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[enfant-du-fleurs]

[enfant-du-fleurs]

Title: Be Mine(Series) Pairing: Jake Kiszka/Reader Rating: PG Word Count: 656 Warnings: LOTS of fluff A/N: Josh Kiszka, Sam Kiszka, Jake Kiszka, and Danny Wagner are real people that are fictionally based in my story. Everything I write is fictional and not meant to reflect the actions/personalities of real people. Summary: Jake asks you to be his Valentine!

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[enfant-du-fleurs]

[enfant-du-fleurs]

Is English your first language?

Nope, ig sometimes is pretty obvious 😭 But I’m still learning and improving to give you all the best content 💙

Btw, my first language is French (:

[enfant-du-fleurs]

on the horns of a dilemma part 3: About You (final part)// Jake Kisza x Female Reader

WARNINGS: angst, mention of alcohol, allusions to sex. MINORS DON'T INTERACT, PLEASE.

NOTE: merry Xmas, happy hanukkah, happy yule for all of you!!! Here's your gift for these holidays, finally the end of the story but don't worry beacuse I have plans for a couple of spin offs <3 hope you like it. Also, this part is very fluffy.

READ PART 1

READ PART 2

summary: Jake is finally keeping his part of his promise, he's determined to go for you.

words: 2,154

pairing: Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

PLAYLIST:

Demi Moore – Phoebe Bridgers

Back For You – One Direction

Size Too Small – Sufjan Stevens

Old Friend – Mitski  

About You – The 1975

Pink In The Night - Mitski

____________________________________________________________

After a lot of hours from Nashville to Mexico City, Jake arrived very early in the morning. Even when he had the money to stay in a very luxurious hotel, he stayed in a normal hotel near the airport. He didn’t care where he was going to stay because he was going to spend the day looking for you.

He didn’t tell you that he was already in Mexico City, he wanted to surprise you, but he hadn’t idea of where you were. Even though the city wasn’t very big, it was full of people.

You were starting your day with your daily routine: wake up, wash your face, make your bed, take your breakfast, and do your usual make up for your job. Everything looked normal, but you started to feel a very peculiar sensation in the stomach, that kind of thing that everybody feels when we are nervous. For some reason you were extremely nervous and your sixth sense (or something like that) knew that Jake was there. You two had a very special and strong bond, they needed each other, they felt and knew each other and there’s nothing in this world that can break this bond, sadly, none of you were conscient of this but if you two knew about this… nothing of this wouldn’t have happened.

From Jake’s side, he started from the touristic parts asking for you in every local business, his Spanish wasn’t perfect at all, but people understood him and vice versa, some people recognized him, and he took the time to talk with a couple of fans.

“Okay, let’s make a deal” Jake said to the small group of fans “I’m looking for this girl” he showed a picture of you on his phone “she’s very special for me and she lives here, so… I really need your help to find her.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” someone asked.

“No, she isn’t, he’s dating an extremely different girl” a very pretentious guy answered.

“Oh… no, actually I’m single” everybody was muttering at his response, Jake was a little bit uncomfortable with that specific guy, his face was familiar to him, but familiar in a bad way “Anyways, uhm” he continued “I need to find her so I don’t know if you can post her on your stories or something like that.”

“And how can we notify you if we saw her?” a very tall girl asked.

“Oh yeah, well… you guys know that I’m not very used to social media, but I’ll be aware of my DMs. And how I said, this is a deal, so… If any of you find her, I’ll give a pass to the backstage for our next concert here, moreover, the person who finds her, I will give them free entrance to the concert.”

“And when is the concert? I mean, it’s been a long time since you don’t have tour” asked the suspicious man.

“Don’t worry for that, I can fix that and make time for a proper concert here, it doesn’t matter if we are not on tour” Everybody agreed with this very exclusive deal, so everybody helped him.

One of the girls there was Leonardo’s niece, your workmate that looks -a little bit- like Jake. Leonardo in fact knew about the existence of Jake thanks to his niece, you weren’t the only one who noticed that they had similar features so his niece was telling him all the time that he could be Jake’s doppelganger. The only thing that he knew about Jake is that he was in a band, and he looks like him, but he never thought that specially you know Jake in a personal way, you had told him some things about -a certain Jake- but he didn't even imagine that you and his niece were talking about the same person.

After he came from work, his niece told him about that -the guitarist of his favourite band- is looking for -someone- and she showed him your picture. He was very surprised to see your face going around the internet, he knew that you interviewed a plenty of famous people back in USA, but for him it was weird to see you on the internet with a non-professional context.

“Wait a moment… she works with me, like… she’s literally in charge of the organization of the articles” he said giggling.

“Really? Do you know what that means?” his niece asked, and he shook his head “He told us, personally, that we’re going to have free tickets and a pass to the backstage for the next concert”

“It doesn’t sound bad, I mean, I don’t listen to his music but for a fan I knew, is gonna worth it. Let me see what I can do” he took his phone and texted you “Wait a moment, what’s his name?” he paused.

“Jake… Jake Kiszka” she answered.

He was very confused and he frowned “Damn… it’s a small world, Y/N told me a couple of things about a guy called Jake” his niece lost his mind in that moment.

Leonardo texted you but none of his messages were delivered to you for some reason, but he tried and tried to send you the message that you were waiting for. His niece texted Jake “I found her”.  After a small conversation with Jake, even when their will were good, Leonardo didn’t know where you lived or if you had plans for today. The universe was conspiring against you two.

The things could be easier only if Jake picked up his phone and call you, but for some reason, he liked to complicate every situation, but it’s understandable that the only thing that he wanted you it was giving you a surprise. You thought that he completely forgot the promise, even though you tried to ignore your bad habit of overthinking, it hurt. Every single night since you moved to Mexico, your pillows ended up with your tears, you knew that it wasn’t easy, but once more… Jake apparently forgot what he did. A part of you was telling you to wait for him, but the other part was telling you to stop fooling yourself with the idea of him coming for you and rescue like Westley did with Buttercup in “The Princess Bride”.  That day wasn’t the exception, that peculiar pain in your stomach stayed all day, but in your despair… you were looking for a kind of elixir to ease the pain. It wasn’t your first time in Mexico, in fact, you accompanied the band at every single concert in Mexico City, since the very first one to the last, so you knew about a couple of excellent bars perfect to spend the night.

At 8:00 pm, you went to the bar of one of the hotels where the stayed once, it was a very fancy and exclusive hotel, with a huge garden, a fountain with golden lights and the floor looked like a chess board. The phantom of your memories brought you that moment where you stayed until midnight with the twins, the three of you were a little bit dizzy after a couple of drinks at the bar. Your mind was picturing that exact moment where you were fooling around the garden, just like ghosts and nothing else. Your eyes started to get teary, but you had to continue your way to the bar.

This bar was open to the public, the only problem it was that it’s expensive, but the drinks were excellent, the thing here is that you didn’t care too much about the drinks, like, yeah, you wanted an -elixir to ease the pain- but you chose this bar for the beautiful memories. Everything was lost, drinking alone in a place where you used to be with Jake and the rest of the band it was just…heart-breaking. The ghosts of every single moment where manifesting around the bar, every single laughed that Jake had in that bar was still trapped in every single wall of the bar.

“Things would be easier if I were brave enough” you mumbled.

You covered your face with your left hand, the sips to your drink and the sobs were taking all your attention, you were so focused on your own mind that you didn’t notice that Jake was there too. He arrived a couple of minutes after you, he asked for brandy and coke, as fast as he got his drink, he started to drink eagerly. Jake was so focused on his desperation that he neither notice you, ironically, he was next to you.

While you were wiping your tears with the sleeves of your hoodie, you saw his hand with his white sailor knot bracelet taking his glass. You followed the eager movement of his hand from the bar counter to his lips. Your eyes opened like a pair of white plates.

“Jake” you sighed.

He turned to look at you, he was just surprised as you, he left the glass on the bar counter to hold your hand.

“My beautiful Y/N, you are here. I finally found you!” he held your hands to kiss them desperately “I spent all the day looking for you and you are finally at my side, my beloved, my wonderful and beautiful Y/N” he said between the kisses.

“I thought you forgot the promise” you said with tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Do you think I have forgotten about you?” he gently put you closer to him “I could never do that” he gave you a kiss on your forehead.

“I spent… every single night, day and morning thinking about you. You were on my mind, everything reminded me of you. From now on, we must tell us everything, because I can’t live ignoring how I feel anymore” you gazed at him with you shiny and slightly puffy eyes, your nose was completely red.

“I can’t keep doing too, it was tiring and the worst part of this is that I hurt people for doing this, but nothing is going to stop us now and let’s take the correct way, it’s time to do it” he stroked your hair.

You two left the bar and went directly to your apartment.

“So you live here?” Jake asked meanwhile he was starting to get comfy on the vintage loveseat that you bought a couple of weeks ago.

“Yep, here is my… little house. I know it’s different and smaller than my house in Nashville, but it’s cosy here. I was renting an AirBnB but it was very expensive, although I have an excellent salary, I was paying too much. Also, I learned that AirBnB is contributing to the gentrification of the city, so…” you shrugged your arms “I don’t want to be part of it” you continued while you turned on your pink led lights, just for a little bit of ambience.

He was watching you mesmerized “It makes sense” he paused to look at your led lights “Is a good place for you, right?”

“Yes, it is! I don’t need a lot of space so…” you took sit next to him on the loveseat “The only part I don’t like is that… I feel lonely, now I have a too much time to overthink and missing you” you gazed directly at him, and he did the same. You were so close to him and the silence was inciting you to give a step forward.

“But I’m here… with you” he said he said in a low and slightly raspy voice, Jake perfectly knew what he was doing.

“I know, I know” you whispered rubbing your thumb on his cheek “I’ve been waiting for you and for a moment, my own thoughts were torturing me.” you were so close that you could feel his breath.

“And I’m sorry for that, I’m really sorry for being a coward, for making you wait and hurt you” he held your hands “I know that I kissed you before, but I didn’t do it right, can I try again?” he asked whispering softly in your ear.

With the pink light colouring the room, he was getting even more closer to your face, you slowly closed your eyes until he pressed his lips against yours. At the start, it was a very soft and tender kiss, just like the type of kiss you always wanted to have with him when you were at high school, but then, in a matter of seconds, your tongue was eagerly looking for his. Now it was a passionate, long and wet kiss, just like the type of kiss that you always wanted to give them after repressing your feelings. One thing led to another; the kiss held you to him until you were lying on your bed with him on top of you.

“Do you want to do this, babe?” he asked you softly.

“More than ever”.

THE END

[enfant-du-fleurs]

This is a must read

a merry little christmas

pairing: jake kiszka x gn!reader

genre: PURE ACHING TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF. I AM SO SORRY.

wc: 2.5k

warnings: none!!

a/n: probably my favorite thing i've ever written! i hope this brings all of you comfort and cozy vibes during the cold weather <33

songs!! the christmas song / nat king cole / have yourself a merry little christmas / phoebe bridgers / o tannenbaum / vince guaraldi trio / literally any soft xmas song you can think of

this was home.

sitting criss crossed on the white, rough carpet in front of the couch, listening to the old charlie brown christmas record that was broken out every year because of your fondness for peanuts and the jazzy piano score. 

you stared, mesmerized, at the little twinkles that the lights on the tree emitted every now and then. maybe it was all in your head, the lights seeming brighter and warmer through your dreamy haze, but it didn’t really matter to you. 

you sat between the outstretched legs of the boy that is and has always been your whole world. his arms curved around both sides of your middle and your hands up and around his neck, twisting and combing through his messy hair that fell like a waterfall down his neck.

it was 3 days until christmas. there were presents overflowing from under the tree, willing to sit there until their rightful time to be opened. 

you let everything seep into you. warm glows, people that you so deeply loved and trusted surrounding you, your back pressed to a chest that radiated the most genuine warmth you've ever felt. 

his chin rested on your shoulder, swaying you back and forth every now and then, tiny taps of his fingers on your stomach in time with the staccato piano playing from the record. 

the snow had come late this year, but finally, all the window edges were lined with white. it looked like a scene out of a movie, and you were more than happy to play a role in it. 

you looked around you, noting the people who were still around. sam was sitting diagonally from you and jake in front of the other couch, eyes trained intently on the movie playing (home alone, his absolute favorite, for good reason). josh was stretched out on the couch above you, eyes half lidded, trying to watch the movie without falling asleep. 

you and jake were miles away in some other world, his head had shifted so now his cheek was pressed to your shoulder, and your arms slowly moved down from his hair to his forearms. 

you would whisper things back and forth to each other every now and then- guessing what was in the neatly wrapped boxes under the tree, making fun of sam and how focused he was on the movie, debating your favorite christmas songs. 

it was normal, but different at the same time. something in the air was new, and you welcomed it with open and eager arms. 

whatever it was, it made you feel all soft around the edges, and you can't remember the last time you felt like that. 

suddenly, josh sat straight up, pushing the heels of his palms into his eyes. “i gotta get to bed, i’m tired of fighting this shit” he said sleepily, forcing himself off the couch above you and dragging himself up the stairs without even a word of parting. 

the three of you snickered and shook his head at him, the end credits coincidentally rolling on the tv as sam flicked it off. 

“well, i guess that's my cue, too” he said, putting his hands on his knees to shove himself up, trudging up the stairs, followed by the sound of his door shutting. 

the charlie brown record was still going, and you shifted your head to the side a little to see jake’s face. he shifted his eyes up to you, unable to say anything because of his nose and mouth that was buried in your shoulder. 

“you okay back there?” 

his eyes shifted with a contented smile you could barely see. “mhm,” he hummed with a little nod, pulling you even closer to him, the warmth radiating such intense comfort to your heart. you let out a breathy laugh. 

“you’re awfully clingy tonight,” you teased lightly. he laughs through his nose, another “mhmmm” 

you grin and lean into him more. “what do you want for christmas? we haven’t talked about that yet,” you ask, tapping your fingers along his arms to the beat of the music. he raises his head finally, his chin replacing where his cheek was. 

he raises his eyes up at you, and he’s so close that you can make out every individual eyelash fanning out above his eyelids.

 a thought flits through your near-blank mind, certainly not an unfamiliar one either. there and then gone again.

he's so pretty.

he smirks lightly, “hmmmm, what do i want for christmas?” he asks himself, pretending to think. “well,” he starts, looking you in the eye, “i could use a new necklace, and a new pair of vans, and some new button ups, and maybe a vintage pirate sword if you could find one,” he rattles off more random things, and it makes you grin ear to ear. “you know what? how about we just go to the mall and buy the whole thing out?” he teases, and you laugh quietly. you turn back to him, and this time he’s smiling too. “what do you really want?”

he lowers his eyes for a split second before they find you again. he speaks earnestly, “i already have everything i want.” 

you throw your head back in laughter, and he smiles too, but his brows furrow, “what?” 

“that is such a cheesy answer!” you exclaim. he giggles along with you. “im sorry! it’s true though, i don’t really have anything i want that badly.” you turn your face to him, looking him straight in the eyes, and turning fake-serious. 

“jacob thomas kiszka. i know you. i’ve known you for almost 10 years now. i know there is at least one thing that you’ve had your eye on all year that you want so badly. there’s always something, every year. last year it was that near-thousand dollar necklace, the year before that, it was a fancy wine-tasting set that you wanted so badly to try with me. then i remember one year a really long time ago where you just wouldn’t shut up about those expensive-ass guitar strings until your dad finally got them for you. you always have some specific thing you want.” 

he squints his eyes at you, “you know me too well, you know that?” and he’s grinning, a twinkle in his eyes akin to the lights on the tree you were mesmerized by earlier. all you do is raise your eyebrows and offer a soft, knowing smile in response.

his gaze is still a little humorous as he loosens his arms around you ever so slightly, so he can move his hands up to cup around your sides, where your ribs are. he rubs his thumbs along your shirt. he’s making you even warmer than you were. a pool of anticipation appears deep in your stomach. 

you can sense he's about to do something, but what? you’re never once alarmed, though. you could never feel uncomfortable in this moment, safe and secure and warm. you’re still leaned into his chest, so you can feel it when he ever so slowly dips his head down to your shoulder again. he’s a lot closer to your bare skin this time. your head is still tilted to where you can see his eyes, and he speaks softly. “fine. you wanna know what i want this year?” he corrects himself, “what i’ve wanted for several years, actually.”  you’re mind blanks. you know what he’s doing, you can feel it. you’ve known him for too long to not know. but your mind is blanking in disbelief. is he really about to do this? right here? right now? can he read your mind? 

he breaks you out of it by rubbing his hands up and down your sides again, squeezing a little. “you gonna answer me, bug?” he asks softly, not a hint of mockery or teasing, just a question. 

you nod, a barely discernible movement. “yeah. yeah, i wanna know.” 

you’re not scared. you’re not even really nervous. you’ve been this close to him before, only this time, you were both taking an extra step. 

he breaks his gaze and bends his head down again. 

his lips suddenly touch right where your neck and shoulder connect, and a quiet, embarrassing little gasp leaves you. it's such a feather light, barely there thing, and it makes it so much harder to process for some reason. 

you can feel it when his lips tilt up a little at the sound you made. his lips are there again, but this time you can feel them much more. it's a real kiss now. a firmer touch. you can feel every miniscule move his body makes. his mouth presses down for a few seconds before he comes up, moving his head and giving you no time to think before he does it again, further up on your neck now. 

your eyes widen as you turn your head back around to face in front of you, subconsciously tilting your head to the left so he can have more room. 

his hand is at the other side of your neck in an instant, softly moving it back upright as he strokes his thumb along your skin. “nuh-uh,” he whispers, “too warm to be movin’ away from me like that.” 

he places another kiss right behind your earlobe, and you inhale sharply through your nose. something pangs through you like a lightning strike. a feeling that you’ve never really felt before. you’ve felt versions of it, but this time it’s so raw, completely undiluted and the tiniest bit overwhelming. 

he grins wide at your reaction, his hands on your hips gripping ever-so-slightly harder than before. “oh, i think she liked that” he whispers, a little amused, but not taunting. 

you take a deep breath and shift your head, turning his head back to him again, yearning to see his face. he nuzzles his nose into your cheek a little, then turns to rest his forehead on your temple. “this okay? can i keep going?” you smile at his thoughtfulness and nod quickly. “mhm. you still haven’t told me what it was you wanted.” he snickers into your neck. “oh yeah, right,” 

he moves back up to your ear, trailing kisses along the outside of it. “what i really want for christmas,” he begins, kissing your cheek one more time, “is to kiss you. it's all i’ve ever wanted.” you turn your head toward him further, meeting his eyes, almost glowing in the christmas tree lighting. he brings his right hand up to your cheek, knuckles softly brushing over your cheekbone. a small grin appears on your face, widening when one spreads across his face too, mirroring you. you feign contemplation, looking away and furrowing your brows before looking back up at him once more. “i suppose i can give you your christmas present early,” you whisper, and his grin gets even wider. 

his palm moves to your neck, thumb on your cheek, as he tilts your head up. he’s looking at you with such adoration that you don’t know if you’ve ever seen from him before. at least, not at such high intensity. you get so lost in the beauty of his eyes that you almost miss him getting closer and closer to you. eventually, your lips are centimeters from each other. he breathes over your mouth, a ghost. you lean forward, eager. he leans backward an inch. he open-mouth smiles, taunting you in such a jake way. all of a sudden, the nervousness hits you in a wave and you start to fidget with his hair. “jake you know i’ve never had a real kiss before.” you whisper anxiously. you’ve kissed people, of course, but it was never right. there was never anything there. always a quick touch of the lips, and a sinking disappointment in you. but now, now, you could feel the electricity from this and your lips haven’t even touched yet. you were scared that you would end up doing something wrong, something that would fuck this whole thing up and ruin the night. it was always awkward after you kissed someone, and you don’t know if you could handle that type of awkwardness with jake.

he smiles reassuringly at you, and brushes some pieces of hair out of your eyes. he gives a knowing nod, “just follow my lead, bug. okay?” you nod, and somehow the nervousness melts away. he leans in again, and you know it's for real this time. he whispers something, barely audible, and so close that you can feel his lips moving against yours as he says it. 

i got you

and those are the words that are echoing in your head as his lips press against yours, sure and steady. 

he is everything you’ve ever imagined him being. he is a warm fireplace on christmas eve, steaming hot chocolate in your favorite mug. he is all your favorite christmas movies, and all your favorite christmas records. he’s a warm flannel, he’s a pair of boots walking on fresh snow, he’s a freshly cut spruce tree. he is everything. he is everywhere. 

you can feel him filling up your head like snow falling onto a field that’s been empty and barren for years, and only just now experiencing true winter. 

he’s all the metaphors you could ever make, wrapped up into one human being. he is extraordinary.

it overwhelms you so much that you have to pull away, just to look at him. you grasp his face like he’ll disappear. 

he’s dropped his confident facade- he’s on your level now. his heart is splayed out in front of you on a silver platter, free for you to take. 

you don’t notice that you're crying until you feel his thumb wipe the tear from your cheek. he frowns, “what's wrong, bug?” 

you smile wide, and choke out a laugh. it's simple. 

“i love you.”

you're so incredibly happy that you're beside yourself, as he takes your face again and kisses you like he’s never going to get to again, even though you know that this is far from the last time. 

you don’t- can’t- think of anything else but him and his lips against you, moving so soft and gentle and steady, guiding you to a place you’ve always wanted to go. 

it truly is home. 

the kisses start to overlap, one after another after another, until you can’t breathe anymore and pull away as if you were underwater. 

both of you are softly gasping as you lower your forehead into his chest, and he cards his fingers in your hair. 

you feel him kiss the top of your head, and you let out a giddy laugh. he chuckles at this, and you look up to see his smile. he’s so beautiful that you gather the courage to lean up and give him another few pecks, both of you smiling like idiots. 

it seems only right that you cup his face once more, and whisper through your wide smile.

merry christmas

taglist!!

@dakotadovato @doodle417 @its-a-metaphor-barnes @weightofdreams-gvf @gretavanbitches @jordierama

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[enfant-du-fleurs]

If not for you...

[enfant-du-fleurs]

JAAACCCOOBBB WTF

[enfant-du-fleurs]

As You Wish: Part 1 (Jake Kiszka x Female Reader)// Inspired by "The Princess Bride"

NOTE: Hi! Well... I'm low-key obssesed with "The Princess Bride" book and movie, so I couldn't wait to write this fanfiction, also Jake dressed up as Westley for this Halloween and I literally fainted when I saw those pictures. I hope you enjoy it, you don't need to read or watch "The Princess Bride" to understand this fanfiction c:

WORDS: 2083

TYPE: fluff

PAIRING: Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

WARNINGS: mentions of kidnappings, strong language and uncomfortable situations.

SUMMARY: Inspired by "The Princess Bride", Y/N was a very beautiful girl who lives in a farm, she suddenly discovers that she may have feelings for her shy servant Jacob. This is only inspired by the first chapter of the book, so there's A LOT of more adventures for the future c:

🌼PLAYLIST:🌼

The Boxer - Simon & Garfunkel

Message In A Bottle - Taylor Swift

Flower Power - Greta Van Fleet

Build Me Up Buttercup - The Foundations

Annie's Song - John Denver

Today Was A Fairytale - Taylor Swift

As any other country in the Middle Ages, there was a king and a queen , and as any other other kingdom in the Middle Ages, they were misogynistic and the king needed a son, but his beautiful and wise queen never had a son, every single baby that they had… was a girl, and for some strange reason, the babies never survived more than one week alive, maybe it was because in that time everybody was dirty and they smelled like ass, or maybe… there was something darker behind the king. Even though it wasn’t a secret that the king was a misogynistic asshole, as I said… it was the Middle Ages so nobody really cared about it (maybe we could ask ourselves if we really live in the 21th century).

The king was trying to have son, but everything failed, so he took advantage of his power. He visited every single house of every single farmer with newborn babies in the whole country, and after a very extended search, he finally found a family with four children, a very cute little girl, two kids very similar to each other (in other words: twins) and the newborn SON of the family. The asshole king wanted to buy the newborn son, just like if the baby was a thing and not a human being, but as any other normal family would do, they said “No, absolutely no”. Apparently the king accepted the answer of the baby’s parents, but he could never accept a “no” for answer, so he paid a “professional kidnapper” to kidnap the baby. So a couple of nights after, the king forced the queen to announce that she was pregnant, so he could justified a baby coming out of nowhere in a couple of months. Nights after the big and fake announcement, the kidnapper finally stole the baby from his mother’s arms.

Fifteen years after, the boy grew up and now he was a teenager and obviously a prince named Samuel. He was more like his foster mother, relaxed and kind in comparison to the king, but after all, he grew up with a lot of privileges that maybe in his life as a farmer he could never had.

His real family never stopped looking for him, they never suspected something about the prince Samuel, even though his features were similar to rest of his siblings, the king really planned everything to justify his wife pregnancy, everything was on point.

Samuel’s sister at the age twenty years, she was already settled down with another farmer, meanwhile the twins Jacob and Joshua, at they age of nineteen they used to work as musicians on the street but due to the lack of money and food that they needed to survive, Josh went to Spain to learn the art of performing and smithy, meanwhile Jacob had to work as a servant for another family of farmers.

This family of farmers had a very gorgeous daughter, her name was Y/N. It was normal to see her riding her horse or playing around the fields and her dress was always covered of leaves. To be honest she was very quirky, she walked kinda funny, but I guess she knew it.

Y/N enjoyed teasing Jacob all the time, well… almost all the time, but the reality was that Y/N was deeply madly in love with him. Jacob was pretty handsome, his hair was starting to be longer, his body was athletic but not muscular, I guess that is normal for someone who works carrying stuffs, cleaning and going everywhere.

Our dear Jacob was also in love with Y/N, but they never said something to each other, he was very shy and introverted, so he only showed his love saying "As you wish" while he nodded at her.

One day, the king was looking for a wife for Prince Samuel, so he sent the Counts to look every single and virgin girl in the country. The Counts arrived to Y/N's farm and they immediately talked to their parents.

"As you may noticed, we are here because the King is getting older and the Prince Samuel is closer to the perfect age for being the king, so... according to the population records, you have a daughter, can we see her?" asked the Count.

Y/N's parents called her and when she was there the Count was seeing Y/N carefully, he noticed that indeed, Y/N was a very beautiful girl, her soft hair, her bright eyes, everything in her was perfect, except for the fact that she didn't like to take showers.

"Good Morning, young lady. I'm very sorry if we are bothering you or if we interrupt your day, but we are here because we have wonderful news for you." said the Count with calm.

"Oh! Really? News for me?" Y/N asked bowing her head to the side.

"Yes! Well, the King is looking for a new Queen."

"So... do you want me to look for a new Queen?" she said.

"No, my darling, is not like that. We want you to be the new Queen" said the Countness.

"So... that means that you want me to marry the King? Isn't he very old for me? I mean... he's like 67 years old man" said Y/N impressed by the weird proposal.

"No, no, no" the Count laught "You would be marrying the Prince Samuel. I know that you are older than him, just a little bit older than him, but that's not a problem, we can lie to the villagers just like the king does and everybody is going to be happy."

Y/N didn't like a single word that the Count was saying.

"You'll be rich, you can have an entire room only for you..."

"I already have it" Y/N interrupted the Countness.

"How I was saying" she sighed "you can have exclusive education and a very handsome prince."

"I don't need a handsome prince, I already met the prettiest and most talented man that I want to spent my life with. I know how to read, I'm not stupid, maybe I'm not rich but at least I'm happy. Why are you looking for a normal girl if there are a lot of beautiful princesses out there?" Y/N said.

Jacob was sweeping the leaves, although he was working, he was also paying attention to the conversation with the Counts, so when he heard that Y/N said something about <<she already met the prettiest and most talented man>> he stopped sweeping for a couple of seconds. His little heart ached, but then... he reminded that she doesn't have pontential fiancés, she hadn't even met any other men but him <<Who could be that man she mentioned if he only knows me?>> he asked to himself.

"Well..." the Count began to laugh nervously "We are just following the King's order. Since you're very young to understand the situation, we are going to talk about this with your parents."

"If our girl said no, it's no" her dad said.

"For God's sake! Are you sure to reject an offer like this?" the Countness asked to Y/N showing indignation.

"I don't even know how the Prince Sam looks like" Y/N said.

Jacob began to move closer to listen a little more of the conversation, but he kept sweeping. The Countness looked at the young servant a she pointed at him "The Prince looks a little bit like your servant." Jacob stopped, his face turned pale and he was just looking nervously at Y/N.

"Like Jacob?" the beautiful girl asked surprised.

"Like me?" asked the confused young servant.

"Yes, yes, both have very similar features, I would think that they could be brothers if I wasn't the Countness" she giggled "Both are very... very handsome, their noses are very... particular and their delicate and their kissable lips" she began to move closer to Jacob until she gently slid her finger on Jacob's cheek, he took two steps backwards and he ran to his little house next to the horses. He was obviously uncomfortable for the actions of this woman and because she said that Prince Samuel and him shared some features <<What if the prince is my brother?>> he thought.

After the akward moment, the Counts tried to convince Y/N and her parents, but everything ended with Y/N saying "I don't care if the prince looks like the most handsome man I ever met" sadly Jacob didn't hear that.

______________________________________________________________

The moon was shining in the sky, the wind was brushing every leave of the trees. The horses were sleeping and next to them, there was Jacob's little house where he slept. He was playing a very sweet melody on his lute, Y/N heard him and she thought it was a good idea to finally tell him that she is deeply madly in love with him.

Y/N stayed a couple of minutes standing in front of Jacob's little house, she was very nervous. She knocked the door and Jacob stopped playing. When he opened the door Y/N without hesitation started to talk.

"I know that you find me annoying and I interrumpted you, but a couple of days ago I realised that I'm deeply madly in love with you and the only way to show my love for you was pissing you off, the thing here is that I realised that it's a very awkward behaviour, so I just wanted to visit you because I had the violent urge to tell you that I love you" she said without taking a single break to breath.

Jacob was completely astonished, he was petrified as a rock, he didn't move or say a single word.

"C'mon... say something" she begged.

"Something?" he furrowed his brows.

"You know exactly what I'm talkin about, Jacob"

He just slammed the door keeping his astonished face, of course that Y/N found that very disrespectful "Don't fool yourself, I don't like you that much either" she said trying to hide the fact that Jacob had broken her heart in million pieces "Everything was just because that old ass woman called you handsome, right? She's too old for you, Jacob!" she yelled.

Jacob opened the door again "No, it wasn't" he said quietly.

"Then? Why don't you just say something about what I told you?" Y/N desperately asked.

"Y/N... I love you too, since the very first minute I saw you, I had an enormous crush on you. But I'm just a servant, what can I do for you more than obeying your orders? Every single time, trust me" he gently took her hands "Every single time I said -as you wish- it was just me saying that I love you. You're the only reason that I compose melodies when I'm supposed to be sleeping, every single melody I play is for you." he gently kissed Y/N hands "I was waiting for this moment, my dear Y/N."

Our beautiful Y/N was melting, she was so happy to hear Jacob's words, she couldn't believe that her love for him was mutual. Once inside the house, Jacob played almost all his songs that he composed. It was so touching that the musician and the muse were together enjoying the music and finally... expresing their love for each other with shy kisses, tender glances and fleeting caresses full of innocence.

Finally they fell asleep, but the sound of the birds singing in the morning woke them up.

"Oh my God!" Y/N exclaimed getting up after resting on Jacob's chest "The sun is rising! Jacob! Wake up!"

He yawned and the first thing he did was looking at Y/N "Oh...good morning" he smirked "But eveyone is still sleeping, come here."

"I have to go, my parents don't know that I'm here" she said straightening her dress "But anyways, I'm so happy that we spent the night together with your wonderful music. Since the first time I heard you, I was completely mesmerized with your talent" she kissed softly his forehead.

"And I'm very happy too because you stayed here with me and because I know that our feelings are mutual, also... you heard me, I was always thinking and imagining how it would be the day you heard all the songs that you inspired me."

After spending a couple more minutes together, before Y/N left Jacob's little house, she said with a huge smile on her face"What if we compose more music... together this night?"

"As you wish, Y/N. I'll wait you here, my love."

[enfant-du-fleurs]

I was editing part two of my main fanfic, I had never noticed how many mistakes I had. Forgive me, English is not my native language, I would like to write fanfics in my language, but nobody would read them since there is almost no Greta Van Fleet content in my native language :c

[enfant-du-fleurs]

What if… I write a Jake fanfic inspired by The Princess Bride???? What do you think about it???

[enfant-du-fleurs]

I see a bunch of twitter peeps moving to tumblr and I just wanna remind you to keep your ratchet shit on that dying website. We’re all horny and vibing here.

[enfant-du-fleurs]

“Don’t worry, the dog don’t bite”

[enfant-du-fleurs]

on the horns of a dilemma part 2: Speak Now // Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

WARNINGS: angst, strong language, cheating, mention of alcohol and other substances.

NOTE: sorry for taking so long but I've been extremely busy these months, but finally here is the second part of three in this little series. I've been on "Ugly Betty" so… there's a lot of inspiration in some things, as well as a lot of song references. I hope you like it.

READ PART 1

summary: After you went to Mexico to leave your problems behind, things haven't gone well for Jake, so he must find a way to end his engagement.

Words: 3449

Pairing: Jake Kiszka for female reader

PLAYLIST:

Selfless – The Strokes

Storms – Fleetwood Mac

Boys Don’t Cry – The Cure

TV – Billie Eilish

Speak Now – Taylor Swift

______________________________________________________________

When you arrived at the airport in Mexico City, you connected to the wi-fi there and immediately thousands of messages began to arrive asking if you were okay, one of those messages was from your relatives, from Josh, another from Danny and from Sam, but none of those messages were from Jake. You felt foolish for believing in him like you always did, he wasn't going to change a solid relationship for an unseemly confession that could have come out of his lips due to alcohol. Your heart ached, but you had to move on as you were now in a new beginning. You had two options: wait for some sign from Jake or... start a new adventure.

Your heart ached, but you had to move on as you were now in a new beginning. You had two options: wait for some sign from Jake or... start a new adventure. You opted for the second one even though your heart would always wait for Jake, but in a world with new opportunities it doesn’t deserve to be despised, besides you became aware that what Jake was “planning” to do was something extremely complicated and that it should be handled with maturity. Although you were looking forward to Jake crossing the sky to come for you, you understood and suffered that it would not be something easy at all, the situation was complicated for both of you, and you were worried that you had put him in a trouble.

On the other hand, at Jake's house, after he found his fiancée asleep on the couch, he carried her up until he laid her down on his bed. The normal thing is that he also went to bed, and they slept together like every night, but that night it was not like that. Jake was awake for the rest of the night, thinking and crying all at the same time.

When the morning came, his fiancée woke up and saw that she was alone, however she heard noise in the dining room, so without further ado, she got out of bed and ran to find Jake having a coffee while wiping his nose with his sleeve of his shirt.

"What's happening?" she asked tenderly.

"Nothing… I was just a little sensitive" he replied trying to avoid looking into her eyes.

"Can I know why?" she took the chair across from Jake.

"It's just... Y/N is gone, she went to Mexico, and I feel bad about that" he sighed "I feel sad because I've known her for a long time, she's my best friend and we just met yesterday to say goodbye to me".

"Don't take this the wrong way, but... Don't you think you spend a lot of time with her? I mean, I don't dislike her, she's funny and I trust her, but I just think you think about her a lot and think too highly of her." she said while biting the nail of her little finger.

"What do you mean with that?" Jake straightened up and finally looked his fiancée straight in the eye with a frown.

"No... it's just not something that..."

"What are you trying to tell me? Are you jealous? She's my friend! She's my lifelong friend!"

“Let her go, she's not an extension of you, she's your friend. Isn't it clear to you that she was very uncomfortable when we went out together? Maybe she did us all and herself a favor!”

"Why do you say such things if you're supposed to appreciate her too?" Jake asked desperately.

"Jake, please! She always saw how she looked at you! With her big expressive eyes. It was just a matter of her telling you something about it, that she gets me out of your way"

Jake was silent, his eyes began to fill with tears, he also felt stupid for knowing that the only one who didn't realize how much you loved him.

"See? Why don't you say something about it?" snapped his fiancée.

"You know what? That's enough! I don't understand why you're behaving like this and saying those things!" Jake finally got up from his chair "Obviously I'm going to feel sad because she's my friend! Like it or not, she's been my friend for a very long time, and for your information... I have no idea about -the the way she looked at me-"

Jake grabbed his car keys and headed for the door, but his fiancée caught him off guard by hugging him from behind. Jake's heart jumped out of his chest, because instead of thinking that his "maybe his future wife" wanted to remedy the situation, the first thing that went through his head was your arms hugging him in the same way. He felt sorry for that intrusive thought, but after a night of pure reflection, he couldn't help but think of you.

"Honey, sorry, sorry, I didn't have to say anything like that" she whispered in his ear.

"You make me feel very bad whenever you can, it's frustrating the fact that you don't take yourself seriously when I feel bad. I love you, but I don't like that you minimize my sorrows, because unfortunately it's not the first time you do it" he took her arms from his waist, opened the door, and finally left his house. Where would he go? he didn't know, but he would find a place to go, the only thing he wanted was to be away from home.

Once in his car, Jake looked at the passenger seat and saw your red scarf there, he had forgotten to give it to you. Before he took the scarf, he turned to look at his house and his fiancée had already closed the door.  

He didn't know where to go, but after some thought, he decided he would go with Danny, as he has always been neutral when making decisions, so he started the car, and it didn't take long for him to arrive with Danny. Jake's visit was quite unexpected, so Daniel was still in his ripped pajama bottoms, looking confused but letting it show on his face with a grin from ear to ear.

"I know it's early for this, but do you want something to drink?" Danny asked inspecting his fridge.

"Oh yes, please. Something light" he replied as he took a seat on the couch.

Danny took out two glasses of rum and mixed the rum with some Coke. He proceeded to give one glass to Jake and the other to himself.

"Well, what am I good for?" Danny asked taking a sip from his glass.

"Where do I begin?" Jake sighed "Do you remember Y/N?" Danny nodded "Well...she's gone, just now she's in Mexico"

"And what's the problem? She's going to come back, isn't she?"

"I don't know, it's just that everything went off because... well, she knew I got engaged and she was always in love with me and for one reason or another she never told me, so last night we saw each other, we drank and talked about many things and she told me all that, she confessed everything, then, I was a little drunk and I also said things that..."

"I think I know where this is going. And are you in love with her too?" the living room fell silent "Okay, that's all I needed to know" Danny said with his face expressing concern.

"It's just... we're both in the same situation, I never thought that she would like me and vice versa, since she was always indifferent towards me in terms of romance, I never thought that my feelings for her would be reciprocated, but I feel It's too late to fix things."

"And what about your girlfriend?" she asked as she placed the glass on the coffee table.

"I told her that Y/N had left and that I felt very sad about it, but her response was very disappointing. She told me that I spent a lot of time with Y/N and maybe she did us a favor."

"What the fuck? I thought your girlfriend never had a problem with Y/N"

"I thought the same thing, but it doesn't end there. After we both confessed what we felt for each other, I told her that I would go to Mexico for her, rather, I promised her and now I don't know how I'm going to do it" Jake said “Danny… I want to split.”

Danny was stunned at the last thing Jake said, because Jacob usually took the time to make decisions "Jake, are you sure of what you are saying? I mean, you made her a promise and you're committed"

"I know that what I'm going to do is risky, but if Y/N asks me to stand on my head, I could do it without hesitation."

"Wow..." Danny expressed "My friend, I don't know what to tell you, but you have to hurry up before your girlfriend thinks of starting with some preparation or something like that" he paused a bit to take a sip "Now, being honest with yourself. How are you going to tell your girlfriend? Are you happy with her?"

"Well, like everyone, she has flaws and maybe in the long run... maybe we wouldn't last that long. Maybe we'd be married for months, it wouldn't make much difference since we've been living together for a while, but all of this made me question if I want this for the rest of my life in a serious way. In addition to the fact that he spends her time invalidating my problems and I'm not liking that."

At noon, he was back home, his fiancée or whatever she was now was at work. Jake didn't usually watch TV, but this time he layed down on one of her couches again and turned on the TV. He spent a few minutes zapping until he finally found a channel where "Survivor" was playing, seeing other people trying to do difficult challenges comforted him in a way.

In your AirBnB you simultaneously did the same thing, lay down on the couch, covered yourself with a small blanket and searched the TV channels for something interesting to watch. Almost like a divine sign, you found a Mexican talk show where they were interviewing Jake and Sam, they were talking about a possible return to Mexico for the next tour. <<This interview isn't that recent>> you thought.

Seeing that interview made your eyes teary, you wanted to have him by your side and keep his promise, you felt bad and a little selfish, but Jake had already made his promise to you, you couldn't stand it if he didn't keep it.

Your phone started ringing, once, twice, three times, it was text messages. Anxiety was consuming you and you desperately reached for your phone. That's right, it was a message from him asking if you were already in Mexico. On Jake's side, he was desperately waiting for your answers and was relieved to see that you read his messages. When you told him that you were already there, Jake told you not to miss his interview and you told him that you were already watching it.

 

Y/N: I've been waiting for your message.

 

Jake: I'm sorry, really. I was very nervous and to be honest I cried all night. Forgive me, please.

 

Y/N: Jakey, I know it's not easy but if the universe wants us together, everything will conspire in our favor.

 

Jake: I don't want to make you feel bad, but it was all so sudden, and I honestly feel sad that you're not here and that I'm not with you. But seriously, I promise you that as soon as I can, I'll be with you. I swear.

­­­­­­­­­­Seconds, minutes, and hours passed, then days, weeks and two months passed. It seemed that Jake was never going to show up, however you got temporary work in a Mexican publishing house, although there were many very nice people and guys who tried to approach you, you never paid attention to them. In fact, one of them reminded you a lot of Jake, his name was Leonardo. He also had long hair, but his was completely straight and very dark, almost completely black, but his nose and lips were the same as Jake's. The only thing that put your feet on the ground was that Leonardo's skin was naturally tanned, sometimes you even called him Jake instead of calling him by his name.

On the other hand, Jake's relationship was falling apart, his girlfriend made hurtful comments about his state of mind, his brothers and his friends knew it, but breaking ties with someone you've known for a long time is hard, and more when he is a person who has always seemed kind and sweet. It hurt Jake that his girlfriend now treated him strangely and hurtfully when he was most depressed, since she used to be one of the sweetest people he ever met.

Danny, Josh and Sam always told him to leave her now, that this was her chance to get out of there, but it was very difficult for him no matter how much he wanted to run to where you were. The Kiszka brothers had no choice but to intervene, because it was costing Jake dearly to continue with his ex-fiancée, so after a long talk between family and friends, it seemed that Jacob was finally ready to put an end to their relationship.

"I know it's hard, but sooner or later she was going to show her true colors" Sam said patting her older brother's shoulder "maybe she was a good partner for the good times, but not for the bad. Take that into account."

Finally, when he got home, the sun hadn't set yet, he checked every corner of the house to see if his ex-fiancée was there, but no, all alone, so he turned on the TV and put Survivor back on.

It had been a long time since he didn't send you a message, almost every time he was watching Survivor, he took the opportunity to send you a message, but a long time had passed. This time, after several weeks, he grabbed his phone and texted you.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jake: I'm so sorry I didn't text you. Seriously, I'm sorry, I just haven't been well.

Jake: How have you been?

Jake: I completely understand if you don't want to talk to me, seriously.

Your phone was ringing and ringing, but you didn't want to pay attention to it, never mind if it was even Jake.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­A few days later, Jake had postponed the start of the preparations with the excuse that more money was needed to have a perfect wedding, it was already evident that there was something very wrong, since there was a savings fund for the wedding. But the truth was that Jake was waiting for the right moment when everything would explode to leave the commitment away.

In the afternoon of that same day, they had a dinner where the whole band got together, Sam was with his girlfriend, Danny and Josh came alone and well... Jake obviously came with his fiancée. It was a kinda fancy restaurant, big windows and Greek columns, there was live music, it was a girl with an acoustic guitar and a boy on the piano. Once they were already eating, everyone was talking, jumping from topic to topic, but Jake was quieter than usual, he didn't even order his usual wine.

The musicians were playing classics like "Piano Man", until the girl paused to start with more contemporary songs, that's how she started playing "Speak Now". The situation became a bit awkward for him as he paid attention to the lyrics, he was even unconsciously grimacing, and as if things couldn't get worse, his fiancée and the others noticed Jake's discomfort.

"Are you okay, brother?" Sam asked, directing a worried look at Jake.

"Yeah, yeah, I just…you know, I think something from the food is making my stomach hurt a little" he took a bite of the meat and mashed potatoes.

"I already told you what to do, Jacob," Josh said after taking a sip of his wine.

"What do you have to do?" asked his fiancée.

"Oh, nothing, just going to the doctor to get checked out. I probably have...gastritis" Jake replied offhandedly.

Josh shot a disapproving look at his twin.

"What?" Jake asked annoyedly, but Josh just shook his head slightly.

Dinner continued but the atmosphere was a bit tense and almost everyone at the table knew about the situation Jake was in (except his fiancée and Sam's girlfriend) so (almost) everyone related the song to Jake. The awkward moment passed as soon as the song ended, so everyone pretended nothing had happened and continued eating. Jake had a hard time hiding his discomfort, so he kept making faces even though he avoided making it. This upset his fiancée a lot, because connecting every little clue like your sudden trip to Mexico, Jake's attitude, the arguments and finally everything exploded bringing out a truth that no one expected to hear.

"I cheated on you, Jake!" exclaimed his fiancée, hitting the table hard, leaving the entire restaurant in silence. Everyone at the table gasped and stared at them in disbelief, including Jake.

"I cheated on you, Jake!" exclaimed his fiancée, hitting the table hard, leaving the entire restaurant in silence, even the musicians stopped playing. Everyone at the table gasped and stared at her in disbelief, including Jake.

"Sorry?" Jake asked in a very lower voice. The whole restaurant was watching them, he was already famous enough and he didn't want to create drama in front of everyone.

"Yes, I cheated on you! I feel so abandoned by you and so neglected that I did it! At least after this you can be at peace and go off with whoever you want" she snapped.

Jacob only covered his face with his right hand while the others did not know whether to see his fiancée or him, in fact, at least as three people began to record that embarrassing moment with their phones when they saw that it was Jake Kiszka, nothing more and nothing less than Greta Van Fleet's guitarist.

After that dramatic event, no one wanted to continue eating, so they set out to pay the restaurant bill and left the place as soon as possible.

Once at Jake's house, neither of them spoke to each other, until Jake finally spoke.

"Look, you didn't have to do that" he said.

"I know, but... I felt so uncomfortable. I got tired of seeing you like this always, absent, always tormenting yourself with your own thoughts."

"That doesn't justify what you did to me. Maybe tomorrow I'll leave here for a while, so when I get back you could stay here while you go home and pack your things."

"What? Are you kicking me out of the house?" she asked indignantly.

"There's no point in us staying together if we're both no longer satisfied with who we are as a couple, besides... I have unfinished business. I don't want to make you feel bad, but I've been considering stopping this whole marriage thing for a long time because I realized a lot of things, like we weren't going to work out in the long term and the last straw was... what you did.”

“Think it twice, Jacob. Maybe… I don’t know but you could regret it. Speak now!” She begged.

“I’m sorry, you had to do the same, but you didn’t! It doesn’t make sense if we keep sharing the house together when you betrayed me, and… I betrayed you, cause yes, all this time I’ve been thinking about Y/N and how much I care for her.”

She was petrified and silent “So… you don’t love me” she whispered “I knew she was going to be a fucking problem in our lifes, sooner or later. I knew this was going to happen!”

“All this time, of course I have a special love for you. I literally asked you to marry me, but… If we betrayed each other, it just doesn’t make sense for me anymore.”

“But at least, please, tell me where do you want to go. Tell me that you are not going to Mexico, please.” she begged again holding his hands.

"I'm going to keep a promise I made a while ago."

[enfant-du-fleurs]

Hello friends, be patient, the second part will be posted very soon (:

[enfant-du-fleurs]

Sam with red roses is too powerful 😳

[enfant-du-fleurs]

on the horns of a dilemma part 1 // Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

WARNINGS: angst, strong language, cheating, mention of alcohol and other substances.

NOTE: Hi! Well, as you all can see, this is my first fanfiction EVER, so maybe this could be very shitty, but I put all my blood, sweat and tears on this, and I’m not joking with putting my tears on this because I was crying meanwhile I was writing this, so… enjoy it. Also, english is not my first language but if I write my fanfics in my language... nobody is going to read it, so pardon me if there is a mistake c: There is A LOT of songs references.

Words: +11,000

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Female Reader

SUMMARY: Jake is one of your closest friends since you were on middle school, they have grown up together, but you always had a crush on him, you never considered yourself attractive enough to be with him. Now, Jake is getting married and you're realizing that maybe if you had been a little braver a while ago, things would be very different. Everyone is tangled up on the horns of a dilemma.

PLAYLIST

SEE YOU SOON – BEABADOOBEE

I WILL - MITSKI

MOON SONG – PHOEBE BRIDGERS

ANNA (GO TO HIM) – THE BEATLES

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL (COVER)– CARLA BRUNI

KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU (COVER) – ANGIE MCMAHON

CRY – CIGARRETTES AFTER SEX

BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE – THE SMITHS

TAKE CARE – BEACH HOUSE

I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT - LEITH ROSS

WIFE – MITSKI

_____________________________________________________________

Y/N’s POV:

Dear Diary,

Here I am after about... 13 years, maybe? Maybe more. I'm an adult now and I feel stupid to write here again, but maybe that's what I need, because if I tell this to someone in my circle of friends, they will surely see me as the most horrible and dumbest person in the world, although maybe I am.

As I had already written a long time ago, I've always loved Jake, perhaps when I met him, I only appreciated him as a good friend, but over time, Jake inevitably won my heart. When I was about 15 years old, I was finally able to accept that I liked Jake, but I didn't want to say or do anything about it, I didn't want to damage our friendship because it was one of the most important things to me after growing up a bit alone in such a small town. I just didn't want to lose him.

In addition to the fact that I never consider myself pretty enough for him to like me, because… he was always a very handsome boy, he got along with everyone and had many girls behind him, but the best of all is the way he treats everyone, always friendly, looking into your eyes, paying attention to every word and movement, these details made many people (like me) fall at their feet. Their girlfriends were gorgeous and I... I was just like the song; I was a teenage dirtbag compared to all of them.

I saw him fall in love many times, I listened to him every time he told me about some girl he liked, as well as every time his heart was broken even though mine was five times more broken, but I always had a piece of advice to tell him. There was a time when Jake would ask me a lot if I liked someone, but I always told him that no one in particular, always tried to change the subject of the conversation by making the worst jokes that could exist. He also saw me have some "romantic" approaches with other people, but nothing serious, in fact, I've always tried not to tell him if I liked someone, because I could never fall in love in the full sense of the word with someone other than him.

One time, when we were... roughly 16 or 17 years old, we were at an "underground" party with Josh (it was our first party of many) where we ended up terribly drunk. I still don't understand how the police never arrested us for possession of alcohol. Well... that's not the point, the important thing here is that on that day, precisely on that day, on a random May 16, he gave me a long, passionate kiss out of nowhere, he took my face in his hands, walked over without warning, and just kissed me. Why did he kiss me? He did it because he was... drunk, as far as I know, that’s why he did it, not because he had feelings for me, even Josh was shocked by that, but I remember being petrified processing what the hell was going on. The next day I had asked Jake if he remembered what had happened at the party, but he was sure he didn't. The answer was clear, he was never attracted to me.

Just as I watched Jake grow up and he watched me grow up, I also saw how his dreams were coming true, he was finally living his best life, he had the band of his dreams along with his friend and brothers. What more could he ask for? I was happy for him, genuinely happy to see him on stage shining with his family because yes, Danny was his brother too. I attended almost all the concerts of the band and I was moved in the same way because it filled me with pride to see him at school events, then in bars to huge venues, it's something indescribable and priceless.

Now... why did I do a little recap? the problem (well, at least for me it is a problem) is that obviously a lot of time has passed and although I repeatedly had the opportunity to tell Jake how I feel, but I just never had the guts to tell him and the big problem with this is that... he is going to get married in a couple of months, he hasn't told me personally yet, in fact I found out through Josh a couple of hours ago, I don't know why Jake hasn't told me yet and I'd rather not know, but anyway tomorrow we'll go to a cafe to have breakfast, well… we are no longer young enough to spend a whole night glued to the bar, we can’t  resist the same amount of alcohol in contrast to everything we used to drink when we were younger, although it’s not like we are extremely old now, but… is not the same as it was.

He has been with his girlfriend for a long time, I know her, she’s an angel, a very nice person and... I understand why Jake loves her so much, she is intelligent, nice, beautiful and is the type of person that makes you feel calm. As much as I want to, I can't hate her. I never saw her as competition because that idea seems absurd to me, besides there is no point of comparison, Jake is the Sun, she is the Moon and I am not even a star, they complement each other quite well.

______________________________________________________________

The next day, you went to the usual cafe in downtown Nashville, you were a little late and worried about leaving Jake waiting for so long, but when you entered the cafe, you didn't see him at first glance, which crushed your heart, but after looking closely, at the most hidden table, you identified his back. Despite the years, he kept his long hair, that day his hair was slicked back, and he was wearing his white cropped shirt. The years still didn't pass through his face. By this time, Jake had already removed his mustache, so he looked like he was back in his early 20s.

You gave him a little pat on the shoulder and proceeded to sit in front of him; seeing you, he greeted you with a friendly smile.

“Forgive me for being so late, I hope you didn't have to wait so long” you said while you noticed a peculiar shine in his eyes.

“Bah, don’t worry, If you took a hundred years to arrive, I would stay waiting for you all those hundred years” His answer made you feel a slight tingling in your stomach just like when you were a teenager “You are my best friend, I would wait for you as long as it was and especially because I have something magnificent to tell you” continued breaking all the charm, again -the best friend-.

“Oh yeah, well, go ahead” you said with a low-key forced smile.

“Okay, but first… let's eat something, I already ordered some pancakes, you just need to order something”

The waitress came over so you could order your breakfast; since your stomach hurt from being nervous, you only ordered a small sandwich and chamomile tea. As you and Jake ate, you kept glancing at him to see if he noticed you were looking at him and tell you why you were having breakfast together, you knew very well that it was to tell you about his wedding, you wanted to hear it come out of his mouth, but at the same time... you also wanted him not to say it and instead of inviting you to his wedding, you wanted him to tell you that his relationship with his partner had finished and then escape together from the cafeteria riding a horse with a golden mane, although you knew perfectly well that it was something very far from reality since he was apparently madly in love with his future wife. Even though you loved him, you felt bad for even imagining in the silliest way that he might change his mind about the wedding.

Jake lost his gaze in your tea to take a deep breath.

"Remember when... we said we hated Tears in Heaven?" he asked you meanwhile a giggle came out from his mouth.

Your eyes widened like two blooming flowers upon hearing his question and you answered serenely accompanied by a goofy smile "Of course I remember. And to think that Eric Clapton has praised you many times, only if he knew."

"It's that we had heard it so many times until we hated it."

“Yeah... but it's sad that baby died.” you took a sip of your tea taking away your gaze from him.

There was a moment of silence again, but Jake broke it with a sigh, "We've grown up together and we've come so far. Who knew we'd do so well in life? You as a journalist and me as a musician, everything is amazing, looking back at the things we've accomplished and now that we're in our early thirties...time goes by so fast."

"It's been a long time... now we're two adults who are doing... well, you're doing great."

"You're doing amazing too, you're one of the most recognized journalists in America."

You blushed letting out a shy smile that gradually faded "Well yes... but, I don't know, lately I haven't been feeling all that well emotionally. Sometimes I want to forget everything."

Jake frowned at your last words "Why? Is there something you want to talk about?" he leaned towards you and was looking for your gaze even though he sensed that you didn't want to look him in the eye.

"It's just... I don't even know why I feel like this" you lied "I think now I'm regretting not having done many things when I had the opportunity to do it" your gaze was lost to avoid eye contact, but Jake’s gaze was so piercing that it was hard not to see his eyes “But I don't want to ruin our breakfast so...”

"If you need to tell me something, I'll always be there for you, it doesn't matter if it's something silly for you, I'll always listen to you" he rubbed his thumb against the back of your cold hand, although you wanted to have physical contact with him, you slowly removed your hand. He was a little disappointed that you took your hand away from him, but on one hand he understood and continued "Well, we better change the subject of the conversation, don't you think?" you nodded and he continued "So... I told you to come here to tell you something extremely" this was where you realized that he was going to tell you what you already knew when you saw how his eyes lit up and his cheeks were pink; he looked genuinely happy "I haven't told you because like I told you…I can't process it but…I'm getting married!"

You feigned astonishment as you took another sip of your tea, but your heart was being crushed. As you set the cup down on the table, you looked up to meet Jake's eyes with a smile that hid pain. "Oh, Jakey. That's great! When is the wedding?"

"I knew you would be happy!" he took a sip of his tea "It will be May 16, but it won't be here, it will be in Scotland. Of course, you are invited, in fact, I would like you to help me a little with the organization"

When you heard the wedding date, you felt an emptiness in your chest and your eyes quickly began to fill with tears. The desire to cry betrayed you and began to fall from your eyes.

“Oh my god, Y/N! Are you okay?” he asked tenderly.

"Yes, yes, of course I am, I'm just... I'm very happy for you and I'm crying with happiness. That's it" once again you lied and tried to wipe away your tears.

Jake showed his perfect smile again that could collide the whole town "You had scared me for a moment" he giggled "But it makes me happy that you are happy and especially for accompanying me in important moments."

You couldn't feel bad about him, you couldn't hate him, or his fiancée, but you did hate the fact that things could be different.

While Jake was eating his breakfast calmly, you hurried to finish yours, you didn't want to be there with him anymore because you were going to keep crying and that was going to worry him.

Once you finished your sandwich and your tea you said "Well... my good old FRIEND" you made a clear emphasis on the word friend "I have to go because I have to prepare for an interview with... Tom Hiddleston, so that... I am very happy to see you and see that you are well and especially that you are getting married. As for your proposal to help you with the organization, I will have to check it and as soon as I know if I am not so busy, I will tell you" you asked for the bill of what you ate and as fast as you could... you left the cafe, not even Jake could tell you "goodbye" and on the one hand, that's how you wanted it to be because you didn't want to hear a "goodbye" from him. Also, about the interview with Tom Hiddleston, it was also fake but not impossible and you wanted to make him a little bit jealous since he knew how much you liked Tom Hiddleston when you were younger. Jake noticed that something wasn't right when he saw that later you didn't react the way he wanted, but far from feeling angry, he was very worried about you. He was hurt to see how gradually your behavior from "crying for happiness" changed to literally running away from there.

Once outside, you ran to your car and headed home. You didn't want to know anything about anyone. It was all so overwhelming it just made you want to kick Nashville to hell, be quiet and drive away.

_____________________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Y/N’s POV:

Dear Diary.

It’s me Y/N again being ridiculous and childish as always.

I went to breakfast with Jake to give me the damn news that he's getting married. He just wanted to see me there to tell me that he will have his wedding, he also wants me to help him with the organization and honestly, I can't do it, I couldn't bear to see him again, I feel so heartbroken and embarrassed by how I acted. I felt bad for having lied to him so many times in just one day.

I know I'm being fucking selfish, I know, but I've spent a lot of time hiding my feelings for fear of losing him and now I'm losing his friendship for being weird and losing him at the same time. I feel so stupid because I don't understand why I'm reacting this way right now as an adult, because honestly with all these negative feelings, I feel like when I was in high school, and I saw him with his girlfriend from back then.

It's impossible to hate them and I never will, it's impossible, they're both so lovely but they hurt me, but do you know what triggered my crying to come out? It was the damn date, the same day that Jake ever kissed me, that same day but from now...he's getting married. It disappoints me to know that day was only important to me, but I can't do anything about it, I can't force him to love me and after all... he deserves to be happy.

I don't know if I'll be able to attend his wedding, but I definitely won't be able to help him to organize it. I'll see what excuse I'll come up with to keep my distance. I know what I'm going to do is horrible, but I need to do something for the sake of my emotional stability.

______________________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­ To "calm down a bit", you spent the rest of the morning and afternoon watching movies like "My Best Friend's Wedding" and other romcoms to maybe comfort yourself a bit. You wanted to fool yourself that there was a chance you could cancel all plans and stay with Jake.

At some point in their friendship, they had said that if they both stayed single, they would get married and be together because they got along quite well, but the paths of life are not always as we want and although there were always people in love with you, you were always the maid of honor but never the bride.

When the sun set, you took the beer out of your fridge and gave in to the urge to drink one after another until you were completely drunk, although you were always aware of your actions while you were under the influence of alcohol, this time you stopped worrying about what you would do, you were so drunk that you bawled the lyrics of all those songs that expressed your pain, from Dolly Parton to The Smiths with "Back To The Old House", returning with ABBA and for the punchline: "Anna" by The Beatles. What you needed most was a hug and although anyone could give you a simple hug, you needed to feel the warm arms of your beloved Jake around you, but his hugs didn’t belong to you, they belonged to someone else, and it had always been that way. Your phone started ringing over and over again, checking who was calling you saw that the one calling you was Jake. You didn't feel like talking and you felt sorry that he realized you were crying.

"Jake?" you took the call "What happened? Do you need anything?" you asked letting out a tiny sob.

On the other end of the phone, Jake noticed that you were sobbing "Are you okay? It's just... I'm calling to ask if you're okay, I heard a weird sound and, in the morning, at breakfast, you left very quickly. You were fine and then... you left me"

When he said the last thing, your heart was crushed and you remained silent although the alcohol was nothing to cause you to confess everything, your brain was reluctant to say anything inappropriate "Oh... it's that... I told you, I had many things... to... do" your voice betrayed the amount of alcohol you were drinking "and... I had to... go"

"Are you drunk?"

"Um... kinda. Why?"

"Y/N, I've known you for a long time, obviously I'll know when you're drunk... and without me"

Jake tried to joke, but instead of making you laugh it made you sadder.

"Yes... I'm drunk, terribly drunk and yes, I'm also crying over a stupid movie. You know how sensitive I am"

Jake chuckled. "What movie are you watching?"

"Nope, I'm not going to tell you the name of this fucking movie, I don't want to ruin your day, or your week, or your month, or your life..."

"Okay? Well... I just wanted to know how you were because I was intrigued by what happened this morning and I even got upset and thought that you were mad or that I had done something that bothered you... next time you get drunk, invite me over, okay?"

"Yes Jacob... it's fine, I'll buy the drinks next time" your breathing (now calmer) could be heard.

"So... Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Yes... I am. Why? I already told you why I was crying"

"No, no, not for nothing" he sighed "I think... it's time to hang up. Anything you need I'm just a phone call or text away from you, well… you know. So bye!"

You wiped your nose with the back of your hand "Okay, I'll call you later" you moved the phone away from your ear and hung up.

Talking with him was relaxing, especially since he didn't mention anything about his wedding, apart from the fact that he had cared for you, it was very comforting to know that although his heart belonged to someone else, he would always be there for you.

Although you had kept your feelings to yourself for YEARS and had already seen him with several couples throughout this year, you had never been so scared and so sad as now. You needed immediate advice, but you were too embarrassed to give the context.

The first person you thought of was Josh, just like Jake, knows each other very well and was always close, plus you were sure that he suspected about your feelings towards his twin since the day of that mythical kiss. Either way, he was going to find out.

You texted Josh to come over telling them you needed some advice, he always had something to tell you and his advice was good thanks to his honesty, sometimes it hurt and many times it was far from what you wanted to hear, but without a doubt... it was what you had to do, and even if his mouth was full of reason, though that didn't mean you always put his advice into practice.

Josh responded quickly and agreed to come to your house, luckily his house wasn't far from yours, so it didn't take him long to get there. Once in your house, when you opened the door, he saw your red and swollen eyes, he felt your sadness and without further ado, he gave you the warmest hug that your heart needed.

"What happened?" you separated from him so that he could go inside the house.

Once inside and the two of you sitting in different armchairs you collapsed in tears "It's just... I feel so selfish for feeling like this, I should be happy and not feel so miserable."

"But if it's making you feel bad, I think it's better to let what you feel out, don't you think?"

"Just… please, I know I'm going to sound stupid, and I don't want you to judge me."

"Why should I judge you? I'm here for a reason and it's not the first time you trust me with something."

You took a deep breath to prepare yourself for what you were going to say since that would be the first time you would say it out loud and to someone else "The thing is that... it's that... I love Jake and always It's been like that but I'm a horrible person who never had the guts to tell him. Now he's going to marry a wonderful woman and he'll never know how much I love him."

Josh was extremely surprised at your confession; both of his eyes were wide open that it seemed that at any moment they would pop out “Damn...” He was silent for a few seconds to be able to process the information "I just don't know what to tell you this time and it must be one of the most horrible feelings. Why didn't you say anything to him?"

"Because I'm a coward... just because of that, because I was always embarrassed to tell him. Seeing him as he almost always got away with beautiful and intelligent girls, there was simply no chance for me, so I just watched as he was happy."

"I don't know if it's appropriate to tell you this right now" Josh sighed "but maybe if you had told him before, things would be extremely different now. Don't tell him that I told you, but some years ago he had feelings for you too, he told me almost every night, but he never did anything about it because even though you are his best friend, he always felt that you were a little cold, so he was afraid of being rejected and throwing the friendship away” he rolled his eyes “Fuck, you two are so dumb as hell. I bet if he finds out about this he's going to collapse."

"Collapse in what sense?" you said between sobs.

"Collapse in the sense that he's going to feel like an idiot" he covered his face with both hands.

"And if he loved me too, why didn't he do anything? Why did he go with other girls? Was I only his second choice? I have so many questions... that the more I think, the more it hurts."

"It's not like you were second choice to him, just that he's a cowardly fool, plus if I had no idea about you liked him, I'll bet my throat and left foot he has no idea either."

"I believe you, but it's hard for me to understand because even the date of his wedding will be on very special dat, at least for me"

"May 16" you said at the same time.

"See, you do remember that party and he doesn't, he never remembered that he kissed me"

"I had understood that at some point you two had kissed, but... I don't know why he chose that day specifically"

"Because he doesn't remember and maybe he did it before, but nowadays, I assure you that he doesn't remember"

"Assuming he finds out about this. Would you like him to dump his girlfriend?"

You kept silent because if you said yes, you were afraid Josh thinking badly of you "No, I don't want that to happen. I just want him to be happy and knowing him, knowing me, I think the best thing would be go away from him, it would be the best thing I can do, for my mental health, for his happiness and mine too. It wouldn't be fair to his fiancée if he left her on the eve of something so important."

"Sometimes you put others above yourself and that makes you not be honest with yourself, but I get it and if you think go away from Jake would make you feel better, it’s okay." he sat next to you to give you a hug again "Of course we would miss you a lot, but it's very understandable." he rubbed your shoulder with his strong hand.

"I would miss you guys a lot too" you sobbed "and in fact, I'm not going to attend their wedding or maybe I'll go for a while, but I don't think I can stand it. To make matters worse, he asked me to help him with the organization, but... I don't know how to tell him no because I don't want to lie to him anymore, that was enough lies, today I told him I had to interview Tom Hiddleston to get away from him."

"Why don't you write him a letter? You're good at writing and maybe it's easier for you to write about you feel than to tell him"

"Well... that would be less humiliating, but I think I would have to find the most prudent moment to give it to him"

You two continued the conversation, Josh made you laugh but sometimes the crying came back and you cursed yourself because you felt your behavior was childish but Josh made you understand that your feelings were valid, after all you spent SO MANY years holding them back and at some point moment, like a bomb, they were going to explode, and although some people say that time heals all, time never healed your love for Jake.

When Josh left, you were already calmer, down to earth and you didn't feel dizzy either, so you took a blank sheet of paper and a pencil, it was here where you would leave all your love for Jake.

______________________________________________________________

­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Jacob,

First, I want to thank you for so many years of friendship, for so many experiences together, drunkenness, concerts, sad moments and of course, happy moments. I'm glad to know how much we spent together.

I recently found out that at some point, you used to feel something for me, something more that you wouldn't feel for a friend, but you never said anything because you were afraid that I would reject you, although that didn’t stop you from going your way. For better or worse, these feelings...were and are mutual to this day, however, my pride never let me be honest even with myself, and I didn't have the guts to tell you face to face either, but now it's too late.

This letter is not to reproach you or complain, but this is to tell you how much I love you and that I want you to be happy, but just as I want you to be happy, I also want to be happy too after repressing my feelings and desires for a very long time, so it's my time to go. Although we are adults, I want you to know I need time to grow and to exist. I don't want you to feel guilty, finally the one who fell in love was me.

I want to leave you in peace because you deserve to be happy, you and your fiancée are two amazing people who deserve everything, I want your dreams to continue to come true, that your life with her is prosperous and that the love you have between you stays strong. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but please don't look for me, I just know that I'll come back at the right time. I’ll take advantage of this trip to grow emotionally and professionally, I think I will be in Latin America to continue doing my job as a journalist. But please, again I implore you not to look for me, we both must live and continue our lives.

As you can guess, I won’t be able to assist to your wedding, I know that you are probably thinking that I am selfish, but I’m doing this for the good of both of us, it wouldn’t be healthy even for you

Promise me you'll be fine and happy.

Without more to say, thank you for everything, I will always be grateful to you, and I understand that things happen for a reason, and I love you, I love you so much that that is why I am leaving you so that we can exist.

I have no hard feelings, so... I’ll let you go, and I love you Jacob, but you're not mine.

See you soon.

Sincerely, Y/N

______________________________________________________________

While you were writing, the tears were present, remembering every beautiful moment you had with him, from the time he sang to you on your birthday with his beautiful smile, the first concert you attended together, the prom, when he announced that a label record company offered them a contract. Thanks to the friendship between you and Jake, you learned a lot of things, you lived the most wonderful experiences, but it was time to close cycles, perhaps in Latin America you would find another vision of things, start over, and maybe meet another person with whom to share beautiful moments as well as with Jake, but with reciprocated feelings for the other.

You decided to go to sleep because you had that tired feeling that comes after crying a lot. What motivated you a little bit was thinking that tomorrow would be a different day and that anything could await you. Although it was difficult to admit it, there was still a small hope that Jake would tell you that all this time he has loved you with madness and passion, even if it sounded silly and fanciful.

After sleeping like a baby, you woke up tangled with the sheets of your bed, you felt your pillow a little wet, you thought it could have been your saliva, but it was because even when you were asleep you cried a little.

You rubbed your eyes to see a little clearer and thus get up, once out of bed, you immediately went for a glass of water. You took your phone and there were several missed calls from Jake, when you saw the notifications, you felt your stomach shrink and you were even tempted not to call him back to unsettle him a bit, but you couldn't do that kind of thing to him.

“Hi, what’s up?” you greeted.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?"

"Jacob, I don't know what you're talking about. Why do you say that?" you were really disconcerted because although obviously you weren't well, it was strange that he was worried out of nowhere.

"Oh…it's just, well, I'm not supposed to tell you this" he paused a bit.

"Tell me what?"

"It's just...I was talking to Josh last night and honestly...we were talking about you for most of the call. He's worried about you, he told me he'd been to see you and that you looked really bad, like sick and depressed, so I told him that it made sense because I told him what happened at the cafe"

You started to worry because you thought Josh had ratted you out, but you decided not to go any further.

"Did he tell you just that?"

"Yes, it was just that. Why?"

"No, no, it's just... he has a point"

"Y/N, please how can I help you? I'm shocked and worried for you as you have no idea"

You didn't answer, you stayed silent, and you could only hear how you were breathing. You wanted to cry, but you were able to contain your tears.

"It's just... emotionally I haven't felt good, I'm far from feeling good and I've repressed myself for a long time to the point that it's affecting me mentally"

"If you want to tell me something specific, I'm here, I listen to you and if you want, I can drive you home. Whatever you need"

"I have many things to tell you, there are many things you should know but now is not the right time" you sighed "Is that why you called me?"

"Oh... well, in this case, I understand that you don't want to talk about this right now, but when you tell me we can meet" you imagined his smile at that moment "and yes, I called you precisely because of that, also I felt that our last call was a biting and I got even more concerned about what Josh told me."

"Oh, sorry if I sounded rude or something, but I really wasn't very open to talking to you."

"Did I do or say something to upset you?"

"I don't want to go into details, but it's not something you need to worry about. In fact, I have something to give you as soon as possible."

"Well, I have the night off tonight, we could have a drink. If you want, I could ask my fiancée to join us and spend quality time the three of us"

You rolled your eyes because the last thing you wanted was for someone else to be there, you just wanted to have time with him, alone "Come on Jake, I don't want to be the third wheel" you snorted.

"But it's not the first time we'd do it, we did a double date once, do you remember? You were with that guy who was a Weezer fan"

"Pff... that happened a long time ago" you forced a giggle "of course I remember, but you said it yourself, it was a double date and now I would go completely alone. I would feel more comfortable if it was just the two of us. I don't have nothing against her, but it's something a little... more personal"

"Okay? I think I know where this is going"

"No Jake, you have no idea, I bet you"

Jake laughed "It's not like you're going to tell me that all this time you were in love with me, you're so unpredictable that I could expect anything but that from you"

The slight smile that was on your face was disappearing, sometimes you felt like pushing him or kicking his butt because of how silly he was, finally you didn't expect much because even though he was cute and you loved him a lot, he was a man.

"Don't get your hopes up, Jake" you tried to joke although you were discouraged "but aside from any joke or whatever you think it is... it's something extremely important, almost confidential, but as I told you, I won't give you more details"

"Okay, okay, I get it" he made his usual giggle that made you feel butterflies in your stomach "At the usual bar?"

"Yep, the usual bar"

Throughout the day you were checking flights to Argentina, Brazil, Chile and Mexico, it distracted you a little from the pain to decide which country you would go to start over. You finally chose to go to Mexico since you had family there and that way you wouldn't be so alone.

You were constantly stopping to think if what you were doing was the right thing, you even considered that you were being very impulsive, but you couldn't keep holding back like that either. It was now or never. You finally bought your ticket to Mexico City at 10:30am for tomorrow. After buying your ticket, you were looking for an Airbnb to stay for a week while you got an apartment and work there. Maybe you were being a little impulsive, but you knew it was best for Jake and you.

You were looking forward to the night, but your stomach hurt a little from the nerves, however it was something controllable. You planned almost everything you would say to him to avoid any undesirable situation, even if you were already in an undesirable situation. You most likely knew things weren't going to go your way, but you still stuck to your "plan."

Basically, your plan was to extend the conversation and just before leaving, you were going to give him your letter explaining that he had to read it when he was calm and comfortable, that it was not necessary for him to read at that moment, but alone.

It was time to go to the bar, you didn't try to get ready, it was just a pair of mom jeans, a plain black long-sleeved shirt, a cardigan, and a red scarf, it wasn't really cold, but you liked your scarf, besides that made you feel protected at times like these. Also, your makeup was very simple, you just put a little eyeliner that adorned your sad eyes. You took your letter and put it in an envelope, it had no decoration or anything like that, you just sprayed a little of your usual perfume so that it would not be something so apparently simple, because what really mattered was each word that was written on the sheet of paper.

On the way, you were playing with your fingers, also every so often you were rubbing your hands on your lap to remove the sweat from them. The driver saw you so nervous that he avoided making conversation with you, a gesture that you appreciated with a generous five stars as a review.

From outside you could hear the band that played that night in the bar, it was a cover band that didn't sound bad. By this time, Greta Van Fleet were already among the most popular bands in the United States, so it was common to hear everywhere followed by songs by Aerosmith, Queen and other rock greats, so you could hear from the parking lot that they were playing "Highway Tune", you immediately thought that if Jake was already inside, he was probably with a smile full of pride... or maybe he was carefully observing every movement of the guitarist to see if he was doing it right.  

You stopped before you texted Jake to see if he was here yet, if so he would probably be at the farthest table so it was important to know where he was. He took a while to answer you, but he had told you that he was indeed already at the bar.

Once inside, you looked for the table next to the window on the left side and there he was, he looked... calm and that's how you wanted to remember him.

He was watching you, his face lit up with a smile like that of a child who sees his mother after a long day at school.

"Y/N, it's good that you're here! I'm all ears, tell me what you want. Shall I ask you for something?"

"Jake! Wait, I'll go to ask for my drink, I'll be right back" you left your bag on the chair where you were going to sit and quickly went to order a rum and coke without ice and preferably more rum than coke. Once you had it in your hands, you took a sip and said to yourself "Tonight is going to be worth it if it's going to be our last night" when you returned to your place, you settled in front of Jake and gave him a look full of nostalgia.

"Hey Y/N What's up? Why are you looking at me like that?" he said worried as the band played "Anna" by the Beatles.

"It's just... all this fills me with nostalgia, and I would like things to be like before"

"But it hasn't been long since we last went out drinking with the boys."

"No, it's not that" you took a sip from your glass "I mean something else, we are becoming more and more adults and our lives are taking a different course due to small actions of the past"

"Why?" He took a long drink from his beer.

"It's just... every day I regret more of what I didn't do before and that makes me so sick that it's affecting my relationship with other people, even... with you" you took off your scarf and left it on the back of the chair.

"If so, I think you do not have to worry, we have so many years of friendship, we know everything about each other, we have listened to each other so much. Honestly, many of the best things would not have happened to me if I hadn't met you, in fact Greta Van Fleet wouldn't have had the same popularity that we have now" he smiled and took another drink, now shorter "now that I'm saying this, do you remember when everyone said that we were going to end up married?"

Your eyes widened like a pair of white plates and you shook your head, obviously you remembered perfectly well, but you pretended you didn't.

"They always thought that at some point we would end up together or something and look at us now. Our friendship will last until the end of the world, so if you feel bad... just tell me” You wanted to be angry with him for saying things so hurtful to you, but you couldn't be mad at him for two simple reasons: one, he had no idea how you felt about him and two, he was Jake.

"Jake, look, I have a lot of things to tell you, you have no idea how much I want to tell you everything that has me wrong, but it will be a little later, right now I want to clear my head, I know that we are here together to talk about what worries me , but first I want to be... happy because this may be the last time I see you"

Jacob immediately put on the most serious face you've ever seen "How could this be the last time I see you? What are you going to do?"

"Remember I told you I had something for you?"

He nodded.

"Well, it has something to do with -it-"

"But what about my wedding?" he paused with an incredulous face "Ah, I think I know where this is going! Surely it has something to do with my bachelor party, right?"

You wanted to slap him and tell him everything at once, but you just shrugged your shoulders with a forced smile. The band now played something more relaxed, they opted to play an acoustic version of Juliet by Cavetown.

"Well, that doesn't matter right now, we're going to drink in the wildest way possible like in our old days" Jake said lifting his beer.

"Like pirates?" you asked with a tender but melancholic gaze.

"Like Pirates"

Beer after beer and rum after rum, you laughed at every nonsense word that sounded funny in your head, it really was like going back in time to when you were about 23 years old and going from bar to bar in different countries to have a good time along with the rest of the band. Although going out with them was frequent, the outings with them became more and more serious, it was no longer for fun, they were already to relieve stress and due to the responsibilities of each one, it was already more difficult to meet with the whole band.

"Hey Jake, does she have a problem with you getting drunk with me?"

Jake snorted and slowly answered "No, not at all…she knows…and she trusts you a lot"

They soon drifted off topic and continued talking about the absurd things of their day to day, even Jake let it slip to tell you that his fiancée was sometimes very scolding with him for not being as organized as she was and that sometimes he felt like a child little boy with her, he loved her but there were many things that he disliked. You might as well draw him out and screw the wedding, but you weren't cruel enough to do it.

The night progressed until it was your time to go, you had had a good time with him, you laughed a lot and remembered many beautiful things, but it was time to put your feet on the ground.

"I haven't laughed like I did right now for days" you giggled "but it's time to go, I have to get my things ready for tomorrow"

"Are you going somewhere?"

"You will know"

You took your bag and got up from the chair, but Jake took your hand, you felt his calluses from the tips of his fingers on the back of your hand. Your gaze met his and although both of you were a little dizzy, clearly his gaze was expressing what you wanted so much to see reflected in his eyes. It was love.

"Y/N…please stay" he whispered.

"No Jake, I can't. It's too late for this"

Now his hand was holding you tighter and at any moment he could have dropped to his knees to beg you to stay with him.

"Please stay with me, I want you to be by my side forever"

"Jake, you're saying this because you're drunk. You're just talking incoherently and that's enough because... you're hurting me" he let go of your hand without any another word and settled back into his chair.

"I'm sorry, but it's just... there are things I can't say when I'm sober"

"Well, I would really appreciate it if you would tell me sober and not like that because once you kissed me when you were drunk and while you forgot about it the next day, it meant a lot to me all my life!" everything began to get out of control and without shame, you began to cry in front of him, with that you had said everything and without having to give him the letter.

Jake looked at you in disbelief, he was trying to decipher what you had just said, because he didn't know if it was a reproach, or you were confessing your love. You began to rummage through your bag to pull out the letter and hand it to her.

"Here's what I wanted to give you" again his eyes met yours "read it when you can, as long as you're alone" without further ado, you took your phone to put it in your bag and almost ran out of the bar. It was so fast Jake couldn't even stop you...again.

You ran far from the parking lot and ordered an uber to take you home. Coincidentally, the same driver who brought you to the bar was the same one who came to pick you up, but this time, he saw that you were crying and before starting he told you "You're still very young, I bet whoever made you cry will have a really bad time" you thanked him for his words and the car started straight home.

He was so shocked and completely speechless, he just stood there by the hand with the envelope in his hands. They had to spend a few seconds to sat down and run both hands through his hair.

As the band played "Back to The Old House," Jake desperately tore open the envelope and pulled out your letter. He turned the letter over both sides, he was looking at the details of the page and then he started to read it. At first, his expression was serious, but as he was reading, his heart was shrinking, and he felt that singular sting that appears when you want to cry.

He had mixed feelings, he didn't know if he was angry with himself or with you and he didn't know if he was sad either, but as soon as he finished reading your letter, he picked up his phone to call you. Looking up from him, he saw that you dropped your red scarf and took it to hold it close to him.

When your phone started ringing, you answered the call by inertia, not even checking that Jake was calling you.

"Y/N...you forgot your scarf"

You turned to see your things and covered your face with your right hand "You can keep it; I can't go back" you said between sobs.

"Hey, listen, I already read your letter..."

"It's too late to talk about this"

"But I want to talk about your letter"

"But I don't want to, please"

"But why not?"

"Because it's late, didn't you hear?!"

"It's just... it's just... I'm mad that you didn't tell me sooner! You make me between a rock and a hard place! Why are you doing this to me right now?" he was crying too, her helplessness was more than her sadness.

"Because I just couldn't take it anymore, Jake! I've been holding it in for a long time and I can't anymore!" the crying got even louder "and I'm also mad at myself for not telling you sooner, but anyway, there's nothing to do. Tomorrow I'm out of here"

"Y/N, please don't do this to me right now, I need you, I want you to stay with me"

"Jake... you already have someone to stay with you for a long time"

"I'll come see you tomorrow"

"I already told you, I beg you not to look for me anymore. Let me exist in peace, every day that passes the pain that you are not with me becomes more intense and it is not fair for you because you are already happy, I am supposed to I'm fine, but I'm not. Please, it's about time we went our separate ways" you snorted "You know something? I'm at the uber and the poor driver is listening to all this. I'm going to hang up because it's embarrassing" without further ado you ended the call and apologized to the driver.

"Don't worry, I didn't pay attention to your conversation, anyway, if it's any consolation... things happen for a reason, everything has a reason to be and exist, I know that the current outlook for you is bleak, but the universe arranges things in a certain way to obtain learning"

The rest of the way was silent until you got home, you thanked the driver and finally walked through your front door. Once inside, you desperately ran to your room to grab your suitcase and put your clothes inside it along with other important things. Your tears were still rolling down your cheeks and Jake kept calling you insistently.

Again, you took the call just to see how things would end and at least give a calmer end to all this "Jake, now what?"

"Are you home already?"

You thought about your answer because if you said you were at home, he would come to see you "No... not yet"

"Can we talk about your letter now? I don't want things to end like this" he sounded very desperate.

"Me neither... and sorry for reacting like that"

"You don't have to apologize, finally... I said a lot of things that could have hurt you, but I didn't know I was doing it, in fact I never thought you loved me that way"

They were both speechless, only Jake's light crying, and your sobs could be heard, that was all.

"Jake... I'm already home"

"Can I go to see you?"

"Just for a while because I don't want to sleep so late"

While you waited for Jake to arrive, you continued to pack your things and arrange the small backpack that you would carry during your flight. You were beginning to regret your desperate journey. What would happen to your family and your house? So you decided to stay in Mexico for a little while to try out what life is like there and take it as a vacation instead of making it your whole life.

The doorbell rang twice and it was obviously Jake. You weren't in much of a rush to get downstairs and to the door, but once you opened it, Jake hurried inside your house.

"I need to talk about it" he said taking the letter.

"What do you want to know?" you asked closing the door "everything you need to know is there, the one who should make the questions should be me"

"I'm an open book. Let's get this over with." he flopped down on the loveseat and rubbed his hands against his skinny legs.

"In all honesty... do you remember that time you kissed me?"

"Yes, I know what happened, but I don't remember when exactly"

"It was a May 16..."you said.

Jake looked up to meet yours, her face reflecting surprise "I swear I... I didn't remember the date"

"I noticed, but I don't entirely blame you, finally you were drunk, and we were two dumb teenagers." You were still standing in front of him until Jake patted the couch twice for you to sit next to him. Once at his side you continued with your questions "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me if you liked me so much? I know I did the same, but I already explained my reasons, all you need to do is tell me what happened "

"It's just..." he moistened his lips "even though you're my best friend, I always felt you a little... you know, distant, very serious, cold and that you were never going to fall in love with a person as disastrous as me. Simply because you and I are polar opposites, and that's why I thought that our thing was not going to work, plus I was very afraid that you would reject me and therefore make our friendship uncomfortable. But I saw that our friendship anyway, now it depends on a thread, and I could lose you sooner than I thought. Frankly, I've always loved you, it's just that for a long time I gave up the idea that one day you would be with me, and this doesn't mean that I don't love my fiancée, but I just... gave up. It obviously hurt every time I saw you with a guy, even though I knew they were just casual dates, but still…the pain was there. I know that you can misunderstand the fact that I have gone out with some girls, because I did love them, but I never felt the same intensity as with you"

You began to play with your hands and avoided looking into his eyes "Finally we're not so -opposites- we're both scaredy idiots" you let out an unfunny laugh "we could have had it all but because of the damn fear we lost it all, too late to make amends, so I think it's best that we just let's go our way"

Jake turned to you "I wouldn't say it's late"

"Jake, the dice were already rolled from the start. Of course, it's already late, you’ll be taking a very important step in your life, don't do something rash impulsively, don't hurt your fiancée, she's a very nice person and she genuinely loves you"

He was desperately looking for your eyes and your hands "It no longer makes sense for us to keep hiding what we feel, I admit it, you too, what difference does it make?" he came even closer to you and took your hands tightly "Let's go to Latin America together, let's run away together like when we used to sneak out at night to go to parties"

You let go of your right hand and took his chin gently "But this isn't a party, this is real life and… I'm leaving tomorrow" you pushed his hand away and continued "besides, that wouldn't be the right thing to do, it would be very hurtful for your fiancée, you can't leave her like this a couple of months before a wedding" Jake shook his head, directing his gaze to his hands and you continued "So... if you want to do things right, settle your affairs first and then come to find me."

"How am I supposed to find you?" he asked you with a bit of desperation.

"You'll know, but for now, if that's what you want…you know what to do"

He looked at you with a certain sadness, he didn't know whether to direct his gaze because he also felt a little embarrassed to turn to look at your eyes. Even though you really wanted to hold his hands and peck every inch of his face, you were thinking about how his fiancée would feel if she found out that you two kissed, so in solidarity with her, you refrained from kissing him. The only thing left now was to wait.

Jake got up from the love seat and scratched the back of his neck, still looking down "Well, I think we heard the things we needed to tell each other” You nodded biting your thumb nail "it's too late and... I think I have to go now; you'll need a lot of sleep for your flight tomorrow."

"Thanks for coming Jake... I really needed this" you also got up after him. He gave you a soft smile but still a little sadness in his eyes. You felt a little bad seeing him like that so as he headed for the door, you slowly approached his back and then hugged him just as he was about to touch your doorknob making it stop completely.

Tears welled up in your eyes quickly, there was no way to stop your tears. When Jake felt your arms wrap around his back, he reached for your arms so he could turn to you and hold you like it was always meant to be "I'm going to do the right thing, I promise I'll do the right thing" he gently brought your head close to his chest; you could hear every strong beat of his heart.

You lasted a few minutes hugging until Jake left your house. Before he opened the door of his car he exclaimed "I'll come for you! Please wait for me!"

"I’ll be waiting! If you took a hundred years to arrive, I would stay waiting for you all those hundred years!” you exclaimed watching as he closed the door of his car.

Once inside your house, you leaned against the door and let yourself fall. It took so many years to confess your feelings, something that looked so easy but was so complicated to do. You needed to hit rock bottom to change your situation. You needed to sleep to get up early and go to the airport, what was next in your life was to let yourself be surprised by the wonders of life in Mexico and wait for Jake to come for you, but not in the sense of rescuing you like a princess, but to accompany you on your new adventure. Once in your bed, you tucked yourself in and it didn't take long for your eyes to close. The day ended with a small smile on your face.

On the other hand, Jake was on his way home, still reflecting on what had just happened, he still couldn't believe that you were keeping your feelings to yourself for so long, although he couldn't help but think that he was also stupid for not telling you before. Along the way, the best he could do was call his best friend who was also his twin.

After two unanswered calls, Josh finally answered the phone on the third call. With his sleepy voice it was heard as he said "hello" almost like a whisper.

"Josh... it's me" Jake said eagerly.

"I know it's you. Don't you think it's too late to call me right now?"

"Yes, yes, I know it's late, but I have something to tell you” There was no response from Josh other than the slight sound of his breathing "Josh... I'm not getting married"

The curly-haired brother's eyes widened, and he jumped up from the bed "Don't fuck with me, what the fuck did you do? Did you cheat on her?"

"No, of course not," Jake replied indignantly, "I just…I've been pondering if I really want to spend my whole life with her under a stronger commitment than just living together."

"It has nothing to do with Y/N right?"

"I'd like to say no, but actually yes"

"I knew it! I knew this was going to happen!" he hit the mattress with his right hand frantically "And you know it perfectly well, I always told you to tell Y/N before someone got hurt and now her and your fiancée are or will be hurt."

"I know and I feel stupid, I just did a drama at Y/N's house and I just went to make a fool of myself, but it doesn't matter because... honestly, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.”

"Maybe you don't feel that pain anymore that you used to have every time Y/N dated a person, but what I'm really worried about is how you're going to tell your girlfriend...fiancée or whatever that you're not getting married anymore. "

"I don't know…" he sighed and scratched the back of her neck "I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it; besides, Y/N is going to Mexico tomorrow and I think she'll be there for a long time.”

"I did know that, she'll be there for a long time, I think she wants to start things over there."

"Why did you not tell me?" he hit the steering wheel "Maybe I could have stopped her from leaving and we could have worked things out."

"No Jake, obviously I wasn't going to tell you that she was leaving because you were busy with your stuff, plus I'm sure she didn't want you to know, and I had to respect that"

Jake was overwhelmed with despair and conflict. "I told her that I wasn't getting married anymore and that... I would come back for her." His eyes began to get teary.

His brother let out a long sigh of desperation and anguish "Jake, brother... don't make promises if you can't keep them."

"Why do you say I can't keep it?" Jake raised his voice.

"Let's face it, it's going to take you too long to tell her you don't want to get married anymore. I know you so well."

Jake was upset with what his brother had just told him, however, he knew he was telling the truth, telling his now ex-fiancée was going to be extremely difficult, but sooner or later he had to do it, besides, he had just had the lesson of his life about saying things and being honest with the people around himself.

He drove to his house, parked the car and when he entered, there was that girl with whom he wanted to take a step forward by marrying her. She had fallen asleep in the couch that was looking at the window to see him arrive. She apparently thought of staying up to wait for him, but her sleep defeated her.

She really was a very good woman, you could see that she genuinely loved Jake, she cared a lot about him, trusted him and was willing to do anything for him, almost like you, the only difference between her and you it was that Jake was with her, but you loved him just the same.

When Jake saw her asleep, he felt a lump in his throat, because he knew how much she loved him and it would break her into a thousand pieces to know that he no longer wanted to marry her, much less... continue with a relationship that was not reciprocal. She gave a lot and Jake apparently did too, but the truth was that he was never going to love her the same way.

He sat down next to her, looked at her face carefully, from her long eyelashes to the small pimple that appeared on her right cheek. It didn't take long for Jake to remove the hair that covered her forehead, although he did it carefully, it made her wake up. Opening her eyes, her lips curved into a smile until she met Jake's anguished face. "What's up, baby?" she asked her.

Jake didn't answer her question, he kept stroking her hair. She was silent for a few minutes until he said "Nothing, nothing's wrong. Keep sleeping" he closed his conversation with her with a small kiss on her forehead, releasing a small tear that rolled from his eyes to her cheek.

"We talk tomorrow, okay?" The woman with long dark hair nodded with the same smile as before and continued with her deep sleep while Jake kept looking at her sadly thinking about how he was going to put an end to his problem, although surely one of them would get hurt, well, he had two options : stay with his fiancée, make her happy but break the promise he had made to the love of his life and therefore, leave her waiting in another country, or leave his fiancée with a strong pain that will cost her a lot to forget but keep his promise.

TO BE CONTINUED