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[greenwrites]

[greenwrites]

12.17.23

[greenwrites]

[greenwrites]

I feel betrayed by my own self

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[greenwrites]

Or maybe it was the way you cared for me , the way you wrote me big ass paragraphs while I was sleeping even if it wasn't your cup of tea but you did... just because I like those kind of things , the way you stood there across the street waiting patiently until I got into the auto , the way you always ask me if I reached home safe , the way you're always there for me , the way you choose me in a room full of people .. in a room full of your friends just so that I don't feel alone , the way you skip school just because I wasn't going , the way you're always scolding me for not wearing anything warm , the way you sat 1 hour on video call watching me silently as I sleep

It's the little things you do , the things no one did for me ...

[greenwrites]

1. Franz Kafka

2. Ruta Sepetys

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I'm kind of too sad and confused to not post anything and these quotes are hitting way too much right now :)

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I mean yeah I carry a sadness that exhausts my will to live like a leach on my heart but I’m basically fine

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i think i loved you, but i guess i'll never really know

joan tierney / death cab for cutie / sylvie baumgartel / the crane wives / @araekni / khalid hosseini / lev st valentine / wendy cope / richard siken (reordered)

[greenwrites]

WIP , Lev. St. Valentine

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there are times when i want you with me ... hold your hand , hold you close to me , tell you everything that's been on my mind but words won't come out of my mouth so instead i want to be like an open book so you can read me like i'm some kind of mystery novel which got you so intrigued you can't stop reading it or some romance novel which made you blush and giggle like a teenage girl but alas i'm none , not a mystery novel not a romance... i am but a manuscript incomplete waiting to be completed but only you my beloved can complete me . The chapter of my life which was meant to be written to complete my story .

~ green

[greenwrites]

Franz Kafka , Letters to Felice

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“ abuse can feel like love because starving people will eat anything ”

Maybe sometimes the pain they give can also feel satisfactory and fulfilling because that's all you can feel against the numbness you get when you're ignored and suppressed . Is it because you love the person or you never got someone to love ?

But sometimes seeing the pain and longing and need in someone's eyes for you feels so freaking good and amazing . Is it because you're evil or you were not loved enough ?

~ green

[greenwrites]

Cain, José Saramago (trans. Margaret Jull Costa)

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Lev St. Valentine, WIP

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Again :

when i see you ‘again’ maybe I'll tell you how much i care when i see you ‘again’ maybe you'll not be so distant for when I'll see you ‘again’ will time stop like the first time it did , the gentle breeze touching your face oh so gently , how much i envy that , your raven hair flowing in the breeze in a way like they're dancing to the music that's playing maybe , maybe not or is it just in my head the cherry blossoms falling from the trees was it spring ? or was it fall ? how could I remember the only thing i remember is how beautiful you looked even with that cocky grin of yours . it felt like the most mesmerizing thing i have ever seen , will you smile at me like that again for when i see you ‘again’ ?

But all those radiant smiles and pretty lies and your crystal eyes all for HER . not only you I saw that day but her too but how can I even remember her face my whole focus was on you . i remember that day clearly as clear as the flowing water .

i also remember the day you were at my doorstep a mess with your heart shattered in pieces those once crystal eyes now red like ruby glistening , glistening with tears . how those pretty hairs of yours were in a mess all like some tangled threads but God you still looked so goddamn pretty i would have kissed you right there . but all those crying and all that pleading the way you broke down in front of me and was a sobbing mess all for her ‘ again ’ .

That was the last day i saw you and i remember it very clearly like the flowing water but even now i think do you still care for her ? do you still cry for her ? would you still take her in your embrace if you see her ‘again’ ?

‹ when will it be ? if i see you again . i will look into your eyes and say “ i missed you ” ›

The lyrics to the song plays at the back of my mind i still think of you i still want to see you , to meet you , to look at you the way i did when we met but what will be the look on your face will you smile at me like you did for her ? or cry for not seeing me for so long like you did when you lost her ? i don't know for the only thing i know you will be the most precious memory of mine until i see you ‘ again ’...

~ green