hellyeahscarleteen

[hellyeahscarleteen]

How do you find a fantastic relationship, anyway?

• Be open: if you refuse to believe anyone else could like or love you, and keep all your doors and windows firmly closed and locked, there's no way for anyone else to get in in the first place.

• Be prepared for surprises: the people you really click with, with whom you have a major love connection, may very well not look like your 'type' or be anything like you idealized, expected or imagined. That's often part of the adventure.

• Be self-aware: knowing and learning who you are, what you want and need, and where you're going in your own life -- with and without partners -- puts you in a much better place for knowing the good stuff when you see it than focusing on how others see you, who THEY are, and what they might want from you.

• Learn to love and accept yourself: yeah, it sounds cheesy, but if you don't earnestly care for yourself first, and love and accept who you are, nobody else is going to be able to do it very well, either. And if you're really being yourself all the time then when someone does fall for you, you don't have to wonder if it's really you they're into.

• Trust your instincts: when you feel in your guts that something just isn't right, chances are good that it isn't. When your instincts tell you that something is really right? It probably is. By all means, temper those feelings with logic as well, but pay attention to your instincts as well: they're often pretty smart.

• Stop looking so darn hard: you're more likely to find quality relationships when you're living all of your life fully, rather than spending every waking moment fixated on hooking up or finding a partner. Desperation isn't generally attractive to healthy people, and someone who will really love you for who you are is going to be attracted to you when you're following all of your dreams, and an active participant in your own life, clearly able to drive the car of your life all by yourself.

• Take safe risks: nothing ventured, nothing gained is the order of the day. To get something started or kick things into high gear, someone has got to make a move at some point -- asking someone on a date, getting a phone number, expressing love or care, even just saying hello -- and it may as well be you.

• Know you're always worthy: everyone IS deserving of love and affection. Everyone. That includes you.

From Potholes & Dead Ends: Relationship Roadblocks to Look Out For

[hellyeahscarleteen]

New! Queer, Devout, and In Between: Navigating Sexuality and Spirituality as a Young Person

"The tension of being both queer and devout is one that many young people live with every day. It’s a quiet push and pull, a heartbreak and a homecoming, and a constant negotiation of two identities the world most often insists must cancel each other out. And yet, across faiths and generations, young queer people are carving out sacred space for themselves. Not by choosing one identity⁠ over the other, but by reclaiming the right to belong fully to both....

In the in-between spaces where traditional elders often fall short, some queer youth are finding guidance in less conventional forms: drag⁠ queens who quote scripture, TikTok theologians who do lip-sync sermons, poets whose prayers sound like spoken word.

“My queer godparent is this 40-something former nun-turned-drag-artist named ‘Sister Praise the Gays,’” says Rio, 20. “They taught me how to read tarot, break generational curses, and not flinch when someone quotes Leviticus.”

Is it irreverent? Maybe. It’s also deeply sacred in its own way.

“I finally understood the Holy Spirit when I saw them vogue in full habit to Beyoncé’s Heaven,” Rio says. “It wasn’t just camp. It was church.”

These unexpected mentors become spiritual lifelines. They remind us that holiness doesn’t only reside in stained glass windows or dusty old scrolls. Sometimes it shows up in sequins and sass, in memes and mixtapes, in hugs that feel like home..."

Taiwo Adepetun's piece is a beautiful and profound exploration of how faith and queerness are intertwined. This piece is an invitation to witness that connection and open up to the possibility of not having to trade one identity for the other for those who identify as both queer and devout. In other words, embracing the right to belong in your wholeness. Continue reading this heartfelt piece below:

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Pretty sure this wasn’t answered in your faq.

I’m very impressed with your knowledge and am vaguely aware you’re a professional in sex/body matters and thus may have access to things people don’t normally have access to/have some of this information memorized.

My question is: do you have any resources you can share to learn more about bodies and safe sex practices?

I tried looking on your blog but couldn’t find anything after a couple minutes of searching

Thank you very much and I hope you have a lovely day!

hi anon,

I'm not a professional in the sense that I do not carry any kind of license or degree. what I have is years of experience doing research to answer questions, leading workshops and presentations, and volunteering my time to do human development classes with 4th-6th graders. there's nothing I have access to that you can't get too as long as you have an internet connection and perhaps a library card.

some of the sources I draw from most frequently (and link to most often) are the websites such as Planned Parenthood, the Mayo Clinic, the Cleveland Clinic, and the Center for Disease Control. Scarleteen is also an invaluable resource, which has a website and is right here on tumblr dot com at @hellyeahscarleteen. one of my earliest inspirations was the youtube sexologist Lindsey Doe, who's still active and has a vast backlog of videos. I have a list of books that I've found interesting and influential here.

information is everywhere.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

How is HIV spread?

"HIV is spread through 6 body fluids: blood, vaginal fluids, semen, pre-cum, rectal fluids, and breastmilk. To get HIV from one of these fluids, there are 4 things that need to happen.

HIV has to be present in the fluid. You can only get HIV from someone who is infected with HIV.

HIV needs to be present in a large enough quantity to cause an infection. HIV dies outside of the human body, so things like old, dried blood don’t spread HIV. Likewise, if someone is on treatment for their HIV and the amount of virus in their body is very low, they are unlikely to give you HIV.

HIV needs to get into your body. This can happen if fluids from someone with HIV get into your blood – like through a needlestick, cut, or open sore – or if fluids come into contact with the inside of your rectum, urethra, or vagina. You cannot get HIV from touching things like blood or semen with unbroken skin.

You need to be susceptible to HIV infection. Some things, like taking PrEP to prevent HIV infection, make you less susceptible. Other things, like having an untreated STI, make you more susceptible."

(From Positively Informed: An HIV/AIDS Roundup)

[hellyeahscarleteen]

btw if you’re fat and your partner doesn’t love you wholeheartedly, if they’re attracted to you “despite” your body, if they avoid touching you, if they look away from certain parts of you, you’re allowed to break up with that person. look at me. you can do better. you are not unloveable and you don’t have to settle i fucking promise.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"If your friend or partner has changed their name or pronouns (or are in the process of trying a potential change on) to feel affirmed in their gender, use that name and use those pronouns! It can be hard to speak about someone in a new way, especially when you’re using singular pronouns you might not be used to saying or hearing, like “they/them/theirs.” The best way to learn any new skill is to practice. Speak out⁠ loud about your friend or partner when you’re with other pals (or even when you’re by yourself) until you get the hang of it. And if you mess up in front of your friend or partner, that’s okay! Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. When that happens, briefly apologize, correct yourself, and move on with the conversation.

You might be inspired to correct other people when they don’t use the right name or pronouns. Before you become the Pronoun Patrol, ask your friend or partner if they’d like you to correct others or if they prefer to handle corrections on their own.

It’s also a good idea to ask if there are certain contexts in which you should not be using your friend or partner’s new name or pronouns. Some people don’t disclose their new name, pronouns, or gender identity to their family, their school, or their workplace because they don’t feel safe sharing that part of their identity⁠ in those contexts. Others just aren’t ready to share that information with everyone all at once, so make sure you’re clear on what your loved one wants."

Ro White, How to Support A Friend or Partner Who’s Dealing With Gender Dysphoria

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Hydration Elixir

Okay, so, it's about to get Hot and Humid in the USA, so I'mma spring my tried-and-tested Hydration Elixir! For this recipe you will need:

Salt

Lemons

Water

Warning: DO NOT drink Hydration Elixir by itself! This is an elixir meant to be mixed in small quantities with a regular-sized glass or bottle of water! You're making the equivalent of a family supper-sized quantity of elixir, not an individual meal.

Instructions:

Step 1: Take a lemon, cut it in half, and juice it.

(Substitute Step 1: In the event of no lemons or inability to juice one, measure out a quarter cup of lemon juice.)

Step 2: Set lemon juice to side.

Step 3: Boil approximately two cups of water, then mix in a generous teaspoon of salt. (note: boiling the water makes the salt dissolve fast with minimal stirring, and that is why we're doing it)

Step 4: Allow salted water to cool.

Step 5: Mix lemon juice into salted water (note: Mixing the juice and water together when the water is hot makes the whole thing taste worse later)

Step 6: Pour your newly-crafted elixir into a bottle or jar with a lid, then put in fridge to cool.

Directions on Use:

Add a teaspoon or so of Hydration Elixir to a larger glass or bottle of water when you have been sweating to help replace salt lost due to said sweat. The lemon juice adds some nice vitamins and a pleasant taste to make it all more palatable.

Use Hydration Elixir in moderation, you've just made enough to last you a week or so, with enough to share some around with friends. Quickly drinking a concoction that consists of two cups of water, a lemon's worth of juice, and a teaspoon of salt will clean out your innards but good, and you will survive but it will be with Regrets.

Again, Hydration Elixir is meant to be mixed with a large quantity of plain water. The recipe is as it is because it's easier to quantify how much of each ingredient (especially the salt) to use for a bulk batch and how much of the batch you should probably take than to give measurements for a single glass of the stuff.

Plus, if you've got it already made and chilling in the fridge, then you just need to plop a teaspoon into a glass of water when you've come in hot and sweaty and tired or mix some into your water bottle to take with you before you head out.

Stay safe and stay hydrated!

[hellyeahscarleteen]

while it's very important to understand who you are, i wanted to point something out that i see queers stressing over, especially young queers, which is that you do not have to label every part of your identity, or any part of it at all. if you've tried every label and nothing fits you, if you feel like you have an experience that sits outside of what others defined, if you feel like you relate to an experience but don't have it exactly, if you feel like you fall between the cracks of identities, if you feel like you could never possibly be defined by labels... that's fine. that's more than okay. if you just don't understand a part of you, but it's there and not causing you harm, you don't have to label it if you can't or don't want to. you can experience something without having a word for it.

i see young queers stressing over trying to figure out whether or not they're gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, aro, ace, genderfluid... it's okay to identify as these things if you know that they're you. but you also don't have to identify with anything if you don't want to. you don't have to figure out how to label every aspect of your identity. you don't "have" to figure any of this out if you don't want to or if it stresses you out too bad. it's important to know yourself- knowing yourself also includes acknowledging that labels like this may not be for you if you find you just can't make them fit no matter what. that's an okay experience, too. it's okay to live outside of those boundaries altogether and just be yourself, without words to define what makes you you.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

While masturbation is legit the safest sex there is, there are still a couple safety issues to bear in mind.

Genital tissue is pretty delicate. So, anything that might cut, scrape, or burn you, or anything that might cause electrocution or create very harsh suction is something you should avoid to prevent injury. A good rule of thumb is that if it looks like it might hurt you, it probably will, and if anything starts to hurt when you do it, instead of feeling good, stop. Pain is usually the bodies way of telling us to change something up or stop doing something altogether.

Bacteria are a concern with masturbation. Washing your hands before you masturbate is always a good idea; our hands pick up loads of germs during a normal day, and these can cause genital infections. In regard to toys or objects used during masturbation, if they can’t be boiled to sanitize them, it’s always best to cover them up with a condom or other latex barrier to avoid bacterial infections.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Happy Pride Month!!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[hellyeahscarleteen]

A Guide to Our Direct Services

Got a sexuality, gender, sexual health, or relationships question? We got you!

We have four free, direct support services so you can get one-on-one help if you can't find what you need on the website, if you need or want more information, if you need help understanding something you've read there, or when you want support, help, advice or discussion from our staff, volunteers or peer community.

Our message boards: you'll need to register if you're not already registered for the boards; you can do that here. (We welcome contributions and responses from community members!)

Our SMS (text) service: you can text us at (206) 866-2279. The SMS service is free, but message and data rates apply, just like with any texts you send or receive to or from anyone. Per mobile restrictions, the SMS service is only available for users in the United States.

Our online chat (does not require registration): During chat times or with appointments (see under the cut).

The advice column queue (does not require registration)

(Not sure which you should choose? Find more information under the cut)

Scarleteen is a diverse, inclusive space where we are strongly and actively committed to making and keeping a space that feels as safe as possible for everyone, and which honors the diversity of human sexuality and identity. We welcome users of all gender identities, belief systems, ethnicities, economic classes, relationship constructs, and languages. We ask everyone here to work together to co-create and help nurture such an inclusive space, where often very loaded topics are discussed, by following and respecting the user policies and guidelines.

Which of our services should you choose?

The message boards:

Use for: Almost anything, be it simple questions or in-depth, involved discussions over time. This service is also best for when you want both staff and volunteer engagement AND discussion with peers, or primarily peer-to-peer discussion.

How fast will you be answered? Anywhere from a few minutes to within 24 hours. If you're a brand new user, your posts will not show up immediately on the boards: they go to a moderation queue staff review for a little bit first, so we can better screen for trolls or spammers.

Hablamos español: Tenemos voluntarios disponibles para los usuarios de habla hispana.

The SMS service:

Use for: Help finding content on the site to answer your questions, referrals for in-person local services like sexual or mental healthcare, or a referral to our message boards or live chat when you can't figure out which service is best for you. The SMS service is not intended for answers that can be found in our site content, or can be answered or discussed on the boards or via the live chat service.

How fast will you be answered? Within a few hours to 24 hours.

Hablamos español: Tenemos voluntarios disponibles para los usuarios de habla hispana.

The chat service:

(A real-time popup chat window, staffed and seen only by you and our staff and volunteers. It works like an IM conversation or Facebook chat.)

Use for: Sex, sexuality, sexual health and relationship questions, help, support and referrals. This service does require your immediate and full attention, so if you want to be able to come and go throughout a conversation, especially with lapses of several minutes, hours or days, or want to multitask, the boards or SMS service should be used instead.

If you want a chat at a time it isn't scheduled, you can always come to the message boards and see if any staff are available and ask. We're currently in the midst of making some changes to our schedule, so the current schedule should be considered temporary. You may also sometimes see the available chat icon -- a red S in a small yellow circle floating over the lower left of every site page -- outside of chat hours if and when staff are available for chat at times other than our set hours, and are welcome to come into chat anytime you see that icon.

The advice columns:

(The index of the advice columns is here, to give you a sense of the kind of engaged, professional and in-depth answers it provides.)

Best for: More involved, complex situations where you want a longer, in-depth answer, but can wait days, weeks or even months for your answer.  Questions and situations which are NOT time-sensitive (like pregnancy risks or scares, current health problems, or help you need to find as soon as possible). Questions and answers you are comfortable having published widely for all to see (even though they should not ever contain any identifying information where anyone reading could know it was you asking).

How fast will you be answered? As noted on the input form, most advice questions will never be answered, particularly if we've already written a column that has already answered a question. Otherwise, the wait can be anywhere from a day or two to several months. The advice column is intended for longer, in-depth answers to issues that are not particularly time sensitive or immediate. It is acceptable to leave your question in the queue, but then also bring to another of our direct services for a more immediate and guaranteed answer.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Welcome to Trans Summer School! This series is meant to be a thorough guide for trans, non-binary, and other gender nonconforming folks (and for everyone else) to learn about all the different ways one can be trans. Check out the introduction above, or skip ahead to one of the sections below!

Trans Summer School: What's the Deal With Gender?

We've got more genders that you can shake a stick at in Trans Summer School, but what goes with who, where, when, and how?

Trans Summer School: So I Think I Might Be Trans. Now What?

There are lots of safe and fun ways to explore gender expression while you figure out who you are. So let's have at it!

Trans Summer School: Gender Expression Gear

A guide to finding items to help you express your gender.

Trans Summer School: Let's Bust Out of This Closet!

Coming out as trans doesn't have to be scary, as long as you have a little help from your friends.

Trans Summer School: Say My Name, Doc, and the Administrative Side of Coming Out

Who would have guessed that coming out involved so much paperwork? The deets on changing your records from the doctor's office to school files.

Trans Summer School: The Magic of Hormones!

The ins, outs, whys, and what fors of hormone replacement therapy and blockers.

Trans Summer School: The Wide World of Surgical Transition

What's the deal with "the surgery"? Learn your phalloplasty from your metoidioplasty and find out about the ins and outs of gender confirmation surgery.

Trans Summer School: Dating While Trans, Yes You Can!

The lowdown on how to date and have sex as a trans or otherwise gender nonconforming person.

Trans Summer School: When Things Go Wrong

Sometimes, bad things happen to you because you're trans or otherwise gender nonconforming. What can you do to get through them?

Trans Summer School: Am I Trans Enough?

In the final chapter of Trans Summer School, we take on a tough question many trans people encounter: Am I trans enough? (Spoiler: You are!)

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"The largest-ever survey of trans Americans reaffirms what the trans community has been saying for ages: trans people who go back to living as their sex assigned at birth do so because of transphobia, not because of doubts about gender or transition."

...

"“Social and structural explanations dominated the reasons why respondents reported going back to living in their sex assigned at birth,” the report reads. “[...] Only 4% of people who went back to living in their sex assigned at birth for a while cited that their reason was because they realized that gender transition was not for them. When considering all respondents who had transitioned, this number equates to only 0.36%.”

Also not surprisingly, the survey found that respondents who had socially or medically transitioned were more likely to report that they were in good health (67% vs. 61% for social transition and 70% vs. 58% for medical transition, respectively). Nearly all respondents who were receiving gender-affirming hormone therapy (98%) or who had received gender-affirming surgery (97%) reported increased life satisfaction."

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"Polycystic ovary syndrome, or PCOS, is a common yet severely misunderstood disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. If you’ve been struggling with PCOS, then you aren’t alone. Despite its prevalence, more than 70% of people with PCOS remain undiagnosed, as their symptoms are often misconstrued as signs of normal hormone fluctuations. Living with PCOS can be frustrating and overwhelming. But here’s the truth: PCOS is more than just missing periods or unexplained weight gain. It’s a complex metabolic and endocrine condition that impacts your health and life. So, how do you recognize the signs, take control of your health and decide when to seek medical attention? This PCOS guide [by Ashrene Rathial] can help you do all of that."

[hellyeahscarleteen]

NEW: A Letter To The Trans Teen Thinking About Giving Up

The SCOTUS decision on U.S. v. Skrmetti was devastating. This decision does massive harm just by existing, and will absolutely do harm to many young #trans people in the United States. But please don't interpret this decision as a death sentence, or believe anyone who tells you that without the government's support, you or all young trans people in the United States will die. As Andy Izerson explains in this deeply caring and thoughtful letter for trans teens, trans people have always existed and survived without the government's help, and you can exist and survive yourself now without it if you must (you shouldn't have to, but you can), because we always have each other. "I really wish that the circumstances were different and I was writing you this letter to say, “Great news friend! The supreme court gave us a break today!” or to say, “Guess what, here’s how to run your endocrine system on manual without having to ask anybody’s permission!” or to say, “The state has given up on trying to destroy us!” From the bottom⁠ of my heart, I’m so sorry that this sucks so bad. I wouldn’t blame you if you feel scared, because I’m scared, too. But listen: there’s a story of the future that has you in it. That story has some scary parts and some parts that hurt, but it also has some beautiful parts. There’s a future you who is surrounded by meaning and connection and beauty, and who has people around them that will catch them when they stumble and hug them when they get up. There’s a future you who doesn’t depend on the state for anything because they are seen and held and loved by community, who can reach out their own hand to the next generations of queer and trans people and pass along some of this stuff to them, just like I’m passing⁠ it to you now. There’s a future you who is living a life that’s cooler than you can even imagine in the present, and who doesn’t feel the way you feel in the wake of this decision. And I am determined to meet that person and high five them." You'll find the letter here:

And don't forget: we're some of that community you can always reach out to for help and support <3

[hellyeahscarleteen]

I'm wishing a very Happy Pride Month to all the queer people who:

are disabled

are chronically ill

can't celebrate for health reasons

disability gets in the way of their gender representation

disability got in the way of a relationship

don't have anyone to celebrate with

have homophobic caretakers

Happy Pride Month to all disabled queer people

[hellyeahscarleteen]

... "forget everything about how sex is supposed to go, and everything about how it’s supposed to look. Focus instead on how it’s supposed to feel, and what it’s supposed to do. Remember that everything about sex is about the people. Whether there is one or two or more people involved, every one of them is a partner, and every one needs to be happy with how it goes. To do that, they have to share information. Encourage each other to say what feels good (physically and emotionally), and do it more. Whatever doesn’t work — either for you or for them (physically or emotionally), stop doing.

That’s it. Really. Some folks might tell you, for example, that “everyone” loves oral sex⁠. But not really. If you and your partner are not so into it, then it doesn’t do you any good. People might tell you that sex only “counts” or goes “all the way” if a penis⁠ goes in a vagina⁠, or in some other entrance or whatever arbitrary definition “they” agree on. What good does that kind of keeping score do anybody? That stuff is for gossip, it doesn’t help anyone have better sex."

Thomas MacAulay Millar, Ethical Horniness, Or How To Find A Partner In An Enthusiastic Consent World