eunuch-horn-blog - Tumblr blog

[eunuch-horn-blog]

today.

[eunuch-horn-blog]

[eunuch-horn-blog]

tw: ED/ Fear foods

Smelling my roommates toasting english muffins just reminded me I'm afraid of them and forgot. Next on the list! We can doooooo iiiiiiiiit.

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Burritos, man

AHHH beating fear foods one at a time. I am so stoked. Got a CARNE ASADA BURRITO. One a 12 inch tortilla. Who knows how much cheese. Stuffed with white rice, too. And I ate the whole thing. This is gonna be a regular food, I think. So happy and proud of myself. SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHHH.

If anyone reads this who is struggling, I wish I could give you this feeling of strength and relief. I wish I could give you this feeling of pride, and fullness, and satisfaction without guilt. You deserve to feel good about yourself.

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Fear food challenge

My list of fear foods and their STUPID STUPID REASONS. Generally things I used to love but am now afraid to eat because I won't be able to practice moderation. Or like, someone made them and I don't know what's in them. The usual idiotic stuff. Healthy eating isn't about eating what's "healthy" all of the time, for every meal, every day. I need to implement what I know to be true.

Anyway, keeping this list to cross off (aiming for one a day)

Pasta (I fear hunger, and can't drop the idea that pasta will make me hungry. Then, I fear carb-crash and need to eat more. Wrong.) For breakfast! With oil! 5/9/12

Bagels (Conquered this one and it came back... again) Bagel w cream cheese! 5/8/13

The really big packaged cookies (How specific!) Lenny & Larry's Double Chocolate! 5/9/13

Peanut butter M&Ms 5/9/13

Rice cakes (Because I will eat the whole sleeve) Sick day 5/7/13

Candy bars (again... just seems like a waste) Payday! 5/2/13

Sushi, for some reason. (This one actually confuses me since it's healthy.) Tuna avocado! That then gave me food poisoning two days later. Good effort though, hahaha. 5/5/13

Bubble tea (Drinking sugar, tapioca balls are how many calories??? Stop.) With my bf :)

Those paninis from bodegas. (I love sandwiches. I need to drop the control thing.) BBQ Chicken Panini with cheddar! 5/10/13

White potatoes (10 lbs of them in the fridge to use. Get on that.)

Indian food (The fats. Secret oils etc)

Burritos (And all mexican food, because of the secret LARDS) Carne Asada Burrito! BEEF!!!!! 5/18/13

Pastries (specifically sweet breads and cakes, those poptarts from the coffee shop)

Anpan pastry! (This is it's own thing. Doesn't count as a pastry.)

Street food Kebabs & Hot Dogs (How they're cooked & weird meats that I'd normally love)

Crackers with cheese (Normal..)

Trail Mix Sahale parmesan herb almonds! 6/8/13

Ice cream bar Twix!!! 5/8/13

Things I'm working on getting more of in general, especially based on how the lack of those fear foods affect my nutrition:

Fat

Calcium

Iron

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Side view, from 200.2 down to 143 :) I did it! Finally made my goal :) follow for fitness

[eunuch-horn-blog]

tw: ED

There's a fine line in recovery, I think. Balance. Going outside my comfort zone without falling into the the other extreme of free-wheeling unnatural stuff-myself bingeing. Being kind to myself. Sometimes I confuse or rationalize overindulging with healthful indulging.

I'm having a moment right now with some sugared almonds. I've eaten a normal human's amount, and now I'm drinking some black coffee to cleanse my palette. I've had a full breakfast, a full lunch, and re-learning portions is a huge factor in my recovery. I have no guilt, and my body is satisfied. But that bag's sitting there behind me, and it's crazy what a habitual-ED brain will do. One side's shouting FEEEEED MEEEEEE and the other side's reminding me of the starvation high.

I know if I eat too much I'll get a stomach ache. I won't be hungry for dinner with my bf. I know I'll feel guilt because I didn't listen to my body. I can eat nice things and not get weird about it! I can do this! 

[eunuch-horn-blog]

bodega panini I've wanted for months and never gotten. SO GOOD.

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Fear foods

I have been CRUSHING IT. Seriously, at least one every day, multiple times a day. It is incredible. I am so stoked. I just had a crazy panini, yesterday my meals were:

B: Grapefruit, pasta with olive oil (!!)

L: Huge packaged cookie

D: Peanut butter M&Ms

S: Homemade buttered popcorn and doritos.

No bingeing, no over-eating, and I stayed within my calorie goals but felt completely satisfied. There really IS something to allowing yourself to eat whatever you want, with reason.

Love yourself! Eat something good and forbidden today! You will feel so proud and good and healthy!

[eunuch-horn-blog]

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Another oatmeal picture.

Quick oats + full fat fage (oh. my god.) + cinnamon + crunchy PB + left overnight in the fridge.

So filling!

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Being pear shaped and losing weight

“WTF melodramatic obnoxiously bony shoulders that slam painfully into things at all the wrong angles where the fuck did all my fat go”

“LOL found it, hello there ass and thighs”

[eunuch-horn-blog]

:0

Oh.. She’s a Cutie

Follow The Greatest Show On Earth  http://negativeass.tumblr.com/

• All Races • All Sizes • Fitness • Curves • Abs • Skinny • Submissions Accepted

[eunuch-horn-blog]

Curvespo…

Follow The Greatest Show On Earth   http://negativeass.tumblr.com/

• All Races • All Sizes • Fitness • Curves • Abs • Skinny • Submissions Accepted

[eunuch-horn-blog]

I am now just under 3 weeks away from my next fitness competition, and wanted to share with you the progress I’ve made! I am 5’4” by the way.

The formula is CLEAN eating, HEAVY lifting, HARDCORE cardio and POSITIVE attitude! Stay consistent, expect only excellence from yourself, and remain focused. Never ever give up! (:

See you in three weeks! Xoxo A

[eunuch-horn-blog]

[eunuch-horn-blog]

incredible

Abed Mahfouz - Coture Spring-Summer 2009