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[exhaustedfander]

Hideaway: Chapter Eight

 a03 link 

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / ?

word count: 2,140

*Emerges from the grave* I'm not dead! Hey guys, I know it's been forever and I really didn't know if this story was ever going to continue but I'm back with intentions of continuing till the end. I can't promise when each chapter is going to come out or the regularity because I've fallen out of the Sanders Sides fandom to a degree, but I have missed this story and I'm really excited to continue it.

In case anyone needs a quick recap, this begins just after the events of "Putting Other First", in which Roman and Logan are both very burnt out and Roman asks Logan to come with him into The Imagination for 'just a little while.' While in the castle that Roman has built, they spend many intimate moments while simultaneously avoiding their feeling for each other and their self-worth issues.

In their absence, Virgil and Patton grow concerned about them and ask Janus and Remus if they've seen them. In the end, after a tense conversation, Patton and Janus stay behind to keep an eye on Thomas while Virgil and Remus venture into The Imagination to try and retrieve them.

“Do you think Remus and Virgil have found them yet?”

Patton sits on the sofa, Janus draped over his lap with a book in his hand. He sets the book aside, his attention set on the fatherly figment, Patton’s face drawn in deep worry.

“I don’t know,” he answers, before adding, “But I’m sure they’re alright. Roman and Logan are bound to stick together. And I can’t see Virgil leaving Remus’s side.”

It’s become more and more difficult lying to Patton. Janus finds it almost humorous; he’s Deceit, for Christ’s sake. He should be able to lie to Patton with ease, as there are certainly times in which it’s definitely necessary. Considering their troubled past, and Patton’s previous outright hatred towards all things fibbing, it’s laughable that Janus struggles as much as he does these days.

But he reminds himself, they’re partners now. It was one thing lying to Patton when they were ‘enemies’, and another entirely when they grew closer. But now? Janus has a hard time choking down a mere fib, and this is one of those instances.

He isn’t sure that they’re alright, not at all. He certainly hopes so. He’s put faith in Remus and Virgil to put aside their differences and find them. He doesn’t doubt that they’ll be successful, but the cost of such an outcome weighs heavily on his mind. Roman may very well not want to be found. And when it comes to Logan, Janus just can’t be sure.

Regardless, at most, this is a white lie. Small and, as of now, fairly harmless. He wants to reassure Patton that everything will work out fine and wants even more so to reassure himself of this. Patton’s been on the cliff’s edge of despair of these last few days, Janus is doing everything to stop him from slipping over. But… there’s only so far, a person can go, only so far you can try to comfort those you love, and he knows this. It would be foolish to believe he could irradicate every one of Patton’s doubts. Still, he can’t help but wish for it.

“You’re probably right,” Patton responds after a moment. He’s lying too. Janus can taste the bitterness falsehood in his mouth, and the look in Patton’s eyes gives it all away.

He presses a kiss to Patton’s cheek, curling up in his embrace, his book, for the time being, all but forgotten.

Hurry Remus, he prays silently, Please, keep an eye on him, Virgil. Bring them home.

=+=

“Roman? R-Roman, what’s going on?” Logan asks urgently, swiveling his head around the now pitch-black field. The moment darkness enveloped the land, the unicorns scattered, whinnying as they ran deep into the thicket of the forest.

“I– its. It’s so dark.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Logan says, “Why is it dark? Where did the daylight go?”

Roman goes very quiet and though it’s difficult to do so in the dark, Logan can just barely make out the look of horror that’s spread across his face.

“Roman. Roman, what’s happening?”

“We need to leave,” he says after another moment of stunned silence.

“What?”

“We can’t be here,” Roman insists, grabbing for Logan’s hand and holding tight, “We need to go. Back to the castle.”

“Why? I don’t understand what’s going on,” Logan says, surprised to find Roman physically pulling him in the direction of the castle, “Roman– wait. What is the meaning of this? What's frightening you?”

“I– I don’t know. Logan, I don’t know, I- I don’t know what’s happening. But I know we need to get out of here. Something’s very wrong.”

Desperate for answers though he is, Logan, cannot ignore the way Roman’s voice wavers with utter terror.

“Will doing so help? Will it help you to understand what’s happening?” “I’m– Logan it’s dark. It’s s-so dark. I don’t like it.”

“Okay,” Logan says finally, conjuring a flashlight. He expects that Roman would’ve done so sooner, were it not for his frazzled state of mind, “We’ll go somewhere light. Come on.”

Roman grips his hand almost painfully as they hurry back to the castle. The lights all flick on in unison as they make it through the doors. Roman let’s go of his hand, sagging against the wall, his chest heaving.

“Hey, hey,” Logan says uneasily, watching as his friend struggles, “It’s alright. We’re back where it’s light, you’re going to be alright.”

Not long ago, Logan’s sure he’d insist that there’s no need to be afraid of something as harmless as the dark. People’s minds simply wander towards the worst-case scenarios when they’re in pitch-blackness. Furthermore, he’s certain that Roman in almost any circumstance would be appalled to have revealed the depth of this fear. Regardless, though, they’re here now and Logan will not point out any of those factors.

If he thinks about it for a moment, there may be a good reason to be afraid of this particular darkness. Roman hadn’t seemed to understand its causation the least bit a few minutes ago and he significantly doubts that’s changed much.

“Something’s not right. It’s wrong, Lo. Lo, it’s wrong,” Roman pants, his breath catching in his throat. “It’s dark and– and something doesn’t feel right. It – it feels like there’s someone…”

“Someone who, what? Roman, I don’t understand what you’re telling me.”

Roman’s eyes widen, the expression of terror on his face worsening.

“Someone’s here.”

The moment the whisper exits his lips, Roman’s body goes slack. He pitches backward, his back hitting the wall hard with a smack, and try though he does, Logan isn’t quick enough to try and stop him from sliding to the floor. Hastily, he kneels in front of Roman, searching him over as thoroughly as he can.

“Roman, are you injured? Did something happen?”

He racks his brain, trying to think about a moment in which Roman was out of his sight long enough to have harm done to him. But they’ve been together since they woke up and Logan can’t fathom how Roman might’ve found himself in some kind of parrel. He’s clearly in deep distress, and Logan’s trying to figure out why that might be as quickly as he can. Roman offers no answer.

“Are you ill?” He ventures thinking that might be somewhat more plausible, “Do you feel unwell?”

Roman shakes his head fiercely. He’s shaking like a leaf.

"No,” he bites out as the word hurts him. Logan’s trying to help him up but it’s as though Roman’s body has gone numb, the shivers that rack him only growing worse as each second passes. “No, it’s not– I’m not sick. Can’t you see; there is something amiss. They’re here, a-and, and they don’t want us to be here. They want to take us.”

Logan is not convinced Roman is well. Not with that wild, unfathomable save for terror look in his blown-out pupils and the shivers that refuse to leave him.

He thinks he should do something.  what it is exactly is escaping him, but Roman is panicking and there must be some solution here.

Roman buries his head between his knees, clutching them tightly and making himself as small as possible. Logan’s heart hasn’t stopped hammering since the sun seemed to decide it would shine no longer.

“Roman. Please, you mustn’t be feeling well. Do you have, a fever, perhaps?” Carefully, Logan reaches to touch Roman’s forehead, only for the princely side to jerk away, suddenly standing on unsteady feet.

“I said, I’m not sick! It has to be a monster! A terrible, deadly beast! That’s the only explanation as to why I feel so… so…”

“So?”

“Afraid,” he mutters, “I’m afraid, Logan. You– you can’t let them take me, Logan! Or you! They can’t take us. They can't.”

For a moment, Logan’s mind turns to fellow sides. Roman couldn’t be referring to them with such dread… right? No, surely not. He and Roman aren’t exactly on the best of terms with them at the moment, but the state of their relationship would never warrant that worrying look in Roman’s eyes.

Unsure of himself, Logan says, “I won’t let anything happen to you, Roman. You’re safe here. I’ll keep you safe.”

He doesn’t have a clue what he might be keeping Roman safe from. Looking out the window, it’s hard to assess incoming danger in the sudden absence of the sun. but this Roman’s realm, a place he’s always been most in his element. As far as he’s aware, Roman’s felt content in this place and he doesn’t know why that would ever change.

Before he knows what’s happening, Roman is in his lap with his toned arms winding around his waist. He buries his face in Logan’s neck, shaking as the logical side holds him close. It’s strange, how familiar embracing Roman has become and, in turn, being embraced by him. Logan had never intended to become so accustomed to physical intimacy but now that he has, he hardly thinks it possible to stop.

If cradling him and promising protection might keep these unknown demons at bay, Logan will do so. When Roman’s head is clearer, he’ll try to get some information out of him. Surely there must be some way to understand what’s become of the sun – or the moon for that matter, for she too has vanished.

=+=

“What the fuck is going on?” Is the first thing Virgil asks when the lights go out. Remus must know, he thinks; he’s a part of Thomas’s creativity, for crying out loud! But when Virgil turns to him, his face now illuminated by the torch that’s he’s conjured, Remus looks as confused as he does.

“I don’t know,” Remus says, holding the torch of green fire in front of him, staring out into the otherwise inky blackness, “What did he do?”

“What did who do? What’re you talking about?”

“Roman,” Remus answers, “What the hell did my brother do? The timing in this place has always been weird but the suns never disappeared before.”

From his limited knowledge of The Imagination, Virgil can attest to that. He’s been here countless times with Roman, and a few with Remus, back in the day, and nothing like this has ever happened. He’d noticed the sun rising and setting at a hard to pin down rate, but this is just plain freaky.

“Do… do you think Roman knows what’s going on either?”

“He might, but–.” He pauses, a grave look settling over his face. “Virgil.”

“Yeah?”

“Does something feel wrong here?”

“Okay, you already know I’m anxious all the time, so I don’t know what you’re– oh. Huh. Are those…?”

“Eyes?”

“Uh-huh,” Virgil says, noticing what must be dozens of pairs of glowing emerald green eyes in the bushes and shrubbery around them. “Are they you’re doing?”

“Not this time, Storm Cloud.”

Virgil spares a second to dwell on the use of a nickname he hasn’t heard from Remus in what must be years now before realizing, far more troublingly, that Remus looks unnerved. He isn’t the type to be afraid of things in The Imagination or just period, yet his eyes are wide as he takes in the sights and sounds that seem to be closing in on them.

“Stuff like this isn’t usually anywhere near Roman’s side, right?”

“Nope. He’s got unicorns and fairies and shit. You think these are unicorns and fairies?”

Considering the sinister look in those many sets of eyes and the growls and snarls erupting from the greenery, Virgil’s inclined to say, Nah, not wholesome fairytale creatures.

Virgil had gone into this situation knowing all was far from well, but this exceeds those expectations by a lot. He’d thought maybe a standoff between Logan and Roman would be evident, but he’d never worried that The Imagination itself might be hostile.

“Remus, what’re we supposed to do?”

“We’re gonna find Logan and my shit-head brother is what we’re gonna do,” Remus says, suddenly brandishing his morning star.

“But what about–.”

“What, this? C’mon, we can handle this. Just stick close.”

And as much as Virgil wants to head in the opposite direction, what choice has he got? They can’t return back to the mindscape emptyhanded and what if these creatures are, like, trapping Logan and Roman here or something? He seriously doubts that train of thought, but there’s no going back, not when they’ve already made it to Roman’s side of The Imagination. They’re here to do something, and goddamn it, they’re gonna do it.

It doesn’t stop Virgil’s heart from racing as Remus slips a hand into his, giving him a squeeze. Whether or not Remus is trying to comfort him or himself, Virgil doesn’t have a clue, but either way, he’s not letting go. Not right now.

One step at a time, hand-in-hand, they walk into the lion’s den.

=+=

Hideaway Taglist:

@tryingtobts

General Taglist:

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex

@bella-in-a-bag

@igonnatalknothing

@elizabutgayer

@wishthefish916

@reptilianwithscallions

@justmeandmygayships

@arodynamic-enby

@harper-mdn

[exhaustedfander]

Hideaway: Chapter Eight

 a03 link 

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / ?

word count: 2,140

*Emerges from the grave* I'm not dead! Hey guys, I know it's been forever and I really didn't know if this story was ever going to continue but I'm back with intentions of continuing till the end. I can't promise when each chapter is going to come out or the regularity because I've fallen out of the Sanders Sides fandom to a degree, but I have missed this story and I'm really excited to continue it.

In case anyone needs a quick recap, this begins just after the events of "Putting Other First", in which Roman and Logan are both very burnt out and Roman asks Logan to come with him into The Imagination for 'just a little while.' While in the castle that Roman has built, they spend many intimate moments while simultaneously avoiding their feeling for each other and their self-worth issues.

In their absence, Virgil and Patton grow concerned about them and ask Janus and Remus if they've seen them. In the end, after a tense conversation, Patton and Janus stay behind to keep an eye on Thomas while Virgil and Remus venture into The Imagination to try and retrieve them.

“Do you think Remus and Virgil have found them yet?”

Patton sits on the sofa, Janus draped over his lap with a book in his hand. He sets the book aside, his attention set on the fatherly figment, Patton’s face drawn in deep worry.

“I don’t know,” he answers, before adding, “But I’m sure they’re alright. Roman and Logan are bound to stick together. And I can’t see Virgil leaving Remus’s side.”

It’s become more and more difficult lying to Patton. Janus finds it almost humorous; he’s Deceit, for Christ’s sake. He should be able to lie to Patton with ease, as there are certainly times in which it’s definitely necessary. Considering their troubled past, and Patton’s previous outright hatred towards all things fibbing, it’s laughable that Janus struggles as much as he does these days.

But he reminds himself, they’re partners now. It was one thing lying to Patton when they were ‘enemies’, and another entirely when they grew closer. But now? Janus has a hard time choking down a mere fib, and this is one of those instances.

He isn’t sure that they’re alright, not at all. He certainly hopes so. He’s put faith in Remus and Virgil to put aside their differences and find them. He doesn’t doubt that they’ll be successful, but the cost of such an outcome weighs heavily on his mind. Roman may very well not want to be found. And when it comes to Logan, Janus just can’t be sure.

Regardless, at most, this is a white lie. Small and, as of now, fairly harmless. He wants to reassure Patton that everything will work out fine and wants even more so to reassure himself of this. Patton’s been on the cliff’s edge of despair of these last few days, Janus is doing everything to stop him from slipping over. But… there’s only so far, a person can go, only so far you can try to comfort those you love, and he knows this. It would be foolish to believe he could irradicate every one of Patton’s doubts. Still, he can’t help but wish for it.

“You’re probably right,” Patton responds after a moment. He’s lying too. Janus can taste the bitterness falsehood in his mouth, and the look in Patton’s eyes gives it all away.

He presses a kiss to Patton’s cheek, curling up in his embrace, his book, for the time being, all but forgotten.

Hurry Remus, he prays silently, Please, keep an eye on him, Virgil. Bring them home.

=+=

“Roman? R-Roman, what’s going on?” Logan asks urgently, swiveling his head around the now pitch-black field. The moment darkness enveloped the land, the unicorns scattered, whinnying as they ran deep into the thicket of the forest.

“I– its. It’s so dark.”

“Yes, I can see that.” Logan says, “Why is it dark? Where did the daylight go?”

Roman goes very quiet and though it’s difficult to do so in the dark, Logan can just barely make out the look of horror that’s spread across his face.

“Roman. Roman, what’s happening?”

“We need to leave,” he says after another moment of stunned silence.

“What?”

“We can’t be here,” Roman insists, grabbing for Logan’s hand and holding tight, “We need to go. Back to the castle.”

“Why? I don’t understand what’s going on,” Logan says, surprised to find Roman physically pulling him in the direction of the castle, “Roman– wait. What is the meaning of this? What's frightening you?”

“I– I don’t know. Logan, I don’t know, I- I don’t know what’s happening. But I know we need to get out of here. Something’s very wrong.”

Desperate for answers though he is, Logan, cannot ignore the way Roman’s voice wavers with utter terror.

“Will doing so help? Will it help you to understand what’s happening?” “I’m– Logan it’s dark. It’s s-so dark. I don’t like it.”

“Okay,” Logan says finally, conjuring a flashlight. He expects that Roman would’ve done so sooner, were it not for his frazzled state of mind, “We’ll go somewhere light. Come on.”

Roman grips his hand almost painfully as they hurry back to the castle. The lights all flick on in unison as they make it through the doors. Roman let’s go of his hand, sagging against the wall, his chest heaving.

“Hey, hey,” Logan says uneasily, watching as his friend struggles, “It’s alright. We’re back where it’s light, you’re going to be alright.”

Not long ago, Logan’s sure he’d insist that there’s no need to be afraid of something as harmless as the dark. People’s minds simply wander towards the worst-case scenarios when they’re in pitch-blackness. Furthermore, he’s certain that Roman in almost any circumstance would be appalled to have revealed the depth of this fear. Regardless, though, they’re here now and Logan will not point out any of those factors.

If he thinks about it for a moment, there may be a good reason to be afraid of this particular darkness. Roman hadn’t seemed to understand its causation the least bit a few minutes ago and he significantly doubts that’s changed much.

“Something’s not right. It’s wrong, Lo. Lo, it’s wrong,” Roman pants, his breath catching in his throat. “It’s dark and– and something doesn’t feel right. It – it feels like there’s someone…”

“Someone who, what? Roman, I don’t understand what you’re telling me.”

Roman’s eyes widen, the expression of terror on his face worsening.

“Someone’s here.”

The moment the whisper exits his lips, Roman’s body goes slack. He pitches backward, his back hitting the wall hard with a smack, and try though he does, Logan isn’t quick enough to try and stop him from sliding to the floor. Hastily, he kneels in front of Roman, searching him over as thoroughly as he can.

“Roman, are you injured? Did something happen?”

He racks his brain, trying to think about a moment in which Roman was out of his sight long enough to have harm done to him. But they’ve been together since they woke up and Logan can’t fathom how Roman might’ve found himself in some kind of parrel. He’s clearly in deep distress, and Logan’s trying to figure out why that might be as quickly as he can. Roman offers no answer.

“Are you ill?” He ventures thinking that might be somewhat more plausible, “Do you feel unwell?”

Roman shakes his head fiercely. He’s shaking like a leaf.

"No,” he bites out as the word hurts him. Logan’s trying to help him up but it’s as though Roman’s body has gone numb, the shivers that rack him only growing worse as each second passes. “No, it’s not– I’m not sick. Can’t you see; there is something amiss. They’re here, a-and, and they don’t want us to be here. They want to take us.”

Logan is not convinced Roman is well. Not with that wild, unfathomable save for terror look in his blown-out pupils and the shivers that refuse to leave him.

He thinks he should do something.  what it is exactly is escaping him, but Roman is panicking and there must be some solution here.

Roman buries his head between his knees, clutching them tightly and making himself as small as possible. Logan’s heart hasn’t stopped hammering since the sun seemed to decide it would shine no longer.

“Roman. Please, you mustn’t be feeling well. Do you have, a fever, perhaps?” Carefully, Logan reaches to touch Roman’s forehead, only for the princely side to jerk away, suddenly standing on unsteady feet.

“I said, I’m not sick! It has to be a monster! A terrible, deadly beast! That’s the only explanation as to why I feel so… so…”

“So?”

“Afraid,” he mutters, “I’m afraid, Logan. You– you can’t let them take me, Logan! Or you! They can’t take us. They can't.”

For a moment, Logan’s mind turns to fellow sides. Roman couldn’t be referring to them with such dread… right? No, surely not. He and Roman aren’t exactly on the best of terms with them at the moment, but the state of their relationship would never warrant that worrying look in Roman’s eyes.

Unsure of himself, Logan says, “I won’t let anything happen to you, Roman. You’re safe here. I’ll keep you safe.”

He doesn’t have a clue what he might be keeping Roman safe from. Looking out the window, it’s hard to assess incoming danger in the sudden absence of the sun. but this Roman’s realm, a place he’s always been most in his element. As far as he’s aware, Roman’s felt content in this place and he doesn’t know why that would ever change.

Before he knows what’s happening, Roman is in his lap with his toned arms winding around his waist. He buries his face in Logan’s neck, shaking as the logical side holds him close. It’s strange, how familiar embracing Roman has become and, in turn, being embraced by him. Logan had never intended to become so accustomed to physical intimacy but now that he has, he hardly thinks it possible to stop.

If cradling him and promising protection might keep these unknown demons at bay, Logan will do so. When Roman’s head is clearer, he’ll try to get some information out of him. Surely there must be some way to understand what’s become of the sun – or the moon for that matter, for she too has vanished.

=+=

“What the fuck is going on?” Is the first thing Virgil asks when the lights go out. Remus must know, he thinks; he’s a part of Thomas’s creativity, for crying out loud! But when Virgil turns to him, his face now illuminated by the torch that’s he’s conjured, Remus looks as confused as he does.

“I don’t know,” Remus says, holding the torch of green fire in front of him, staring out into the otherwise inky blackness, “What did he do?”

“What did who do? What’re you talking about?”

“Roman,” Remus answers, “What the hell did my brother do? The timing in this place has always been weird but the suns never disappeared before.”

From his limited knowledge of The Imagination, Virgil can attest to that. He’s been here countless times with Roman, and a few with Remus, back in the day, and nothing like this has ever happened. He’d noticed the sun rising and setting at a hard to pin down rate, but this is just plain freaky.

“Do… do you think Roman knows what’s going on either?”

“He might, but–.” He pauses, a grave look settling over his face. “Virgil.”

“Yeah?”

“Does something feel wrong here?”

“Okay, you already know I’m anxious all the time, so I don’t know what you’re– oh. Huh. Are those…?”

“Eyes?”

“Uh-huh,” Virgil says, noticing what must be dozens of pairs of glowing emerald green eyes in the bushes and shrubbery around them. “Are they you’re doing?”

“Not this time, Storm Cloud.”

Virgil spares a second to dwell on the use of a nickname he hasn’t heard from Remus in what must be years now before realizing, far more troublingly, that Remus looks unnerved. He isn’t the type to be afraid of things in The Imagination or just period, yet his eyes are wide as he takes in the sights and sounds that seem to be closing in on them.

“Stuff like this isn’t usually anywhere near Roman’s side, right?”

“Nope. He’s got unicorns and fairies and shit. You think these are unicorns and fairies?”

Considering the sinister look in those many sets of eyes and the growls and snarls erupting from the greenery, Virgil’s inclined to say, Nah, not wholesome fairytale creatures.

Virgil had gone into this situation knowing all was far from well, but this exceeds those expectations by a lot. He’d thought maybe a standoff between Logan and Roman would be evident, but he’d never worried that The Imagination itself might be hostile.

“Remus, what’re we supposed to do?”

“We’re gonna find Logan and my shit-head brother is what we’re gonna do,” Remus says, suddenly brandishing his morning star.

“But what about–.”

“What, this? C’mon, we can handle this. Just stick close.”

And as much as Virgil wants to head in the opposite direction, what choice has he got? They can’t return back to the mindscape emptyhanded and what if these creatures are, like, trapping Logan and Roman here or something? He seriously doubts that train of thought, but there’s no going back, not when they’ve already made it to Roman’s side of The Imagination. They’re here to do something, and goddamn it, they’re gonna do it.

It doesn’t stop Virgil’s heart from racing as Remus slips a hand into his, giving him a squeeze. Whether or not Remus is trying to comfort him or himself, Virgil doesn’t have a clue, but either way, he’s not letting go. Not right now.

One step at a time, hand-in-hand, they walk into the lion’s den.

=+=

Hideaway Taglist:

@tryingtobts

General Taglist:

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex

@bella-in-a-bag

@igonnatalknothing

@elizabutgayer

@wishthefish916

@reptilianwithscallions

@justmeandmygayships

@arodynamic-enby

@harper-mdn

[exhaustedfander]

Hey, long time no post folks. Believe it or not, I'm going to post a new chapter of Hideaway soon. I know it's been forever and a day, but I hope folks will enjoy the continuation of this story. I'm nowhere near as involved in the Sanders Sides fandom as I had been, but I'm still around.

[exhaustedfander]

Janus’s sweater look oh my GOSH

[exhaustedfander]

Oh my god @randomslasher I’m such a fan of your blog! It would be an absolute honor if you wrote something with this idea!

Idk if this is kind of a dumb idea, but imagine Patton at first thinking he just really likes the color yellow. It’s a happy, cheerful color, and he always does his best to be a happy, cheerful side so, for him, it makes sense that whenever he’s around Janus he feels real happy! Janus might wear a lot of other yellow garments when not in his usual attire, some more casual-wear, and whatnot. So as Patton continues to spend more and more time with Janus, he’s still convinced the joy he feels around him is in association with the color.

But eventually, reality strikes him. Patton doesn’t love the color yellow; he loves Janus.

[exhaustedfander]

Idk if this is kind of a dumb idea, but imagine Patton at first thinking he just really likes the color yellow. It’s a happy, cheerful color, and he always does his best to be a happy, cheerful side so, for him, it makes sense that whenever he’s around Janus he feels real happy! Janus might wear a lot of other yellow garments when not in his usual attire, some more casual-wear, and whatnot. So as Patton continues to spend more and more time with Janus, he’s still convinced the joy he feels around him is in association with the color.

But eventually, reality strikes him. Patton doesn’t love the color yellow; he loves Janus.

[exhaustedfander]

I’ve been thrifting lately! I got the yellow dress, the pink shirt, and the orange dress. I haven’t cared about or enjoyed clothes for most of my life but lately thrifting has made me like what I wear a lot more. 💗🧡💛

[exhaustedfander]

Submit Yourself to Devotion

a03 link

word count: 2699

summary:

“Tell me that you love me.”

“I love you,” Logan whispers into the crook of his neck, breathing it out like a prayer, “Deeply and entirely.”

“And you’d kill for me? Tell me that you’d kill for me, Logan.”

Remus says it in a jovial tone, as though it’s a joke. But Logan stills, his grip on Remus’s shoulder tightening just so. He breaths in and out, considering his next words carefully. And then:

“I already have.”

Fic bellow ...

It scares Logan, how far he’d go for Remus. Before knowing him, Logan had long considered himself above the dramatics of romance. He was a man of logic, a man of reason and rationality. He looked at his friends, so lost in love, and wondered how they could possibly become so weak to another person. How could anyone lose themselves so entirely in the love of another? Surely, Logan wouldn’t. He wasn’t weak.

Oh, but how he fell.

It wasn’t instant, not ‘love at first sight.’ It snuck upon him, the effect that Remus’s laughter had on him, the sparkle in those wild eyes, the rumble of his voice. Logan found himself enraptured by the man, but he’d been sure he wouldn’t stoop so low as to love him.

Still, the time they spent became more frequent, and the pounding on Logan’s heart in Remus’s presence was increasingly difficult to ignore.

Before he knew it, Logan found himself pinned against a wall, Remus’s lips pressed against his in a bruising kiss. He wasn’t the only one to fall, as it turned out. Just like that, any remaining composure Logan clung to was gone.

Logan could tell himself he was still a person mostly devoid of emotion, he could promise himself not to grow desperate for his lover, but it would always be a falsehood. Logan’s affections for Remus, having spent a great many months festering, boiled over to maddening, intense love, a feeling unlike he had ever experienced.

He still feels just as helpless, a year into their relationship. All sense of caution goes out the window quickly. Things escalate rapidly, passion, and emotion becoming normalcy for Logan. Everything about Remus is fascinating, from the way he lights up when an idea strikes him and he spends the next several hours painting, to the way he holds Logan’s hand so tightly. It’s almost shocking when Logan realizes he would do anything for Remus.

It’s even more shocking when the cognizance comes to fruition.

=+=

Logan stands in the kitchen, the aromatic scent of pasta sauce wafting through the apartment. Remus is sprawled out on the sofa, scrolling through his phone. Logan is thankful for his boyfriend’s distraction, hoping he hasn’t caught on to the way his hands have been trembling incessantly.

Logan does not always see an issue with lying. He by no means advocates for spreading falsehoods at every turn, but there’s very little reason to get worked up over such a thing, for the most part. Lying to Remus always feels different, though. Always so much worse.

It’s not a complete lie, Logan reminds himself. Remus hasn’t asked him anything yet, thanks be to small miracles. But… he also hasn’t said anything to his boyfriend. He’ll have to, soon. Remus has a right to know what’s happened, and Logan doesn’t know how much longer he can keep this bottled up. It’s harder than he’d like it to be.

“How was your day, Lo?” Remus asks, setting his phone aside and puts attention on Logan, who tries to will himself not to look so peakish.

“It was fine,” he says, trying to remain composed, but his voice wavers all the same. Remus’s face scrunches up in confusion, and oh dear, this is all far more exhausting than it ought to be.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asks, rising to his feet. Logan shakes his head, his eyes returning to the saucepan.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he assures, but his voice betrays more than he’d like. Remus isn’t an idiot; he can tell something’s amiss.

“Did you have a hard day?” Remus asks, pressing a kiss to the back of Logan’s neck, his arms winding around his waist. “Did those students of yours give you lots of trouble?”

“No. You give me enough trouble as it is,” Logan says, humor seeping into his voice, despite the anxiety that’s been welling inside of him over the last few days.

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Dinner’s ready,” Logan says, rather than answering, and pours the sauce over the pasta. Remus huffs out a sigh. This is merely a pause in the conversation, rather than the end, and that knowledge sends a chill down his spine.

The two eat in relative silence, sitting tangled together on the sofa once they’ve finished. The tension that’s inhabited Logan refuses to leave, coiled tight in his stomach, and sitting heavy on his shoulders. Time spent in Remus’s apartment is usually something he so looks forward to, but today, it’s something he’d been dreading.

“Hey, what’s going on, baby?” Remus asks after a lull of silence, pulling away and looking into Logan’s eyes searchingly.

“Nothings –.”

“You’re shaking,” Remus interrupts concern evident, “You’ve been jittery for days. I’ve been waiting for you to come clean, but… you’re making me nervous.”

The statement strikes Logan right to his core. Remus doesn’t get nervous. He’s always bold, an act now, think later kind of man through-and-through. But Logan’s done it; he’s scared his lover.

He should’ve known Remus was on to him. He’s far from a deceptive liar, and Logan’s found himself fidgeting at least a dozen times in the last three days.

“What can I tell you to ease your mind, my dear?” Logan asks, putting his arms around Remus again, relieved when he doesn’t retreat.

“The truth would be nice,” Remus huffs. Logan sighs, anxiety straining him. Remus quiets for a moment, before speaking up again.

“Tell me that you love me.”

“I love you,” Logan whispers into the crook of his neck, breathing it out like a prayer, “Deeply and entirely.”

“And you’d kill for me? Tell me that you’d kill for me, Logan.”

Remus says it in a jovial tone, as though it’s a joke. But Logan stills, his grip on Remus’s shoulder tightening just so. He breaths in and out, considering his next words carefully. And then:

“I already have.”

Remus’s eyes widen to the size of saucers, his body going rigid.

Logan lets go of him, sitting up so that there’s a gap between them on the sofa. He doesn’t know what to expect in the least bit. Remus has always been a highly unpredictable man, and there’s hardly an anticipated reaction when admitting to murder.

“What do you mean, ‘you already have’? Logan, what are you talking about?”

Logan can’t tell what Remus’s tone is indicating. It could be horror or just general shock. It could be a million things, the possibilities immediately overwhelming. Either way, he’s got some explaining to do, and fast.

“I did it for you,” Logan says, wishing he sounded less far-gone than he does.

“Who was it?” Remus asks, his voice far less lively than it usually is.

“You’re neighbor across the hall.”

“Jesus fuck, Logan. He died three days ago. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to frighten you,” Logan says, shifting in his seat so the space between them widens just so, in an effort to keep Remus from feeling trapped.

“Why did you do it? I don’t understand.”

Logan takes a deep breath, wondering if he should prepare to mourn the death of his relationship, and wondering a little more so if the police are about to be called.

“Blake was stalking you,” Logan says, watching as Remus’s eyes somehow grow wider.

“What?”

“He was watching you. Following you too, at times. I caught him suspiciously close to your vicinity on multiple occasions. I couldn’t let anything happen to you, Remus. I couldn’t. So I… took care of the matter.”

“I can hold my own, Logan. You know that. I never noticed anything too off about Blake. I mean, he seemed a little weird. But I didn’t really know him.”

“No, you didn’t know him. He was dangerous, love. The way he looked at you, as though you were some kind of… object. I couldn’t stand for that.”

“How did you do it, then? How did you, ‘take care of the matter’?”

“Do you really want to know?” Logan asks cautiously, “I could spare you the details if you wish.”

“Tell me.”

Logan nods, taking a steadying breath.

“Okay.”

**

Coming in through the window is easy. This man isn’t as cautious as he should be, considering the way he’s been looking at Remus, hungry and desperate. The window isn’t even locked. One would think someone of such disrespect would be more mindful of his own neck, but Logan certainly isn’t complaining.

He drops soundlessly onto the living room floor, taking in the squalor that is Blake’s apartment. Dishes are piled high in the sink, the coffee table littered with take-out boxes and trash. The furniture is ratty and unkempt, matching the rest of the disgusting place perfectly. Does Blake think he’s worthy of Remus, or is he simply infatuated? Does he plan to attempt to court Remus, or is he scheming something dastardlier? Logan won’t give him the time to decide and strike.

The sound of water turning on sends a thrill running through him. this will be even simpler than he’d previously thought. He takes his time, walking through the filthy apartment, nosing through Blake’s bedroom. The pictures he was sure he’d find – he’d seen Blake with a camera at one point – are pinned up on the bedroom wall, and Logan’s surer than ever that he’s acting accordingly.

He feels as though he should be overwhelmed with nerves. Surely, his heart should be pounding out of his chest, shivers running through his body. But the only thing that propels Logan forward is determination.

The sound of the water running gains in volume as he nears the bathroom, as well as loud music that must be coming from a portable speaker. Logan’s mind runs with every necessary plan to be able to carry out what he’s about to.

He turns the handle slowly, thankful for the distracting music that’s blaring inside the small room. Logan stalks assiduously toward the shower, pulling the door open in one swift motion.

“What the fuck?!” Blake shouts, backing into the cramped space, but there isn’t anywhere to go. Logan is not an intimidating looking man by most standards, not usually considered for his strength or size. Unfortunately for Blake, he’s quite disadvantaged at the moment.

Logan grips tightly onto Blake’s shoulder with one hand, the other smothering his mouth as the other man desperately tries to break the hold. He’s just a few inches shorter than Logan, just a touch weaker, but overpowering him is deliciously easy. Logan pushes him into the tile with all the force necessary, his head hitting the wall with a decisive crack. When Logan releases his hold, Blake goes lax, his back squelching against the tile as he slides to the floor.

He watches as Blake lies face-down on the floor, ingesting the water that continues to flow from the spout. Logan can’t help but transfix on the blood running down the drain, long after Blake’s stopped breathing.

He closes the bathroom door after he’d left, the music blaring on and water still pounding Blake’s corpse, relief flooding Logan’s senses. He leaves through the window he’d come through one that faces an ally, and luckily, has very few windows facing his way. He didn’t see anyone when he was coming in, and he doesn’t stop anyone now.

**

Logan pauses once he’s finished, taking in the look on Remus’s face. It’s another expression he’s having great difficulty putting together. Remus looks awed, while simultaneously appalled, the combination peculiar.

“So, you bashed his head in and he drown in the shower?” Remus asks, ever to the point.

“Yes.”

“And he was watching me? Had photos of me hanging up in his place, and all that?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“Logan, baby, you should’ve told me –.”

“Remus, I know this must look –.”

“I would’ve helped you.”

Logan feels as though his heart goes dead in his chest, all expectations whirring in his mind silencing.

“…what?”

“You said he was an asshole, right? That he was a danger?”

“Yes – yes, he was. I’m just –.”

“Did you think he was a threat to me? Genuinely?”

Was Blake a threat to Logan? Did he truly pose a risk? Or was Logan simply being overprotective to the degree of murder? No. Blake would’ve done something eventually, he’s sure of it. Logan was merely acting in Remus’s best interests. And besides, what if Blake was a danger to someone else in the future? He’d prevented such things from ever being an issue.

“I do. Would… would you really have ‘helped’ me?” Logan asks, voice low. The smile that Remus sends him would be nearly unsettling, were it not for the context.

“Oh, baby, I would’ve kicked his fucking head in.”

Well. That certainly made this situation easier.

“I never would’ve put you in such danger. I wouldn’t have let you near him. He wasn’t to be trusted,” Logan says, voice rising with an unsteady level of emotion.

“You’re such a softie for me, aren’t you?” Remus asks, the space between them rapidly shrinking.

“N-no. I simply –.”

“You simply, what?” Remus asks. When did he get so close? “Killed my neighbor because he looked at me in a way you didn’t like?”

“Remus, I –.”

“Which is incredibly sexy of you, I’ll have you know,” Remus says with a devilish grin, placing himself in Logan’s lap, his hands landing on Logan’s shoulders.

“It… it is?”

“Are you kidding me? You did that for me. Think of how much you risked, just because you were worried for me,” Remus says, pressing a heated kiss to Logan’s pulse-point. “You love me that much.”

“I love you more than anything,” Logan breaths out, wave after wave of relief washing over him.

“You risked getting caught,” Remus points out, punctuating the sentence with a nip at his neck, “I didn’t know you could be so reckless. I like it.”

“I was very careful to make Blake’s death appear accidental,” Logan explains, voice breaking off as Remus’s teeth graze the sensitive skin of his collarbone, “I highly doubt the police suspect a thing. But… yes. I suppose I did put myself at risk. It was worth it, though. I’m sure of that.”

“And you claim you’re not a romantic, you sap,” Remus chides, and suddenly, Logan is shuddering for entirely different reasons.

Remus continues to press kisses to Logan’s face and neck, the embraces quickly becoming heated as their touches become more frantic and lingered.

“What did it feel like?” Remus whispers against his skin, voice awed, “Ending a life? What was it like?”

Logan had been so afraid of what this conversation was going to be like. He’d agonized himself over the idea of Remus leaving him, of Remus seeing him as a monster. But… that isn’t what’s happened. Not at all. Logan can be entirely honest with Remus, and his lover won’t cast judgment his way.

“It was… exhilarating,” Logan admits after a moment of deliberation, “watching as the blood ran down the drain. It was such a relief when he stopped breathing.”

“Would you do it again? If you felt that you had to?”

“For you?” Logan asks, smiling as Remus buries his face in his neck, the familiar weight in his lap comforting, “I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“I’ll have to find a way to return the sentiment someday,” Remus says before kissing him, desperate and open-mouthed.

Perhaps Logan should find it in himself to be concerned that Remus is suggesting he’s more than open to ending a life himself. Maybe, even more so, he should be horrified at the realization that it felt as good as it did, killing Blake. The realization that should he feel the need, especially if Remus is involved, he will kill again. But at the moment, all Logan can think of is the pair of lips against his and the hand tangled in his hair, the other fiddling to undo his belt.

Logan thinks not of the horrors he’s opened himself up to. He doesn’t dwell on the lengths he has and will go to for his lover. He has one thought alone, that takes up the entirety of his mind: Remus, Remus, Remus.

Finally, he submits himself fully to devotion.

=+=

Taglist for this Oneshot:

theiwatobiicepic

thesociallyanxiousrebel General Taglist: 

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex 

@bella-in-a-bag

@igonnatalknothing

@elizabutgayer

@wishthefish916

@reptilianwithscallions 

@justmeandmygayships

@arodynamic-enby 

@harper-mdn 

@falsemood

@taxicabinmemphis 

[exhaustedfander]

I’ve had suuuuuch bad writers block lately. I’m sorry updates have been few and far between as of late, but I promise content is coming soon. On an unrelated note, I’ve been thrifting quite a lot lately which is super fun. Would anyone be interested in photos of the outfits I’ve been able to find?

[exhaustedfander]

One thought currently inhabits my mind at the moment: Logan’s skirt look 

[exhaustedfander]

Me: I’m gonna write lots tonight!

My antidepressants (which, so far, haven’t been working aaaa!) making me incredibly sleepy: no ❤️

[exhaustedfander]

Initially, I was going to make the murder Logan commits a lot cleaner, poisoning or something, but I’m nothing if not extra, and I’ve decided to go with something a bit... messier. 

[exhaustedfander]

Teeny Tiny Sneak Peak for an upcoming oneshot:

“Tell me that you love me.”

“I love you,” Logan whispers into the crook of his neck, breathing it out like a prayer, “Deeply and entirely.”

“And you’d kill for me? Tell me that you’d kill for me, Logan.”

Remus says it in a jovial tone, as though it’s a joke. But Logan stills, his grip on Remus’s shoulder tightening just so. He breaths in and out, considering his next words carefully. And then:

“I already have.”

[exhaustedfander]

Aw, thank you, Mim! Your support always means the world to me, especially considering what a talented writer/artist you are!

Good evening! Question:

Who are some good and/or underappreciated writers in the sasi fandom? Any recommendations?

You can also tag them in this post if you like!

[exhaustedfander]

Hideaway: Chapter Seven

 a03 link 

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / ?

word count: 2,249

It’s here! I’m sorry this chapter took so long, I’ve had a lot of school work and mental health shit. But gosh, the election results were such a releif, and I’m happy I was finally able to finish this chapter. I’d love to hear what you think of it! 

Panic still thrums wildly in Logan even hours – or what he suspects to be hours; the sun has risen and set several times over now – after the initial conclusion. Not usually someone to give in to something so illogical, he prays that Roman can’t see the trembling of his limbs, or hear the nervous, fluttering thoughts his mind continues to produce. He’s freaking out and he doesn’t know what to do.

It’s not as though Logan wasn’t aware that it was a possibility, he could someday feel strongly about one of his fellow sides. He’s seen how Janus and Patton behave around each other, even when they think they're hiding their relationship well (they aren’t). He’s seen the passing looks that Virgil and Remus give each other from time-to-time, expressions that bear a strange mix of resentment, anger, and longing. Logan has long since given up trying to understand what those glances really mean. These are things that Logan’s always been semi-aware of, but he never expected them to apply to himself, especially not something as drastic as love.

It doesn’t make any sense. Sure, he was aware of a certain fondness he felt for the creative side. He was even bold enough to label it an attraction, but love? Something so achingly raw, so disastrous and strong? He doesn’t understand how he can be capable of such an intense feeling and it’s quite possibly going to be the death of him (figuratively, of course, although he can’t be too sure. This certainly feels like it could be a cause of death).

The point is, Logan’s trying to ignore it. After breakfast, Roman insists that they should venture outside of the castle and that he has something he’d like to show him. Logan doesn’t like this idea. While The Imagination is undoubtedly beautiful and fantastical, it’s also something he has so little understanding of. It’s far beyond Logan’s realm of comprehension, so odd and he barely knows what to make of it.

He would’ve never agreed to come here, was it for Roman coming too. Even if he didn’t fully understand the reasoning then, he does now. It’s frightening, how far he’d go if Roman only asked. The lengths he would go to make that man smile are an issue he does not wish to dwell on, but he can’t help but do so. He remembers when it was easy to be stern to him, to say no. But now, in the state they’re in? Logan is helpless, and Roman doesn’t seem to be much better off.

“Come on, it’s just up ahead,” Roman says, taking Logan by the hand. They’re going uphill, towards whatever destination Roman’s decided on. Logan tries to ignore the way his body tingles from their joining hands all the way to his shoulder.

“Where are you leading me?” Logan asks teeth gritted. He can’t help it; he’s so goddamn jittery.

“It’s a surprise,” Roman sing-songs, “Oh, don’t give me that look. It’s a good surprise, I promise.”

“I don’t particularly like surprises.”

“You’ll like this one,” Roman says so surely, as though he knows it without a shadow of a doubt. That’s odd, considering how unsure of almost everything he’s seemed recently. Roman has been so unhappy with his creations as of late, so dissatisfied, that the fact that he’s actually excited to show Logan something is… interesting. It’s good, probably. Logan thinks it’s good.

Upon internally battling this love he’s apparently been harboring and trying to quell the anticipation of whatever Roman’s surprise must be, Logan hardly notices that they’ve stopped walking until Roman gives his hand a gentle squeeze.

“We’re here.”

Logan looks out at the clearing that Roman has brought them to, his eyes scanning over the picturesque scenery. And then he spots them, and his heart flutters.

Two unicorns stand in the grass, looking at him and Roman. They’re fur and manes are a pristine white, while their horns are a light bluish color. They don’t look startled by the sudden company, not in the least bit. In fact, they look curious, curious about Logan.

“Roman they’re – they’re beautiful,” Logan gasps, surprised by how taken aback he’s suddenly become. He doesn’t remember the last time he was so captivated – excluding, of course, every time he looks at Roman.

“Do you like them?” Roman asks, a smile gracing his lips that says he already knows the answer to the question.

“They’re magnificent,” Logan says softly, eyes fixed on the creatures. He tries to find it in himself to think this is ridiculous; Roman’s created these animals, there’s no such thing as unicorns. He’s logic, he shouldn’t be enamored by something so childish. And yet, he can’t help but be transfixed.

“You can pet them if you’d like.” The offer shouldn’t make him as happy as it does.

Logan turns to look at Roman, anticipation coursing through him.

“Are- are you certain? I don’t want to startle them…” Roman nods, smiling.

“Go on,” he encourages, gesturing to them. Slowly, Logan approaches one of them, a trembling hand reaching out.

“H-hello there,” Logan greets the creature, feeling a little silly. But then, the unicorn tilts its head and nuzzles against his hand. Logan melts.

“Oh. I think- I think they like me.”

“They love you,” Roman says, voice brimming with fondness. The other unicorn approaches and Logan’s smile widens even more so, his other arm outstretching to pet the animal’s mane.

Logan thinks not of the intensity of his feelings for Roman. He doesn’t dwell on the anxiety that has gripped his heart or wonder how long they’ve really been here – because he has been beginning to wonder.

No, for now, Logan simply takes the beautiful moment in.

“Thank you for this, Roman,” Logan says, the unicorns still very interested in him, nuzzling him and standing close.

“Anything for you, darling,” Roman says softly, and for once, Logan isn’t overwhelmed by the term of endearment. His mind is far too occupied.

=+=

Leaves crunch underfoot as they walk in uneasy silence – silence Virgil is sure will be broken any minute now. It’s only a matter of time.

"So, you think they’re fucking?” And, there it is.

“Can you not, for like, five seconds?” Virgil asks, exasperated.

They’ve been walking for a while now in Remus’s side of The Imagination, heading towards Roman. The castle that Remus is fairly sure they’re residing in isn’t in view yet, but Remus claims it should be soon.

“Can I not, what? Be insanely charming?” Remus asks, nudging Virgil who groans in response.

“Charming, right.”

“Oh c’mon, Virgey, admit it. You’ve missed me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Even as he says it, Virgil isn’t entirely confident with his statement. Of course, for a great deal of their time together, he was afraid of Remus. When they were younger the intrusive side was even more unpredictable, and Virgil had been going through so much at the time as it was. But it’s been a long time now since Virgil’s genuinely been afraid of Remus and his feelings are… well, they’re complicated. More complicated than he wants to admit.

“So, how much further is Roman’s side?” Virgil asks, hoping to change the subject. By the look in Remus’s eyes, though, he’s not getting out of it that easy.

“Not far now,” Remus says, a tinge of disgust in his voice, “I hate his frou-frou side. It’s so full of flowers, and rainbows, and unicorns. Bleh!” Virgil looks around at the fire-singed trees and strange creatures that surround them in Remus’s side.

“And yours is that much better?” He asks, gesturing to the decay. Remus smiles.

“Oh come on, Emo. I know you prefer this to Roman’s non-stop goody-two-shoes-ness. Admit it: he can be a bit much, can’t he?” Virgil bites his lip.

“Yeah, he can. But so can you,” Virgil says, “And, he’s never tried to set me on fire.” Remus smacks him on the arm.

“That was an accident and you know it!”

“Mm, do I, though?”

The tense silence that had previously enveloped them returns for a few minutes, Virgil’s mind drifting to Patton and Janus.

“Do you think Patton’s doing okay?” It feels stupid, asking Remus. The Duke and Patton have by no means been on the best of terms, and regardless, Remus knows as much as he does. But he can’t help from worrying, and he’s the only person around to ask.

“Oh no, I’m sure Janus is torturing him horribly as we speak,” Remus says, his tone teasing but Virgil really isn’t in the mood, “What do you think his preferred means of torture are? I’d go for waterboarding, or bone-breaking, myself. But Double-D’s a more clean-cut guy, so maybe he’ll go for blinding. Not something messy, I’m sure. But I –.”

“Knock it off!” Virgil interrupts, anger rising with each word out of his mouth. Remus stops in the middle of the path they’re walking on, forcing Virgil to do the same.

“You’re not worried about Thomas’s safety, are you? That’s not why you’re asking if Patton’s okay?” Remus doesn’t give him time to butt-in, “No, you’re worried about Janus. You’re worried about him and Patton being in charge together.”

“And what if I am?” Remus glares at him, exasperated.

“You’d think after all those years you spent with us, you’d have a little more trust.”

“What reason has Janus given me to trust him in – god, ages?” Virgil spits venomously, “Think of how often he lied to me, to both of us!”

“Yeah, he’s deceit. It’s kind of in the job description.” Virgil shakes his head.

“Not the way he acted.”

“So, what, you don’t trust him with Patton? Gee, Virgil, I thought that you were upset about him being overprotective of you. Looks like you’re turning the table on Pat.”

“I am not being overprotective!” Virgil says, but the waver in his voice indicates otherwise, “It’s just – he didn’t know Janus like we did back then. When we were the outcasts.”

“Oh, open your fucking eyes!” – Multiple sets of eyes suddenly appear around them, littering the sky and trees, before quickly disappearing – “We’re still the outcast. You and Jan have just gotten an upgrade. We’re still the ‘dark sides’, the ones that Thomas is most wary of. That’s never going to completely change, and you know it.”

“Remus, stop it.”

“Stop, what? Telling the truth? I thought you were sick of all the lying?”

“I said, stop it!” Virgil shouts, voice rising in volume.

“He loves Patton. He’s not going to do anything to hurt him, or Thomas, or anyone. The fact that you’re more concerned about Janus’s behavior than mine is ridiculous. I’m supposed to be the one who isn’t to be trusted.”

The prospect of Janus loving Patton, really loving him, and Patton feeling the same is one that Virgil does not know how to compute. Even still, despite his better judgment, he can’t help but dwell on the hurt in Remus’s voice. Why does he sound so wounded, as though he fully expects Virgil to still be terrified of him? And why does Virgil care in the first place?

“I – I never said I trusted you,” Virgil sputters, knowing it’s going to make things worse, but finding himself too overwhelmed not to dig himself in a deeper hole, “It’s just…”

“It’s just, what?” Remus asks, exasperation replacing his usual jovial tone, “Admit it: You don’t even know what you’re afraid of anymore. You don’t know what to expect of Janus because, newsflash, it’s been years since you’ve had a real conversation with him.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. This isn’t about me.”

“Oh, it isn’t, is it?” Remus asks with a laugh, though the sound lacks humor, “You know… Double-D’s never stopped missing you.”

Virgil stifles a cough as the breath is knocked from his lungs. Tightness settles in his chest, constricting and terrible, and he begins walking again, picking up his previous pace.

“Where are you going? I’m not done talking to you!”

“We need to find your brother,” he says without looking back at Remus, walking even faster, “We don’t have time for this.”

“I don’t care!” Remus says, and Virgil isn’t sure which sentence he’s replying to, “We need to talk about this, Virgil. It’s gone on too fucking long.”

“We don’t need to talk about anything!”

“Yes, we do! Do you know how hurt that Janus was when you left us? Do you know how long he mourned you like you’d died?”

“Shut up! Just – just fucking shut up!” Virgil cries, nearly running now, from what, he can’t say. The pressure in his chest increases, the sound of Remus’s footfalls not far behind him sending ripples of panic through him.

“You left us, Virgil! You left us without so much as an explanation! He missed you for years; still misses you! And so do I!”

That sets a pit in Virgil’s stomach like so few things. He can feel the tension crackling in the air, can taste the regret forming on his tongue. Still, he continues forward, desperate not to look back and see the expression on Remus’s face, whatever it might be.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, I do!” Remus insists, his hand clamping down on Virgil’s shoulder as they breach the gap to Roman’s side of The Imagination.

And then, Remus and Virgil are plunged into darkness, as though the sun itself has been extinguished.

=+=

Uh oh, looks like someone shut out the lights. That can't be good!

Please, let me know if you’d like to be added to either taglist! 

Hideaway Taglist:

@tryingtobts

General Taglist:

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex 

@bella-in-a-bag

@igonnatalknothing

@elizabutgayer

@wishthefish916

@reptilianwithscallions 

@justmeandmygayships

@arodynamic-enby 

@harper-mdn 

[exhaustedfander]

I’m sorry this chapter is taking so long. The US election has been a major point of stress on my mind and I’ve had quite a lot of schoolwork lately. But I promise it’s coming soon! 

[exhaustedfander]

I’m going to try and have the next chapter of Hideaway up by tomorrow evening. I’d intended on getting more of it written tonight, but my mind’s been very occupied by the US Election and that’s pretty much all I can focus on. I hope my fellow Americans are doing alright at this time. It’s cetainly a stressful time in the Country, particularly for minorities. Let’s hope for the best!