escapingthelabryinth

[escapingthelabryinth]

Happy valentines day from the one you forget to remember💕✨

[escapingthelabryinth]

I think about you the most when I am on this app. Probably because you remind me of feeling my heart ricochet out of my chest. Probably because you remind me of loving what does not love me. Probably because you are written in between the fabric of my existence. I think about you the most when I am writing. Because you are traced on the curves of my brain.

[escapingthelabryinth]

I had my weekly therapy session today and we discussed some stuff from my childhood that I realized isn't normal. It was somewhere between describing one specific incident that started a snowball of other stories to arise, pushing all these suppressed memories to the forefront of my mind. I cried silently, brushing away the tears quickly and moving forward with my story. My therapist noticed this and asked, "Why aren't you letting yourself feel these emotions? You're not allowing yourself to cry." I laughed, swiping at the continuous flow. "I don't know," I shrugged. "My dad never really liked crying."

[escapingthelabryinth]

I think I don’t let go because I did what I was supposed to. I used open communication, I asked for clarification before making any judgments, I did the mature, adult thing. But you didn’t take it that way. You said it was fine when it clearly wasn’t, you created distance, and now you act like you can’t even see me.

But today I beg myself to let go. Because holding onto you is bad for my health.

[escapingthelabryinth]

I’m afraid of books sometimes. They reveal truths that I’ve never spoken aloud, they tell stories of people who are scarily too much like me. But then I feel comfort knowing I am not the only one who has thought these thoughts, fiction or not.

[escapingthelabryinth]

All I want this Christmas is for you to look at me like you did when we first met. Nothing else.

[escapingthelabryinth]

I've given all the space I can give. I'm boxed into a corner and the room just keeps filling, and I can't breathe in here, it's suffocating. So I punch a hole into the wall. Fresh air brushes against my cheek as it filters into the room. It goes quiet, everyone looking at me as if they'd forgotten I was there, forgotten that I'd invited them into this place, my space. I punch another hole, then another, then another, until a human-sized hole exists. And I slip out of it.

[escapingthelabryinth]

via 📽️💫

[escapingthelabryinth]

Please— I don’t want to play this game with you. Just let me go.

[escapingthelabryinth]

I don't remember writing this confession on tumblr....

Every once in a while I think how none of my classmates have read The Secret History. Meaning I'm the only one in class that knows the secret of five Greek students in Vermont in the 80s, and is gravely infatuated by someone that only smokes Lucky Strikes and didn't know about the moon landing.

[escapingthelabryinth]

this post is for the girls who are academically smart, hold too high expectations of themselves, be serious when they shouldn't have been, regret being serious, regret being not serious, who text back too fast, who love getting dressed up but have no one to go somewhere with, who constantly feel everyone is disappointed in them, whose writing you would die for, who could never be the english teacher's favourite, who get all the gossip, who are friends with the popular people, who are near to invisible to most of the people, who are the life of their friend group, whom people admire but hesitate to approach, who love getting attention, who aren't loud enough to seek attention, who want to be left alone, who want to go out, who would turn around the world if they wanted to.

[escapingthelabryinth]

and to live forever <3

feeling that oppressive urge to have a group of friends who have weekly dinners at someone’s apartment, flock together on campus, debate literature and philosophy over wine soaked nights, study in the library together long after everyone’s gone, write each other letters when we’re apart for the holidays, run about the woods at night and be utterly, utterly free.

[escapingthelabryinth]

Just a reminder that a true friend doesn't suggest you swallow your feelings and move on with your life when something is bothering you. They are the ones who push you to open up, to deal with issues head on, and to progress. They are the ones who understand that anxiety is not self-made, it's not asked-for, and it's definitely not attention-seeking. They are the ones who are not afraid to admit they may not understand what you're experiencing, but they trust that you do and that you know what the best way for yourself to cope is.

Don't settle for anything less than a TRUE friend.

[escapingthelabryinth]

I thought avoiding getting close to people was a tired old cliche, a book trope, something uncharacteristic of me. Yet, here I am, pushing away people who try to get to know me. Not because I dislike them or because of any wrong they’ve done me, but simply because they are much too good, too kind, too worth it to get tangled in the web that is me.

[escapingthelabryinth]

Yesterday, a girl asked me why I switched from being an English major to a PR major. I almost told her the truth. But instead I told her the same excuse I tell everyone whose asked: I want to make money, I’d said.

Sometimes, I want to tell people why. Sometimes, I feel like it’s unfair that I feel the need to lie about it. Sometimes, I think about the reason why and I just cry about it, because I let myself believe that my major was reflective of my intelligence and worthiness. Sometimes, I just want to tell someone the truth.

[escapingthelabryinth]

[escapingthelabryinth]

"Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red."

– Kait Rokowski