givemyall

[givemyall]

My Dream

For the longest time, as long as I can remember, and even from stories from my parents before I can remember, my dream was to be a professional athlete in the NBA/NFL. For most of my life it’s what drove me and what I desired most. It’s why I would only watch ESPN, everyday of the week, as a 10 year old. And why you couldn’t bother me on Saturdays either. That day was to watch every single college football game on television. Also why every monday when I was 11, I’d stay up until the wee hours of the night not only to watch Monday Night Football, but also the hour of sportscenter that came on after. I studied both basketball and football intensely, and everything else took a backseat. I was naturally gifted at school, it came easy, but it always took a back seat to sports. I never got a 4.0, I wasn’t the top of my class in high school, and I knowingly never fully applied myself. I was ok with that because it was for sports. And as I grew older, other things also took a back seat to sports. But it all paid off in the end. I achieved my dream. Defied the odds. Luckily, with the help of so many angels around me, I made it to college. And without a lot of my own doing, I signed an NFL contract.

But there’s more to the story than that. I haven’t told many people the story of how I committed to Minnesota that hot summer day in June of 2013. I had visited so many schools and met a lot of coaches and they all had pros and cons. Thats the story of life though; everything has its pros and cons but theres still always decisions to be made. And sometimes its the little things. I did love Coach Kill. He is a great man. And I loved the location of how close the University was to Somerset. Great reasons to attend a University. But in reality, Ohio State had great things to offer. Oregon had great things to offer. Wisconsin (I’m trying to be transparent here lol) had great things to offer. Pros were one in the same and each schools cons were as well. But the real reason I committed to Minnesota was something I was scared to try and explain to people for a very long time. I was in the car after a very long recruiting trip to Michigan, Michigan St, Ohio St, and Indiana. All went really well and left me excited for what was next. We were probably a couple hours into the trip home, and I was understandably exhausted from the day of competing at Ohio State so I fell asleep in the back right corner of the van. 

I was in and out of sleep. Like my mind wandering a bit but still definitely asleep. I was thinking about all the options in front of me and it was interrupted by a voice whispering in my right ear. It was a whisper but definitively clear. And mind you, I was in the far back, right side of the van so it’s not like someone could whisper in my ear by the window in that situation. The voice, clear as day, said “Go to Minnesota. That’s where you need to be”. When I heard the voice, I instantly woke up, interrupted conversation taking place in the van, and said, “I’m committing to Minnesota.” The statement confused everyone in the car. “We just visited all these great schools and you loved it. Where did Minnesota come from?” I replied, “I just know that’s where I want to be.” I didn’t know what had just happened but I do know when I woke up from that nap I was 1000% a Minnesota commit and that’s where I was going to sign come signing day, and ultimately play for. I didn’t doubt it once. There was just this peace over me about the decision and no one could tell me different. I went from complete uncertainty and seeing the process going well into my senior year, to committing the summer after my junior year to my first scholarship offer. I called all of the coaches who recruited me the next day informing them of my decision, some conversations went better than others, and the last being to Minnesota, Jerry Kill, and his staff. The rest is history.

I didn’t tell anyone about that experience in the van because it didn’t really make sense to me, how could I expect myself to explain it to someone else in a fashion that they could understand. It wasn’t until my freshman year was over and I was preparing for my sophomore year that it finally made sense to me. But through many other ways of divine intervention (and another crazy story I won’t get into here), I found myself attending the Ultimate Training Camp for Christian athletes the summer before my sophomore year. That week wrecked everything I ever thought I knew about the Lord, thought I knew about myself, and all the things I had been through in my life. It was at the completion of the SPECIAL, where you run a mile, .5 down a hill and another .5 up it, where I had the opportunity to reflect on my life and the things God had done in it. The run in itself is an amazing experience because you do it with a plank that is supposed to be symbolic of the cross Christ carried for every one of us. What followed was the most peaceful 5 minutes of my life. 

I finished the run and tossed the board off my back. I remember seeing the elation on everyone’s faces at the top of the hill. Friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. I took a few more steps and collapsed. I wasn’t exhausted, actually the mile run was probably one of the easiest things we did throughout the course of the week. I just, for no apparent reason, collapsed and everything else in the world went quiet. My mind instantly went back to every crossroad in my life starting at the first and ending at the most recent. The memories were so vivid and real. Things I hadn’t thought about in years came rushing back. Once one of the memories finished, it would flash to the next one, and then the next, and so on. And it was just showing me the timeline of my life. There I realized there were so many times in life that I questioned, or even lashed out at God, for what had taken place. Things far beyond my control and my influence that I had to deal with. Much to my surprise one of those memories that played back was the day I decided to commit to Minnesota. When the voice visited me, in the back of the van. Then it made sense. everything clicked. God was showing me everything I had ever been through, how He was present in every single situation, but ultimately, how all of that lead me to that specific moment, on top of a hill, laying down, yet closer to God than I had ever been before. I was experiencing the most surreal moment I could ever imagine. I was being showed point by point, like a kid game of connect the dots, what I had experienced and how I experienced it, all to know Christ deeper and experience His love closer than I could have ever thought. At this moment, the memories stopped and I just remember weeping. 

The reason I’m addressing this story is because the best and worst things that have ever happened in my life, were all present to bring me closer to my Lord and Savior. I thought Minnesota was a football and career move, but little did I know God saw it as an eternity move. Ever since that day, my life’s purpose was to know God more and make Him known, I just didn’t know it at that moment. Even further, when God revealed Himself to me on top of that hill, it changed my heart, motivations, passions, and values. What my heart desired before Christ filled it, was no longer the same when He occupied it. I didn’t want the things that 10 year old Gaelin wanted most. And those 3 years since then have been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, twists and turns, with the ultimate destination of where I began to put Him above anyone and everything. And that won’t change. So as of these last few weeks, I’ve made the decision to step away from the game of football (as a player) and go into ministry. Big decision? I know. What that looks like? I don’t know. Where am I called next? I couldn’t tell you. But I am looking forward to finally putting everything I am into knowing Christ more and making Him known. No more back seat faith or choosing myself above the kingdom. I am selling out for Christ because He first sold out on me. At every crossroad in my life, God has been present and helped influence every one of those decisions. This one is the biggest thus far, but I know He’s the one driving the car this time. So I’m ready and at peace with it. 

[givemyall]

There is nothing more frustrating than not being who I am. Who I could be. This is a strange battle because no one knows when I’m losing this civil war. But me.

A.W. Poser

[givemyall]

We Should All Kneel

As i prepared for my college game for this week, things were different. Due to being rescheduled because of Hurricane Irma complications, this one fell on a very important Sunday in history. Going through my typical routine, I usually try to relax myself, calm down, and remind myself it is simply a game. I listen to a playlist that has hip hop, pop, but more than anything, Gospel/Christian music, through my white apple headphones. While sitting in the visiting locker room, there were many things running through my mind, like assignments (for the game), the outcome of the game, my teammates next to me. 

At this moment, “Here As In Heaven” began playing by Elevation Worship, a song I’ve listened to countless times before. I try my hardest to deeply digest the lyrics to the song. “ Overflow in this place, fill our hearts with Your love, Your love surrounds us, You’re the reason we came, to encounter Your love, Your love surrounds us.” Every time I’ve listened to this song before, I’ve tried to listen to it as something that’s only relevant to me and my life at that time. Selfish, I know, but I’m about to go play a game my Lord and Savior has blessed me with the opportunity and ability to play, so I’m trying to feel as close to Him as possible during these moment before kickoff. As the song continued to play I opened my twitter app, as I was just unconsciously fiddling through my phone. The first tweets to pop up were the things taking place across the National Football League. I browse through the pictures and videos of the various protests and the song continues “Spirit of God fall fresh on us, we need Your presence, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, here as in heaven.” And instantly my heart hurt, and tears began to fill my eyes. I try to hide myself from my teammates because I felt as if they may misunderstand or misplace my emotion. I think about all the things in the world that people don’t understand about one another. All of the anger, the division, and lack of compassion for other’s situation. At first I didn’t understand why I was overcome with emotion. But after those same lyrics made it’s orbit back into my headphones, I understood. 

Because we are inherently broken as people. Because there is so much hate in this world and we NEED God so desperately. Even through this most divisive time, we cannot see what the true problem is. There has always been division, and there will always be division, as long as we continue to choose to be separated from God. This is the only bridge we have available to us. I instantly thought about how badly we need the Spirit of God to fall fresh on the troubles we have in this world. With our current leader of our country, with the division among friends and families, and above all, the division within the church. Most of you reading this, if you know me, will certainly know where I stand on the issue of protesting during the anthem. And as I scrolled through my Facebook feed, I saw many opportunities to defend my stance against people I consider very close friends. But the reality is that without the gospel at the center of every belief, even mine, then that belief is wrong and weighted in the wrong things. 

“Here as in heaven,” thank God, literally God, that it is not “In Heaven, as it here” because then there would be no hope. Yes, life isn’t clean cut and we are human, so I cannot blame other people for their faults, I have plenty of my own, too. Jesus is hope and that is something we cant forget in times like these. Whether you think to kneel or stand during the anthem, we will find comfort in the real, true answer, as we kneel for, and speak to, our Lord and Savior in private first and foremost. We will find direction when we consume and meditate on His word as we do what’s on our social feeds. Even after all the unified protests Sunday morning made me hopeful for what was to come next, it was immediately met with sadness and being unfulfilled, just like everything else that does not have God in it’s center. The bible tells us to love God with all of our mind, body, and soul. If we are only thinking about “things that upset me personally” before the thought of what upsets God ever runs through our mind, if it ever does, then we are completely and utterly failing to love God above ourselves. The bible also tells us that we must deny ourselves and take up our own crosses. Then we can follow Him. I encourage everyone to turn to God in this difficult time, and to love one another, especially those with differing views and dissenting opinions in today’s climate. Just as this song reminded me before this college game on a random Sunday, “a miracle can happen now”. All we need is for the spirit of the Lord to be here, which means we must invite Him into our lives and this world.

[givemyall]

True love has Always been foreign to me. And to my demise, I do not have my passport yet

FindingMyWay