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A&V - pt. 4

Veronica pushed her glasses up her nose and settled into her seat, scooting herself a little closer to the edge so that Anne’s foot was truly pressed against her calf. She waited, sure that the foot would move but instead she felt it rise and fall against the fabric of her jeans in a gentle rub. The smile on her face took on a more knowing curl at the corners of her mouth and she could feel  the goosebumps rise and fall across her neck and down her back.

“So-” She started to speak but the deflated waiter returned to take their order for dinner.

“Um…” veronica was going to say something but gestured for anne to order first. Some sort of courtesy for her date, that was used to hide the fact that she had forgotten what she was going to order when Anne’s foot rubbed her leg.  

“I’ll have the Salmon and Risotto please.” She said without even giving a second glance to the menu. She lifted the folded menu and handed it to the waiter who wrote nothing down once again. Veronica stammered a bit as s she thought about what she wanted. She lifted her menu and shuffled in her seat, inadvertently pulling away from Anne’s touch under the table. It was only then than she made her mind up.  “The steak. Medium. Umm… I guess carrots for my side.”  She handed over the menu and he nodded and headed off leaving the two alone again.

Veronica stared across the table again and smiled and folded her hands on the table. “I was going to say. I am really glad that you decided to come out with me, we’d  been talking for so long, I was worried that we’d just end up as internet-only friends.” She gave a nervous laugh but didn’t look away from Anne like she had before. Anne pursed her lips and chuckled a little at the admission. “Honestly I wasn’t going to at first. But my roommate Heather said I should and pretty much forced me into this dress and out the door to come see you.” She turned her gaze to her wine, embarrassed to even have said that out loud. “I mean, It’s not that I didn’t think you were interesting or anything, I just, was afraid you were going to not look like your picture or...have changed a lot. I mean, I’m babbling.” She shut her mouth rather dramatically, pressing her full lips together to firmly they practically became a line.

Veronica was stunned, her mouth a little slack at the admission, but she just shot a jet of air from her nose in amusement and shook her head side to side. “No-no, it’s fine. I mean i’m just some strange woman from the internet. It could have gone a million different ways.” She reached out and wrapped her fingers around her wine glass and thumbed the glass just a bit not lifting it from the table. “I guess i’ll take it as you think I look cute at least.” She did her best to fight back the smirk that was inching its way across her face. Anne sucked her bottom lip in and looked down at the table, for the first time really matching the shyness of Veronica.

“So. Heather, is she..” Veronica released the wine glass, doing her best not to guzzle the crimson liquid by just keeping herself from drinking at all. She diced her hands in front of her, sort of trying to draw out and answer from Anne without asking the question full on who Heather was. Her eyes held the question more than the tone of her voice or the lean forward she had as as she asked.

Anne’s lip popped free from her teeth and she gave a heavy sigh. “I mean, we moved here together. Like… together-together. But That’s not really a thing anymore, she..and I we kinda realized it wasn’t going to work anymore and we are two totally different people now.” Anne picked up her wine and guzzled down the last in her glass. “We are kind of stuck together though because we bought our condo together when we moved here, and I just… you know, don't make enough to escape on my own and pay rent and a mortgage.” Anne kept her eyes away from veronica’s, not sure how her date was going to take the admission, other before had not been so flexible with her living arrangements.

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Anne on the left and Veronica on the right, as close so could get their outfits. Thanks to my addiction to the mobile game love nikki for the outfits.

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A&V - pt. 3

Anne pulled her hand free first. She let their fingers slid across each other, every moment of contact savored until their fingertips passed each other. Veronica let her hand rest on the table almost wishing that Anne would reach back out and take it again but when she didn’t return Veronica used that hand to scoop up her wine and gave it a slow sip. It was very good, and she probably would have guzzled but the comment about enjoying the flavor still stuck with her.

“So you said you work in real estate. Sounds really...boring.” Anne laughed, and Veronica feigned insult before joining her in the laugh. “Yeah, it’s not really glitz and glamour. Just leases and construction and spending a bunch of corporate money. At the least I get a nice office, its got a view that isn’t just the side of another building, which is nice.”

She couldn’t help but smile, the banter was like every email they had ever shared, and she was glad that Anne wasn’t so far off from who she was online. “You never really went into what you do.” Veronica leaned forward, waiting to hang on every word that slipped past Anne’s pink painted lips.

“I’m a social media manager for Harris Utter International.” She said it sort of quickly, like a well rehearsed sort of speil. “Really I just manage a bunch of college grads and make sure they don’t post anything too crazy on any of our social media platforms. I don’t even have an office, just a slightly bigger cube. Kind of wish I could have an office, would make it a lot easier to chat with you without risking someone over my shoulder.”

“Yeah, it is nice to just work without having anyone buzz around you.” Veronica said as she set the wine glass down again. She fished in her bag and pulled out her phone again and swiped a couple of times and set it infront of Anne. “Put your number in. Easier to hide texts than your e-mail.” They hadn’t swapped numbers or anything, just found e-mails from the online dating site  Anne looked down at the phone, apprehensive at first but relented and put her phone number in, she raised the phone up for a selfie and made a kissy face and took the shot, her contact info needed a picture after all. She finished and texted herself from Veronica’s phone. And felt her own vibe in her bag.   Veronica couldn’t help but smile at the selfie.

“What I don’t get to add a cute picture to your phone?”  She joked.

“Naw you got to earn a cute picture in there.” Anne laughed and handed the phone back.

“I guess I’ll have to work hard on this date then.” Veronica was going to continue but she felt the gently brush of toe of anne’s heel brush against her calf. She was going to brush it off as just an accident but then felt the gentle press of the toe again against her leg and it just rested there. Anne made no thought to move it.

“I think you are doing alright so far, but there’s still time for you to fuck it up.” She smirked again. Veronica felt she’d be seeing a lot of the mischievous look from the woman.

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She can be sad even when she’s happy. She can be lonely even when she’s loved. She felt things deeply. It was both her blessing and her curse.

Juansen Dizon (via juansendizon)

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How im feeling today, didn’t manage to get anything written for Anne and Victoria today, but i will try hard tomorrow. 

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There are few songs that speak to my internal state of being. Feelings is one of those songs. The video is sensual and spontaneous, and indicative of the lyrics. I am a person who is overwhelmed by  their feelings, I feel as if in a way I am addicted to that feeling of intense passion and love and desire and often it is too soon or unrequited.  Im in a place where I can never act on  these feelings, I can’t dance around someone and tell them how I feel too much too soon and find a way to make things hard for both of us. I’m married and my partner is beautiful and wonderful and I can’t imagine my life without them, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t say that I catch feelings too often and too hard on people that aren’t them.

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A beautiful Sexy-Sad track. The stripped down music, just an acoustic guitar and some finger snaps make this song feel so intimate. As if I am in a dim room listening to two people share a moment as if we all weren’t listening. The lyrics echo this stripped down intimacy, H.E.R. Comes in with this sweet sound that floats above the music, an ethereal tone that makes it seem as if she is an angel atop it all showing Daniel with affection. Then Daniel Ceasar comes in , his voice more grounded as if he is the one playing the guitar.  The two together are just a beautiful moment of two people realizing that there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for each other. 

“If you love me wont you say something?” Of course. 

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A&V - pt. 2

Veronica took a slow breath, the exhale ridding her of the tension of their first few minutes. “I already got this reservation though, so I guess lets give this place a try. If It sucks we can take an uber to a popeyes.”

“Deal” Anne said as she lifted the menu again. Veronica did the same although she could barely focus on  the menu she’d already looked over a few times, her eyes kept dancing from the words to Anne, and when she least expected they locked eyes, both thinking they were being slick and stealing a moment to stare. They lingered for a moment, Veronica’s blues glued to Anne’s hazels. They tore the look away and Veronica sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and she was grateful to have the menu blocking her face.  

A waiter came by the table, and tucked his hands behind his back as he went through the specials and made some polite small talk about them getting some food before going out on the town. He didn’t get that they were on a date with each other and kept trying to slip in little flirtations but neither woman gave him more of a response than a weak chuckle and a polite smile.  When he leaned over and put a hand on the back of Anne’s seat Veronica sat up a little straighter.

“I think we will just start with the shrimp scampi and a bottle of the Pinot...the 35 dollar one.” She flipped the menu around and pointed at the 2nd bottle of pinot.

He smiled and stood up straight, the restaurant was nice enough that he didn’t write anything down. He spun away and was off to put the order in and get the bottle. Veronica eyed him the whole way away before looking back to Anne who was staring at her with a sly smirk.

“You going to go tell him i’m off limits?” She could barely hold back the chuckle as she spoke, and Veronica immediately shrank back into her seat, her cheeks were a bright red as she looked away from Anne.

“I mean. He shouldn’t just make assumptions.” She looked back to Anne. “Right?”

“I’m here with you right? So who cares.”

Veronica swallowed her words and looked away again. “You’re right.”

“I’d be lying if I said you getting all flustered over there wasn’t really cute.” Anne didn’t look away like veronica had, although her voice was hushed, the words only meant for her date. Veronica looked back to her, although the blushing was nowhere near leaving her cheeks after  those words. She thought that this was just like the e-mails they had shared. Anne willing to open up, to speak like they were always friends, and Veronica still unsure, every word measured. She would have rather stayed quiet than make a fool out of herself.

“Thanks?-” She was going to say more but the waiter returned, a bottle of wine already uncorked and two glasses perched in his fingers. He set one down infront of Anne and then Veronica. He poured them both a healthy glass and then lingered a bit. Anne noticed the slight extension of his time at their table, and lifted the wine to her nose and took a slow sniff, inhaling the very essence of the glass.  

She let her eyes dart from  the waiter to Veronica and smirked. “Baby, this smells great. You are going to have to take your time with it. Can’t just go guzzling like you always do sweetheart.” She smiled, once again her face lit like the sun. Veronica was caught off guard by the words. Baby? Sweetheart? It hit her moments after the Waiter went through the five stages of grief in about a half second, over the realization they were a couple.

Veronica reached her hand out across the small round table, and Anne reached out to meet it and they gave each others fingers a slight squeeze. “I’ll try and take my time, and savor it.” They both looked at the waiter in a unison that they couldn’t have planned better. He nodded, and was away without saying anything.

The two women looked at each other and just soaked in the moment before both laughed out loud, perhaps a little too loud for the restaurant they were in. The joke had passed, and they had rid  themselves of the annoying waiter but neither let go of the others hand.

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Because I have no way to not love sexy-sad music.  Love this song a lot, its got such a simple beat that drives the narrative and just lets the two singers voices shine even brighter in the dingy subject matter. 

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UGH =( meIRL

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This song really speaks me a lot. really embodies that Sexy-Sad-Melancholy that I love and hate. 

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V&A - pt.1

“Veronica?”

The voice soft and hesitant, Veronica lifted her head from her phone. It had been twelve minutes after seven, and she was glued to her e-mail, swiping down every few seconds, to see if Anne had messaged her that she was canceling or being late, but instead the woman was standing right in front of her.  

“Huh? Uh. Yeah. Oh!” She stammered and made a slight effort to stand up although she still had the dinner napkin in her lap and it promptly fell to the floor. She was instantly embarrassed by Anne didn’t even notice. “Yeah. Anne?” She said in response, although she didn’t need to ask she had spent her fair share of time staring at the woman’s profile picture. It didn’t do her justice.

“Sorry I’m late. The bus was packed and they just rolled right past the stop for here.” Anne said as she unzipped her coat. She was wearing a sleeveless maroon dress with a  high collar. She took off her ear muffs and her brown hair fell in neat little curls across her shoulder, framing her face perfectly, although she couldn’t help but fuss with it just a bit after removing the muffs. She sat down across from veronica and fiddled with the napkin to free the rolled up utensils within.

“Its ok. I was lost on my phone anyway. Didn’t even notice the time.” Veronica smiled and lowered herself back down to her seat. She fished the napkin from the ground and placed it over her knees. She instantly thought she should have worn a dress, but instead she was in black skinny jeans and a white long sleeved blouse that was a bit more low cut in the front than she was used to, the designers put a bit of mesh in the cut as to pretend to have some kind of modesty but it was all lies.

“Cool.” Anne said and immediately regretted just filling the silence between them with such a trash filler word. “Sooo. What’s good here?” She said, trying to pull some conversation out of Veronica, as she pulled the menu over from the edge of the table and opened it. She had it just high enough that only her eyes peaked over the top of the gilded menu edge.

“Uh.” She shot an amused jet of air from her nose in a stifled chuckle. “I don’t actually know. I’ve never been here before.” She couldn't help but smile, and Anne lowered the menu to reveal she was smiling too. Victoria thought she couldn’t have looked more beautiful in that moment, the smile lit up her whole face, a single dimple was set to her right cheek, her eyes turned into little triangles and her eyebrows lifted. “It looked like a nice place on yelp and I don’t think popeyes would have made for a good first date.”

“I love popeyes. I’d do some horrible things for popeye's biscuits.” Anne laughed again, and veronica joined her as the tension melted away between the two of them.