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You ever are looking at something and you realize you are just grinning? That’s such a cute little moment.

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THE PILLARS

Pillar one: THE SELF*

The first pillar is to master myself. To understand what makes me tick. To understand what I need to thrive. To understand and find meaning for me specifically.

Pillar two: THE UNDERGROUND*

The second pillar is to go as deep as possible, to find god, to connect with the core of life, to understand the murky underworld we all draw from. 

Pillar three: THE SERVICE*

The third pillar is in relation to my responsibility to the world, I feel responsible to help deepen the collective. I hold the view that we would have less evil people in the world if they had the skills and understanding to connect with themselves and their life. we live in a world oriented around escaping from depth, to the point that we manufacture fake depth to satisfy the curiosity while blatantly ignoring the truth. My role is to be courageously honest about life, my own small one and the bigger one we all connect to.

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A boy find himself wandering Going to a place he doesn’t know As he looks up at the night sky He feels his heart sink A boy find himself wandering Soon he finds someone else doing the same He asks them if they know what they’re doing They do not respond This person walks into the woods And he attempts to follow them Only to realize that they are gone A boy finds himself wandering He hears a river nearby He walks down his path towards the river Only to see the dry bed He drops to his knees And screams A man finds himself courageously following his destiny As he sees his sun rise He continues wandering But this time He knows his destination Ready for the next night

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You deserve to be held. You deserve to soak someone’s shoulder with your tears. You deserve to be treated with tenderness. You deserve to be open and held with respect and care. You deserve to be snuggled. You deserve to rest. You’ve been too strong for too long.

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We, as artists, are meant to suffer for the greater good of humanity. We are a select few who experience the lowest lows and the highest highs. Out of thousands of artists in each generation, only a few make a deep impact on the world; the rest will suffer or give up. The role of the artist in society is to push the world forward—to be trailblazers. Those who achieve this level of impact are the ones crazy enough to risk it all for what they love doing, and even among them, only a few prevail. If you want to make a great impact, you have to take great risks. Normal people will scoff at you; they will call you crazy. We artists are crazy, and only a few of us get the opportunity for the label of "crazy" to turn into the label of "genius." This is the hand you've been dealt. Good luck.

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forgive.

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can you, YES YOU, do a favor for me? can you please just think of one person you love. right now. ok, got it? message them right now, tell them you love them, no prompting, no "hows it going?". you say "i love you and I want to remind you of that". it costs nothing, this is your call to action, do it right fucking now.

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one of the compliments i always got was that i was a fantastic hugger. i have not received that compliment in years.

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14 years old

in a tent

with some friends

and my crush

truth or dare

its my crushes turn

my friend dared her to kiss me

he knew how i felt

thats a little weird

everyone laughed

she kisses me

tongue and all

night time darkness hid my blushing

everyone giggling

hoping they don't have to do the same

they went on to make another person jump in the trash can nearby

they didn't want to

but a dare is a dare

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its hard for me not to hate the world

its hard for me to accept what i can not control

i hope that i can be trusted more then a bear

im tired of being feared

im tired of being guilty until proven innocent

i understand

i know its not easy looking at another gender and having to be concerned for your safety

thats not fair to you

its not fair to any of us

if im frowning

im a threat

if im smiling

im a threat

if im sad

im weak

if im happy

im weird

if im angry

im scary

im tired of being a man

there is no winning for any of us here

sometimes i wish i was a bear

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what if we indirectly kissed using a two day old water cup from McDonalds?

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my best friend is an asshole drunk

i am an affectionate drunk

every time we drink together

we fight

i want to tell him how much i love him

he wants to tell me how much breathe i waste

it hurts my feelings

my sloppy

drunk

slow

feelings

so i defend myself

its usually pretty small

something about how i dont like him saying that to me

and he blows up

he feels i am unfairly making him the villian

i feel he is acting like the villian

he told me last night that i dont matter to him

in that moment, i thought

i cant believe I wasted so much of my time being friends with someone like this

i cant believe i decided to sign a lease with this man

i cant believe of my lack of self respect

i cant believe i let an abuser abuse me

and i go to bed with my door locked

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I’m so tired of hating everything about one guy and hating ALMOST everything about the other

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i try to hold love in my heart

i try to hold love for every being

i questioned myself when I heard the news today

seeing the blood drip out of the ear

a man I have had a hard time finding love for

as I felt the realization that the country I belong to has deepened its divide

as the thought popped into my mind

"this moment is the beginning of the end"

I wonder what I would have felt if the bullet made contact a little to the left

Would the love in me come first?

the despair over the loss of a life

or would the sigh of relief?

the moment of silence after the nightmare

the calm after the storm

and the calm before the storm

i’m not sure what would have come first

all I know is that I hate it here

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i hate saying "it is what it is" like as if I will ever be willing to accept that its out of my control.

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very drunk. very sad. i wish i could turn back time and give up earlier.

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Sorry, I don't get out much.