h4t5t0f55l

[h4t5t0f55l]

didn't realise i was hitting beans lmaoo-

[h4t5t0f55l]

I am no longer jealous of pastry

I am the pastry

I'm jealous of pastieries

[h4t5t0f55l]

my body is falling apart i can't lie

[h4t5t0f55l]

can you get heart problems from consistent self harm?

[h4t5t0f55l]

tw: $h description

told my friend about my sh

and I messaged them last night freaking out

and they said "if you leave it alone maybe it won't even scar"

bro how deep do you think i'm cutting??

these aren't baby cuts

why would i text you freaking out about that.

I freaked out because I thought I hit something important

but turns out it was just a large-ish vein. but watching the blood pulsate shocked me out of cutting anymore for that evening

these are the sort of cuts that bleed through plasters and through your clothes.

im cooked i think.

[h4t5t0f55l]

what’s it called when you’re so disconnected from reality that cold water doesn’t feel like anything and you can barely taste food anymore

[h4t5t0f55l]

dont treat me like shit when im trying to comfort you i will actually crash the fuck out shut the hell up

[h4t5t0f55l]

oh god i took of the plasters and it unleashed more blood than i guess i bled in the first place and had to tape tissues over the plasters and its still bled tbrlugh

km sure im fine

[h4t5t0f55l]

im going to pick self destruct because what's the point anymore

crisis line or self destruct

crisis line or self destruct

crisis line or self destruct

crisis line or self destruct

[h4t5t0f55l]

every goddamn day screaming into the void

only its not worth anything. idk why I bother asking for help because its never granted to me.

[h4t5t0f55l]

they really really really really taking their time

I think they forgot about my existence

I really am that forgettable even to mental health professionals

this is what i get for reaching out over a non-emergency

I should just suck it up

they really taking their time with this psych assessment appointment

[h4t5t0f55l]

crisis line or self destruct

crisis line or self destruct

crisis line or self destruct

crisis line or self destruct

[h4t5t0f55l]

Kinda wild how most people generally recognize that the "too sick to go to school, too sick to watch tv/play games" mindset our parents had was bullshit but still impose essentially the exact same rules on disabled adults and scrutinize them for enjoying low-energy hobbies while being too fatigued or in pain to work a full time job (or any job at all)

[h4t5t0f55l]

I am a grown ass adult and I still get nausea when I feel like I'm in trouble. They're gonna send me to the principals office and take away my toys for a week. Can you just fucking kill me instead of making me stew in my fucking anxiety

[h4t5t0f55l]

[h4t5t0f55l]

I actually don't see a future clean for me

[h4t5t0f55l]

relapsed