featherafter

[featherafter]

Dear lord, allow me more days like these please 💖

[featherafter]

Ripples of Sanatorium

Crescent view of the forest,

Trees so tall they have a cloud crown.

I see their reflection on the Sanatorium Lake,

As the wind brushes its surface—

Ripple.

Leaves fall slowly in the lake,

Shadows of the trees sway on its surface.

The sound of the rustling leaves immerses me,

As I surrender to its waves—

Ripple.

Crushed leaves and twigs on the soft bed of the moist earth

Fill the atmosphere with their spicy aroma.

Butterflies and dandelions dance in the wind,

And the same wind, that is a platform for this dance,

Brushes oh so gently against my legs and arms,

Planting kisses on my skin—

Ripple.

Oh, the Sanatorium Lake caused such a ripple in my heart.

Dear Lord, I wept,

As I marvelled at Your art

And the thought of heaven.

-rg

[featherafter]

- Mandeq Ahmed, 'Ocean of Tears'

[featherafter]

Crawl

Is love a crawl? If so, I crawl.

You fly,

and ask I wait.

I wait.

You drink, you talk, you mock.

I become quiet, so quiet from pain.

You talk, you talk.

The hurt becomes a lock.

You want me to talk, but it's late.

If I talk now, it will be a crawl—

no, a fall,

a fall from grace.

-rg

[featherafter]

Sunday

Last Sunday I was with you

It was our Sunday number two

and then you said you didn't want to see me

romantically

and I agreed with you quietly

clinging to my dignity

Tomorrow is Sunday number three

and I won't be seeing you with me

and I don't know what to do with that

I didn't think I would but I'm feeling kinda sad

Your reason didn't make sense to me but how could I disagree?

It was only Sunday number two

too soon to fight for you

and tomorrow will be Sunday number three

and I don't know what to do with me

I think about our kiss when I close my eyes

how you didn't let me pull away and kissed me twice

I am usually pretty good with goodbyes

but tomorrow is Sunday number three

and you won't be coming to pick me

you have ruined Sunday's for me

and I don't know what to do with that

-rg

[featherafter]

Vineyard

I want to dip my hair in the river

and surrender to it's rhythm

I want to taste the mountains again

and crack God's algorithm

I want to pray more than I play

I want to make friends with the fey

I want to pave my own way

and seize the damn day

Won't you find me

and lend me your ear

I may be fulfilled

If you could only hear

oh dear

my wants make a vineyard

a vineyard somewhere

we could go

but it's not that

it's not that kind of year

-rg

[featherafter]

Winter Complaints

The sun sets at 5pm

the clouds surround it during the day

winter is gloomy this July

oh July used to be sweaty

now luxury has made me petty

I wonder if having him would make it better

but your dawn left me soft again ya Rabb

and it gets lonely

this good life

I know I tire you with my complaints

but we made a deal

that I'll leave it all behind for you

and in return you'll exist

you'll exist in my universe and lend me your ear

but truth be told even I can't bear

my complaints

you make me such a romantic

I notice every moon rise, every sunset

all the intricate details of your work

and I want to weep

you make me a poetess

I carry my heart on my sleeve

yet you've made love

the bane of my existence

to fill the gaps

I spend my Sunday evenings watching romantic films

watching strangers fall in love is comforting

from my cold bed

but in real life

who wants to share a heavy heart

it's just the flesh they want

everywhere I go

I get looked at

like I'm cake

oh it's cold the male gaze

is it supposed to make me feel desired

or ashamed?

I wanted a strong hand to hold

But you've made them so cold

-rg

[featherafter]

there are omens hidden inside

the creases of our dreams

in the flight of a raven, in the whistling of trees

in the wings of a butterfly, in the paws of a cat

in the tails of snakes, in the tales of the past

in flames of a candle and in the shadows they cast

omens surround us

omens bind us

can you see the threads of the universe?

can you read the language of God?

- rg

[featherafter]

I found myself in your river this morning

quick was my surrender

calm and moving thy waters

oh maker of dreams

fulfill mine

I say this as you do

so generously you bring me to you

we meet in tears of joy and sorrow

least we meet

oh weaver of dreams

oh mover of tides

keep mine firm on your religion

I say this as you do

bring me to you

through a silent love so fierce

It dissolves me

I become invisible and fade into you

let me forever dance in your river

that runs through my prayer beads and meets my eyes  

let me love you through my tears

my tears they are rivers too

they flood my heart with longing for you

and through this longing, we meet

swayed by your river I learn, I imitate, I return  

I return to thee

maybe you move me so

knowingly

oh knower of secrets

let me in on yours

tell me what you put in the rivers, the clouds

in the birds and the trees

what did you put in the rainbows, the lakes and the seas

one look at these and I am taken by the beauty of your making

oh creator of all there is and isn’t

meet me like you do

in every rebirth and everything I do

what ends here begins with you

and what begins with you

ends here

in my ends we meet

and so I pray that you allow me to be swayed

till I drown in your river

least we meet

-rg

[featherafter]

If men never broke my heart

and if men never broke my heart

and if men never crushed my heart

and if men handled my heart with care

it would never open to the truth

and so it was through men that I learned

to love the truth

to love God

the absolute

and if it weren't for the sisters that betrayed me

and if it weren't for the trumps that played me 

I would never turn to the sun

or run to the ocean

and so it was through all that I lost that I found the truth

I found

God

the invisible absolute

in the depths of my despair

when I had accepted defeat as my fair share

when I stopped running from my sin

when I choose only love and love only for my kin

when I welcomed death with open arms 

when the rain and the earth became my alms 

that is when I saw a glimpse of God

and then all my grief was lifted 

all my weariness gone

I found myself crying

I said "I'd go through it again if it means finding you my Lord"

and although I have found you I never seem to find you 

for the more I find the more there becomes of finding

and between finding you and finding you and finding you 

maybe I've actually found you 

yet I'll keep finding you as I keep finding you 

and I'll hope I remember

I'll hope I remember 

that everything I go through

I go through to find you

-rg

[featherafter]

Turned

and your love has turned my blue heart

a glowing red

your love has turned me from a poetess

to a mistress

a dasi (slave)

a jogi (bhakti yoga practitioner)

now my poems

sound like prayers

-rg

[featherafter]

Love is God

and on to him I surrender my affairs

for my love for him directs my course

even that which seems painful is worthy and rewarding for me

for sadness comes from the same well where happiness dwells

I hope I remember

I hope I remember

-rg

[featherafter]

Ultimate Desire

I wish I could melt

on the bed of the earth

so that flowers could grow on me

and mushrooms

maybe then I could be a home

to ladybugs, ants, grasshoppers, and puddles

perhaps then I'd feel less alone

.

I wish I could merge with the clouds

befriend the wind and float around

and when it gets bad there'd be lightening

thunder and rain

for the world to witness my pain

that often goes unnoticed

in this fragile human cage

.

but knowing me

maybe

merging with the clouds or melting with the earth would never be enough

for I know what I long for in the earth and the trees

in the clouds and the seas

I seek thee

.

ya Khaliq

you are my ultimate desire

I want you more than life

I wish I could be closer to you

and I wonder

would my tireless efforts ever suffice

.

Please give me a sign ya Rabb

that I'm on the right path

and the right path

is the path that leads to you

and so

even though

I've begun my quest to you

the truth is I am limited in my speed

limited in my intellect

limited by my needs

and distracted by my worldly desires

.

oh al Azim please guide me through trials

as you have

it turns out I only learn

when afflicted

with love or pain

chose what you will

at this point, they're both the same

for when you afflict me with trials I weep to you

and when you afflict me with love I weep to you

both end in reward for both bring me

a step a time closer to you

-rg

[featherafter]

Different Skin Suits

as a young woman who wanted to speak but did not know how to reach I began to give my poems wings now my poems fly to the far away sky the far away blue my poems are a service of love for you

my poems are for the high and broke for those who prefer the cold and tea over coffee if the feel of wool gives you a rash if comfort gets itchy my poems are more for you

but if none of these things are true   my poems are for you too if winter is not your weather you there in your woolen sweater with a coffee mug in your hand by the fireplace I hope my poems bring you some solace

but most of all if you find a fault in my rhymes my poems are for you for that makes the two of us so I hope you won't get blue  over our differences  after all I am you  in a different skin suit

-rg

[featherafter]

Love is God

love is a poem misunderstood Its true meaning concealed yet obvious to a mind that can see and read beyond words tucked carefully in metaphors and similes

love is God

-rg

[featherafter]

Lessons from beauty & power

Ever since I started loving you Rabb

I do not want to chase beauty

for you already bestowed me with it

and I saw the havoc it caused

like a blooming flower

I attracted many a bee

thirsty

and they clawed at me

with their empty vessels

all they wanted was to place me on their shelves

show the world that they had me for themselves

like a hungry fish

I was hooked at my throat for the food of love

oh how many deaths my ego hath witnessed

.

ever since I started loving you Rabb  

I do not want to chase power

for you already showed me

what it does to men and women

creating complexities

that we are better without

thrones without heirs worthy

have wasted their wits to war

time and again I see how power

only results in pain

whilst some gain

for a little hour

and an eternity

of carrying burdens of blood stains

.

oh the very things we chase my lord  

become heavy for us

they drive us mad

oh how sad

I wish we knew

how small and fickle we were

.

Rabba I am guilty

for often I become a slave to this body

a slave to my pride

but ever since I found my love for you

I have become more aware

of this enslaved version of myself

now this flower wilts at your wish

smiling in the thunder and rain

as I slowly come to gain

a little bit of your wisdom

.

with every wilting petal

I release from my mental

false ideas of who I am

slowly the fog from my reflection is lifting

I welcome death as it would be liberating

and I am sensing more of your love awaits

at the end of this tunnel

so I return to prayer and submission

once again

.

I am neither beautiful nor powerful my lord

I am but a slave

to the burdens of free will

taxes and bills

and so with each passing season

I pray  that you forgive me

and allow me to forgive myself

for wanting and chasing Duniya

Maya after Maya under the spell

of this society and my foolish young age

.

I pray, I plead that you lead

lead me to the truth

lead me closer to you

oh absolute

all encompassing

all knowing

all loving

all making

all destroying

our true maker

save me

from myself

-rg

[featherafter]

Joon

when the word June leaves my mouth

I feel annoyed and silly

and like a goon I think

why did June have to rhyme with moon?

June is hot in my mouth but moon is cold

moon feels calm and dreamy

but Joon?

ugh

it's pouty and stays there

even after being uttered in a sentence

it lingers longer than it has got to

like the sun and daylight in June

like the darn month itself

.

I don't want June for another year

gladly today is the first of July

that means we are halfway through this year

fuck you June, goodbye

.

and July

has come with rain

filling up dry cracks of June

and finally June

did do die

oh it's the first of July!

I feel no pain

sigh

-rg