faerydae1217-blog - Tumblr blog

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Me too hun me too

1601) My self-harm was never for attention but to cope with difficult situations, and I'm terribly scared that when people accidentally see them, they'll think it was for attention.

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A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.

Zen Shin Talks (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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Is anyone willing to help me out I'm scared and I feel alone and the bff situation I want everything with her to go as smoothly as possibly and I know alot of people are gonna say well she's your bff if she really is she wouldn't mind well it's a long story and I love her way way to much to add my stress to her very very full plate she literally means the world to me and if I stressed her out and something went wrong in would never stop blaming my self

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So my disc is herniated again and it's literally taking everything I have not to throw my self down a flight of stairs.... this will mean that I will have a 3rd back surgery in the span of a year. This times rods and pins thanks ehlers danlos. So I'm kinda wallowing in my own sadness here since I read my MRI. The depression is getting worse but I'm also not sleeping and my mind is racing so I feel like I'm flipping to hypomanic but I'm not sure but also I never really am sure until I haven't slept for 3 days. So Monday we talk surgery with the back surgeon and Tuesday I get my shoulder checked out cause I somehow fucked that up too. At 21 I have had more surgeries than my mom and grandma combined by the end of this year (If I live to see it) I will have a grand total of 13 surgeries in my lifetime, But 15 times total under anesthesia for various reasons. I feel like I'm literally just becoming an expensive lump if lard that has to rely on my husband and family for everything and I hate that more than anything in the world I would give up anything to just be normal.

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My precious baby eeekkkk!

Jeongyeon in Signal 🤙🏼

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From my Instagram faerydae121

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Hi

This will be my side blog following my health journey. Trigger warning I'm gonna explain why I created this blog so just if you are sensitive look away if you have any questions feel free to ask please . . .. . . . . . . . . . So I have many issues stemming from a chronic disorder called ehlers danlos. I have type 3 and I'm 21 and my body is riddle with arthritis and other joint issues thanks to this. I have chronic migraines I've had them since Jr. High. I also have bipolar, anxiety, depression and I self harm. I have alot of issues and I need a place to come and be myself and talk it out and vent so please don't report me ok. I'm struggling as is. My family doesn't know about the self harm my husband knows but he doesn't know how bad it is or that it's almost daily now cause how well I'm hiding it from him. My family also pretty much only sees me as a huge expensive lump of lard ( I'm 250lb literally a lump of lard). My mom wants to move to Florida to be with her only grand child cause she knows I can't give her a grandchild anytime soon but she still hold it against me and doesn't care that I'm disabled she wants to get away. And of course I have daddy issues haven't talked to my father in months he didnt show up at my wedding and only told me via text at the rehearsal dinner. Also via voice mail a year agontold me my memaw died he didnt even tell us she was sick so I could come say my goodbyes. I've dealt with alot of death and I'm trying desperately to avoid my own but some days death feels like it would be a welcome relief.