fifisworld212 - Tumblr blog

[fifisworld212]

A simple hug or cuddle

I find that a simple hug or cuddle off someone can make me while to let a lot of relief off my mind. It’s very stressful when you’ve got a lot on your mind in regards to anxiety, depression and PTSD but a simple hug can sometimes help people are suffering very badly

[fifisworld212]

Therapy can help with women like me

I have been speaking to a one on one therapist and even though I resent that my sessions are nearly over because they can give out so many course I have come to the realisations of certain things because of either my past or about myself.

I have realised that I don’t like the pressure from other people of making me wanna do things because I have to do things on my own terms because if you pressure me into something I’m not going to want to do that thing your wanting me to achieve if anything I run away from it. My thing is leave me alone it’s ok to ask things such as how is this going to see how it’s slowly progressing because then I can tell you that it’s going ok and how far to a degree how it’s going but I’m not going to let you know every detail.

You can either have me talking to you about this stuff in a positive way and talk to you about things slowly or I can build up resentment for you which can lead to broken relationships.

[fifisworld212]

It’s been hard for people like me

It’s very hard to admit when you’re unhappy with everything. People have cut you off and things aren’t going so well in your life or relationship. You end up getting severally depressed and you’re really unhappy but you deny it to yourself because you never wanted to admit it. But then you realise that you haven’t been happy for months and you have to make a decision about things. Some of them might do you a lot of good some might not but I know what I want to do. But I don’t want people to know because I need to this myself and I don’t want them to worry so I’ll be unhappy and deal with my problems myself

You have to admit it for yourself first then think about your options and see what you can do to change. Some of it easier than others. I don’t want to live with depression I don’t wish it on anyone because it’s not fun it’s a mental disorder that sometimes it most cases isn’t curable. You just can’t get over it like a common cold there are stages to go through

[fifisworld212]

Apparently people like me aren’t allowed to be happy

I am known as a people pleaser which means I put others before myself and not allowed a shed of happiness. I always make sure that others are happy before me weather its making sure they have everything they want or even having them control most or the majority of my life. When I try to make myself happy others are not cause I wanna control my life.

I haven’t even been happy in recent months this because of my decision making and so far led me to dark places. I hate people controlling my life but it scares me that some of my decisions might take me the wrong path.

Moral of the story don’t let others control you and make many mistakes but don’t go down the same path as I’m going as it’s hell of a bumpy road

[fifisworld212]

Very hard to think about your happiness

It’s very hard when some people have told you what to do about your life but when you wanna try and make yourself happy or decide to make your own choices and what they’ve said ribs around in your head and they decide to cut you B off is very hard. I wanna mend the relationship with this person but when I find it difficult because out of fear of their personality and mine not seeking sympathy or anything just wanna mend things when you don’t know where to start it’s hard. Do I sort myself out? Do i fix the situation out? Do I crash and burn

[fifisworld212]

Love hurts if it’s a one sided affair

Clearly if you’re being in love someone and you give them everything and it’s very one sided and you don’t actually realise that all these things that some people are telling you is true it hurts so bad!! When you’ve dedicated your life to someone for nearly six years and they don’t understand what certain things mean to you clearly it’s one sided and they don’t love you enough

[fifisworld212]

Feeling like the mother hen

When there are certain situations with mental health there are active roles in which you feel like your the mother hen of certain situations regardless if its work or personal life related you always feel like you need to look after people. That is what I am like but then sometimes that is a settling feeling to us

As well as that mother hen feeling I like to be in control of things and don't tell people certain things and if I don't have control then that petrifies me. That's why I bottle things up because of things like peoples reaction to things and I cant be in control of what they are going to say or do and I hate that. However there are times that when I am not in control I go completely crackers and i loose all sense of the normal things that are the standard basic looking after yourself skills like taking the trash out or having a shower or doing the dishes. that is something that drives me insane when I don't have control.

Feeling OCD is a very certain circumstances, Smelling the clean in my house when I feel in control relaxes me and if I don't smell clean then its not clean enough in my eyes or when I write things down in my diary sometimes in needs to be filled so that there is no room left on the page. that is something that makes me think I'm busy when its actually some of it isn't really that important

Being in the cross fire of things I hate because that is why I don't tell people nothing because the cross fire is something that feels like a thousand bullets being shot in your direction it doesn't need to be simple things that make you like this. It can be words it could be triggered that can lose the feeling of being in control.

Therapy helps people like us I didn't realise it till recently there is a lot of things going on with me sometimes its harder to get though then others to understand my feeling and getting to my emotions but its easier to talk to someone and let your feelings out then figuring something out before that's it you break.

[fifisworld212]

Things in your head never end

I hate it that things in my head never end. I really hate living with so many mental issues. I have a judge resentment for living with this it’s like a continuous circle going around in my head that never gets any easier in fact it gets harder.

These circles never get smaller if anything they get bigger and once I’ve made a little jump to get smaller because once I let something out then it gets bigger again.

I wish I can say I never felt this way or got diagnosed with this however ill things happened this way but this happens and it never gets easier I can barely tolerate my own problems and fears let alone telling people about it cause I hate everything about telling people.

I don’t tell people what’s going on in my head head k try and sket it out which involves me not speaking to people for days. I could have things going on in my head and your words could be going on in my head for days. So maybe just leave me alone leave me to my screaming voices in my head weather it’s your voice or my own. I never ask for petty sympathy or acceptance just leave me alone than I’ll hopefully be ok

[fifisworld212]

Never felt so alone in my life

I hate this feeling of feeling alone in my life when you feel like you’ve been ignore and you don’t know who to turn to because their app judgemental or you don’t wanna know and all you feel is pain. I’m far from seeking sympathy I just want the feeling of all this tourment and pain that I’m feeling to stop

[fifisworld212]

I never ask for pity or sympathy

I have been feeling well under the weather in regards to my mental health and I’ve been trying to get myself better for me. I am not or have ever asked for sympathy or pity off no one I have always wanted an understanding and support. I have never felt like that I could open up to people it’s pointless to tell people when they’ll never understand even the simplest things. I don’t want sympathy or pity I just want understanding

[fifisworld212]

Nothing but resentment

I’m sorry if I’m being the selfish one and trying to sort myself out! I’m not asking for sympathy or pinning your previous issues as every other stereotypical experience in just telling how I’m feeling.

You then despise me for not telling you nothing ans I wonder why?? Isn’t it abundantly clear why I don’t tell you stuff because of your judgement and hate. If I want to sort myself out and feel better as a person leave me alone with your words allow me to process and sort out don’t come back to bite me later because you spoke those words

[fifisworld212]

Very difficult to open up

I find it very hard to open up to people about stuff because of the fear of being judged by people. I absolutely hate to not only having to lie to people about how i'm feeling but everything else that is going on in my life. I don't want to keep it to myself but as it is very hard for someone like me to express myself its even more annoying that when I do tell people the immediately are critical.

This is why people like me get depression anxiety and PTSD because of fear of something that has happened severally in my past and it isnt an easy thing to get over. 'i dont like the fact as well that people that they are here for you but then when your at the lowest point they aren't there and they say well get over it or why didnt you tell me when you try to tell them but obviously they werent because you are trying to tell them in your own way. It's your fault not ours if something drastic goes wrong when we tell you somethings going wrong and your not listening

[fifisworld212]

A time to blow things outta the water

After years of having to suffer with the things that are going to make me unhappy i've decided to finally get the help that i will hopefully need.

Even though people have decided to cut me outta their lives because i have had a million thoughts going through my mind and their words are going through my head like alarm bells its time for me to take action and for once think about myself and what i want and not what other people want and that is very hard for me to understand and that should be the situation where people want to cut you off.

[fifisworld212]

Life is exhausting

When you find it exhausting and never get any rest regardless of the time of year hopefully one day you will get that long awaited rest that you need

[fifisworld212]

The simple things in life

There are even the most simplest things in life that make me smile. When your feeling low and you have you feel that you have done a good dead or even have the littlest face smile back at you completely washes my troubles away. It always makes me think that the troubles that i have aren't so bad. Just that little thing to make it refreshing makes it all worth wild.

[fifisworld212]

Time to keep warm

It's that dreadful time again that it's time that we have to add several layers just to keep warm and turn the heating up. there is nothing better for me then to snuggle up in bed to watch and binge through some crime shows whilst keeping warm. Even that simple hot chocolate in bed dressed to the nines with fluffy socks and PJs on in bed with a hot chocolate and watching your favorite shows

[fifisworld212]

A lot of time to think

I have suffered for years with anxiety and depression I’m not proud but I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s a daily struggle for sufferers like myself to even think about getting out of bed.

There are times over the past few weeks where I have cried more then normal, only one or two of them where happy tears. It’s not easy to try and pin point the problem it’s a constant reminder that things happen for a reason and sometimes I carry to much and it’s hard to deal with it.

I have lost sleep, lost interest in food, not been wanting to laugh or smile even my interests aren’t amusing me anymore. I can’t keep up this fasad of pretending to be happy when I’m not. Even the people I’ve been around lately has made my mood even worse cause they make it impossible cause of their negativity.

It’s been hard sometimes just being alone helps but not when something is clearly wrong and your screaming for help or someone to intervene but their not willing to help.

People think it’s easy to get over it but it’s not. I wish there was a simple cure but it’s insufferable when people say “get over it” “I’m here for you” when sometimes you don’t wanna talk about it.

Constant thoughts in the back of your head won’t go away the crying won’t go away it’s a tiresome game but I try to find a reason to get out of bed. But sometimes it isn’t worth it. If your a suffer like myself you’re not alone your not in this boat alone.