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feeling evil, so-

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it’s the middle of the night, i have consumed enough caffeine to kill a victorian child and i cannot sleep, im this close - 🤏 to losing my mind

SO

this is my asks-and-shitpost sideblog - @maniccaffeineaddict

i will answer all the asks (except for spams) i get until i pass out

k thanks bye

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Just learned about recency bias, coolest thing ive ever learned about lol

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has this been done before

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accidentally dropped my wallet down the book return chute at the library and had to have a very awkward conversation with the lady at the help desk

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I am a child of divorce

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Sherlock Holmes Adaptations: How Gay are They?

Granada Holmes: Gay.

Sherlock and Co.: Very gay.

BBC Sherlock: Gay and homophobic.

ACD Canon: The original gay.

Fawx and Stallion: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Elementary: Asexual.

House MD.: Gay and deeply toxic.

RDJ Holmes: You guessed it! Gay.

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Me to me when I repeat past mistakes when I know better

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im going to be real rn i completely understand where hamlet is coming from because if my dad died and then my mom married his brother a MONTH AFTER HIS FUNERAL and THEN everyone told me to just get over it already because everybody dies and THEN i talked to my dad's ghost and tried to get some semblance of closure after his death and he told me "cut the bullshit im burning my sins off in hell rn but its not a big deal listen up your uncle murdered me you gotta get revenge for me" i would also do an acrobatic fucking pirouette backwards off the handle

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when hiring witches is frowned upon and you’re working with a thrust stage and a 16th century knowledge of chemistry - probably not enough to even make a non-lethal smoke bomb - you gotta do what you gotta do

My favorite Shakespeare thing is when he writes a major plot point but just has someone tell us about it to save on special effects.

Hamlet gets kidnapped by pirates but we don’t see that part. It’s a letter.

The Oracle of Delphi shows up in the Winter’s Tale and rather than do all the special effects required to make that adequately supernatural, two guys come on stage and go “woah that was cool”

There’s a big storm on the night that Duncan is murdered and we learn about this when half the cast of Macbeth says “sure was stormy last night”

Shakespeare, the OG low-budget director taking the easy way out.

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someday i will not feel worthless over a 1 note post but today is not that day

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here’s some more of the dumb shit my friends have said that i think have incredible incorrect quotes potential :

friend : do you like your showers scorching hot

me : i can’t say i particularly enjoy being cooked alive in the shower

friend : well i do. i’m practicing for when i burn in hell

———————

*faced with a very heavy coffee table*

friend 1 : we need a big strong man

friend 2 : no, we need a twink *points at me*

friend 3 : if anime has taught me anything - twinks are like, super powerful

friend 4 : twinks save lives

friend 5 : twink lives matter

————————

*talking about childhood trauma*

friend 1 : yeah i don’t think you’d be a particularly good mother

friend 2, not a woman : rude. i’ll become YOUR mother

————————

me : why did you and [ex partner] break up again?

friend : he couldn’t cope with the variability of my temperament

me : …what

friend : he finally got sick of my shit

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me : *shows photo of self* do you think this photo encompasses me as a human being?

friend : nah. you have too much life in your eyes

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dream job?

live in a cave with my pet bats and owls and have a staff that i carry around with me and share my fire with and tell stories and myths to the questing children who stop by my cave in search for ancient lost artefacts and not have to interact with people beyond that

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i am BACK with another round of - the crows as dumb shit my friends have said

Kaz : blackmail is good mail

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Jesper : It smells like daddy issues in here

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Wylan : I need to put my bones in the washing machine

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Nina : you can’t go into the corner of shame when you have no shame

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Matthias : look at them suburbs. wow. so exotic

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Inej : you KNOW holding in the sarcasm gives me indigestion

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i love telling my irl friends the latest happenings of the hellsite

i feel like a news correspondent reporting from a war zone

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Today on liked by Hozier

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Thank god you asked chat gpt, I was worried you'd google it and read through sources yourself