#i want to crawl in a hole

[tim-lucy]

lucy always assuming her family is disappointed in her + tim being the only one who tells her otherwise

[warlordfelwinter]

life might keep being bad and the worst and i hate it but i found a better doctor who collection at a store for less than amazon in time to cancel my amazon order for a refund AND my dad has a portable dvd player so i will in fact get to curl up in bed and be brought comfort by david tennant

[v-a-t-s]

idek why i’m up. i should be going to bed i have a flight to catch. 😔 can’t wait to be back home so i can try to forget all this happened. i wish i could be happy about this bc i never thought anyone would ever want to kiss me , but i just feel… pathetic LOL sorry to be such a sad piece of shit. :( i’m just having a hard time processing this. i’ve never experienced anything like this in my life and i’m turning 26 next month lol. just feels a lot more weird and disappointing than i’ve always imagined.

[duckiezwrld]

me trying to keep it together and not rant to people every time they wish me a good day :')

[twinksintrees]

reorganize, they said. it will be fun said, they said. i’m gonna fucking lose it

[hopefearlovefaith]

surprise, surprise, I opened the can of worms and now I want to vomit.

[kkyaka]

Bro my braids are gonna take so long and I feel like shit 😭😭😭😭😭

[ltbunny]

Talking to Simon in a bar, it's mostly just you talking at him and him nodding along, taking big swigs of his beer so he doesn't have to pull up his mask too often. Sitting side by side in the booth instead of across from each other, he says its cause you're too quiet but it's definitely so he can keep his arm wrapped around your waist, hands busy on your rolls, kneading them unnecessarily, stuck to your side, knees bumping each others while you nurse your drink and run the conversation,

"I've always wanted a snake, you know? I love snakes, they're so pretty and adorable,"

and ghost finally opens his mouth to contribute to the conversation

"Snakes are nice, what type do you want?"

"Hm, like.. I would love a big boy. My favourite is an emerald tree boa constrictor, but maybe start off with something smaller, maybe an albino,"

His arm slides up without warning, slinging it around your shoulder, pressing down, his fingers gripping your neck, squeezing. not harshly, but not lightly either. your eyes widen, and you look at him, a slight blush covering your cheeks, making a little shocked squeak,

"Wha-"

"This is how heavy it would be, a big python, heavier even. Bundled up around your shoulders, around your neck." He squeezes his fingers, the grin under his mask shown through his eyes, "You can take it right? A big guy, choking you out, wrapping around your pretty lil' neck."

"Come on, stop messi-"

"Of course you would be able to take it, you're a good girl, you'd take care of 'em... anyway, it wouldn't even be a good pet, cold-blooded piece of shit, but you'd still love it anyway, right? That's just how you are, love...

He let's go and chugs down his beer, his eyes still looking at you from the side, silent again for a while, while both of you try to collect your thoughts. You open your mouth to talk, but you're interrupted once again.

"Don't get a snake. You have me, how many more cold blooded shits do you need in your life, I can choke you out, contrict you, maybe not coil around you but i can leave you feeling helpless anytime you please, love."

He murmurs, his voice low, pressed up close to you, his balaclava ghosting your ear, his arm back around your waist, squeezing your thighs.

"...what about right now?"

"..."

He gets up and slams two 20 quid notes on the table and drags you out the bar, his grip tight. You two don't even make it home. He opts for the ginnel next to the bar. Half an hour after you left the bar you're pumped full of cum, your throat is sore and you're covered in hickeys. Over ghost or a snake, pretty sure you'll choose ghost every time.

[elz324]

Didnt realize i was mentally ill until i went off the lexapro and had to deal with a slightly awkward interaction with a man in a bar (:

[mercurial-harlot]

Got hit with a double fucking whammy academically today. Thinking I might go live in the woods somewhere instead

[girlblogger666]

Do u enjoy life? No

[celerydays]

lazy mornings 💛

[letsmcfreackingloseit]

Ok, I have been dead for long enough-

Hello everyone! I hope the holidays have been fun and that all of you are looking forward for the new year!

I for one have been fighting for my life with this little animation/animatic for the Cryptid Sightings au. I’m still not quite satisfied with it, but at some point you gotta say “enough is enough” especially when you’re working with windows old MovieMaker as your editing program because you’re an old cheapskate who refuses to buy a proper animation program

But anyway! Naff I really freaking love this au and I can’t wait to see more of it! I thought this classic vine would fit the au, so I hope you like it ;D 

As always; Cryptid Sightings is an au and story written by lovely @naffeclipse which you can read here! Moon’s design is just his normal look and Y/N’s design is a bit of a twist from my side ‘cause I’m quirky like that ;P

Cheers and an early Happy new year to all of you!

[borderlinebelle]

🗣️🧠

Has anyone ever taken a stimulant for ADHD and it cured your manic mess but simultaneously erased your creative joyful childlike wonder at the world and your interest in the people you share it with?

💊

Am I cured or broken indefinitely to better suit “adulthood”?

🙃

As I wade through the vibrant and manic mess that was the BEFORE STIMULANTS and I look out onto the starkly dull and muted tones of the AFTERS STIMULANTS… the pendulum swings and I violently and obediently bend with it.

🫡

I can balance my budget now. Proficient in punctuality and productivity. Finishing work projects that used to take weeks? EASY. Calculating and efficient, I am almost unemotional as I smash through barriers that once kept me at a stand still for weeks.

��

The counter balance to these super abilities is glaring:

👀

1. I find it difficult to produce an ounce of creativity.

2. I am colder, more calculating.

3. I find empathy over other people’s emotions a far off tingle of familiarity I reach for and only brush.

4. I find even accessing my own emotions to be difficult.

5. I find little pleasure from completing tasks just a dull and far off ✅ that reminds me of pleasure but has none of the organic material.

6. I lack spark behind my eyes.

🗣️🧠

In conclusion, the video I filmed for today’s YOUTUBE launch felt… soulless and lacking. It felt disingenuous. I wasn’t talking to YOU, my mental health friends. I was just … talking.

😪

TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST: I’m unsure how to proceed with the channel, with my content… with my identity outside of MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL … I feel really really defeated if I’m honest. I’ve spent my entire adult life in survival mode and for the first time, on this new medication, I can see dozens of strategies to LEAVE SURVIVAL and CHASE AFTER THRIVE… but I didn’t think it would COST ME… my personality, my creativity, my identity.

🔎🤷🏽‍♀️

Idk but, I guess .. that’s the way with these things. Mental health, medication, stabilization…

🫥

Mental health isn’t “pretty and punctual” so said my producer tonight. It can ALSO be “imperfect and valuable”. Nothing is a perfect science, everyone is just doing their best I guess.

😮‍💨

Fighting your own brain 🧠 daily, hourly, weekly, monthly, yearly is exhausting work. I’m so deeply proud of everyone out there choosing to fight another day. I hope to continue being as brave and resilient as you all are.

🫣

It’s 12:00am. I’ve officially missed the “NEW VIDEO EVERY SUNDAY” standard I set for myself and I have to admit I’m taking it very poorly and I feel pretty defeated, but I had to come let the few who support my cross platform… that I’m sorry I couldn’t get there today.

🫀

Returning to YouTube after being run off by a parasocial making very real threats years ago, has been a delicious dream of mine for so long.

💭

I just deactivated both my Instagram and Facebook as they were both just reminding me of this missed deadline, of this empty channel, of what feels like a failure. In the age of comparison and competition, TO BE A HUMAN IS NOT EASY.

😬

So I’ll regroup, recoup, lean into coping mechanisms, touch base with my therapist + psychiatrist… and keep trying to find a way through.

💙

Thank you for your interest in my content.

🥸

I appreciate you deeply.

🫶🏽

I anticipate that this hopefully … won’t be the end.

🖊️ xoxo borderlinebelle

[forlorn-crows]

i learned from the best [×] [x]

[raviollies]

i feel like this everytime i draw and post nsfw art