fancoloredglasses

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module X: Requiem

As I’ve stated previously, the final episode of Dungeons & Dragons was written, but never produced. I present it for completeness’ sake.

[QUICK NOTE: As the episode was never finished, the images aren’t from the actual show, but a fan-animated video, which you can find on YouTube. The video follows the script as faithfully as possible, but the official script did not write an ending, since it was unclear if a 4th season would be green-lit, so the ending is the video owner’s concept of how to end the campaign]

[ADDITIONALLY: As I mentioned, this is a fan-made video using clipped animations from the series and original animation where it couldn’t be clipped. As it had been over 30 years since the original series, the producer of this episode couldn’t use the voices of the original actors as they would sound MUCH older]

Where the PCs are:

The players walked away from the table after the last adventure, but the DM managed to beg them back to finish the campaign. As with every other break, the party had adventures with another DM, so have gained an additional 10% of their current XP total. This is enough for Hank to reach level 9.

As for the rest of the party: Sheila is level 11, Diana and Presto are level 9, and Bobby and Eric are level 8.

We open on Dungeon Master on top of a tall plateau, calling out to Venger. Venger appears and suggests a test for the party without Dungeon Master’s aid, with “the key” (whatever that is) or the party’s magic items (oh, and their lives) in the balance. And apparently Dungeon Master is a betting…whatever race he is, as he accepts.

Meanwhile, the party is on the run from…

…a 3-headed hydra? Dammit, the DM is making up monsters again! One of the heads grabs Eric by the cape, but Bobby quickly comes to his aid by knocking down a tree. However, it is all too clear that the party is outmatched.

Then Dungeon Master appears, and everyone looks to him for help (Why? It’s not like he’s ever helped before!), but he refuses (saying, “You got into this by yourselves, my young friends. Now get out of it by yourselves!” Talk about tough love!) and leaves.

Hank blasts a hole in the side of a rock face, revealing a cave that the party escapes through, but the Hydra continues to give chase. Eventually, the party comes to a columned structure and baits the Hydra into charging, then scatters so…

Not sure how long that will hold it, but long enough for the party to get away.

OK, I’ll call that a win. The Hydra was much larger than a typical Hydra, but with fewer heads than would normally be the minimum, so…I’m gonna say 225XP

Later, the party comes across a road sign (of sorts)

Since there’s no clear path, Hank decides to go the way that has a downward slope, as they’re more likely to find water, but Eric wants to go the other way, as it might lead to a town (when has finding a town ever ended well for these guys? I mean, they never even bother provisioning before they’re run off) Hank pulls rank, which causes a huge argument. However, Hank calms everyone down, reminding everyone who they’re actually upset with (HINT: his name rhymes with "Engine Faster")

That night, the party laments about Dungeon Master abandoning them when…

Venger shows up and makes a compelling argument for the party to abandon Dungeon Master (what has he done for them, really?) and to ally with him…in exchange for a way home. All they have to do is journey to a tomb, retrieve a key within, and toss it into an abyss (Is it a trap? I think it’s a trap)

Hank refuses, but Eric provides a counter-argument, which Sheila and Presto agree with, meaning once again, the party is split with Presto and Sheila following Eric.

Eric leads his half of the party to…

…a pirate ship? I thought they were going to a tomb. Maybe it’s the tomb of Davey Jones?

The trio climb aboard and Presto magics the ship to allow it to fly to the tomb.

Hank decides to head them off before they can reach the tomb (How? Eric’s group is flying and the party apparently eats every mount they’re given)

…when a Bronze Dragon appears. Diana convinces it to help them.

[For those not familiar, the metallic (bronze, gold, silver,  brass, and copper) dragons are good, with the chromatic (red, black, blue, green, and white) dragons are evil, which explains the colors of Tiamat’s heads]

Team Hank catches up to Team Eric over a volcano near the tomb. Hank tries to convince Eric to abandon his mission, but Eric is determined to go home, so Hank opens fire! Eric defects Hanks shot with his shield, sending it into the volcano, causing a jet of lava to shoot for Eric’s flying boat (which isn’t very fireproof)

The Bronze Dragon flies clear of the eruption

…leaving Team Eric to their Viking funeral. The Bronze Dragon drops Team Hank off, and with no way back due to the volcanoes, they march on toward the tomb.

Meanwhile, Team Eric somehow managed to get off the boat with Presto’s hat (though they don’t show how)

…and they believe Team Hank was engulfed by the lava. Eric decides to press on before anyone else is killed by the Realm.

Meanwhile, Venger and Dungeon Master watch on from afar as Team Hank approaches the tomb.

(more like a tower, but what do I know?)

Hank mopes that he let down Team Eric, when guess who comes over the hill.

There’s an emotional reunion…until Team Eric tells Team Hank they plan on continuing Venger’s quest, then the argument starts up again (hopefully without anyone firing anything) Unfortunately, not two seconds after saying that…

Presto conjures a fireball that takes out the door to the tower tomb and Team Eric runs in. Hank tries to talk Eric down by firing at him again (because that worked so well the last time)

About that time, the tower tomb shakes

…and tentacles emerge from the ground (I’ve seen too much anime to not see where this is going!) The tentacles combine into some kind of Gelatinous Blob that chases the party further up the tower tomb. Hank’s bow and Presto’s magic have no effect on it.

Bobby collapses the staircase behind the party, keeping the Blob from advancing, but now there’s no going back (going back means dealing with the Blob, so it’s not like they would anyway)

I would call that a defeat, but once again I need to figure out a DM-created monster. The closest thing I can find that matches this is the Gelatinous Cube, but this isn’t cube-shaped, plus it’s much larger than the 1000 cubic feet a Gelatinous Cube’s volume would otherwise be. Judging by the relative size, I’m going to guess about 4 times larger, plus magic resistance and (according to the Monster Manual) paralyzation, I’m awarding 5600XP for the blob. Eric gloats that now they have to continue on, much to Hank’s chagrin. 

Meanwhile in the central chamber, Venger and Dungeon Master continue to comment on the party’s progress. Dungeon Master claims that in the end Venger will be the winner.

The pair vanish as the party enters the chamber. The party sees a stone casket in the center, as well as…

…which is odd, as it was daylight (not to mention full of volcanic clouds) outside. The party investigates, and determines it’s another dimension (the “abyss” Venger mentioned earlier (remember that?)) They then see a door with an emblem viewers may find familiar:

Sheila sees a keyhole in the door.

On the lid of the coffin is an image of Venger, but somehow looking noble. Inside the coffin, they find a key. Eric grabs the key and runs to the abyss to throw it in, but Hank immediately stands in his way, saying that Venger can’t be trusted.

At that time, the room shakes in a familiar way, and the Gelatinous Blob makes its triumphant return! Everyone falls to the ground and Eric makes another play to toss the key, but once again Hank stops him. As the party is about to become Purina Blob Chow, Hank realizes that they aren’t the only prisoners in the Realm, but Venger is as well (huh?) Bobby once again uses his club to cave in the area around the Blob, but…

Hank falls into the Abyss! (It’s Kids’ TV; I’m sure he’ll be fine…right? Right? I mean, this never aired so the same rules don’t apply, but…right?)

Unfortunately, no XP this time as the Blob continues to advance, ensnaring the rest of the party. About that time, Venger makes his presence known, demanding Eric throw the key into the abyss (at least Hank will have a key to keep him company)

However, Eric makes a run for the door. Venger attempts to blast him, but the Gelatinous Blob grabs him as well. Eric puts the key into the door

…and the light within fires at Venger, apparently vaporizing him yet again (for 63,580XP…hey, I’m counting it as the party defeating Venger!), as well as firing beams throughout the Realm

...opening portals that the denizens of the Realm (including the various humanoid races) run through (apparently to their own home worlds)

The Gelatinous Blob then vanishes (for another 5600XP) and suddenly everyone remembers Hank went into the abyss. The party immediately run to the opening to see…

Hank precariously hanging on a ledge just below the opening (whew! I mean… told ya!) After they pull Hank up, they see…

OK, so the XP award for once again defeating Venger may have been a bit premature…but not by much! They watch as Venger is transformed (and rolls out! Well, I mean the original voice actor did voice Optimus Prime) into the image on the lid of the coffin.

At that time, Dungeon Master makes his presence known and it’s finally confirmed that Venger is in fact Dungeon Master’s son.

With that, Dungeon Master opens a portal back to the party’s home (so he could’ve done that at ANY time? Yeah, that’s a bit of a dick move), but offers them the chance to stay and help Dungeon Master continue to fight the evil forces within the Realm.

The party, of course, chooses to return (I mean, do you really think these guys wanna have more sessions with this DM?) Bobby has a tearful goodbye to Uni.

However, Presto chooses to remain, as he wants to become an actual wizard, and remembers that Venger (disguised as Merlin) offered to teach him.

With that…

THE PARTY (except Presto) FINALLY GOES HOME!

And we have the resolution of a couple of unresolved threads, including Bobby reuniting with Terri (there was a “Bobby’s First Crush” subplot I didn’t explore in my review of that episode), as well as Presto returning to Varla.

The party earned 80,605XP, or 13,434XP each, for their final adventure. Not enough to level anyone up, but at least they got closure.

[fancoloredglasses]

Thundarr the Barbarian (Fallout meets Conan)

[All images are owned by Ruby-Spears Warner Bros-Discovery. Please don’t sue me or sic a Mok on me]

(Thanks to Upscaled Nostalgia)

Thundarr the Barbarian was a unique show in the 80s. Post-apocalyptic films were starting to become the rage (Mad Max and Escape from New York being the two biggest) Ruby-Spears Productions caught wind of the coming trend and created a show that came out in the middle of the trend.

The story takes place over 2 millennia in the future after the Earth is devastated by a comet disrupting gravitational and seismic forces when it passes between Earth and the moon (the seismic shift to the moon was so great it split in half!)

During that time, it’s assumed that mankind somehow survived enough to eke out an existence as radiation from the comet mutated the wildlife and somehow introduced magic to the world. However, some of the more brilliant minds somehow managed to advance technology to new heights in this new paradigm. Most of those who mastered science and magic became warlords, ruling their corners of the planet with iron fists.

Through all of this, there are those who are still willing to stand up to these tyrants and free the people from their yoke.

Three of these heroes wander the planet in search of justice. They are:

Thundarr (center), the leader of the group, who was a slave before taking his freedom. He is a savage who tries to make sense of this World Gone Mad and is not afraid to stand up to those more powerful than he is. He often charges into battle wielding his Sunsword (three guesses what film franchise inspired that weapon)

Ookla (right; voiced by Henry Cordon, who was the voice of Fred Flintstone) was freed at the same time as Thundarr, and the two share a bond because of it. He is from a mutant race known as Moks. It’s never stated what the Moks evolved from (after so many centuries, does it matter?), but most fans speculate it was from lions. He doesn’t speak English, but his companions have little issue understanding his growls. Moks are stronger and more ferocious than the average human. However, all Moks have a hatred of being in water.

Ariel (left) is a sorceress (the show calls her a princess, so I would assume she’s the daughter of one of the magical warlords) who was responsible for freeing her companions. Her power isn’t as great as most warlords, but it’s enough to defend herself, her friends, and those who need their help. She has a vast knowledge of pre-apocalyptic technology and tries to teach her friends how to be a bit more civilized in an uncivilized world.

The stories were intense for Saturday Morning fare, but there were times that they bordered on absurd, such as when they had to fight a certain 300 foot copper statue:

(Thanks to Psychic War Veteran)

The series ran for 2 seasons (21 episodes), a rarity for Saturday mornings. If you would like to watch the series, it’s available behind your favorite paywall.

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 3-6: The Winds of Darkness

[As always, all animated images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

This is the final broadcasted episode of the series. If you want to watch the episode, it’s available on YouTube.

Where the PCs are:

Sheila was the only one to level up last adventure and is level 11. Diana and Presto are STILL  level 9, Bobby, Hank, and Eric are STILL  level 8. Hank and Eric should level up this adventure (assuming the DM awards any XP worth mentioning!)

We open to Bobby running through a dark forest. He obviously has been running for some time, as he breathlessly calls for Dungeon Master (doesn’t he realize by now that Dungeon Master comes and goes by his own schedule, not the party’s?)  Bobby approaches a town

…where a woman is being accused of witchcraft (you do realize this is a fantasy realm, right? Every third or fourth female peasant is likely a witch)

…although given her appearance, I would put her as more a time traveler (or teleported here like the party was) The villagers say that it is time for him to return. Not sure who he is.

Meanwhile, the party seems to be fighting some sort of fog.

…and it’s done something to Hank’s leg, making it translucent.  The fog surrounds the party while a strange figure chuckles menacingly.

Wonder if that’s him.

Meanwhile, Bobby has reached the village and is calling for help with the fog. Unfortunately, the villagers scatter, leaving Bobby alone with the woman (who is identified as Martha) She climbs onto her wagon and asks Bobby to join her. It’s not until they’re on their way that she mentions that she’s not going to help. Then Bobby once again calls for Dungeon Master, and for whatever reason that changes her mind.

Meanwhile, whatever effect the fog had on Hank’s leg has spread. Hank gets up and staggers forward to help fight the fog

...but is again touched by it and is vaporized! About that time, Bobby and Martha arrive, and he suddenly vanishes. The party then has to tell Bobby that Hank is gone.

The next morning, Martha identifies him as The Darkling, and that Hank is likely lost forever. With that, Martha prepares to leave. And at that moment…

As I said, he shows up when it’s convenient for him (after the danger has passed) Dungeon Master states he can’t do anything for Hank (big shocker!), which makes Eric snap.

I swear, it looks like he wants to beat Dungeon Master senseless with Hank’s bow. Eric decides to take the party to find someone who can find Hank.

Martha reveals that she and Dungeon Master have a history, and it didn’t go well for her. Eric decides to throw his lot with Martha, and the rest of the party follow suit.

Later, Martha stops for lunch and Sheila discovers…

…a photograph? The evidence is mounting for Martha being from another realm. Martha says it was her family (I’m guessing something happened to them, as they were referred to in the past tense) and quickly changes the subject. Eric wants to find the Darkling, but Martha says they really don’t, and offers to take them to the nearby city of Mindrel, where they’ll be safe.

Unfortunately for Martha, the party would rather seek out the Darkling and stop him (I would bitch about homebrew monsters, but it would appear the Darkling is actually a Dark Stalker from the Fiend Folio) Martha says to get a good meal and rest in a real bed in town before setting out. However, the Darkling only appears for 3 nights every 33 years, so they’ll have one more night to do so after their rest.

Eventually, Martha’s cart reaches Mindrel. She goes ahead to find lodgings while the party watches the cart outside.

Unfortunately…

…the Darkling has woken up early and has decided Presto will be his next victim. The party rushes to aid Presto, but they’re quickly surrounded by the fog.

Fortunately, Martha arrives and…

…envelops the party in a globe of light. Unfortunately, the Darkling is not so easily dissuaded, as the fog surrounds the globe. Fortunately, it can’t penetrate the globe, so the Darkling departs.

Then Uni shows up bleating in alarm. It seems the Darkling took Martha’s pet Gweekin instead of a member of the party. Martha reveals that if the Darkling takes one more victim, it can envelop the Realm in darkness forever.

The party say they’ll get Gweekin back, and with Martha’s help, they’re sure to be victorious. Only…

Martha has seen enough loss and refuses to help, leaving the party on their own, but tells the party where to find the Darkling: in the Grotto of Darkness.

Eric declares that they’ll take on the Darkling regardless, to which…

You knew he wouldn’t give up vaguely steering the party around, didn’t you? Dungeon Master confirms what Martha told them about needing to stop the Darkling by tomorrow evening.

Meanwhile, Martha has a change of heart and turns her cart around.

The next morning, the party reached the Grotto of Darkness. Apparently, the lack of Hank has forced Eric to step up to lead, and the rest of the party is encouraging him to do so. Eric comes up with a decent plan: he and Diana run interference while Presto uses his hat to deal with the fog (well, that could be an issue) Meanwhile, Bobby’s on the roof ready to take down the cave if need be and Sheila and Uni are looking for Hank. Ready? BREAK!

Eventually, the Darkling appears before Team Distraction. Before it can summon its fog…

Martha makes her appearance. While she and Team Distraction occupy the Darkling and his fog, Presto actually gets his spell right and sucks up the fog. Is it just me, or does it seem like Hank, not Eric, was the one holding the party back? All of this is enough for Martha to get close enough to…

…awarding the party a whopping 200XP. The party enters the Darkling’s lair, which is now emitting a bright purple glow, to see…

…the Darkling’s victims over the past 1000 years now freed (Some of them are gonna have one hell of an acclimation period after a few centuries imprisoned).

Eric is all too happy to cede leadership back to Hank (Why? You’ve proven a better tactician than him! You’ve finally proved you deserve better than the role of Comic Relief!)

So everyone except Hank splits the XP award for a grand total of 40XP, which (surprisingly) is enough to level Eric, but no one else. At this, the players have had enough and walk away from the table!

(Don’t worry, they’ll be back for the unproduced series finale)

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 3-5: Cave of the Fairie Dragons

[As always, all show-related images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

At this point, the writers (and the DM) have all but given up. According to IMDb, there was a gap of a month between the airings of this episode and the previous one. Since usually an animation team can get enough episodes together in the beginning of a season to air at least 6 episodes without a break in the releases, this isn’t a good sign (I should also note there’s a month-long gap between this and the next (final) episode as well)

If you want to watch the episode, it’s available on YouTube.

Where the PCs are: 

Sheila was the only one awarded XP last adventure and is level 10 (one XP shy of level 11). Diana and Presto are still level 9, Bobby, Hank, and Eric are still level 8. Sheila, Hank, and Eric should level up this adventure (assuming the DM awards anyone besides Sheila any XP, unlike the last four adventures!)

We open to the party splashing around in a river

…in their…bathing suits? How the hell? I mean, yes, Presto could have magicked them, but given his track record with that hat…

Naturally, Dungeon Master has to show up to spoil their fun. He says he has yet another scheme to get the party home (where have we heard that before?) and a new set of riddles: “When all seems lost, seek that which reflects what you are and what you desire most”, “A giant sacrifice may be required to save a tiny friend”, and “The smallest deed may yield the greatest reward” Wow, a 3-for-1 special!

Eric starts walking away, but then stalks back so he can pratfall while Dungeon Master vanishes.

Eric goes to retrieve his armor from the pile of rocks it was sitting on when the pile shakes, sending him tumbling into the water, and…

…Giant Ants emerge! FINALLY Some combat after 5 episodes! (besides Sheila’s solo battles) While Eric fishes for his gear, Diana tries the trick she used on the giant worm, but forgets there's more than one and…

Diana calls to Hank for help

…but Hank has his own issues with ants. In fact…

…the party is quickly overrun! Ummm…can we go back to adventures with no combat?

Fortunately, Bobby is still free and uses his club to cause a tremor, scaring the ants and allowing the party to escape (so still no XP since the party ran away) However, the ants recover quickly and start chasing them. A voice calls out for the party to follow (when will they learn not to listen to strange voices?) The voice leads them to a cave behind a waterfall. Then they see the source of the voice:

…a Faerie Dragon (or “Fairie Dragon” as the episode calls it), who says her name is Amber. Amber takes a liking to Presto and leads the party into the cavern (if Monster Manual II didn’t list Faerie Dragons as good in alignment, I’d smell a trap)

Amber then decides to take a nap in Presto’s hat (given Presto’s track record with that hat, I would say that’s not the safest place to sleep)

Eventually, the cave leads to a clearing with another Faerie Dragon. He flies to Amber and informs her and the party that the Faerie Dragons’ Queen, Tasmira, has been kidnapped by someone called King Varen (is this the Faerie Dragon King? Sounds like a domestic dispute…or some interesting bedroom antics) Amber flies off to assist, and Hank volunteers the party to help.

The party climbs to the cave where the Faerie Dragons have their lair.

There is mistrust among the Faerie Dragons toward the party until Amber smooths things over. It turns out that whomever King Varen is, he’s demanding the treasure of the Faerie Dragons in exchange for Queen Tasmira (so I’m guessing no kinky stuff then) The party offers to rescue Tasmira, and Amber comes along as a guide

…and for some snuggle time with Presto.

Later, Amber leads the party to King Varen’s castle (I’m guessing Varen isn’t another Faerie Dragon) Sheila puts up her cloak of invisibility and sneaks in, creating a distraction so the others can enter unobserved. Eric and Uni stand watch in the courtyard while the others move deeper into the castle. In the dungeons, the party eventually find a cell that has…

…Queen Tasmira locked in a birdcage. The party attempts to free her, but something has de-powered their magic items (they never seem to work when the party really needs them, do they?)

That’s when King Varen shows up, gloating that the cell has an anti-magic field and that the party is now their prisoners (after tossing Eric and Uni in the cell)

Amber manages to sneak out before the cell door is closed and locked. After Varen leaves, she tells the party she’s going for help.

Hank manages to pry open the cage holding Tasmira, who tells the party that the Faerie Dragons are also without their home after a volcano set their forest ablaze. They have been searching for “the forest at the edge of the world” to establish their new settlement for many years.

Hank then gets the bright idea that maybe magic would work outside the cell, so Presto holds his hat through the cell doors (hey, not the dumbest idea the party has had) and conjures…

…termites, who devour the door in seconds (guess they were hungry) The party and Tasmira sneak their way to the gate

…where Tasmira casts a sleep spell on the guards. The party arrives at the cave just after Amber (she was followed by guards and had to evade them to avoid revealing the location of the cave)

…and we have a happy reunion. I wonder if this makes the second time Presto got a girlfriend.

Queen Tasmira takes the party deep into the cave to show them…

…the treasure of the Faerie Dragons. Queen Tasmira offers the party anything they wish from the treasure, but they just want a way home.

Meanwhile, Amber has taken Presto aside for some alone time…so Presto can practice with his hat, of course (I mean…how would they get busy with that vast a size difference?)

Then it’s announced that Varen’s forces have found the cave and are advancing. Guess Amber wasn’t as stealthy as she thought.

The army chases the Faerie Dragons and the party back to the treasure chamber. All seems lost now, so Eric wants to know how to get home like Dungeon Master promised…

…and just like that, the mirror behind Eric reveals the carnival. Eric trips and half-falls through, revealing the mirror to be a portal! Hank asks the mirror to show the forest at the edge of the world, and it obliges. The party shovels the treasure through as the Faerie Dragons head for their new home. Then Varen’s forces break through the door to the treasure room

…so Hank and Eric break the mirror.

Needless to say, Varen is pissed that he was cheated out of the treasure he was about to rightfully pillage.

However, Presto’s practice pays off as he causes Varen and his forces to levitate as the party waltzes out.

OK, XP will be a bit tricky, as the party obviously defeated Varen and his army. The question is, how large would that army be? I did some research through Google, using half a dozen queries, before coming up with some semblance of a plausible answer and saying there were 200 guards in the castle, and while they weren’t all in the chamber with Varen and the party, they all needed to float so the party could escape. The average soldier is at most level 1, and Varen was likely level 5 at most (the only reason he was threat to the faerie Dragons was due to sheer numbers), so the total XP for Presto’s stunt is 2150XP, or 358XP each. Since Sheila was 1XP shy of level 11, she levels up, but it’s barely a drop in the bucket for the rest of the party,

[DM: Hey, at least you guys got XP this time, Right? …right? Sheila, back me up here!]

We'll see if the DM survives long enough to run the next adventure.

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 3-4: Citadel of Shadow

[As always, all animated images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me] 

At this point, I would expect the players to be showing up to the table with torches and pitchforks, as the DM hasn’t allowed the party to do anything noteworthy (or at least worthy of earning XP) since this portion of the campaign began. The DM responds by giving adventure geared toward something that we haven’t seen yet in the campaign (No, not a way home…character development)

If you would like to view the episode, it’s available on YouTube.

Where the PCs are:  

Sheila, Diana, and Presto are still level 9, Bobby, Hank, and Eric are still level 8. Hank and Eric should level up this adventure (assuming the DM awards any XP, unlike the last three adventures!)

We open to Sheila upset with Eric (that seems normal) following a successful Fetch Quest from Dungeon Master for some sort of ring (however, no XP was awarded as this happened before the adventure started. I can already hear the players grumbling threateningly) Their argument is interrupted by…

..an army of Orcs coming over the hill. Eric tries running the other way, but there’s a second horde coming from that direction (talk about a grudge monster!)

Hank fires his bow into one of the hordes, scattering them enough for the party to run through. The party runs into a nearby forest, but the Orcs don’t follow. Eric thinks his taunting them scared ‘em of, but more likely it was…

…the idol on top of the mountain that the DM neglected to mention until just now.

You said it, Deadpool!

The Orcs send word to Venger that the party is trapped in the Hills of Never (to which Venger will either (a) tell the Orcs to Orc up and get in there to retrieve them or (2) realize he’ll have to come do it himself)

Meanwhile in the Hills of Never…

…(which looks more like a mountain range than a group of hills), Eric is recapping what happened before the adventure began (no doubt thanks to some copious note passing) and taking all the credit. Diana reads from her own note and tells Eric the ring they retrieved was only part of the quest. Eric lays the blame game thick on Sheila (who apparently was startled and alerted Goblins during the off-camera quest. You know, I think I’d have rather seen that than whatever this is)

...which makes Sheila cry (to be fair, every time Eric screws up they lay into him hard, so maybe this is just a bit of payback)

Later that evening, Sheila hears someone else having a good cry. She goes to alert the rest of the party, but decides she needs to prove herself instead, so wanders off, Uni in tow. Eventually they find…

…a girl behind a force field. The girl tells Sheila to reach through the field to get to her. Eventually, she succeeds, breaking the spell

(which Venger feels, so I’m guessing he’ll take option 2)

The pair share an embrace, and if this was a more progressive DM, we might see Sheila in yet another romantic development (her third, if you count Ramoud wanting to adopt her) 

Meanwhile, back at camp, the party has woken up and realized Sheila is missing. Bobby quickly starts blaming (and threatening) Eric when…

You knew he’d show up eventually.

Dungeon Master gives the party the next clue on their mission: place the ring (known as the Ring of the Heart) over the Ring of the Mind to release the power to send them home (I wonder what bullshit excuse will be given that they can’t go this time?) and the Riddle of the Week: “In shadow, there lies great danger…and great rewards” before vanishing. Suddenly, the mountains hills begin to move, surrounding the party!

Meanwhile Sheila and her “friend” (who is name Karena) are walking along a narrow winding path. Karena says her brother has hidden her ring (the Ring of Power…is there a Ring of Fire and a Ring of Earth as well?) in a place known as the Citadel of Shadow.

Sheila nearly falls off the path to a rather large drop below when Karena pulls her back, saying she needs Sheila (that’s either romantic or ominous) At the end of the path is…

…the Citadel of Shadow, which looks like Singe’s castle from Dragon’s Lair. Karena warns this could be dangerous (and yet she’s dressed less appropriately for danger than Sheila), but Sheila will not be deterred. Karena says she was hoping for that (in a way that sounds less and less romantic

…and Uni agrees)

Meanwhile, the mountains are continuing to rain down on the party. Presto tries to magic something to help.

I’d say he hit the jackpot! Presto blows a hole in the cavern wall and the party makes their escape. As they escape, they see the Citadel in the distance and figure it looks shady enough to be the “shadow” Dungeon Master was alluding to, so off they go!

Meanwhile, at Singe’s castle the Citadel, Sheila and Karena sneak in (almost locking Uni out) They eventually reach a door, but when Karena goes to open it…

Something obviously doesn’t want her to enter. Karena claims her brother put a spell on the door, but maybe it won’t stop Sheila.

Now we know why Karena needs her. And Uni’s figured that out as well, as she tries to stop Sheila, but too late as Sheila opens the doors, revealing a ring on a pedestal. Uni tries to whinny (or whatever noise she normally makes) a warning, but Karena silences her (no, not that way, this is Kids’ TV! She just clamps her hand over Uni’s muzzle)

Sheila grabs the ring and the room goes all Indiana Jones on her

…collapsing inches behind her as she runs out. As Sheila collapses into the main chamber, Karena takes the ring, revealing her true intent

…and now that she has her ring, it’s time to tie up loose ends (yes, that way!)

Meanwhile, the party has reached the Citadel and has entered in time to save Sheila. Hank asks who her friend is, but before Sheila can say she’s no friend…

Knock knock!

It turns out that Karena’s brother is Venger (and Dungeon Master is their father. That’s one fucked up family!) The party beats a hasty retreat before sibling rivalry brings the house…err, Citadel down. Venger once again retreats in a non-corporeal form as Karena collapses outside the wreckage of the Citadel.

Karena asks for the party’s help, and they gladly offer it (except Sheila…after all, “Fool me once…”), so she asks for the Ring of the Mind so she can have Absolute Power.

However, Daddy shows up to say how disappointed he is in Karena, and that she should be happy she got the Ring of the Heart back. With that, she sulks and vanishes.

Dungeon Master tells the party of the sibling rivalry (minus the part about his being their father, naturally), and that Karena’s ring is the one the party needs (when joined with the Ring of the Mind, which they have) to return home. Confused yet? Dungeon Master further muddies the waters with another riddle: “One of you will have to be more wrong than right, but let your heart guide you” before vanishing once again. Hank figures that they should start looking at Venger’s castle, since they’re siblings. Sure, but which one? We’ve seen over a dozen so far in this campaign.

Meanwhile, at Venger’s castle…

We’re starting to see the family resemblance. The leader of the Orcs is telling Karena that most of her army has joined Venger. Needless to say, she is not pleased. If this wasn’t Kids’ TV, she’d probably kill a few deserters to persuade the rest to come back. Instead, she just hurls insults.

And outside, the party is sneaking around what’s left of the Orcs to Venger’s Karena’s castle. The party is coming up with a plan (for once) However…

Sheila decides to split the party and go after Karena herself. Bobby calls after her, alerting every Orc in the valley to their presence.

Well, at least they’ll be a nice distraction so the Thief can sneak in.

Once inside, she finds Karena (or rather, Karena finds her) quickly.

Karena demands the ring, but Sheila claims Hank has it. Karena decides Sheila would make a nice hostage, but Sheila puts up her cloak and disappears. She taunts Karena, making her fire her magic bolts wildly (and obviously rolling horribly on her attack rolls) Eventually, she gets so worked up she lets her guard down and…

The Thief does her job admirably. I would count this as a defeat. In her current form, Karena is a match for Venger, so Sheila earns 63,580XP. Sheila gives one last taunt as she rushes out of the castle back to the party.

The party is about to join the rings for their trip home when Sheila hears Venger returning to his castle to have a “discussion” with his sister. Sheila can’t let Venger kill (or whatever the Kids’ TV version would be) Karena and rushes back in

…seeing Karena bound to the wall with magic restraints. Karena tells Sheila to throw the rings at Venger…

…which banishes Venger for another 63,580XP. Well, at least we know one PC will be leveling up. Did the DM start dating Sheila or something? The force of Venger’s banishment stuns Sheila, sending her to the floor at Karena’s feet.

With Venger gone, the restraints vanish. The Ring of the Heart rolls toward the pair. Karena approaches Sheila, but…

The party enters the chamber, and don’t look in a forgiving mood. Dungeon Master appears behind the party and approaches, giving Karena the Ring of the Heart back. He then explains that the Ring of the Mind has (for now) imprisoned Venger and freed Karena of Evil’s influence, but is gone (as is yet another chance to go home. I swear, if the party could just gain a sliver of ruthlessness they’d be home free)

The only XP awarded was to Sheila: 127,160. This is well more than enough for her to reach level 10 (in fact, she earns more than she can, as she must stop earning 1XP shy of level 11 (losing almost 40,000XP as a result)). At least the DM has managed to deflect the party’s ire away from him and toward that kill-stealer Sheila, right?

Let’s see if the rest of the party can gain any XP next time.

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 3-3: Odyssey of the Twelfth Talisman

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

At this point in the campaign, I would say the DM is losing his grip on not only the narrative, but of reality. The plot of the adventure seems more like a fever dream.

If you would like to view the episode, it’s available on YouTube

Where the PCs are:  

Sheila, Diana, and Presto are level 9, Bobby, Hank, and Eric are level 8. Hank and Eric should level up this adventure (then again, if the DM had let the party do anything worthy of XP, they would have two adventures ago!)

We open to Diana taunting and running away from…

…umm, some sort of carnivorous camels, I guess? Once again, the DM is making up animals and I’m forced to come up with XP values based solely on what the adventure chooses to reveal.

We switch to the rest of the party where Eric is covering a riverbed with twigs while the rest of the party laze around and watch. Is Eric trying to make a pit trap? Eric reveals that this is part of a quest Dungeon Master sent them on to retrieve something called the Stone of Astra. Sheila says it will never work, and I agree for a few reasons:

A: it’s too shallow

b. They can get out from the sides

3) The twigs are on a river. They will likely flow away with the current

IV - Eric came up with the plan

Regardless, the mutant camels are on their way and Diana leaps over the pit.

The camel-things fall through. Given that they didn’t immediately sink and drown (after all, it’s Kids’ TV), I’ll add a fifth reason, they can swim and could likely climb out.

The party, however, is surprised that one of Eric’s schemes worked

…and he soaks up their adoration (and looks like he’s expecting a post-scheme hookup with Sheila and/or Diana)…until the pseudo-camels (which of my names for these abominations do you prefer? Let me know in the comments!) get out and charge the party!

That’s a bit more like it. Eric them comes up with another brilliant idea:

(Thanks to Monty Python)

Well, at least I won’t have to figure out XP on these things.

Meanwhile, we cut for some reason to a wandering youth in what looks like a medieval junkyard looking for food. Whatever food you might find there is likely long since spoiled, kid. Then he sees something in a pile:

I’m gonna guess it’s the Lost Jewel of MacGuffin Stone of Astra. Naturally, his second thought is to sell it for food (no doubt his first was wondering how it would taste)

…but the head of the caravan he brings it to ain’t buying. The youth stalks off

…when a shadowy figure waves his hand and a loaf of bread flies from the caravan to the boy. The figure then accuses the boy of being an evil wizard, to which the caravan is WAY too eager to believe.

The crowd looks ready to beat up the boy when…

The Stone emits a magic bolt, scaring off his tormentors. The figure emerges from the shadows and looks even more creepy than his shadow and looks like a stereotypical villain (long twirly mustache and everything)

…plus it kinda looks like he’s not wearing pants. The Pervy Villain sends the mob after the boy.

As it turns out, the boy os chased into the path of the other chase going on.

The Stone once again sends magic flying, scaring off the whatzits as well as the angry mob (again)

Eric shows his gratitude for the boy saving them by yelling at him. The boy yells back. By the Law of Fiction, they’ll be sleeping together by the end of the episode.

The boy introduces himself as Lorne, and Hank offers to let him join the party (since the Stone is far more effective an offensive threat than over half of the party’s magic items) The party makes camp as the Pervy Villain stalks from a distance.

The next morning, we find out that Lorne and Eric were sniping at each other all night (and likely giggling in the bushes once everyone was asleep) Of course, the lovers’ quarrel is interrupted when Eric puts his foot in his mouth and mentions his parents, to which Lorne says he hasn’t got any of his own. Then they head off to find the Stone of Astra that they don’t realize Lorne already has.

Then Lorne truly becomes a member of the party when he reveals he’s hungry, so Eric comes up with a plan to catch a jackalope for lunch. Eric goes in the bushes to flush it out and finds…

Maybe Dungeon Master could be useful for once and conjure up some provisions.

Dungeon Master then reveals that Lorne has the Stone, but now he must destroy it. If he does so, “one among you will find home.” I see some serious Hunger Games action to determine who the lucky one will be.

Then Dungeon Master vanishes and the Pervy Villain comes out of hiding

…and he looks even more stereotypical up close. He then magics some nearby boulders and throws them at the party. Fortunately, his aim is horrible. The Stone blasts the boulders, but that merely changes them into smaller, more numerous projectiles. Hank tells Lorne to turn off the Stone, but Lorne can’t control it! It starts cutting down trees

…sending one at Presto! Time for a snack run!

We come back to the table to find that, while it missed Presto, it did scatter the party. Then it suddenly stops. Suddenly, Lorne doesn’t seem quite as useful as the party tries to convince Lorne to destroy the Stone. Then Lorne turns on, of all people, Eric. This starts up the lovers’ quarrel again

…with Lorne leaving Eric the party in the end.

Later, Eric sulks about missing Lorne, so the party gently pressures him to go find Lorne so they can kiss and make up while the party makes camp.

Bobby is confused (You would think he’d understand, since his first crush (I didn’t discuss that subplot in the adventure in detail) got to return to his world without him)

Meanwhile, Lorne is wandering alone, looking a bit sullen himself, as the Pervy Villain stalks after him.

Eric approaches Lorne and apologizes, asking Lorne to come back to him the party…only he can’t remember how to get to camp (is that anything like going for a drive and “running out of gas”?)

Later, we come back to the pair out of breath (at least they remembered to get dressed after) but at least they found the caravan from earlier. I’ll bet they’ll be thrilled to see Lorne again!

Sure enough, the caravan grabs the pair and are ready to cast judgement when…

The Pervy Villain appears, demanding the Talisman (wait, what Talisman? Oh, you mean the Stone? So now we’re calling it a Talisman. Okay, got it. I wish the writers would make up their minds what they're calling the adventure's MacGuffin!)

The Pervy Villain engulfs Eric and the caravaners (what do you call people that are in a caravan?) in energy bubbles, threatening to kill them unless Lorne hands over the Talisman.

That’s when the rest of the party shows up, leaping to their defense

…and wind up enveloped themselves. Lorne tosses the Talisman to the Pervy Villain

…but it’s intercepted by Dungeon Master, and boy does he look pissed! Dungeon Master dispels the energy bubbles.

The Pervy Villain, who Dungeon Master identifies as Korlok, grovels before Dungeon Master, saying he just wanted the Twelfth Talisman (What happened to the other eleven? And why are we still renaming the thing?) Dungeon Master is prepared to hand it over, but warns that evil will hound him forever unless he destroys it. So Korlok will have his own Pervy Villain coming after him?

Eh, close enough.

Venger appears, demanding the Talisman. Dungeon Master refuses, emboldening Hank to taunt Venger. Venger shows how little patience he has for the party by attacking, scattering them. Korlok takes the opportunity to grab the Talisman and attacks Venger with it

…making him teleport away. Korlok realizes the power of the Talisman is too great and destroys it.

As it turns out, the member of the party to “find home” is…

…Lorne, who joins the caravan (what a cop-out!) Well Eric, better to have loved and lost and all that crap.

Once again, no XP for the party. The DM had better hide all the sharp objects and plan one humdinger of an adventure for next time!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 3-2: The Time Lost

[As always, all show-related images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

Time travel is a crutch most shows eventually use, and Dungeons & Dragons is no exception.

If you would like to view the episode, it’s available on YouTube

Where the PCs are:

Sheila, Diana, and Presto are level 9, Bobby, Hank, and Eric are level 8. Hank and Eric should level up this adventure (then again, if the DM had let the party do anything worthy of XP, they would have last adventure!)

In the past, we have opened on the party wandering aimlessly, on their way to missions, and in the middle of missions. However, this is the first time we have opened after the mission ends (it’s ended in failure. The party had found a portal home, but couldn’t get through for some reason (that they don’t explain))

Diana tries cheering the party up, but they ain’t buying what she’s selling. Suddenly…

A Blue Dragon attacks the party with its lightning breath! Just as the party gets their bearings and is about to mount some sort of defense…

…a…fighter jet?!…chases the dragon away. Diana wonders where the jet came from, as it doesn’t look like anything from Earth.

Meanwhile, the jet (whose pilot has the call-sign “Starfire”) is trying to radio anyone to figure out what the hell is going on when suddenly Venger responds and gives chase.

Back on the ground, Dungeon Master makes his presence known to the party. He (sorta) explains that the jet came through a portal from Earth, but it poses a danger to Earth. Then he vanishes. Hank makes the executive decision to go looking for the portal.

Speaking of the portal, it seems that Venger controls this one and has captured Starfire. What’s more…

He’s not alone.

It turns out that Venger is plucking people from across time looking for the right person from the right time and place…from the past, when the world was at war (guess what era he’s looking for. You’ll likely have a 50/50 shot at being right)

Then the portal opens to show…

…a battlefield in which a damaged plane flies through. This is what Venger is looking for.

Unfortunately for Venger, the plane lands

…(sorta) near the party.

They pull the pilot (who identifies himself as Josef Mueller…with a very thick German accent) from the wreckage of his plane. They ask Josef if he remembers where he came through, and in a very confused tone he directs them toward the portal.

Later, Josef is learning more about the Realm from his new friends…including what their magic items can do. The party is convinced the Josef is part of an air show, as the plane hasn’t been made in at least 30 years. This causes him to run away for some reason.

It turns out that Josef is (as I’m sure you guessed) a German pilot from WWII. He immediately denounces his allegiance to the Nazis once he’s alone. Unfortunately, the party caught up with him and he explains. Fortunately, he party doesn’t hold it against Josef, offering to take him to their time. So would that make him Captain Germany?

(Thanks to writeups.org)

Suddenly, Venger attacks, leaving the party little choice but to run. Venger’s blasts down trees and cause them to burn, surrounding the party with fire.

Time for a commercial snack run!

We come back to Venger using his magic to lasso Josef, carrying him away. Hank uses his bow to destroy a small waterfall

…turning it into a raging flood that puts out the fire (wouldn’t that drown the party as well?) Once the danger has passed…

He couldn’t have shown up five minutes earlier? Nope, he just wants to spew more exposition: Venger intends on pulling a Back to the Future on the party by changing the past such that they wouldn’t be born using a device known as the Chronos Crystal. He then spews his usual cryptic advice before vanishing: “Time can make allies of enemies.” The party then heads to the Chronos Crystal.

Meanwhile, at the Chronos Crystal, Venger makes Josef an offer to go back to Germany a hero by giving him Starfire’s jet to use against the Allies, as well as transferring knowledge of its operation from Starfire to him.

Josef seems intrigued (so much for denouncing the Nazis)

Later, the party reaches the Chronos Crystal and gets a nasty surprise

Venger then goes full-on monologue explaining his Evil Plan as Josef prepares to head back and win the war for the Fatherland. Venger takes a moment to gloat that even the memories of the party will vanish as soon as Josef flies through the Crystal’s portal. Eric tells Hank to shoot Josef down, but Hank can’t bring himself to do it. At that moment…

Josef attacks the Crystal, destroying it. All of the people displaced by the Crystal begin to return to their own time…except Josef (because plot) The explosion causes Venger to discorporate to return another day.

Meanwhile, Starfire’s jet explodes, but Josef ejects

…falling into the portal before it collapses. Dungeon Master appears to explain that Josef Mueller returned to Germany to fight against the Nazis.

[HISTORICAL NOTE: There was a Josef Mueller during WWII, though he wasn't a pilot. He was a politician who was part of the German Resistance against the Nazis]

(Thanks to Wikipedia)

Once again, the party gains no XP. I’m beginning to see why the campaign will be ending soon...but not yet, as there’s another adventure on the horizon!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 3-1: The Dungeon at the Heart of Dawn

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me] 

We now come to season 3. At least one of the sites I do my research on says the writers pretty much phoned this one in. I can’t say from experience, because I don’t think I saw season 3. However, as this is a D&D campaign, we’ll go ahead and say the DM has pretty much given up at this point and just wants to wrap things up.

Where the PCs are:

As I did when season 2 started, I’m going to say the group ran a side-quest or two with another DM and add 10% to their XP total as a result. This is enough to bring Diana and Presto to level 9 and Bobby to level 7, with Hank and Eric close to level 8, while Sheila is still at level 9.

This adventure once again rips off borrows heavily from mythology, to wit Pandora’s Box. If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on YouTube

We begin in the Tower of Darkness, and they aren’t kidding. I’ll bet the animation company saved a fortune for this scene, as we’re treated to a black screen with the characters talking to one another. Finally, Eric tells Bobby to knock open a nearby(?) door

…but Bobby obviously failed his roll, as he knocks down a wall instead. Hell, he must’ve rolled horribly, as the door was at least ten feet to his left.

What’s more, he must’ve rolled a 1 (what’s known in gaming terminology as a Critical Failure or Fumble) because the hole in the wall weakened the structural integrity of the tower enough that it begins collapsing. Eric runs like hell to get away from falling debris

but Bobby and Uni are cocky confident enough that the DM wouldn’t randomly kill them that they just casually stroll away from the debris falling around them (like some action hero too cool to worry about an explosion behind them)

(thanks to Movie Clip Bro)

Once Bobby and Eric reach camp, Eric wants to break open the lock of the box they retrieved and see what’s inside, but apparently they’re supposed to bring the box to Dungeon Master (so Dungeon Master has the party making Fetch Quests now?) He asks Hank if it’s OK, but Hank can’t be bothered to answer (which is very out of character, given how Hank needs to take charge of everything) Eventually, he manages to do so

…and is about to open the box when Dungeon Master appears to stop him. However, Dungeon Master is too late as…

It turns out that the box contained a messenger for a being more powerful than even Venger…and had just summoned it. Great job, Eric!

Meanwhile, Shadow Demon was watching events unfold and sped off to inform Venger, who is very much NOT happy!

Venger senses whatever was summoned returning to the Realm. He vows to live long enough to kill the party. That’s not ominous at all…

Meanwhile, Dungeon Master has the party bury the box. Why the hell did Dungeon Master have the party remove the box from the tower where it had been safely hidden from the Realm? A massive windstorm has sprung up and Dungeon Master tries to lead the party away from it. When they ask what has even Dungeon Master spooked…

A huge column of energy appears, tearing up the landscape. It eventually stops at Venger’s castle, where Venger refers to it as “Master”

…and apparently wants a hug.

The energy column spews gibberish, which Venger takes as its disapproval. It then razes Venger’s castle. Then it turns on the party.

(Thanks to C:G)

OK, time for a commercial snack run!

We came back to the table with the party in an underground cavern, but Dungeon Master is gone. What’s more, everyone is hearing voices. The party prepares to defend themselves, but…

Their magic items have no power! (You see, if you idiots had gotten some actual weapons you could still deal with trouble. This is what happens when useful tools become a crutch) Then from a ledge above…

Dungeon Master falls, nearly unconscious, before vanishing and appearing again. He explains that he has tapped out all his magical power getting them to safety.

He then explains that while Evil thinks it has destroyed them, he is in fact dying due to his efforts. He then explains that the part must take him to the Dungeon at the Heart of Dawn (hence the name of the adventure) to save him and recharge their magic items (especially since the Hall of Bones has been destroyed)

Hank then takes charge like he should have at the start of the adventure as Shadow Demon rushes off to find Venger (that guy does get around)

Meanwhile, Venger has used all of his own power escaping the fate of his castle. He decides to follow the party to the Dungeon so he can replenish his own power (and hopefully kill Dungeon Master and the party before they can replenish theirs)

Later, as the party traverses a narrow ledge on a cliff, a boulder falls (accompanied by what sounds like Shadow Demon laughing) causing a rockslide. Dungeon Master attempts to stop it, but is too weak. Presto pushes Dungeon Master and Eric aside and falls off the ledge!

Fortunately, he lands on a much narrower ledge, too far down for the party to reach (this is why outfitting the party is so important. One of these idiots should’ve packed a rope!) Presto tells Hank to leave him behind, because the mission is more important.

Later, Venger lobs a rock at an inscribed stone, summoning…

…Salamanders! The party attempts to defend themselves, but without their crutches magic items, they are outmatched. However, Diana manages to more than hold her own and tells Hank to keep going without her. (I should probably figure out XP in case Diana survives)

Meanwhile, Venger has gone to visit one of his nearby minions. Said minion (a Goblin) wonders if Venger’s power is fading, but Venger manages to bluff well enough for the Goblin to ask what Venger wants him to do.

Meanwhile, Dungeon Master leads what’s left of the party to a set of stairs that makes the tree that became the Gold Dragon’s nest look tiny in comparison. At least it’s all downward? Unfortunately, the exit is guarded

…by a Purple Worm! Unlike the giant worm in Zinn, this is an actual Purple Worm, plus Diana’s too busy fighting Salamanders to tame it.

The worm smashes the staircase, trapping Eric on the wrong side, so he tells the others to go on while he…bravely cowers and begs for his life?

So with the party at half strength and Dungeon Master little more than dead weight…

They reach the Heart of Dawn.

However, Venger is waiting for them with his Goblin minions.

Hank stands between the Goblins and the remaining members of the party, but without his bow, he is little match. Venger sends the Goblins to deal with Bobby and Sheila (and what’s left of Dungeon Master) while he takes care of Hank. Bobby stays behind to fend off the Goblins, leaving Sheila as Dungeon Master’s sole guardian. I would say he’s in trouble, but then again, she is the highest level member of the party.

Unfortunately…

The goblins manage to destroy Bobby’s club (well, without its magic it’s just a fancy stick) and their leader gets by him, tearing Sheila’s cloak (again, it’s just a fancy rag at this point) and sending Dungeon Master tumbling. Just as the Goblin leader is about to deliver the killing strike, Dungeon Master vanishes. We see a montage of the party about to be killed when Dungeon Master reappears a distance away and crawls on

…falling into the pool that I’m assuming is the Heart of Dawn.

Dungeon Master emerges, his energy restored. He then teleports the party back to him. What’s more…

…the party’s magic items have been re-energized (and repaired) Venger reminds them that Evil is still out there, so Hank suggests taking it on.

Venger scoffs until Dungeon Master restores his power and suggests teaming up. Venger reluctantly agrees.

Dungeon Master teleports the lot of them to the surface, but Evil is nowhere to be seen. Venger teleports away, vowing to destroy them all. You’re welcome, Venger!

 Dungeon Master warns that Evil will be back as we fade out.

Now THIS would be a great start for a new chapter of the campaign. Unfortunately, we never hear about Evil again. Instead, we get whatever passes for an adventure for the next session.

[fancoloredglasses]

Kid Stuff (in case you ever wanted to know what super heroes were like as kids)

[All images are owned by DC Comics and Warner Bros-Discovery. I hope I’m too small-fry to sue]

In a recent review, I discussed a show that featured pint-sized legacies (it wasn’t the actual review, but there really isn’t much more to discuss on that show. I suppose if someone really wants me to do a full review, let me know in the comments) There were two other shows featuring pint-sized versions of the characters that aired about a decade earlier (Neither is what this review is, but if anyone can guess what shows I’m talking about and would like to see them reviewed, let me know in the comments)

No, this review is about an episode of Justice League Unlimited in which we deal with the cast becoming pint-sized versions of themselves (there are, to my knowledge, two other shows that I’ve reviewed that have an episode with this premise for as well. Once again, tell me the name of the show in the comments (bonus points if you can also name the episode) if you would like to see either reviewed)

Anyway, on to the actual subject of this review! If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on Max or behind your favorite paywall.

We open on a ruin where two figures materialize:

Morgaine le Fay (immortal sorceress from Arthurian legend) and her son Mordred (who has been granted eternal life and youth from le Fay’s magic. Unfortunately, it has left him with a maturity to match his physical stature) Le Fay is taking Mordred into the ruin in search of…

The amulet is a battery of immense magical power. The pair retrieve the amulet (well, Mordred retrieves it after le Fay unseals it) Le Fay then asks for the Amulet. However, Mordred is tired of playing second-fiddle to his mother and wields the Amulet himself!

With that, Mordred casts a spell that carries out his wishes, banishing le Fay from the Earth! I’d say good riddance, except that leaves a spoiled brat as the most powerful sorcerer on the planet.

What’s more…

It also removes all other adults as well!

Meanwhile, the Justice League (well, Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, and Green Lantern John Stewart) are battling a foursome of villains.

They make short work of the villains.

[QUICK VILLAIN ROLL CALL (not that it matters; they won’t be seen for the rest of the episode): Blockbuster (a man who “hulked out” and mostly plagues Bludhaven these days, but was in Gotham before that), Cheetah (nemesis to Wonder Woman), Copperhead (a member of the Serpent Society), and Beast (formerly KGBeast, assassin-for-hire that was formerly an operative for the Soviet Union (look it up, kids!))]

…before the spell catches them as well!

Cue the opening credits!

We come back with the villains shrieking that the world ended and they’re in Hell.

Batman notes that there aren’t any children. That’s when Morgaine le Fay appears with the recap of the events from the beginning of the episode.

Le Fay further explains that, thanks to the Amulet, she can’t un-make his spell. However, she can send the Justice League to stop him by casting a little work-around on them.

Unfortunately, it’s not like anyone has much of a choice, so the spell is cast and the League is sent back.

Meanwhile on Earth, Mordred greets his new subjects.

Don’t they all look impressed? Still, they follow Mordred to his newly-magicked castle as the League arrives.

…though they kinda shrunk, and have the dispositions (and filters) of themselves as 10-year-olds. They rush Mordred’s castle, but since Batboy can’t fly, he falls behind.

The others are nice enough to wait for Batboy before confronting Mordred.

He seems less than impressed. He them magics himself a few guards to take care of them. Naturally, the League makes short work of Mordred’s constructs (though Batboy’s a bit out of his depth; his body hasn’t gone through a lifetime of physical training and conditioning yet)

…and advances on him.

(Thanks to Hollowpower)

[QUCK NOTE:

(Thanks to DC Database)

Etrigan (AKA The Demon) is an actual demon bonded to the soul of an immortal sorcerer named Jason Blood, and is compelled by Blood to work against his demonic brethren when summoned (via transformation similar to that of Captain Marvel Shazam)]

John uses his ring to make a giant claw (like the arcade rip-off machine) to grab Mordred’s Amulet

…which goes as well as you’d expect from that rigged game. Why not just make a hand to grab the thing instead?

Anyway, Mordred wakes up, so the four of them tackle him (can’t Superkid (or even Wonder Child (since Wonder Girl is already taken)) just rush in at super speed and yoink it off of Mordred’s neck?)

Oh, you do NOT give someone with that much magical power ideas! Sure enough…

Kids these days…they grow up so fast!

With that, Mordred gives chase to the Justice League.

Thanks to Blue Kryptonite)

And exactly did happen to Mordred now that he no longer has eternal youth. Well…

Let’s just say that centuries have caught up with him.

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-8: Child of the Stargazer

[As always, all show-related images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me] 

This far, every member of the party but two have had solo adventures. Likely not coincidentally, both of these members are the female portion of the party. Granted, Sheila has had a couple of subplots about her that I more or less ignored as they had not bearing of the actual plot (in The Garden of Zinn, Prince Lawrence had a thing for her, and in City at the Edge of Midnight, Ramoud wanted to adopt her), which means there’s only one party member who hasn’t had a focus in an adventure. So for the final adventure before the DM once again needs a break, we focus on Diana.

For those interested, the episode is available on YouTube.

Where the PCs are:

Sheila is level 9. Diana and Presto are level 8, Eric and Hank are level 7, while Bobby’s at level 6. Half of the party could level up depending on how the adventure progresses.

We open to Diana washing her face in a river (One has to wonder how much privacy the party gives to one another to bathe. I mean, you would think that someone would take a peek to see what someone else’s “Charisma Score” is)

(Thanks to Giant in the Playground)

But enough about things you shouldn’t discuss about Kids’ TV; let’s get back to the adventure.

The camera pans back to see the party enjoying a rare moment of peace and relaxation. Too bad the DM won’t let it last as a noise comes from a nearby bush, putting the party on high alert.

Out pops a boy in rags. I would like to point out that the bush the boy emerged from didn’t have any other foliage anywhere near it, meaning either the boy tunneled up into the bush or he was there since before the party arrived (and likely watched them all bathe…the pervert!) The boy staggers forward and collapses in Diana’s arms.

(watch those hands, buddy!)

Elsewhere, we zoom to the throne room of King Travar, who has obviously had a rough day. It’s about to get rougher as a woman’s voice wakes him up. The woman, whom King Travar calls Syrith, orders Travar to find and recapture an escaped prisoner, the one prophesied to end her reign on Starfall, which is this very evening (WHAT A CO-INK-EE-DINK!) She then explains how important this is by scaring the hell out of him.

OK, so the Queen either seriously needs a manicure and moisturizer, or she’s half demon. What a strange relationship these two have.

Now that the exposition is over, let’s get back to the party, who are helping the boy (who says his name is Kosar) clean up (wonder who took a peek while he was doing so) Kosar explains he escaped from the city of Turad after being imprisoned for 10 years. When Eric asks what for…

Dungeon Master chimes in (wonder how long he’s been there…and what he was watching?) and explains to the party about the prophesy surrounding Kosar:

“…on the night of Starfall, the child of the Stargazer shall come from a faraway land to stand in the Temple of Light. The demon shall be banished, and the child shall journey home.”

Dungeon Master says if they help the Child of the Stargazer (AKA Kosar), then they shall see the way home (who here sees the loophole in that last sentence?) before he vanishes. Kosar explains that he’s not from around here (elsewhere in the Realm, not from another world like the party) and his father was an astrologer (you’d think he would’ve seen this coming), so Syrith threw him in the dungeon.

Sheila offers the party’s help to Kosar, but he doesn’t want to endanger the party. Eric gives his best cocky badass speech. Then, right on cue…

A squadron of soldiers mounted on Giant Bats swoop in to attack!

(Actually, these are larger than giant, as according to the Fiend Folio regular Giant Bats have a 6 foot wingspan and this is likely at least three times that amount, so I’ll be scaling the XP award for these Giant Giant Bats accordingly)

Diana hides Kosar as Bobby uses his club to smack a soldier’s blast back at him, knocking him and his mount out of the sky (it’s Kids’ TV. I’m sure they’ll be fine) Meanwhile, Presto conjures a mirror that reflects another soldier’s bolt back at him. Diana proves how badass (and underrated) she is

…by hijacking a giant bat! However, the bat immediately throws her off, but she shows why she was chosen by Dungeon Master to be the Acrobat by swinging off every branch of a nearby tree to slow her fall enough that she doesn’t kill Kosar when he rushes out to catch her.

You could say that Diana fell for Kosar.

While we have this Touching Scene, the rest of the party drives off the rest of the soldiers. I’m gonna say the soldiers are typical cannon fodder, so are only 10XP each, while the Giant Giant Bats are worth 35XP. There were 6 attacking for a total of 270XP

Kosar is very confused why the party has offered to help. Then he drops the bombshell that the Queen is the demon he’s supposed to banish (you’d think they would’ve realized that, given the Queen was the one who imprisoned him, she’s at least in league with the demon)

Meanwhile, back in Turad, we discover that King Travar and his son Droga (would he be half-demon?) allowed Kosar to escape and are preparing to unseal the Temple of Light when Kosar returns to fulfill the prophesy (I dunno…if I was Kosar I’d get as far away from Turad as possible so the Queen doesn’t keep trying to kill me)

Meanwhile, the party (as usual) have started their “are we there yet” bitching (you know, there are at least two episodes where the party wind up with mounts at the end. Why the hell are they always walking? Do they eat the mounts?)

…but Kosar, Diana, and Uni are busy fawning over each other (well, Diana and Kosar are

I’m not sure what Uni’s up to) Diana tries explaining the concept of public transportation to someone who’s never seen anything more technologically advanced than a cart. She also starts to reveal something about her father, but during that cute aside (that was better written than Anakin’s “I hate sand” monologue in Attack of the Clones) Queen Syrith decides she’s tired of waiting for Kosar to show up so she can kill him and instead...

…summons a tornado that carries them to Munchkinland Turad (seriously, it would be better to send them back to Helix as then there would be no way for Kosar to make it back before Starfall)

Queen Syrith says the spell was only supposed to bring the child of the Stargazer, but says she’s perfectly happy killing them both. However…

Diana knocks over the globes flanking the Queen, causing an explosion large enough to distract Syrith so they could escape. However, Syrith quickly recovers and fires, forcing Diana to jump out of the tower window, taking Kosar with her. However…

Diana again shows why she’s the Acrobat as, in mid-freefall, she wedges her staff in the mouth of a gargoyle head and uses the spring back to vault her and Kosar upward to the roof. Kosar then leads Diana off the roof toward the Temple of Light as Syrith fires at the from her tower.

Meanwhile, the party is flummoxed as to how to proceed. Hank is using his bow to send up signal flares, but Eric (rightly) complains that Diana couldn’t signal back even if she did see the flare. Hank reminds Eric that they don’t know where Turad is since they were relying on Kosar to guide them.

Presto conjures up a map, but unfortunately it’s for Pittsburgh (which would great if the map included where a portal home was as well) Bobby has had enough of Eric’s bitching and asks him what they should do. Eric admits he doesn’t know, but guesses someone in that direction would know

…and right on cue…

Dungeon Master gives them directions and a warning: “One of you will have to choose between home and the heart” before disappearing.

Meanwhile, back in Turad, the city guard are looking for Diana and Kosar but thus far have not found them. Kosar takes the time to express his love for Diana in the most kid-friendly way possible. Kosar implores that Diana leave in case Syrith is waiting, but then Diana reveals she’s also a child of a Stargazer (her father is an astronomer)

At that point, Droga emerges to show the pair a secret way into the Temple of Light. At that point, Starfall begins, illuminating the city as if it was high noon…which means the guards see them. The trio flee to the secret passage.

Speaking of fleeing the guards, the rest of that party arrive in Turad and apparently tried bluffing their way in, failing miserably. Eventually they stumble into the Temple of Light.

The party is greeted by Queen Syrith, who decides now is a good time for the Big Reveal:

So she’s the fantasy version of Two-Face? Does she flip a silver piece before committing atrocities?

Syrith orders her guards to attack the party. Hank’s bow does its bolt-bending thing and wraps up 5 almost immediately. Bobby downs 4 more from a club to the ground. Eric somehow manages to get past the guards

…but that means he’s by himself against Syrith.

Meanwhile, inside the Temple…

Diana and Kosar have snuck in and are approaching the altar of the Temple.

Unfortunately, Eric maneuvered too close to the Temple doors and a stray bolt from Syrith blasts it open, which means Syrith realizes she got outmaneuvered. As Kosar enters the altar…

(Thanks to C:G)

Isn’t that just like a guy to leave as soon as he gets what he wants?

The party has earned 4410XP, or 735XP each, which isn’t enough to level anyone up.

Once again, we have reached the end of a season, which means the DM’s taking a break to regroup, promising an epic conclusion to the campaign when they pick back up.

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-7: The Dragon’s Graveyard

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

(All videos are thanks to C:G)

This episode would have made a better season finale than the following one, but writers for 80s children’s programming didn’t think about things like that.

There’s an old expression used by old wrestlers: “Going into business for yourself”, which roughly translates to going against the planned events and deciding you know better than those in charge how things should go. In gaming jargon, this is known as derailing the adventure.

You may ask yourself why I’m bringing old wrestling jargon into my RPG review. Trust me, it will become clear shortly.

[SIDE NOTE: This episode is praised as one of the best episodes of the series, and yet was almost pulled from the series for reasons I’ll explain in a bit]

Where the PCs are:

Sheila, Diana, and Presto are level 8, Eric and Hank are level 7, while Bobby’s at level 6. Of the group, Sheila’s will likely level up, and Bobby has an outside chance to finally reach level 7 before the rest of the party reaches level 8 (I’m telling you, the XP track for Barbarians is hell!)

We open not to the party lost in the wilderness

…and under attack by a Frost Giant. The party scatters, but Uni is paralyzed with fear. Bobby rushes in and tackles her out of the way just before the club comes down. Enraged that any harm could come to Uni, Bobby rushes to attack, challenging the Giant to a club-fight

…and wins rather handily. Bobby presses the advantage by smashing the ice beneath the Giant’s feet, followed by a shot from Hank and…

…the giant falls off the cliff (but it’s Kids’ TV, so I’m sure he’ll be fine) I would call that a defeat. Looking up Frost Giants reveals the party earns 1950XP for the effort. Meanwhile, Shadow Demon looks on and reports back to Venger.

Eric then says that Dungeon Master gave them the clue that “The fire in the ice would show them the way home.”

Well as it turns out he might not have been wrong. Eric fires at the spot the beam indicates and the glacier parts, revealing…

…a portal home!

However, no sooner do they reach it, it’s destroyed by Venger! You know, if Venger just let the party go home, they wouldn’t keep thwarting his plans. Just sayin’.

Venger fires a magic bolt that causes the glacier to start to collapse. Hank fires a bolt through the glacier, melting a path large enough for the party to escape.

Outside, the party turns into a pity party as they feel the weight of their defeat (how is this different from all the other times they didn’t make it home? Hell, they actually succeeded twice, only to turn back)

[THIS is why the parents’ groups wanted the show pulled: the party plotting murder]

So Eric’s plan is to strike a deal with the Queen of all Evil Dragons. Yeah, that plan isn’t doomed to blow up in the party’s faces at all!

Naturally, Dungeon Master shows up to say the DM hasn’t planned for this try to talk the party out of this.

Later, with no sign of the Graveyard, Eric has a revelation: if their magic items came from the Graveyard, maybe they can lead the party there. Just as Hank starts piecing together how they could do so…

Venger attacks!

(I just have to say Venger has never looked so menacing in any of my other screen grabs)

Did I say “attacks”? I should have said “all-out assaults”! Nothing the party does can stand up to Venger’s attacks. The party is forced to flee into a cave (you do know he can follow you, right?) when suddenly Bobby realizes Uni’s lagging behind (how the hell can a four-legged creature that is designed for running lag behind a pre-teen?) and turns to see…

(It’s kids’ TV. I’m sure she’ll be fine)

OK, time for a snack run! (commercial break)

The party returns to the table and Bobby immediately rushes out to drag Uni to safety

…with a little help from Eric. Hank lays down some covering fire, giving Eric and Bobby time to get back to the cave, but the mouth of the cave collapses, sealing them in (so I guess Venger can’t follow)

Unfortunately, the cave is a dead end. Worse, Uni’s injuries seem severe. Even worse, Venger is outside trying to make his own cave mouth. Hank quips that Dungeon Master likely won’t be helping them out of this mess (does Dungeon Master ever show up when the party’s in trouble?)

Suddenly, Diana realizes they can still use their magic items to find the Dragon’s Graveyard, so Eric uses his bow…

…which eventually ricochets toward Presto, who catches the bolt in his hat. An energy ball emerges, touching each of the party’s magic items until it bursts, teleporting the party away just as Venger enters the cavern.

The party reappears in a crater filled with draconian skeletons. Now to find Tiamat. When Eric asks how they are supposed to know which corpse is her, Presto quips that she’ll be the one who attacks them (logical, but I would��ve said she’ll be the one who’s not skeletal)

It should be notes that not every skeleton is draconic. Whether the above creature was a mutated Lizard Man, an early version of the Draconians of Krynn, or a VERY early version of the modern Dragonborn they don’t say.

The party also finds other magic items

…including a sword that can slice through rock like butter (QUICK! GIVE IT TO ERIC!), a trident that shoots lightning, and an odd net.  Presto finds some sort of horn, so naturally…

The sound echos throughout the Graveyard until…

Tiamat emerges and tells these damn kids to get off her Graveyard! The party attempts to defend themselves and discover their magic items have become more powerful. Presto mentions Venger, and suddenly Tiamat is in the mood to talk.

(BTW, once again showing the size difference between the Queen of Evil Dragons and the party:)

(Talk fast, Hank!)

Hank explains that Dungeon Master told them she might help them defeat Venger.  Tiamat confirms that the party’s items are stronger in the Graveyard…powerful enough to defeat even Venger, but only within the Graveyard. And on that note…

She leaves to give Venger an invitation (probably not to tea)

While they wait for the guest of honor, Hank notices Bobby’s fury toward Venger growing for what Venger did to Uni

…and is starting to question the path he’s led the party on (in gaming terms, this is what’s known as an alignment check)

Back at Venger’s latest castle (that guy has more houses than a Monopoly convention) Tiamat arrives to deliver her invitation

…and apparently doesn’t know how to use a door. She then opens a portal to the Graveyard behind Venger and pushes him through.

As Venger exits the portal, the party prepares to attack, but hesitates too long as…

Venger animates the skeletons (complete with their own magic items) and they attack! The Skeletons attack with their magic items, overpowering the party. All seems lost until Venger threatens Uni, then Bobby goes berserk! His Barbarian Rage is the deus ex bullshit needed to turn the tide as the party takes out the Skeletons (I counted 4 taken down) for *flip flip* 14XP each (totaling 64XP, but the battle’s not over!

Hank attempts to take the fight to Venger.

(given the party hasn’t enslaved half the Realm, Hank’s claim is debatable)

Nonetheless, a defeat is a defeat, so the party earns 63,580XP

Bobby reminds the party that Uni is still injured, but…

(of course, now that the danger’s over)

Dungeon Master takes the net from earlier and drapes it over Uni, healing her (but of course no one’s gonna think to bring it with them…or that sword for Eric)

Meanwhile, Dungeon Master has magicked a bridge that he uses to cross the chasm to Venger.

“Rise, my son” (SAY WHAT?! Venger is Dungeon Master’s KID?!) and teleports Venger away, then does the same with the party

…and Tiamat can finally get some peace and quiet.

If the writers and/or producers actually cared about that sort of thing, this could have been a great character development episode for both the party and Venger.

The party earned 65,594XP, or 10,932XP each, which is enough for Sheila to reach level 8, with half of the party close to leveling up.

How is the DM gonna top this episode. Well, it likely won’t happen, but tune in anyway!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-6: The Last Illusion

[As always, all show-related images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast Hasbro and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

Once again we have a solo adventure featuring Presto. I personally would like to see an adventure where Diana can shine.

The episode is available on YouTube should you choose to watch.

Where the PCs are:

Sheila, Diana, and Presto are level 8, Eric and Hank are level 7, while Bobby’s at level 6. Of the group, Sheila’s the most likely to level up (but don’t count on it, given this is a Presto solo adventure)

We open in a swamp (why can’t they open someplace nice for once?) that has a tremendous stench (we know that because Eric complains nonstop about it) Finally the DM gets sick of hearing Eric bitch and sics a grudge monster on them:

A grudge monster in the form of a Giant Octopus. Now, I’m not accusing the DM of shenanigans or anything, but how the hell can something that size emerge from water that is barely deep enough to reach the top of Bobby’s boots?

The Octopus is more than a match for the party, so out of desperation Presto uses his hat

Unfortunately, all it does is get the Octopus’s attention as it chases Presto away from the party. Due to whatever the hat spewed forth, the party sees none of this.

Presto runs from the Octopus (again, he’s shin-deep and all you can see above the waterline is a single tentacle. I’m officially calling shenanigans) and eventually runs onto land. The Octopus looks like it wants to pull itself ashore to get to Presto (if that happens, I’m going right past shenanigans and screaming bullshit) when a voice calls to him to lead him to safety. Once he’s clear of the DM’s wrath Octopus, Presto comes to a clearing and looks for the person who saved him

…and it’s a girl who beckons him closer (in a world where Sirens exist, Presto should not go toward strange female voices) He reaches out to her and…

Well, I’m sure that’s not a metaphor for something that’s not G-rated or anything (I certainly hope that’s not Presto’s O-face) The girl explains she’s actually in a place called the Forbidden Tower and needs help, then vanishes.

And then we see Presto going through his first crush. Then…

Leave it to Dungeon Master to bring Presto crashing back to the Realm. Dungeon Master awkwardly gives Presto “the talk” and hints that finding her may help the party get home. And then he pulls his disappearing act.

Later, Presto is lost trying to find the Forbidden Tower (and the rest of the party) when…

Presto gets a taste of what Eric goes through every time he splits from the party. Fortunately, the rest of the party finds him before the man can do anything to him. Then the man’s wife comes out and de-escalates things (and calls him Jareth. Funny, he doesn’t look like a Goblin King)

(Thanks to Amazon)

The woman (who introduces herself as Sarah Merinda) invites the party for dinner, despite Jareth’s protests. The party follow Merinda to her village, where they share a meal. Eric opens his big mouth, upsetting Jareth. Merinda explains they lost their daughter in the swamp (three guesses who their daughter is)

Presto explains what happened to him in the swamp, and suddenly he’s Jareth’s best friend.

Suddenly the skies turn red and storms brew, giving Presto a migraine.

Meanwhile, in the Forbidden Tower, the girl (who Merinda called Varla) is on a platform glowing, begging someone to let her stop whatever she’s doing. Who is that someone?

Was there any doubt?

Venger lets her stop for now, but warns her to not call for help again or he’ll kill her parents.

Back at the village…

Things aren’t getting any better. Presto gets a couple of stabbing pains in his head that coincide with lightning strikes on a tree and a silo. Suddenly the villagers think he’s responsible.

Meanwhile, Venger uses his transformation magic to become…

…and heads to the village, where he disperses the storm. The Villages see him as a savior, the party see him as an ally, while Uni sees him for what he really is (but can’t exactly do anything about it)

Venger them accuses Presto of causing the storm, turning the village on the party. As the villagers capture the party, he takes their magic items and leaves.

Later, Presto explains the migraines were caused by Varla (he feels her pain) Eric hatches a cockamamie plan by screaming at the top of his lungs for humane treatment (such as TV and a phone call to his lawyer. I think he’s finally snapped)

And at the Forbidden Tower, Venger gloats about his victory, and makes plans to take down Dungeon Master using Varla.

Back at the prison, someone finally decides to come to the party’s cell to shut them up. However…

Varla makes another appearance. She explains that Venger used her ability to cast illusions to frame the party, and that Venger was the man on the horse. At that point, the villagers who came about the noise come on, and it’s Jareth and Merinda. They see Varla just before she vanishes.

This is enough for Jareth and Merinda to help the party escape before the lynch mob shows up. The mob wants someone to lynch, dammit, and settle on Jareth and Merinda. The party hesitates leaving, but Jareth insists.

Later, outside the Forbidden Tower, the mob isn’t giving up on lynching the party so easily as they are in pursuit. Eventually, the party reaches the gate. However…

Venger posted a couple of guards (and the party doesn't have their magic items) Caught between a mob and an Orc place, Presto thinks it’s hopeless until…

Is Dungeon Master going to do something useful, like teleport the party’s magic items to them? Nope, just offer platitudes and riddles, such as “when things look their worst, they will be their best”, before vanishing. Thanks for the help, I guess.

Suddenly, Hank has a flash of inspiration and we fade out (presumably for a snack run so the party can discuss without the DM listening in)

(Thanks to MacKenzie Jones)

We come back from the snack run with the Orcs being distracted by a noise in the bushes. They move to intercept, but…

It’s a frog tied to Eric’s shoes. The party sneaks in while the Orcs look confused. You know, I’m going to award 150XP to the party for that Cunning Plan.

Inside, Eric complains about the cold floor on his bare feet (do you want to go out and get your shoes? I’m sure the Orcs won’t notice)

Suddenly, Presto gets a feeling as to where Varla is (are you sure you should be body part the place where that “feeling” is coming from?) Fortunately, Presto’s loins lead them in the right direction and they find Varla. However, the energy prison that holds her can only be dispelled by Venger.

At that point, Eric notices the Orcs don’t appreciate Cunning Plans and are coming for them (maybe they brought Eric’s shoes?) Varla manages to use her illusions to disguise the party as fellow Orcs, however…

You knew he’d show up eventually. Venger dispels Varla’s illusion (giving Presto another migraine) and opens fire on the party. Fortunately, they find cover (however brief) Hank grabs a nearby mirror and deflects Venger’s bolt back at him, but the bolt misses Venger

…instead hitting a secret panel concealing the party’s magic items. Eric rushes to get them, suddenly realizing he’s not a swashbuckling hero. Hell, he doesn’t even rank having a sword!

Venger’s bolt hits the chain Eric is swinging on and he crashes into the magic items. Eric quickly grabs the items and tosses them to the group. Hank then tells the party to attack (YA THINK?)

Venger fires back, but a stray bolt destroys the statue generating Varla’s prison, freeing her. Varla asks what could stop Venger, and Diana describes Taimat. Three guesses what happens next.

Varla generates an illusion of Tiamat that distracts Venger long enough for the party to escape. Venger’s attacks bring the tower down on top of him as the party leaves. Gonna call that a defeat for 63,580XP.

However, in doing so Varla uses the last of her energy, dissipating.

However, Presto has no time to mourn the loss of his chance for a girlfriend, as the mob (remember them?) has finally caught up with them.

(Thanks to C:G)

…and suddenly the mob isn’t as interested in a lynching any more.

The party earns 63,730XP, or 10,622XP each. No one levels up, but Sheila is close to level 8, and Presto may get lucky before the next adventure (Let’s hope the DM doesn’t want to role-play THAT “adventure”!)

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-5: Day of the Dungeon Master

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

There’s a story about how companies that sent crews into the wild, they didn’t hire a cook. Instead, the crew decided who had got to cook, and if anyone complained about the cooking, that idiot became the new cook. I think Utah Phillips tells the story better than I ever could:

(Thanks to Coastwizard01)

Now, some of you may wonder why I’m talking about someone who doesn’t know when to keep his big mouth shut, instead complaining. Others read that last sentence and realized I’m no longer talking about Utah Phillips, but a certain member of the party.

This adventure is available on YouTube for your viewing enjoyment

Where the PCs are:

Sheila, Diana, and Presto are level 8, Eric and Hank are level 7, while Bobby’s at level 6 (and, given the XP track for barbarians, will be there for a while) No one is even close to leveling up at this point, but who knows? Maybe Tiamat, Venger, and Demodragon will attack at once and be defeated.

We open to everyone’s favorite punching bag running for his life. Normally, this would be a great chance for the rest of the party to mock him for his craven cowardice, but they’re right behind him running as well. What are they running from?

Yeah, I’d say Giant Wasps are a good reason to run. It turns out Eric was bored and lobbed a rock at their nest, which they didn’t appreciate. Who knew?

Hank’s bow once again proves it’s way too over-powered as a bolt loops around 8 of them, bounding them together and forcing them to the ground.  Sheila draws one in to make it crash into a rock wall. Presto tries to magic his way out, but conjures…

Surprisingly, the fan turns on when Presto tosses it aside, blowing the other 7 away.

So, as stated in The Box, Giant Wasps are 125XP each and I counted 18 for a total of 2250XP (that’s more than they’ve gotten on some entire adventures, and we’re just getting started!)

And now that the danger has passed…

Eric has had just about enough of Dungeon Master (and the DM, to be honest) and lets both know. So the DM (and Dungeon Master) tells Eric that if he thinks he can do better, he’s welcome to try.

The DM gives Eric the bones of the adventure (travel to the city of Darkhaven and find the Golden Grimoire) before retiring to the next room to watch TV (and Dungeon Master vanishes as well) Of course, Shadow Demon sees all and rushes off to tell Venger (something tells me the DM may still be running things as an "advisor")

Later, the party asks Eric to spout some Dungeon Masterly advice, and Eric realizes he has the power to send the party home. He just needs to figure out how to activate it. Presto realizes that the Golden Grimoire must be Eric’s instruction manual.

Later, as Eric basks in his power that he has no clue how to use…

…a Yeti shows up. One has to wonder, if Eric is the DM, why the Yeti appeared near Eric instead of a different party member (perhaps he enjoys the abuse?)

Hank manages to tie it up with his bow fairly easily. Checking the Monster Manual… Yeti are indigenous to cold regions. What the hell is one doing in the desert?! I think Eric was reading the wrong random encounter chart. Anyway, it’s worth 205XP

Venger stealthily approaches on his screeching evil Pegasus. He decides to conjure a storm to test Eric’s abilities. Eric’s Dungeon Master senses detect the work of Venger and he accidentally disperses the storm as Venger moves on to Darkhaven.

Later, the party gets tired of walking, so Presto…

…conjures a flying carpet. Unfortunately, it flies away (without the party) Eric decides to conjure up his own form of transport:

…a Roc (actually, it’s likely a young Roc, as they are usually at least three times this size. Unfortunately, they’ve only just gotten their bearings in the air when…

…they get the attention of a Red Dragon, who seems to be in the mood for roast chicken. I applaud Eric for wanted to amp up the excitement of the campaign, but he REALLY needs to learn play balance!

The party jumps off the Roc before they become appetizers. Unfortunately, Eric can’t figure out how to stop their fall, so it’s up to Presto (they’re doomed!)

Fortunately, Presto pulls a parachute from his hat. Unfortunately, Eric misses his rope and continues to plummet.

Fortunately, the bolts from Eric’s bow are springy enough to form a trampoline (OK I REALLY wanna call bullshit on the DM, but Eric’s the DM…so odds are he BS’d a reason why his character didn’t die, so…calling bullshit on Eric?)

Unfortunately, this takes all the bluster from Eric’s sails and he realizes what a failure he is (and in the other room, the DM is no doubt snickering)

Eventually, the party arrive at Darkhaven, and it is impressive!

The city is H-U-G-E HUGE! Even the steps into the city are huge (each step is as tall as Bobby!) Bobby is about to use his wooden door knocker on the gate, but Eric magics the door away instead.

Unfortunately, Venger has also arrived and it’s a race to get to the Grimoire first (though the party doesn’t yet realize there’s a contest) Venger realizes that since Eric has Dungeon Master’s powers, the party might be able to find the Grimoire more easily, so rather than search fruitlessly he’ll just follow the party.

Meanwhile, the party is floating through the catacombs on a raft that looks like an overturned table. Eric says there’s nothing to fear, so naturally…

The tentacles grab their raft and attempt to pull them under! However, Eric realizes he can fire magic bolts that drive the tentacles away.

Great, now I gotta figure out what the G-rated Hentai monster was. I’m going to guess it was supposed to be an octopus, so that’s what I’ll go with. According to the Monster Manual, a Giant Octopus (since there was no normal-sized one listed) is 1200XP

Eric suddenly realizes they’ve reached their destination (using his Dungeon Master senses)

…and raises their raft with a water spout (OK, now Eric’s just showing off!) Eric leads the party into the vast chamber beyond. Eric leads the party to…

…the Golden Grimoire (and is sounding more and more like Dungeon Master as the adventure progresses) Eric flips through the pages, looking for the spell to send the party home. He then begins the incantations to cast the spell

…and opens the portal! You can almost smell the corn dogs!

Eric states (in Dungeon Master cadence) that they would have to leave their magic items and Uni behind. Bobby says a sad farewell to Uni as the party approaches the portal. At that point…

You knew it was too easy.

Venger collapses the portal and takes the Grimoire along with the party’s magic items! (You know, he could’ve just let the party leave and never have to deal with the Meddling Kids again)

Eric suddenly grows a spine and tells the party to leave while they can and he’ll deal with Venger (This is why you don’t let a DM run a character in their own campaign. They just have to grandstand)

Unfortunately, Eric is completely out of his depth (so he’s not grandstanding as much as I thought) Diana tries to get to the party’s magic items, but is spotted by Shadow Demon. But Shadow Demon’s warning comes too late as Diana starts tossing the party their items. Now it’s a bit less lopsided.

Eric tries to summon his Dungeon Master powers, causing Venger to retaliate (more out of annoyance than anything else), but…

Eric blocks Venger’s blast with the Grimoire, destroying it. Unfortunately, the portal collapses before the party can get through it (of course) Eric magics the party away from Darkhaven before…

This also defeats Venger, earning the party 63,580XP

Eric laments that he failed.

However, at that point Dungeon Master reappears and says that he showed real character growth in his willingness to stand up to Venger to save the rest of the party (too bad he’ll be back to his annoying self by the next adventure) before taking back his powers (and the DM takes back the campaign)

The party earned 67,235XP or 11,205XP each, which is nowhere near enough to level anyone up.

Now that the DM’s once again (officially) running the campaign, let’s see what mischief he has planned for the party next time!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-4: The Traitor

[As always, all dhow-related images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

Time for another RPG lesson, this time it’s the time-honored tradition of:

Passing Notes: Any time a player or the DM wish to communicate without the other players knowing what is said, there are two ways. The first is stepping outside the room for a briefing (but then you leave everyone else to sit around looking bored) The second is sending notes to each other (this has been updated for the 21st century by sending texts) Of course, then the players know something’s up (so sending random notes back and forth helps obfuscate anything actually happening)

As always, YouTube has your hookup.

Where the PCs are:

Sheila is level 8, Diana and Presto are level 7, while the rest are 6th. My guess is that Eric and Hank will level up at the end of this adventure.

We open in a windy cavern. The party is desperately trying to light a torch (why? Hooded lanterns aren’t that expensive) but the wind keeps blowing it out (you wouldn’t need to worry about that with a hooded lantern. Just sayin’)

Fortunately, Diana’s staff apparently can provide its own light source (then why bother with the torch?)

Hank attempts to get the party to press on for their rendezvous with Dungeon Master (Why are they scheduling a meet-up with Dungeon Master? The guy just pops in and out whenever the DM feels like it anyway) Eric complains that Diana’s staff isn’t bright enough to see by, so Hank relents and the party makes camp.

Later that evening (after no one bothered to set up who was standing watch when and just went to sleep in the middle of monster country) Hank is awakened by…

(As I said)

Dungeon Master changed the location of their meeting because the DM was bored to warn Hank that he is in for “the most difficult trial of his life” before once again vanishing.

As Dungeon Master distracts Hank…

The rest of the party is being robbed by…the Gummi Bears?! They run off with Eric’s shield and Bobby’s club before being caught. Yes, it was way too easy, but they were defeated nonetheless. I have absolutely zero to go on with these three Care Bear knockoffs (I hate it when the DM homebrews monsters), so I’m gonna handwave and say they are likely short furry Wood elves and go with them for XP, so 20XP each for a total of 60XP

The Ewok wannabes claim they were protecting themselves against a threat (they really see the party as a threat? They must be really low in the food chain) and demand to be released (I kinda think they’re not in any position to make demands) before finally introducing themselves as Cloud Bears. They claim they were planning on using the party’s magic items against “the green ones” and give a description that seems vaguely familiar

…oh yeah, Orcs!

The party and the Cloud Bears take the better part of valor and get the hell out of there.

However, Hank and Bobby are captured, with Sheila donning her cloak to attempt a rescue. The rest of the party are brought up a nearby tree by an elevator (they are Ewoks!)

At the treetop village, the remaining party are introduced to the rest of the Cloud Bears…all one of them: their king, Kamala.

(Thanks to World Wrestling Entertainment)

No, not that Kamala!

(Thanks to NPR)

Not that one, either!

This one!

King Kamala is less than impressed with the party (can you blame him?) as the tree shakes. The party looks down (and down and down…did I mention how high up they are?) and sees a giant “siege axe” attempting to chop down the tree.

Since Hank isn’t there, the party has to improvise with what the Cloud Bears have on-hand: fruit.

After raining the Cloud Bears’ entire larder on the Orcs (who I’m sure will thank the party for delivering lunch after they finish chopping the tree down) the party is well and truly screwed.

Meanwhile, Sheila has caught up with the other Orcs

…only it seems Hank doesn’t need rescuing, as he’s having a civil conversation with the Orc captain about betraying the party! Obviously, there was a lot of note-passing between Hank and the DM before Sheila came on scene. Sheila has a minor mental breakdown before following Hank back to the Cloud Bears.

Speaking of the Cloud Bears, the Orcs decide to take a lunch break (since it was delivered from the treetops) in the middle of their siege

…as Hank arrives at the treetop village.

When the party asks what happened after he and Bobby were captured, (and what happened to Bobby) Hank offers a flimsy story that was immediately rebuked by Sheila as she reappeared.

Sheila says that the Orcs will attack as soon as he fires a bolt from his bow. The party asks Hank to prove her wrong by firing. He does so, and…

The Orcs fire ballista bolts with climbing ropes attached (where are they getting all these siege weapons?) and scale the tree.

The Cloud Bears begin praying to whatever passes for a god in the Realm (we have yet to see a cleric, so who knows?) Eric is obviously an atheist and mocks the Cloud Bears until the lightning comes down and zaps the Orcs

…causing them to fall several hundred feet (but this is kids’ TV, so I’m sure they’ll be fine)

After the sudden storm suddenly clears, Sheila once again comes after Hank, demanding to know what happened to Bobby as Shadow Demon slinks from his hiding place to report to Venger.

At Venger’s newest castle, Venger reveals that it’s the Heartstones the Cloud Bears wear (not any sort of god) that protects the treetop village, and that Hank is working for Venger because Bobby is being held hostage.

Back at the treetop village, Hank tries to defend himself without…you know…actually giving any defense. Needless to say, it doesn’t go well. Therefore, the party calls him a traitor and makes him leave

…but the female Cloud Bear (she’s the only female? No wonder the species is down to four) gives Hank her Heartstone.

Once he reaches the bottom, the Orcs mercilessly mock him as he slinks off.

As Hank sulks in the woods, he’s met by…

Who else? Dungeon Master also tells Hank he’s a traitor, but more to himself than the party. After spouting more cryptic mumbo-jumbo, he vanishes.

With that, Hank goes to Venger’s palace where Venger tells Hank that he’d better deliver the Cloud Bears or else Bobby gets it. Dejected, Hank tosses aside the Heartstone, which lands at Venger’s feet

…causing him to cringe away until Shadow Demon removes it.

Back at the tree, the Orcs try again

…with a tank?! SERIOUSLY?!

This particular tank has claws on its wheels so it can dig into the bark and climb. I swear there was a toy car that did that.

(Thanks to RetroTy)

The Orcs climb the tree next to the treetop village and extend a plank to walk across (why not just climb the Cloud Bears’ tree? After all, lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice) Presto attempts to use his hat, but it expands to the size of a blimp

…so they roll with it. Unfortunately, the Orcs brought bows and an arrow pierces the hat, causing their makeshift balloon to sink into the Orcs waiting on the ground. Fortunately…

…Hank returns and scatters the Orcs long enough to board.

He has Diana use her staff to (somehow) plug the leak and the party floats away. He then steers the balloon to Venger’s castle.

Naturally, Sheila isn’t buying any of what Hank is selling. However, Hank finally reveals that he did what he did to keep Venger from killing Bobby. The party is very quick to forgive Hank (party unity and all that bullshit) and Hank explains his plan as the scene dissolves.

Inside Venger’s castle, the party charges in and frees Bobby. Venger is naturally pissed and attacks. That’s when the Cloud Bears arrive

…and shower Venger with Heartstones. Venger dissolves and sparkles away for a quick 63,580XP (and here I thought the Cloud Bears would be the only XP earned) The party then floats back to the treetop village to deal with the Orcs. You know, rather than try to figure out how many Orcs are in that army, I’m gonna say they scattered when they heard Venger was defeated.

The party has earned 63,640XP, or 10,606XP each. enough for everyone except Sheila and Bobby to level up.

What mayhem will Venger inflict on the party next? Tune in to find out!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-3: City at the Edge of Midnight

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

Once again, we feature a look into our world and strange visitors to the Realm.

Where the PCs are:

Sheila reached level 8 last adventure. Diana and Presto are level 7, while the rest are 6th. My guess is that Eric will level up at the end of this adventure.

As always, YouTube has your adventuring goodness.

We open in a strange land that has statues  of heroes and villains of the Realm and a strange tapestry for a place called “OLTER SPACE”

Actually, it’s a child’s bedroom in our own world. This child is named Jimmy Whitaker. One has to wonder why an adventure in a fantasy role-playing game starts with a scene that is definitely not fantasy (unless you count the fantasy that a misspelled poster about outer space would get through Quality Control…)

We soon find out as a red glow appears under Jimmy’s bed and grabs him, pulling him under (I wonder how many XP the Monster Under The Bed would be worth)

His father barges in and attempts to grab Jimmy, but Jimmy is pulled under and vanishes as the police arrive (I wonder which nosy neighbor called 911)

Meanwhile, in the Realm, the party is lost (again), but this time it’s Eric’s fault and the party won’t let him forget that (enough to make you almost feel sorry for him) He tries to point out the right direction.

…and apparently, it’s up Dungeon Master’s nose.

Yes, Dungeon Master once again appears out of thin air to give his weekly riddle-fest. He first claims the party will find “safety and danger ahead”, and they need to seek out the City At The Edge Of Midnight (hence the name of the adventure) He further explains(?) that “time is on your side” (so they’re going to meet the Rolling Stones? Cool!) and that children from the Realm and their world are in danger, and the party must save them. And with that, he vanishes in a minor dust storm.

Eric doesn’t want anything to do with Dungeon Master’s quest or the City at the Edge of Midnight, so so sets off on his own…before tripping, rolling down a sand dune, and into a palm tree.

It turns out Eric was going in the right direction, if in the wrong manner, as he tumbled into an oasis.

However, it seems it isn’t unoccupied, as Hook Horrors come out to complain about these damn kids in their pool. They surround the party and are about to attack when…

A man (who later introduces himself as Ramoud) on some kind of large riding beast crashes through the wall and joins the fray. With Ramoud’s help, they route the Hook Horrors. I counted 11 in the battle, and the Fiend Folio lists them as 90XP each for a total of 990XP. Following the battle, Ramoud sees that a very confused Eric is being chased by more Hook Horrors

…then uses his scimitar as a sonic weapon to single-handedly drive them off (In other words, the DM wanted to show how cool and powerful Ramoud is) Ramoud invites the party to travel with his caravan (not much of a caravan; it’s just Ramoud and a bunch of the riding beasts)

Later that evening, Ramoud treats the party to a feast (maybe he can outfit them with provisions so they’re not hunting for a meal at the beginning of every other episode…and can someone please give Eric a sword?) Ramoud says Sheila reminds him of his daughter. Eric asks where his daughter is…and things get quiet.

Ramoud explains that his daughter disappeared some time ago. After the party helps Eric remove his foot from his mouth, they head to bed.

Later that evening, as the party gets ready for bed, Hank reminds the party about Dungeon Master’s quest before they get too settled. Unfortunately, the rest of the party wants to stay (especially Eric, who all but admits he had a shitty childhood) Then Ramoud enters the tent with a gift for Sheila:

…a doll that belonged to Ramoud’s daughter. He then wishes the party good night.

Later that evening (just before midnight)

…a red glow appears below Bobby and starts to pull him in!

(Thanks to C:G)

(A quick note: the Nightwalker does not appear in 1st edition AD&D, but does appear in 3rd edition, so I will be using those stats to determine XP when the time comes)

They all jump into…a city (well, what did you expect?) Eric notes that the city clock says it’s still a couple of minutes before midnight (the clock had struck 12 when they left) and spots shadowy inhuman-looking figures looking on. Hank says it’s fine, as long all they do is watch. So, right on cue…

They stop watching. The demons chase the party to a dead end. Ramoud wants to attack, but Sheila stops him, saying they could take the party to Bobby and Ramoud’s daughter.

The demons take the party inside the clock tower, where children are being forced to hold back the clock’s mechanism.

The Nightwalker explains that the clock must never strike midnight (You would think by now villains would learn to not monologue away their plans and weaknesses)

That’s when Hank attacks, drawing the attention of every demon in the tower.

Suddenly, Hank realizes the folly of his actions as he discovers the demons outnumber the party by about a zillion to one. So, being the brilliant strategist he is, he tells the party to run like hell.

The party manages to climb on one of the clock’s giant weights as it rises. As they rocket upward, Hank realizes that they have to get the clock started again. They then realize they need to get off this express elevator before it crashes and just so happen to jump on the platform Bobby is forced to work on.

One happy reunion (and a reequipping by Bobby) later, the party set about de-sabotaging the clock.

One blow from Bobby’s club is enough to de-stabilize the mechanisms in place to stop the clock and it begins to chime midnight.

…which causes the Nightwalker to vanish, breaking his hold on the children and sending them home.

…well crap, I guess that means I need to figure out XP after all (I honestly thought Ramoud would do all the work) Looking at the 3rd edition Monster Manual and consulting the 1st edition Dungeon Master’s Guide to assign edition-appropriate XP, the Nightwalker comes to 20,800XP

That’s when Sheila and Bobby hear a familiar voice…

…Jimmy Whitaker (remember him from the beginning of the adventure?) The party tries to send along a message to their parents, but unfortunately Jimmy thinks this is all a dream. Not only that, but it would appear that only a day has passed in the real world since the series started (at least according to Jimmy. Then again, who knows how long he’s been down here?) and with that, he vanishes, and the party is teleported back to the surface.

Naturally, Eric complains about Jimmy, doesn’t look where he’s going, and pratfalls down a dune

…to land at Dungeon Master’s feet. Dungeon Master then reveals the Ramoud is a king (who apparently abandoned his kingdom to find his daughter. Hope he left some competent people in charge who don’t mind giving back the reins when he returns) and tells Ramoud his daughter has also returned

…and we get our second happy reunion to end the adventure.

The party earned 21,790XP, or 3631XP each, which is not enough for anyone to level up. What dangers will the party face next? Tune in next time and see!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-2: The Treasure of Tardos

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

This adventure hints at what should have happened had the campaign ended as it should have (instead of ending one episode too early)

Where the PCs are:

Bobby has finally reached 6th level, joining Eric and Hank; the rest are 7th. I’m going to guess Sheila will level up this adventure

As always, YouTube has your adventuring goodness.

We open to Bobby giving Uni a bath, and Uni having none of it. You would think that if Bobby just let her frolic in the pond it would’ve produced better results.

Uni eventually struggles enough to dump Bobby on his ass, which causes Eric to laugh at him, but no one else. You know, as much as I bust Eric’s chops for being a jackass, you know everyone else would’ve laughed at him if he had gotten wet.

Just to prove my point, Bobby throws water at Eric and everyone laughs at him. Eric takes in stride and decides to go swimming since he’s already wet (please let him not be wearing those boxer shorts he had after getting hit by the feathered skunk. Unfortunately, the DM decides to throw in a grudge monster to get the adventure moving:

…as a Mosasaurus emerges from under the water! OK, I’m calling bullshit here! Considering Eric is at best ankle-deep in water, how the ever-loving fuck can a dinosaur swim under the water and surprise the party not 10 feet away?!

Hank and Bobby immediately rush in to defend Eric (give credit where it’s due. The party may bust Eric’s chops for being an insufferable asshat, but when the shit hits the fan they have each others’ backs) Just as they reach the dinosaur, it runs away. As much as the party would like to claim credit, it’s obvious that the party isn’t the reason it ran (so does that mean I don’t have to calculate XP?)

Just then…

Yup.

Dungeon Master warns of a danger so great, it could destroy the Realm (and worse, it means they’ll never be able to get home, on account of being dead) He goes on to say the threat is named Demodragon, a creature that is half demon, half dragon (great, another monster the DM made up) and that to defeat it they must “help the one who stands against you” (Is it Venger? I’ll bet it’s Venger)

He then directs them to Tardos Keep, giving them a map and everything!

…just before he vanishes. At least the map was better than the one of Skull Mountain.

The party heads out…just as Eric says fuck this and goes the other way, (why does Eric always insist on splitting the party?)

…but Sheila urges Eric to rejoin the party.

Later, the party passes through a region known as the Wondrous Wood

…only it doesn’t look very “wondrous”. Then they come to the Alacorn River…

…but it doesn’t look anything like Princess Celestia or Twilight Sparkles. Hank figures out that something burned down the forest and froze the river (How’d you manage to figure that out, Columbo?)

As the party ponders what could do such a thing (I have an idea, and his name rhymes with Denger) when they hear a roar in the distance (or maybe not)

Later, in the Dustlands…

Venger remembered he has an army and brought it to lay siege to Tardos Keep. Not sure how the party will sneak in without a bunch of Cyclopskin to steal cloaks from. The party attempts to sneak closer, but the dust gets to Uni’s sinuses, making her sneeze

…which alerts the nearby Orcs. Hank decides that here is where they make their Heroic Final Stand!

Just kidding.

The party makes a mad dash for the keep, with Orcs in hot pursuit. One grabs Bobby by the club

(his weapon, not his…he’s too young for you to be thinking that way! Shame on you!) but Uni gives an assist and they schoolboy the Orc.

The party reaches the gates of the keep and are let in by the keep’s ruler, Queen Solinara, just as Venger makes an appearance.

Solinara explains that Venger wants something known as the Treasure of Tardos (is it the Eye of Harmony? C’mon, with a name like Tardos you had to know I’d be making Doctor Who jokes eventually) However…

Solinara is not quick to trust (then why let them in?) and demands to know the truth. Eric starts groveling (who else?) and blames Dungeon Master for sending them here. Suddenly, that changes everything and Solinara welcomes them (you mean Venger hasn’t tried that tactic yet?)

Outside, Venger demands that Solinara yield her treasure (GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER! THIS IS A KIDS’ SHOW!) or he would destroy the keep. Solinara taunts Venger back, saying the keep can take whatever he can dish out. However, Venger has an ace up his sleeve.

An ace named Demodragon. That must be one hell of a tailor! So we have a tentacled two-headed dragon/demon with one head that breathes fire and the other ice (I’ll let you guess which does which) This is gonna be a bitch to figure out XP. [OK, I found an article that stats Demodragon for 3rd edition, and from that I can extrapolate abilities and say Demodragon will be worth 35,100XP assuming the party defeats it and an NPC doesn’t kill-steal]

The heads alternate fire and ice breath (I thought dragons could only use their breath weapons three times a day? I’m calling serious shenanigans on the DM!) until the massive doors begin to crack under the changes in temperature extremes. Hank and Bobby head out to confront Demodragon (good luck with that!) Hank fires bolts to tangle Demodragon’s feet while Bobby causes a tremor with his club, sending Demodragon tumbling. I wouldn’t call that a defeat, as he’s gonna snap those bolts eventually.

Hank seizes the advantage on Venger. However…

Venger catches the bolt and squeezes the magic out of it before returning fire. Then Demodragon breaks free (told ya)

…and snags the party’s magic items with his tentacles! Time for a snack run! (the show went to commercial)

When everyone returns to the table, Venger demands Demodragon hand over the party’s magic items.

However, Demodragon has other plans. The magic from the items has broken Venger’s control and now it is out to destroy the Realm! The two take their battle away from Tardos for the moment, giving the party time to regroup and update their wills plan a strategy.

While regrouping, Solinara reveals the Treasure of Tardos to the party:

…Christmas trees Dragonbane, a rare herb that (conveniently) only grows in Tardos and has the power to render any dragon helpless (such as…oh, I don’t know…TIAMAT!) Presto calls bullshit due to Dragonbane being able to stop Demodragon, but Solinaris explains that such an action is exactly what Venger wants, so he could take the Dragonbane. She also explains that she and her guard are all that remain of her people in Tardos (no, things did not just take a dark turn; she sent her people to hide so they would be safe)

Elsewhere in the Keep, Eric, Bobby, and Uni are looking for the kitchen when they come to a garden.

The old gardener beckons them over places a garland ring around Uni’s neck (making her the first party member to have gotten lei’d) As Bobby thanks the gardener as an alarm gong sounds. The three run off, which means they miss the big reveal:

Now what deus ex bullshit is Dungeon Master up to?

The party decides they need to get their magic items back (YA THINK?) and Diana remembers Dungeon Master’s clue from the beginning of the adventure and guesses they need to team up with Venger (I KNEW IT!)

The party sets off to find Venger (shouldn’t be too hard. Just follow the path of oppression)

Eventually…

they witness a breathtaking sunrise, only that’s not to the east. It’s flames from Demodragon’s rule-breaking endless supply of breath weapons.

The party arrives as Venger realizes Demodragon is now powerful enough to destroy the Realm, and offer to join forces to defeat Demodragon. Venger agrees, giving Hank…

…a mystical pizza talisman that will…do something…when Hank speaks Demodragon’s name. Venger sends Shadow Demon and a platoon or Orcs to along to kill-steal slaughter “assist” the party.

The party eventually finds Demodragon (it was easy, just follow the path of destruction) and activates the magical doohickey

…which works about as well as you’d expect. Eric tosses the talisman aside, damaging it, as the party runs, but Hank tries a last-ditch effort with the damaged talisman. He destroys the talisman, blinding Demodragon. However, a blind monster the size of a keep is still dangerous. The party runs, but Eric trips!

Demodragon grabs Eric and Uni. However…

Uni’s garland reacts with Demogorgon, disintegrating it (three guesses what the garland was made from) for 35,100XP.

The party quickly retrieve their magic items just as Shadow Demon and the Orc Patrol arrive. Eric does a fairly convincing bluff that it was Presto (and not the dragonbane) that took out Demodragon. However, Shadow Demon does a quick head count and realizes the party’s outnumbered 10 to 1 and advances.

That’s when Venger shows up and sends them away. It seems that Venger is willing to honor their agreement…this time.

As the party walks away, we get a final scene with Dungeon Master

…in which he reveals (with tears in his eyes) that there was good in Venger once, but a mistake he made turned Venger evil.

Well, the only thing that was defeated was Demodragon, so the party gets 35,100XP, or 5850XP each. This is enough for Sheila to reach level 8

What monstrosities will the DM plague the players with next time? Tune in to find out!

[fancoloredglasses]

[RERUN] Dungeons & Dragons Module 2-1: The Girl Who Dreamed Tomorrow

[As always, all images are owned by TSR Wizards of the Coast and Marvel Disney. I’m a huge fan. Please don’t sue me]

[NOTE: At this point, my writing style was close to what it is now, so I’m not going to be linking to the original reviews from her on out as most of the changes I’ll be making are cosmetic]

OK, so we’re back from hiatus for the D&D campaign. A few items of note:

First, most children’s programming didn’t “retire” episodes when the new season started the way prime time shows do. Instead, they added the new shows into the mix and counted on short attention spans to not being able to tell the difference (this is why I’ve committed so many episodes of He-Man and Transformers to memory) This was also the case for Dungeons & Dragons. While the first season was 13 episodes, the second was only 8 and the final season was only 6 (with the “finale” not actually produced)

If you find a copy of the series on DVD (like I did), you may not have realized a new intro was made for season 2 (the producers decided to replace it with season 1′s for the DVD) So for completeness here’s the intro for season 2:

(Thanks to Neil Burn)

Second, as my version of the series (i.e treating it as an actual D&D campaign) had the DM taking a break after the last adventure, I am ruling that the players decided to run their characters on a side-quest for another DM (normally a big no-no, as different DMs has totally different styles, but we already established that this DM probably doesn’t have much of a clue anyway) and I’ve given the characters a bit of a bump in XP (nothing game-breaking, just a 10% increase from their previous total). It was enough to level Presto up, and it got the players excited to restart the campaign. Unfortunately, no one was bright enough to re-provision (or even buy Eric a sword)

Where the PCs are:

Bobby still is the only party member still at 5th level, while Eric and Hank are at 6th level; the rest are 7th.

As always, YouTube is available for your viewing pleasure.

We open to the party on the edge of a chasm and attempting to climb a dangling vine as a small mob of Bullywugs advance on both sides. The party manages to swing away as a pair grab for Eric, causing them to fall at least 100 feet to the river below (I’m sure they’re fine. It is children’s programming after all) The party swings to the other side as Eric taunts the Bullywugs. Unfortunately for Eric, he missed the fact that everyone else got off on the other side and he’s swinging back

…until he nearly gets his face chewed off!

Three Bullywugs jump on the vine as it starts its swing back to the party and begin climbing up toward Eric. Hank fires a bolt that cuts the vine just below Eric’s feet

…sending the trio down, landing on the two that fell earlier (see? I told you they were fine. What’s a concussion and a snapped spine between friends?) Despite the fact that the party ran away, I’m guessing the goal was to escape, so I’m calling it a win. As was previously mentioned, Bullywugs are 18XP each, so the party receives 90XP for the 5 they dropped into the river.

Eric, as always, is grateful for the save (and by that I mean he’s bitching up a storm and threatening bodily harm under his breath) He’s so busy being “grateful” that Hank saved his yellow keister (whether I’m referring to the color of the tunic that covers it or his bravery I’ll leave to your interpretation) that he stubs his toe on something:

OK, I’m gonna call bullshit here. When the party first appeared in the Realm (according to the first season’s opening credits) they emerged in the desert, not a forest! In addition, in The Box that cart was in between dimensions ready to bring them home.

Anyway, everyone begins speculating how they can use the cart to get them home that no one notices…

Fortunately, the Bullywugs are too busy rushing the party that they somehow don’t notice the party sneaking away. However, they are fascinated by the cart

…or at least they start attacking it.

As the party creeps off, Eric decides to pick an argument with Bobby, so doesn’t notice…

I’m really not sure how everyone on both sides could be so unobservant in such a short time. Of course, the dog barks loud enough that the Bullywugs (finally) detect the party’s location and go to investigate. Bobby figures out that the dog wants Eric’s boot the party to follow him. Eric refuses to follow the dog until he notices the Bullywugs have finished beating on the cart, and since it’s either follow Rover or fight a bunch of frogs...

The party (with Eric trailing way behind) are led to a clearing where a girl is being held captive by a bunch of Lizard Men

Something odd about her…something about her wearing a polo shirt, jeans, and sneakers, maybe? The party rushes to her aid, Bobby leading the charge. What follows is a whirlwind of battle:

(Thanks to C:G)

OK, assuming every monster that went down stayed down, that’s a total of 16 Lizard Men (first seen in Servant of Evil) and 3 more Bullywugs for a total of 614XP.

That evening, Terri (and Freddie) tell the tale of how they ended up in the Realm (The cart was theirs. My apologies, DM) When asked how she knew about Diana and the Lizard Men, Terri explains that she dreamed it shortly after her arrival. And on that note, guess who finally shows up.

(much to Eric’s chagrin)

Dungeon Master knows who Terri is (of course) and a portal home is in the nearby(ish) mountain range, inside the Maze of Darkness (wouldn’t that have been a cooler name for this adventure?) and (there’s always a riddle, isn’t there?) “in order to find it, you must first become lost”. However (there’s always a catch, isn’t there?) they must destroy the portal. On that note, he leaves, as does Venger’s Shadow Demon, who was spying on the party (you’d think Dungeon Master would’ve known about that) and informs Venger of Terri.

[QUICK NOTE: There’s a semi-romantic subplot between Terri and Bobby. I’m not exploring it, since it doesn’t really have an impact on future episodes]

Later in the evening, the party wakes to discover…

…a portal home! The party rushes toward it, but a Pyrohydra (that’s a fire-breathing hydra for those not in the know) attacks, grabbing Uni and Bobby! Terri runs, but winds up in a dead end. Somehow, she is in a maze that collapses around her. Suddenly, she falls into a pit

…and wakes up. It turns out it was all a dream. After consoling Terri (and a lot of groggy bitching from Eric) the party goes back to sleep.

The next morning, Eric finally does something useful by making breakfast (you mean they party actually outfitted themselves?) Wait, scratch that. He sent Freddie into the bushes to scare up some food (guess they didn't), and boy did he!

…with a pair of ugly-ass chicken/lizard hybrids. Terri and Bobby attempt to stop their runaway breakfast, but are thrown off.

The two share A Moment and roll around laughing while Eric bitches. Suddenly…

A Pyrohydra attacks! It immediately grabs Bobby and Uni (just like in Terri’s dream) Terri immediately rushes the beast, but it’s Hank’s bolts that make it drop them. The party retreats behind a waterfall

…and Bobby uses his club to collapse the wall, sending a torrent of water to wash away the Pyrohydra (I’ll admit, I did not see that as a possible solution)

Looking up in the Monster Manual, a 6-headed Pyrohydra is worth…700XP.

Later, the party wanders through some jagged rocks. Presto starts casting a spell to dull the rocks (getting a bit cocky after that battle with the Lizard Men, aren’t you?) when…

Batman Venger shows up (you knew it was only a matter of time) He casts a wind spell that shatters the rocks, creating a whirlwind of shrapnel. Freddie finds shelter in a cavern with a convenient stone door. The party pushes the door closed, saving them from the wind. On the other side is…

…a maze, with a familiar-looking glow at the end, which is the way home (also like in Terri’s dream) Eric wants to forget the whole thing and leave, but Venger magically welds the door shut.

The party wanders the maze for about two hours, avoiding traps along the way, when they discover…

...a pile of armored corpses from an ancient army, and by the looks of it they fought amongst themselves. At that point, Eric goes into a rage, blaming Terri and advancing menacingly at her

…which, to be honest, is probably the only time Eric has been even remotely threatening. Bobby then steps between them and pushes Eric hard enough to knock him down, which redirects Eric’s ire.

The others start egging on the two to throw down (you know it would be a short and one-sided fight ending with Eric becoming a greasy smear in the wall, right?) when Hank suddenly realizes what’s happening. He fires a bolt skyward, which explodes, bathing the party with light as they suddenly snap out of whatever that was.

Later, after Hank climbs up to get a good view, he climbs down to see the party fast asleep. He decides a nap isn’t a bad idea.

The party wakes to Dungeon Master, who tells them that the maze has lured countless heroes to their doom with the promise of a way home (exactly how many people has Dungeon Master brought here, anyway?) Terri then remembers the path to the portal as the maze begins to collapse (just like in Terri’s dream) and Dungeon Master vanishes (at least I hope he did; the party kind of ran off, leaving him to deal with a wall coming down on his head)

Eventually, the party escapes the maze and stands at the foot of the portal.

However, one thing stands in their way. Venger offers to stand aside so the party can return home…in exchange for Terri.

The party tells Venger what he can do with his offer. Needless to say, he’s not too happy about it and transforms into…

HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!

Hank tells Bobby to lead the others around “Venger” while he creates a distraction. However, the rest of the party help Hank distract him while Bobby leads Terri to the portal

…throwing her and Freddie through before destroying it. It collapses on “Venger”, so I’m gonna call it a defeat for 63,580XP

The party earns a total of 64,984XP, or 10,830XP each, which is enough for Bobby to (finally) reach level 6, but that’s about it.

The DM definitely stepped up their game during the interim. Let’s hope they can keep it up for their next adventure!