of non-reality" Michael grinned, visibly please you quoted him.

"Sure... That checks out... Weird, but poetic descriptions" you mutter "Should I uh... Take your statement?"

"You'd like one.... Wouldn't you?" Michael asks you, twirling his hair "I wonder... Is it the eye's mark... Or sheer human curiosity? A mix of both? Or perhaps... Something else entirely?"

"Are you here to make a statement? You haven't answered the question." You respond.

"I suppose I haven't..." Is all the response you get.

"Are you here to kill us?" Jon asks. Way to be optimistic, you think.

"No" he states decidedly.

That's a relief, you don't think fighting him would be pleasant.

"Oh... Why are you here then?" Jon seems to take the lead in asking questions.

"I am simply collecting what is mine, Archivist. the one who entered my domain"

"Helen?" You muttered, your heart rate picking up.

"Mrs. Rich-ard-son? You own those hallways?" Jon asked slowly.

The distortion grins

"What a fffascinating question" Michael drags out "Does your hand in any way own your stomach?"

"Ah-" is all you can manage to utter. Your stunned silence doesn't seem to throw Michael off as he continues:

"In any case, it doesn't matter, the wanderer had a brief respite, but it's over now" he shrugs.

You can't help but let out a triumphant laugh:

"Haha! You're too late! Helen's already left! You ain't getting her! Tough luck, mate" you shrug.

"Yes... Ah... Did you notice which door she left through?" Michael's smile grows wider and he can't help but let out a small chuckle.

"Well, yes it's... Wait... You trail off" you don't remember that door... Should there be a door?

"There has never been a door there, your mind plays tricks on you…" Michael responds to your silent question.

"Let her go! This instance! Open the bloody door and Let. Helen. Out!" You clench your fists, making a few steps forward.

"No?" He laughed. That made your blood boil. You couldn't contain yourself. You leaped over the desk, grabbing a dagger in the process and putting it to the creature's throat... Or at least where you thought it would be.

"Let Helen out!" You seethe.

This didn't have the effect you counted on. Michael stayed unphased.

"No can do" he slightly moved your dagger to the side and unperceptedly shifted behind you.

You turned still gripping your dagger.

"How did you- you were just standing here and-"

His Cheshire cat smile just widens at your confusion.

"I'd advise not to wave sharp objects" he drawls in a leisurely manner "you can never know when you can accidentally... Get cut" he lightly trails one sharp talon over your forearm. Tiny beads of blood litter your skin, in spiraling shapes. It stings. You wince. Michael.... Smirks. It almost makes you want to punch him in the face. But you know better. You do not want to be sliced into ribbons. At least, not before you have rescued Helen.

You take a few steps back, trying to put a bit of space between you and Michael. You barely contain the irritated groan, when he shifts a bit closer.

You try to move away, without turning your back to him and simultaneously avoiding tripping over the boxes scattered on the floor. Somehow, you still find him behind you, his long fingers resting on your shoulders and tapping a rhythm you can't quite guess. It's too irregular to be predictable, yet too regular to be completely random.

You turn and come face to face with the madness incarnate. Michael cocks his head to the side and you wonder whether he will continue twisting further and further, until any normal human neck would snap.

Jon's voice breaks you out of your staring contest. Michael directs his attention to the Archivist, leaving you standing there.

It gives you ample opportunity to catch your breath and notice, that you're mere meters away from the door Helen walked through. A quick glance reassured you that Michael and Jon are deep in conversation.

You inch slowly to the door, trying not to tip off the embodiment of losing your mind. You're almost there. You wonder if the door is unlocked and if you open it, will you be able to get to Helen instantly.

Your hand touches the door knob. It's warm almost welcoming.

You turn your head slightly, to check that Michael is still distracted.

He isn't. In fact, he's staring right at you, with his everpresent uncanny smirk

"Oooh, do go on... Don't you want to see what's behind the door?" His staticky voice encourages you, "Don't you want to rescue your friend? It is... Slim chance... But I am keen to see you try..."

You wonder briefly, whether this is some reverse psychology thing. Whether he actually doesn't want you to open the door. You look at Jon, noting his foreboding expression and slight shake of the head.

You start weighing your options, but then you remember her. Helen. Your friend. You can't leave her.

You put on your bravest face and push the door open. Caleidoscope colours flood your senses. And this laughter. This uncanny, hypnotising laughter, feels your ears, clouding your senses. You feel it reverberate in your bones and course through your veins.

The avatar of the Spiral and the Archivist watch you disappear behind the door. One wears an all too wide grin, the other the expression of utter shock and horror. It's easy to guess which is which.

"What a fascinating Archival Assistant you have" Michael drags out disrupting the silence, "Or perhaps I should say... 'had'?" He muses much to Jon's irritation.

"What did you do to them? Bring me backy assistant!"

Ignoring Jon's demands, Michael approaches the door. It swings open and the distortion's fingers curl around it's frame.

"If it wasn't for the Ceaseless Watcher's touch, they'd make a fine spiral avatar..." Michael's laughter echoes through the room "They still might..." He grins disappearing through the door

A/n: Whooo, this is done. I hope you liked it and have a great day!!

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Tim Stoker X Archival Assistant!reader

Summary: here you go, some headcanons for our Tim and how your relationship would start, enjoy:)

You first met Tim as an archival Assistant. Your first day on the job.

You were joining a bit later than all the others. You still had some things left to finish at your previous position at the Institute and you do not leave things half done.

Tim's first reaction to you was to flirt. To flirt shamelessly:

"Hey gorgeous, what brings you down to our dark, creepy archives?"

It only escalated from here

You were positively flustered (Tim can have that effect even on the most confident of people. No one stands a chance if Tim uses 100% of his charms)

And eventually, you were rescued by a laughing Sasha:

"Come on, Tim! Leave the girl alone! You don't want to scare away a new Archival Assistant"

"Me? I am positively delightful!" Tim put his had on the heart, pretending to be mortaly wounded by Sasha's statement.

"I can't imagine a universe where I'd be scaring away a girl... Especially this charming" he'd finish winking at you, prompting you to laugh lightly.

"So, an Archival Assistant, eh?" Tim continued in a suave tone

"Starting today, yeah" you replied.

"Alas, my prayers have been answered" Tim raised his arms toward the ceiling "I have been graced with seeing your pretty face each morning!"

His flirting didn't stop. In fact, it escalated exponentially over time

The next morning he would greet you with a pick up line. And then the next morning and the next...

He seemed to have an endless supply of them.

Somehow he managed to not repeat a single one.

Definitely uses cute nicknames on you: sweetheart, darling, babe.

Will sometimes try cringy ones just to get a rise out of you.

You knew Tim's reputation, so took all his flirting attempts with a grain of salt.

"You can't have me seriously believing that Tim, 'I can charm a copier if I put my mind to it' Stoker, actually has feelings for me" you laughed.

Sasha sighed. She has just finished listening to Tim's 'Why cant she believe I have feelings for her? I have been so open and genuine about them' rant.

Tim definitely tries distracting you from your work, preventing you from doing anything productive. Any chance he gets:

You were currently sitting at your desk, trying to find any trace online regarding the statement of the week. You were pulled out of your thoughts by wheels skidding on the floor. Looking up you saw Tim on a wheely chair, sliding up next to you.

"Did you know that..."

or another time:

Your peaceful work was interrupted by a paper airplane hitting the side of you head. You looked up and saw a grinning Tim Stoker. He waved at you and motioned for you to unfold the paper. Once you did, you saw a cutesy doodle of you and him holding hands and a bunch of hearts around. You simply raised an eyebrow and put the drawing aside.

Tim was, however, pleasantly surprised, seeing it taped to the side of you computer screen the next day.

Did I mention flirting? I feel like I should mention it again, for good measure. Flirting Lot's of flirting. Lot's of shameless flirting

Sasha definitely notices Tim's feelings for you. Almost instantly.

And she would tease him. Mercilessly. Relentlessly.

She would also take on the role of your biggest shipper. Whenever you and Tim talk, you better believe she is making heart shapes at both of you from a safe distance.

She also uses her amazing computer skills to make cute and embarrassing edits of you two.

Sasha is also, coincidentally, the most amazing wing-woman ever (probably because she had to take action after seeing you and Tim pine for each other relentlessly).

You would be sorting through the statements when she would approach you and ask sneakily:

"So, Tim took you out on a date, yet?"

"No" you'd say and add quietly "Unfortunately"

This wouldn't slip past Sasha's keen ears:

"Unfortunately? So you do want to go on a date with him!"

You'd splutter to deny it, only prompting her to laugh more.

"Maybe if you sent him some more... Positive feedback to his flirting attempts and maybe told him a simple 'yes' to his countless attempts to invite you out... Maybe then, you'd already be smooching and planning your wedding..." Sasha said pointedly and the added more wistfully "and maybe then I wouldn't have to listen to his rants about you"

After quite a restless night you decided to give it a shot. "Why not?" You reasoned. What's the worst thing that can happen? An awkward break up when he realises he doesn't like you that much and having to work with him for at least another year? You decided not to dwell on that much.

Obviously Tim was low-key surprised when instead of shutting down his flirting attempts you flirted back. He was even more surprised when you agreed to go on a date with him.

He nearly lost his composure, but once he finally processed what happened, he beamed at you and tripled his flirting.

Throughout the day he was very hyper and becoming a bit too much to his colleagues and you

But can you blame him? He finally got the green light form you. Of course he's going to rant about it to Sasha. Of course he is going to make small doodles on the margins of his paperwork that he is later to hand in to Jon.

Tim DEFINITELY took you kayaking on you first date:)

It's a great opportunity to flex his muscles and have great fun at the lake.

Chances are you ended up falling into the water:

You were rowing in perfect harmony while exchanging some quips back and forth. It was great. Until Tim said something along the lines of:

"Sure, you're right. Can't argue with that cuteness. You could probably say that the Earth is flat and I'd believe you" he briefly took his hand off the oar to ruffle your hair.

"Hey! If I ever tell you nonsense like that, I expect you to correct me" you turn to smack him with your oar. Tim ducks out of the way, making your kayak rock from side to side.

"Don't do that! We're gonna flip the boat" You say gripping the side of the kayak for balance.

Tim grins wickedly before shifting to the other side, making the kayak careen dangerously "Don't do what? This?" he suddenly goes to the other side.

"Yes! Don't-" you're cut off as the kayak predictably flipped over and you both ended up in the slightly chilly water.

Tim laughed. You prepared to give him an angry tirade, but couldn't help laughing with him.

You got out of the water at some point... Completely soaked through.

You pulled off your shirt and put it to dry, huddling in a blanket, which, by some miracle, wasn't completely wet.

"You sh-should take off your shirt to dry" you told Tim, chattering your teeth.

"Woah! If you wanted to see me shirtless, you didn't have to flip the kayak" Tim said, taking his shirt off "You could've just asked" he smirked at you. Prompting an eye roll.

"You do remember that you were the one who flipped it, right?" You deadpanned raising an eyebrow.

"Hmm...." He pretends to think "Maybe I wanted you to see me shirtless" Tim shrugged and said "Details"

You could only shake your head and laugh.

And of course the only logical solution was to cuddle. For warmth. And because it felt nice

Tim wrapped his arms around your torso and snuggled into your neck, while you fried some marshmallows for s'mores on a campfire.

When you came the next day holding hands, Sasha was extatic.

She might or might not have started planning your wedding.

A/n: anyway, that concludes the headcanons, I hope you like it:) I'm definitely writing headcanons for Dating!! Tim

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Hazbin Hotel x reader cooking headcanons

Summary: HH character headcanons with their s/o and cooking. I hope you enjoy!

Includes:

Angel Dust

Alastor

Vox

Sir Pentious

Angel Dust

Cooking with Angel mostly consists of you cooking and him lying dramatically on the table, most probably making suggestive comments, something along the lines of:

"Why not just skip dinner and all these formalities and go straight to the bedroom?"

or

"Wouldn't you rather have me for dinner?"

That is, until the stove catches on fire and he has to leap over the table in an attempt to save your meal. Usually he succeeds, he is a great cook after all. You always marvel how he can turn a what seemed like a lost cause into a delicious meal.

This is not saying that you're a bad cook, it's just, it's kind of hard to concentrate when your boyfriend keeps making suggestive comments every 5 seconds... He knows that and does so on purpose, he is an annoying little shit like that.

What would you guys be cooking?

Pasta. You'll be making pasta or ravioli or any Italian dish for that matter. He LOOOOOVES Italian food, it reminds him of the past, when he was still alive, of his sister... It holds great sentimental value for him, so if he were to come home after a very rough day in the studio and see Italian food you made for him, boy would melt (please cook for him, he needs the mood boost)

As for baking, you make cupcakes and cookies. Angel usually decorates them, with pink liqueur and sprinkles. He makes some of them look like spiders and hearts - he's amazing with decorations. When he knows you're not looking, he'll make one that looks like a dick..... You know, just to get a rise out of you.

Alastor

Jambalaya. You're definitely eating jambalaya. That's his favourite dish and you bet he'll be cooking it any chance he gets.

"What do you want for dinner, dear?" Alastor calls from the kitchen

"I don't know, whatever you want" you reply.

"Jambalaya it is, then" he says cheerily as you realise your mistake and prepare to eat it for the third time this week.

Alastor definitely teaches you his mother's recipes. This is a deeply personal thing to him and a huge part of opening up and starting to trust you.

He gets really giddy and His heart absolutely melts when you cook for him from the family cookbook. Loves coming home after a hard day to have a warm dinner by a familial recipe made for him.

Great cook. If you don't know how to cook, he'd be happy to do majority of cooking in your household (Though you might have to bribe him with kisses to not use human meat).

Unfailingly offers you human flesh/ raw meat whenever he's eating it. You might see it as gross, he sees it as him being a gentleman.

Vox

Insists on following the recipe to the letter. All hell breaks lose, when there's a typo:

"Add 1500 grams of flour.... That can't be right" you read

"Come on, sweetheart, if the recipe says so, this must be the right way"

"it must've been a typo or-"

"Nah they wouldn't make such a big mistake, relax, I've got it figured out. Now help me heave the bag into the bowl"

"No! Wait don't add it all-" you try to stop him, a fruitless attempt to salvage your meal.

The flour spills out.

When you eat your stone hard cookies, Vox might admit that maybe you were right:

"i think ... Maybe it was a typo actually"

"Ya think?" Would be your aggravated reply.

You end up eating at some fancy restaurant (He made the reservations even before you attempted your cooking experiment. He remembers how many previous attempts had turned out and has a fair estimation of both of yours cooking skills)

Sir pentious

You don't just cook food. You make complicated constructions out of it. It's a form of art. You always feel sorry to eat it at the end.

For one reason or another, your kitchen is stacked with overcomplicated machines. They are proud creations off your partner and are mostly designed to aid in cooking, in the most silly way (think- overcomplicated pan that flips the pancakes themselves).

Mostly. Apparently, Sir Pentious deemed it crucial to add murderous features to those machines and other kitchen utensils in your possession (think- the aforementioned pan can procure a mass destruction laser on demand).

Sometimes you would have competitions: who can make teh most complicated, aesthetically looking meal in record time. The results vary:

Sometimes you end up with a delicious two-course + desert meal, that took hours of preparation and you had a ton of fun.

And other times you end up with chaos and half burned food, that took 10 minutes to prepare. Because:

"You looked like you were nearly done, I had to rush!"

"You rushing made me rush!"

"I only rushed because you rushed!"

Both the times you end up with a completely demolished kitchen. Its a miracle neither of you lost any limbs!

But at the end of the day, you have a nice, fairly edible meal, with your partner and joke about how the preparation went. Praising each other saves:

"That was amazing, really. The way you simultaneously finished the sauce while being at the stove and cutting the tomatoes!"

and laughing at the fails:

"I cant believe it took you 30 minutes to prepare the sauce... You kept adding Sault, and then deciding that it was too salty so you had to add the other ingredients to balance it out!" You'd giggle remembering it

"But it hasss to be perfect" Pentious would hiss out.

"It was perfect" you'd reply with a smile "Everything was amazing, love"

A/n: This is the end, hopefully you enjoyed it!

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Blitzø x human! Assassin! Reader

Blooming feelings

Summary: After the first few murder fiascos, you and Blitzø start catching feelings for each other. His attempts on your life morph into dates and you can't take each other as seriously as you should on the battle ground.

A/n: heyyy, I'm sorry for the slightly belated posting. The last few days have been a bit haywire for me... Anyways, I hope you enjoy the part two. Here you have the links to all the parts currently available:

Part 1: First encounter

Part 2: Blooming feelings -> you're here:)

The smoke bomb went off, you could hear the shattering of glass and the revving of the motorbike. Y/n was gone.

"And she's gone..." Blitzø stated and was about to leave through the portal, when Moxxie pulled his sleeve:

"Sir, there's a card on the floor"

Blitzo picked it up, it was a note. In a neat handwriting the following was written:

Despite being sent to kill me

(and failing miserably),

you're chill

Call me:)

314 159 2653

Blitzø texted you this very evening. He wanted to do this instantly, but had to withhold himself - gotta preserve the reputation

You were getting ready to bed, today was a long day, right after the pleasant encounter with Blitzø, you had to rush off to deal with a murderer and then get your bike into repair. Oh and you also had to buy yourself new cargo pants, your current ones were getting a wee bit to bloodstained for your liking.

Today was a busy day. So only now, about to go to sleep, did you have time to actualy process what happened in the morning. That being you giving the attractive imp(?) your phone number... And, since he still didn't call or text you, you were staring to have second thoughts... Have you read too much into the whole thing? Was it strictly professional for him?

That's when your phone went off

Unknown: whadup, gurl

Cut the guy some slack, he was low-key nervous and was trying to come off as suave

Y/n: Blitzø?

Unknown: ya, who else wuld be txting u

Y/n: should I take offence?

Unknown: idk, do u find that offensive

Y/n: kinda?

Unknown: soz, I'll show u a picture of a horse I drew and you'll forgive me

Unknown: deal?

to be fair, Blitzø didn't know what he was writing. He had no intention of offending you and panicked, texting you the first thing that came into his mind. Thankfully, you found it amusing and texted him back:

Y/m: deal:)

He sent you a picture of a horse. You though it was really good, so that's what you texted him back. He was ecstatic and instantly sent you a few more.

Needless to say, that soon enough your gallery was filled with various drawings of horses.

In the span of the next week, you and Blitzø texted quite a lot.

He offered you a job at the IMP pretty early on:

Blitzø: ya know, when u end up in hell, a gal like you culd work for me

Y/n: why are you so sure I'd wanna work for you?

Blitzø: why wouldnt u?

Y/n: idk u trying to kill me is kind of a turn off...

Blitzø: ahhh come oooon it's not that big of a deal

Blitzø: ill take u horse riding or smth

Y/n: can't say no to that hahaha

After that reply, Blitzø got so hyped up, he literally ran out of his office and shouted:

"Fuck yeah she loves me back, ya hear that Mox," Blitz looked very much proud as he showed his employee the text chain

"Uhhh Sir, I wouldn't make such quick assumptions-"

"Shhh don't ruin the moment" Blitzo retorted pressing his finger into Moxxie's lips to silence him.

Sometimes you'd get a notification in the middle of a job and it'd be Blitzø sending you a selfie of him ( and sometimes some of his friends as well) in the middle of a fight with a caption like:

"another normal day at work (nearly got killed)"

Or

"brunch went wrong"

Or plainly

"how u doing? "

And sometimes you'd reply with a selfie of yourself, creeping up to some guy you're about to murder. Which would cause Blitzø to text you:

Blitzø: update?

And you sending him a picture of you, potentially covered in blood, standing over a dead body.

At this point, he wasn't shying away from nicknames. He'd call you babe, sweetcheeks and sunshine.

You'd usually settle fro something along the lines of hot stuff, pretty boy, love

However, Blitzø does a lot of stupid stuff, which is when idiot, dumbass, etc. come in use

"How ya doing, hot stuff", you'd say, winking at Blitzø, causing him to try and lean on a non-existent doorframe and ultimately topple to the ground, sending you (and Millie, who witnessed it) a fit of giggles.

You and Blitzø's murderous rendezvous start to become more.. date-like. There is a lot of flirting and very little shooting done.

Sometimes you wonder, whether you guys should just drop the pretences

Moxxie and Loona are steadily growing sick of all of this. Millie finds it quite endearing, actualy.

You were presently engaged in a hand to hand combat with Blitzø. You performed a serie of punches, trying hard not to hit any super vital points. This sent your oponent tumbling on the ground.

"Youuu do punch Hella hard, babe," Blitzø drawled out "that's Hella hot "

You chuckled at this and threw him an ice pack with the words:

"Take that, wouldn't want to cause permanent damage to that pretty face of yours"

Blitzø would never admit it, but that made him blush very much, which would've been very much visible if it wasn't for his red skin (the blush was still fairly visible, just less intense).

or another time:

With one swift movement Blitzø tackled you to the ground. He smirked:

"Ya know, I could get used to this view, babe" he started nonchalantly "maybe different setting, like a bedroom" he smirked at your startled reaction "though if you prefer this place, babe, then I guess why not? I'm not picky " he continued his flirting.

You look up at him deviously, buckling your hips forward and in one movement flipping you both, positioning you on top:

"I think this is way better" you smirk at him triumphantly

"Whatever you say babe. Whatever gets us to fuck"

You didn't expect him to be THAT straightforward (honestly, that one is on you, having known him for quite some time you should've seen that coming), deep red blush cowered your cheeks. You were rescued by Loona's groan and frustrated shouting:

"Get a room! Stop defiling the fucking pavement"

The closer you grew together the more comfortable would Blitzø feel with invading your private space. He would sometimes launch "surprise attacks" on you (the reason was that "he missed you very much"):

It was the middle of the night, when you groggily opened your eyes to see Blitzø mere centimetres away from your face:

"Whatcha dreaming about?" He asked. You were about to shriek, but caught yourself in time. Meanwhile, Blitzø continued "Wake up, Im here to kill ya" his voice was far too giddy.

You were very tired. Exhausted.

"Mmmm, go to sleep, Blitzie," you pushed him lightly off you and onto the bed, wrapping your arm around him, "kill me tomorrow"

In retrospect, this wasn't very professional, but Blitzø didn't seem to mind...and judging from the soft purring in the morning, he even enjoyed it.

At this point, you're very accustomed to each other's habits. You also have a set date and time for the Blitzø's murder attempts:

You were anxiously pacing the street. It was a nice Tuesday morning. 9.15 am precisely and it has been 15 minutes since Blitzø was supposed to attack. He always showed up on time. To your murderous rendezvous.

You were about to pick up your phone and dial him, demanding an explanation (you were worried sick: What if the imp died on one of his jobs?), when he showed up, out of breath (clearly had been running) and with two coffee's in tow.

"Hey babes, d'ya miss me?" He said in his suave voice.

"You're late to your weekly murder attempt on my life" You said in a flat voice.

"Ahhh soz, there was a fucking line ot the coffee shop" he replied nonchalantly

"and the fact that you argued with the employee for ten straight minutes because they couldn't get Y/n's order right and then misspelled her name didn't do much to help" Moxxie muttered under his breath, but of course everyone heard him.

"Come on, Mox, don't embarrass Boss in front of the girl" Millie said and winked at you.

"Anyway," Blitzø said stretching out the first syllable, "I got your coffee. Just how you like" he looked at you with pride, as if he had to fight a glorious battle for it (he sort of did)

"Awwww thanks, love, that's so sweet" you smile and give him a soft peck on the cheek. You take a sip of your coffee, its delicious, just how you like it.

Once you're done drinking your coffee and are fairly caught up with the drama that you didn't manage to cover in your texts and calls, Blitzø commands:

"Now, M&M get into your positions. We're way behind schedule!"

a/n: I hope you enjoyed this chapter and have a great day (or night) <3

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Blitzø X human!assassin! Reader

First encounter

Summary: Blitzø gets a commission for your murder. Naturally, you'd prefer not to get murdered. Unlike his previous victims, you actually have the skills to avoid bullets... And to charm the imp.

A/n: This is the first part of the short series. I will definitely post at least two more parts. Here you have links to all the parts currently available:

Part 1: First Encounter -> you're here:)

Part 2: Blooming feelings

You were an assassin

But unlike Blitzø, you were selective in your targets. You didn't JUST kill. You killed the worst of the worst: rapists, murderers, basically the scum of the Earth

No wonder, you ended up on Blitzø's hit list. You had a lot of enemies in hell, it was only a matter of time, until one of them commissioned your death.

Yes, your line of job was dangerous and demanded killing people. You know what else it demanded? Not being killed in return

Which is why Blitzø's first assault on you failed miserably:

You were walking down the street, minding your business, really. You were off work (aka not killing people at the moment). A rare occasion, which is why you decided to use it to the max and enjoy your day to the fullest. So yes, you were making your way down the street.

That's when the shooting started. To say you were pissed would be an understatement of the year.

"Come on" you grumbled falling to the ground, trying to avoid the bullets "Why can't I have a single day without having to fight for my life?"

Blitzø didn't expect this to be a hard job.

He didn't think of you as a strong or capable, for that matter, oponent.

You didn't think this fight would last long.

You didn't think your assailant was very much capable either.

Needless to say, both of you were very much wrong.

Half an hour has gone by and your fight was still in progress. You were currently behind a car, which was starting to get filled with more and more bullet holes.

"Hey! Maybe stop wasting bullets?" You shouted in frustration.

"Wouldn't have to if you just died" you got a reply. You rolled your eyes. "And anyways, why are you bitching about my shooting? Like you could do better" his voice was grumpy, like a small child about to throw a tantrum

"Yeah, I actually could. I'd kill you with one"

"Why haven't ya then?"

"I forgot my gun at home" was your pissed reply

You heard laughter from the other side of your impromptu hiding spot.

"Haha that fucking sucks for ya, bitch"

"Yeah, I figured that much..." You said in resignation.

You risked a glance from behind the car and earned yourself a rain of bullets.

That's how you spent the next 20 minutes: exchanging quips, followed by series of machine gun fire and repeat.

Sometimes you had to change your place of cover, seeing as the assailant managed to destroy it or approach you from the side.

And finaly, time came for the question:

"Why'd you want to kill me anyway?"

"Well, hmmmm" the shooting stopped for a moment. 'Guess we're back to talking', you thought.

"How do I say it?" He continued nonchalantly "I got a comission to kill ya. Got paid hard cash for it. So soz, but ya gotta go babe. Nooooo hard feelings" he said in a childish, mocking voice.

"Oh! Who was it?"

"Whaaaat?"

"I mean, who payed for my ticket to the other side?" You clarified.

"Uhh just some dude named-"

"Wait! No! Let me guess" he didn't protest, so you started listing off names:

"Was it... Rogers? Adams? Smith? It must've been Smith, that son of a gun had it out for me" seeing as he didn't confirm it, you continued, "Not Smith, then. Uhhh Carols? Barnes? Danvers? No? Was it the leader of that cartel I shut down a month ago?"

Finally Blitzø had to interrupt and actually tell you who it was. He was startled (and slightly impressed) by how many people actualy wanted you dead

When he ran out of bullets, time came for hand to hand combat. You didn't disappoint him in this area either.

Aaaand you got a chance to get a better look at the guy. Though.... you had your doubts whether it was a 'guy'... His skin was red, with some white marks, and he had horns, long, curving slightly towards the end. From your rich experience with human beings, he definitely wasn't one...

You ducked from a punch coming your way and retaliated with a sweeping roundhouse kick.

"What's" you said between the heavy breaths of exhaustion "your... Name?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Blitzø, the o is silent" he breathed out "Yours?"

"Y/n" you replied

"Cool" he replied as a few more punches came your way. A bit later he continued:

"Now if you'd let me do my job..."

"Gosh, you're so stupid. This is so inefficient" you stopped abruptly, causing him to stop as well.

"I can't just let you go. I have to kill you!"

"Ugghhh, don't you get it? You should wait until your have at least 5 more murder requests for me. That way you get quantuple the amount of money. Gosh you're so stupid "

"So, you don't mind me killing you? Cuz, you see, that's kind of hard to believe, sweetcheecks"

"Look, I'm telling you the most efficient way to use your resources. I'm not telling you I'd be an easy kill...."

"Well I guess I could-" Blitzo was cut off by an explosion. The air was filled with smoke. In one swift movement, you jumped over a fence and a few minutes later you were on your merry way home.

You see, you weren't just idly hiding from the bullets.

You didn't have ammo, but you had knowledge and... Some chemicals you forgot to unpack from your bag. With your limited supply, you managed to produce some semblance of a smoke bomb.

And that's how you got away.

Blitzø tracked you down again. And you escaped. So he found you again, and you managed to avoid death oncemore

At first, you took your 'rivalry' seriously, you really did. But there's only that many times you can engage in mortal combat with a person before it becomes ridiculous to deny that there is more to it than just killing each other.

You realised, that you started to look forward to Blitzø's surprise attacks. And Blitzø realised that maybe sometimes he has been throwing off his aim on purpose

Both of you were scared to admit your feelings, but the whole endeavour was starting to cross the line to absurdity

Something needed to be done about it

So..... You took the initiative:

It was another fight. It was becoming a routine by now. This one, however, would end with a small twist

The smoke bomb went off, you could hear the shattering of glass and the revving of the motorbike. Y/n was gone.

"And she's gone..." Blitzø stated and was about to leave through the portal, when Moxxie pulled his sleeve:

"Sir, there's a card on the floor"

Blitzo picked it up, it was a note. In a neat handwriting the following was written:

Despite being sent to kill me

(and failing miserably),

you're chill

Call me:)

314 159 2653

You got a text this very evening

A/n: that's part 1! Hope you liked it:) The second part will encompass your and Blitzo's developing relationship… so.... Stay tuned ig

(I'll probably post it somewhere around 6th or 7th May?)

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Husker, Angel Dust and Alastor comforting you after a Nightmare💙

Summary: short one shots of the characters comforting you after the nightmare, feat. Husker, Angel Dust and Alastor.

Enjoy<3

Husker

You woke up in cold sweat. This again. Despite having recurring nightmares since you were little, you never seemed to get used to them. Rolling over to the other side, you attempted to fall back into sleep. All in vain. In the past, you've tried any and every way to cope with the nightmares, to make them stop, but to no avail.

You closed your eyes, and the horrifying image flashed behind your eyelids. You lay staring into the darkness of your room for another 10 minutes. Pointless to try and fall asleep now.

You got up, trying not to shift the bed too much, not wanting to wake up Husk, your boyfriend.

You slowly make your way downstairs, to the minibar. The dark was scary, but the nightmare was worse, and you were convinced, that a good bottle or two of scotch or whiskey or... Anything for that matter, would do the trick.

You picked a random bottle from the shelf, popped the cork and took a swig.

"Nice" you thought, as the warm, fuzzy feeling washed over your body.

You were halfway through the bottle, when it was confiscated from you by your not very pleased boyfriend.

"Another nightmare?" He asked, already knowing intuitively. You nodded.

"Want to talk about it?" His gruff voice echoed through the empty hall. You shook your head.

"Gimme back my drink" you grabbed the green bottle in your hand again and was about to drink, when Husk started his small speech:

"That happened the last time, Y/n. You can't keep trying to escape it by flooding your brain with all the booze. It never helps. You think it does, but it just brings more harm in the end" Husker finished his tirade, "I know all about it"

You stood in silence for a while. He softly took the bottle out of your hand. You reluctantly let him. He smiled, seeing as you didn't protest.

"Let's go upstairs, alright?" He offered you his hand. You took it gratefully.

Once in the comfort of your bed, he let you cuddle up to him. "This is better" you thought as the warm, fuzzy feeling washed over your body.

Angel Dust

You jolted up in your shared bed. Angel stirred in his sleep. You begrudgingly let yourself fall backwards, turning towards your boyfriend. After a few seconds of thought, you moved to cuddle up to him.

"Mmmhh-Y/n? What's wrong?" Angel questioned, rubbing his eyes. You sobbed, hiding your head into his shoulder.

"Are- are you crying? Tell me what's wrong" his voice, laced with concern, rang through the quiet of the night

"You were - and -and Val- and I then you- " you couldn't get out a coherent phrase, "Valentino, he- he killed you, be- because of the contract" you sobbed out "And then I was there all alone, without anyone, because - because you were gone!"

"Shhh, it's- it's gonna be alright" Angel comforted you, rubbing circles into your back "I'm fine, you're fine and I'm sure as hell not going anywhere, toots"

You snuggled closer to him and closed your eyes. You lay in silence for some time

"Angel?"

"Mhmm?"

"I'm hungry"

"Do you..... Wanna get waffles?"

"Mhm"

And that's how you ended up outside on the street at 2 am. It was a chilly night and you walked on a decently lit street, holding Angel's hand. You looked at your gorgeous boyfriend and smiled. You don't know how long you've been staring at him, but eventually he noticed.

"What is it, toots?" He raised an eyebrow

"Nothin'" you replied coyly, "just glad to have you in my life"

"I'm glad to have you in mine" he replied, giving you his oh so sweet smile.

When you got your waffles, you found a cozy spot on one of the rooftops. You watched the night lights, leaning on Angel's shoulder and started drifting off to sleep. This time, your dreams were filled with a much more pleasant sight - your lovely boyfriend.

Alastor

Your feet padded on the cold floor. You've just woken up to find the space in the bed next to you empty. You shouldn't be surprised. You've never seen Alastor sleep, hell, you and your best friend - Angel Dust - started speculating whether the Radio Demon ever sleeps...

Normally you'd go back to sleep. But not this time. You had a nightmare... And you really didn't want to be alone. So here you were, on your way to the radio tower, the only place you could think of where Alastor could be at this ungodly hour, hoping to find comfort in his presence.

You approached the tower, and your heart sunk as you remembered that it didn't have any normal entrances. Oh boy.... This is posing to be a difficult challenge. in the end, you settled for climbing up the metal structure and to knock on the window... If he's there, he'll let you in, if not... you're screwed.

The cold of the metal bars erased any remains of sleep in you. You rapped on the window with your knuckles. Suddenly, you heard a staticy voice from behind:

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

It startled you so much, that you lost your balance and would've plummeted all the way down, if a pair of arms hadn't caught you.

"It would be appreciated if you didn't go around falling off of radio towers" he scolded you lightly. You just nodded in return.

He teleported you inside the tower.

"Now what brings you to my humble work shop? Especially in the middle of the night" he enquired you with an unfaltering smile.

"A nightmare", you replied truthfuly.

"A nightmare? How peculiar! I don't get those. But I suppose you came here for....comfort?"

His remark made you feel stupid. It shouldn't, but it did. You managed a small nod.

"You know I'm not good at comforting" his voice shifted from the usually cheery tone, to a more confused one, maybe lost? Sad, mayhaps... "Yet you came to me, now why might that be?"

You shrugged and were about to turn to leave, when he continued:

"Very well, then. You're free to stay"

"Look, I don't want to be a bother, it was a bad idea anywa-" you've already started leaving, when his voice interrupted you

"Stay" he seemed surprised at this as well "I- I need an opinion, before the next broadcast anyway" he tried to salvage his pride. You both knew he didn't need help with the broadcast. You managed a smile.

"If you insist" you replied cordially, forgetting about the bad dream altogether

In the end, you ended up staying huddled in a blanket in the radio booth until late in the morning, drifting off to light slumber, to the sound of his staticky voice.

A/n: Thanks for reading, I hoped you enjoyed <3

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Hazbin hotel Guardian Angel AU

Where a human reader has an angel and a demon on one shoulder, but the angel is Adam and the demon is Charlie, so inherently it's just Adam going:

"That child's been on the swing for too long. Go push him off"

And Charlie having to retort:

"No! You can't just go around hurting people!"

And then they, as always, start bickering:

"Ahhh come oooooonnn, sugartits, why'd you gotta ruin all the fuuunn?"

"You're supposed to be the good influence here!"

"And you a bad one, so just be glad I'm doing your job, bitch"

and you.... just standing there... getting a migraine from all the fighting, trying to decide what to do with the child and the swing...

[dutifullyscreechingdragon]

Omggg this is rad, but imagine him with an s/o who doesn't like/ hates ducks... hed be devastated. Luke. Maybe s/o had some traumatic experience with them, maybe they partially contributed to their death or smth idk.... Luci would be in shambles, depressed (even more than now)

Imagine Lucifer finding out you like ducks

Tw ducks? Lmao

Part 2 Masterlist Taglist form

I don’t know if him finding out you like ducks was a good or bad thing initially

Don’t get me wrong the dude loves them but YOU loving them was a whole other story

Only found out by the small and I mean SMALL ass duck figure trinket had on your nightstand

Expect to find more random ass ducks in your room from now on at the Hazbin Hotel

Don’t ask how he got in Charlie obviously let him in since she knows he likes you

Getting texts nonstop about them

L: Did you see the dick I gave you? 🐥🦆

L: Dick

L:“I meant to say Dick”

L:“I MEANT TO SAY DUCK”

L:“Did you like the duck?”

Y/n:“Yes Luci I love the duck you gave me”

Even if it’s the smallest of ways, he always does try to make you smile even if he isn’t ready to show his feelings for you yet (even though you already knew)

Oh yeah now you have a room with so many ducks it’s actually crazy talk now

But you were gifted them by the man you have started falling head over heels for and that’s all that really matters