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VIBE 379:

"I'd rather be a tree than a person. They aren't so cruel as to steal another tree's light, another's joy, another time, another victory. I am not afraid of the animals anymore. They can never be free like my heart is known to God."

I also want to plug for some accounts without whom I wouldn't have the time to curate in the style that I do! I'm very grateful to them and their work doing what they love.

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Are we gonna talk about the fact that POTENTIALLY mature content does NOT mean there's any fucking mature content!! I'm so sick of this shoot first wait months for an appeal bullshit. I shouldn't have to cater my art to fucking kids! They shouldn't be allowed on fucking social media anyway. It's soooo bad for a developing mind. Science has proven this ad nauseum since like 2015!

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One of my favorite movies!

Joan Crawford in Rain (dir. Lewis Milestone, 1932)

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MYRNA LOY and WILLIAM POWELL in THE THIN MAN (1934) dir. W.S. Van Dyke

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It's so wild how Abraham Lincoln prophesied almost 200 years ago that America could only perish by suicide and we live in what is effectively a nation entirely supported and maintained on self-harm ideologies and systems of systemic violence that put American citizens in a state of apathy, cognitive dissonance, or survival mentality that all reflect an unwavering national self-hatred and dedication to harm, which will always come back on the self as a collective whole as we are often perpetrators of violence towards whomever as long as it will soothe our cultural subconscious of feeling triggered about how much we hate being a living nation. As someone who struggled with SI for over a decade due to a variety of different health issues, I can see these moving parts so clearly, like the government is our "brain" running our inflamed nervous systems, and our deepest, most "shameful" desire is to simply die for what is an internalized sense of worthlessness, helplessness, and hopelessness. How are we not collectively suicidal? How was Lincoln not actually predicting our slow, intentional death? If we are the most powerful country on the earth, we don't have external threats. Just projections of our feelings and a desire to be externally validated in our unstoppable agency. How is that not national mental illness? If America was a person with major depressive disorder (and it is not lost on me that the U.S. took on a major cultural and moral cognitive dissonance after a period of mass collective suffering known as the Great Depression) what would we tell her to keep her alive? How would we help her heal, grieve, or forgive? Not being flippant, but how can we 5150 America if she's in a crisis? What does that look like? How do we calm our cultural nervous system? When her mental illness has led her to enact such awful choices of violence far past genocidal proportions, and when the majority of her body is begging her to stop, what can be done to convince her not to pull the trigger of a gun she paid for herself?

Edit: This framework of understanding is even more complex from a Jungian perspective that our elected representatives are just the archetypes of our national subconscious. "We elect the representatives we think we deserve" is not a new concept. Jung was interested in helping people heal their complex mental healths. How do we negotiate with our violent shadows?

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VIBE 376:

"Unstoppable."

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theres a bi buzzcut boyfriend at the end of this suffering tunnel i can feel it

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PAPRIKA (2006), dir. Satoshi Kon

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Kirsten Dunst would've been so fabulous for a Jean Harlow biopic.

Jean Harlow photographed by Harvey White, 1933.

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Think of how many thought-complexes you have to unravel to survive! Being alive IS mental labor!! You can be exhausted AND nonchalant at the same time, and that IS your success!!! Your energies will expand more and more over time to win your battles this way. You'll resolve challenges much more effectively and painlessly. And, you'll find something miraculous occurring in your entire state of being in real-time. It's like you just know you're not who you once were. You're beyond it. You're evolving into authenticity and joy, and it's very, very good, and anyways, if you do not process problems, then you do not actually solve them. This is why our nap habits are necessary. It changes a person to say, "No." in the spiritual feminine. You decide to just float under, and the air still comes to you anyway. You're unstoppable when you clock back in. Don't go too far, like over 1 hour and 30 minutes in a session, or you risk bad dreams. Especially on couches.

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What if we dissolve Nvidia into tiny assests and sell those for a collective 4 trillion to purchase 100% paid absolutely free whatever you want healthcare (dissolve insurance companies, cap all pharmaceutical companies, commit to being happy) for the next 100 years as well as whatever else can be resolved for us like the housing crisis or something else that money could be used to quickly resolve like childhood hunger, or endless free small business loans and grants, or cancer, or AIDS/HIV (We were almost there!), or we all just take a vacation and celebrate a happier season by paying all our bills with the money from the bills we've already paid

Left Hand

to afford being able to gaslight ourselves into not having to be people.

Right Hand

or, the world of the wealthy with the money we were betrayed into giving.

Do you want a shotgun bullet or a rifle shell? Do you want a house? You can only have one until you decide to give this shit up for something better! Why be and expect perfect when you could be unapologetically happy instead? Dissolve that whole world of trillions of dollars now!

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/10/technology/nvidia-4-trillion-market-value.html

https://kfor.com/news/local/walters-slammed-for-unfunded-school-lunch-mandate-critics-say-he-has-no-authority-to-enforce/

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This is not gay sex. This is just a mash of aesthetic myths celebrated by people who idolize and appropriate poverty aesthetics, true crime, martyrdom, and fantasy-world sapphism. Ethel Cain finds you all very irritating for a reason. You can just present these things in a gay way. I want to mention that longing is not an inherently queer feeling. It's a human feeling. Being gay or having gay intimacy is more particular AND expansive than just being sad, without contentment/satisfaction, or emotionally chaotic. Also, this is a great opportunity to talk about what an "aesthetic myth" can mean...

Here are the criteria:

1. Must have an internal, almost entirely subconscious, psychological dynamic connected to the visual appearances of the myth's situational context.

Ex. The Bones and All girls want to be devoured because to be consumed is the only natural response as a beautiful and acceptable, innocent trapped in an unacceptable world full of predators. This is also closely intertwined with the "violent forbidden fruit myth" as another example. The appearance of cannibalism fits into the psychological worldview of a living as a dissociative place in social society. There's a symmetry between the visual image and the underlying psychological drive.

2. Must generate cosmic irony (comedy) or tragedy (melodrama), and that can be facilitated in many ways.

Here are two:

One, obscure the meaning, lesson, and/or solution of the conflict to the protagonist of the myth to generate irony.

Two, place the protagonist in a state of helplessness to reject their human nature, shadow, authenticity, or will.

The rock and a hard place method. This is usually used in erotica, which is almost certainly about aesthetics and how intimacy can fill stylistic vessels.

Then, use this helplessness or obscurity to have the protagonist be forced to reckon with a tragic or ironic outcome. It's unavoidable. Fated, maybe.

Ex. Anything the ancient Greeks wrote and thought, "Let's perform this publicly!"

3. Must have what I call an unraveling thread. This means that you can work backward from the myth and arrive at a specific contextual growth medium for the people who popularize the myth.

Ex. White women with husbands who are committing tax fraud, or who long for a social life where something happens, popularizing the civil legal drama myth. Usually involves the wealthy or respected with both inappropriate comedy and pitiful tragedy involved. Think Gwyneth Paltrow and the ski trip. If we unravel why that myth is around, it's most certainly due, in part, to its appeal to the daytime-TV-water cooler-gals. The thread amongst all of those women is dissatisfaction in some important area within their lives. The dissatisfaction is the end of the thread.

To clarify, in a more concise way, the myth must serve the psychologies of a group in order to be perpetuated at all. Therefore, you can always track a myth backward until it doesn't even recognize itself anymore. And yes, there's geneology to this. More on this transmutation of a myth in the next example.

4. Above all else, the meaning of the aesthetic myth is communicated and reflected subliminally because the aesthetic is more valuable than the outcome in praxis of the myth's application. This is where myths can take on new meanings over time.

Ex. The barbaric violence of true crime archetypes suddenly is more intertwined with religion than alcoholism and bigotry. You can follow that thread backward and know exactly why that happened, but if it's ambiguous: a devout religious upbringing tends to cause complex, invisible violence, which is symmetrical with the invisible, ongoing, systemic, and personal violence often associated with true crime that is ignored until it becomes a true crime myth. Think Bundy. Or any serial killer idolization. Dark emissaries for dark, unknowable gods.

On a personal level, I disagree with that myth, but that's not something you can do about a myth. Myths are fiercely protected as the breaking of the mythical 4th wall is tantamount to pillaging a city-state. This is especially true after the internet developed micro-culture nation-states.

Anyway, it may all seem very abstract to explain, but it applies to so much more than we even realize. Our lives are watered down and out of presence and into aesthetics all the time. The effects go much deeper than the perceived relevance. Even small myths, like a meme that carries goofy narrative or history, can change how we approach a single image or a collective of them. So, what if our life is based around images and the communites that idolize them? What will the myths do to us then? Insert Joan Didion "We tell ourselves..." quote here.

If I play the part, do I get to keep the feelings?

things that are gay sex:

cannibalism

surgery

russian roulette

braiding/brushing hair

fishing

hunting

gutting animals

stabbing

drinking blood from the wrist or neck

autopsies

shootouts

boxing/wrestling

digging in the ground

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Tease #22: Using Sex in a God-Honoring Alternative Kind-of-Way

Reckoning with the bodies that are me and encircle me. Come closer, my orbits. I am an unashamed mother. Show me where your legs can take you.

"I want to make fabulous art and have fabulous sex is that too much to ask!"

"opening my heart up to the only one who ever listened close enough to hold my hopes in their mind oh okay it's not so bad over here it can be safe in on carpet our carpets our carpe diem catches the light"

"You are my most wonderful harvest, baby. The most authentic queen. If you were an egg, I'd have hatched it. If you were my lover, I'd be your bride. If you would let me picnic on all the wheat, I'd promise there wouldn't be a single bug beyond the butterflies."

"I called to let you know the shoe dropped out of the race, baby. Yes, we are free to just be ourselves forever. No, that's not a punishment. We're changing all the time."

"One dark night, I went for a walk beyond our land, and I saw things: A Play in Three Acts"

"Act One: Perseverance and Persephone"

"Act Two: The Storm is Summoned, Nightmares"

"Act Three: The Angel of the Lord Speaks"

I know. I know. I know...

VIBE 367:

"Burst"

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VIBE 374:

"My life's work is surgical pleasure. I can balance the scales of life and death for you. We are no different. I don't judge. Let me show you how to do a ressurection. Down a long golden hallway lies a door..."

"The Jar Bomb Alcove"

"passages for forever"

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I've got Tease #22 dropping tonight

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Got real sad today