hellyeahscarleteen - Tumblr blog

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"For all the body positivity of our modern era, we still don’t hear many public conversations about periods. To open up spaces for clear, comprehensive discussions about menstruation and how it impacts our self-esteem often requires wrestling with centuries of stigma. In fact, it’s so off-limits that the English word “taboo” likely comes from a set of Tongan religious practices that addressed periods. In many parts of the world, people are and have long been cut off from resources and education about periods: and the more marginalized the person, the more cut off they’ve usually been. The push for greater access to period information, like using language when we talk about periods that includes everyone who can have them, has also resulted in its own backlash. So how are you supposed to cope, particularly when you’re a transmasculine person who menstruates, and especially if it’s a major source of dysphoria for you? First; if you’re reading this hoping to get some advice for yourself, take a big breath. I want you to remember that you are not alone. Let’s have an honest discussion about what periods are, some of the unique challenges that transmasculine people who menstruate can grapple with, and how to address them. What are periods, really, anyway? Do you have to have one? How do you cope with any dysphoria or other tough feelings they can bring up? What about bathrooms? What about some different words and new ways you can think about menstruation to either un-gender or re-gender it all in ways that work better for you?" This new piece from Ellis Schwamm today talks about all that and more.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

IUDs are super effective at managing periods and preventing pregnancy⁠, but the procedure to put them in can be painful. Not everyone who gets an IUD⁠ experiences pain when the device is inserted, but many do. That isn’t surprising! The pelvic region is rich with sensory nerve endings, which is why people experience many sensations, some pleasurable and others painful, in and around the vagina⁠, cervix⁠ and uterus⁠.

Medical providers didn’t used to offer pain management for gynecological procedures because of the (misogynist and now debunked) presumption that these types of procedures don’t cause pain. But pain management is now widely available and should absolutely be offered to anyone who opts to have an IUD placed into their body. You don’t have to use pain management for an IUD insertion if you don’t want to, but everyone should be offered the choice.

Queer nurse Sarah Kiser is here to tell you about how an IUD is placed, at which points during the procedure people experience pain, and the pain management options that can be used at various points during the procedure.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Lastly, it's important to remember that while breakups are often tough for the person being broken up with, they're not always a breeze for the person doing the breaking up, either. Particularly if you still care about the other person - and it sounds like you do - it can be difficult to see them unhappy, and adjusting to being single again can take a while, even when you know breaking up is the right thing to do. Give yourself some time to feel whatever you might feel: it could be relief, happiness, sadness, all of the above or something else entirely, but whatever it is, it's okay. Change, even when it's ultimately positive, takes some getting used to. If you don't already have some self-care strategies that you know work for you, this is a really good time to develop some. Journaling, connecting with friends, or taking on new projects or activities could all be great ways to take care of yourself right now.

Mo Ranyart, How can I break up without hurting my boyfriend's feelings and ending our friendship?

[hellyeahscarleteen]

I think the topic of consent is very important, and I think as an intellectually disabled person, it’s even more important to talk about what I was taught, and what my mom did.

My mom, who was a single woman at the time, explicitly taught me about consent. Why? Because she knew that I, as an intellectually disabled person and autistic person, needed to know it. And it needed to be drilled into my head the importance of consent. Not only did she teach me this, but she taught me how to communicate to trusted people if something happened. She knew that if she didn’t, the chances of me not knowing, or not understanding certain aspects of consent and sex in general, would be profoundly higher than my peers.

She noticed, she did the research, she taught and did what she could. And I am forever grateful for that. Intellectually disabled people, who have a higher rate of things happening to them and being abused, NEED to be taught about sex education, consent, and how to communicate if something were to happen. We are at a much higher rate of being sexually abused than our peers. And it is so so important that these things are taught to us so we are aware and able to protect ourselves and know when it’s time to contact a trusted adult.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

A Guide to Our Direct Services

Got a sexuality, gender, sexual health, or relationships question? We got you!

We have four free, direct support services so you can get one-on-one help if you can't find what you need on the website, if you you need or want more information, if you need help understanding something you've read here, or when you want support, help, advice or discussion from our staff, volunteers or peer community.

Our message boards: you'll need to register if you're not already registered for the boards; you can do that here. (We welcome contributions and responses from community members!)

Our SMS (text) service: you can text us at (206) 866-2279. The SMS service is free, but message and data rates apply, just like with any texts you send or receive to or from anyone. Per mobile restrictions, the SMS service is only available for users in the United States.

Our online chat (does not require registration): During chat times or with appointments (see under the cut).

The advice column queue (does not require registration)

(Not sure which you should choose? Find more information under the cut)

Scarleteen is a diverse, inclusive space where we are strongly and actively committed to making and keeping a space that feels as safe as possible for everyone, and which honors the diversity of human sexuality and identity. We welcome users of all gender identities, belief systems, ethnicities, economic classes, relationship constructs, and languages. We ask everyone here to work together to co-create and help nurture such an inclusive space, where often very loaded topics are discussed, by following and respecting the user policies and guidelines.

Which of our services should you choose?

The message boards:

Use for: Almost anything, be it simple questions or in-depth, involved discussions over time. This service is also best for when you want both staff and volunteer engagement AND discussion with peers, or primarily peer-to-peer discussion.

How fast will you be answered? Anywhere from a few minutes to within 24 hours. If you're a brand new user, your posts will not show up immediately on the boards: they go to a moderation queue staff review for a little bit first, so we can better screen for trolls or spammers.

Hablamos español: Tenemos voluntarios disponibles para los usuarios de habla hispana.

The SMS service:

Use for: Help finding content on the site to answer your questions, referrals for in-person local services like sexual or mental healthcare, or a referral to our message boards or live chat when you can't figure out which service is best for you. The SMS service is not intended for answers that can be found in our site content, or can be answered or discussed on the boards or via the live chat service.

How fast will you be answered? Within a few hours to 24 hours.

Hablamos español: Tenemos voluntarios disponibles para los usuarios de habla hispana.

The chat service:

(A real-time popup chat window, staffed and seen only by you and our staff and volunteers. It works like an IM conversation or Facebook chat.)

Use for: Sex, sexuality, sexual health and relationship questions, help, support and referrals. This service does require your immediate and full attention, so if you want to be able to come and go throughout a conversation, especially with lapses of several minutes, hours or days, or want to multitask, the boards or SMS service should be used instead.

Monday: 10 AM - 1PM PST and 1 pm-3 pm PST 

Friday: 8:30 - 11:30 AM PST

Saturday: 8 - 10 AM PST

If you want a chat at a time it isn't scheduled, you can always come to the message boards and see if any staff are available and ask. We're currently in the midst of making some changes to our schedule, so the current schedule should be considered temporary. You may also sometimes see the available chat icon -- a red S in a small yellow circle floating over the lower left of every site page -- outside of chat hours if and when staff are available for chat at times other than our set hours, and are welcome to come into chat anytime you see that icon.

The advice columns:

(The index of the advice columns is here, to give you a sense of the kind of engaged, professional and in-depth answers it provides.)

Best for: More involved, complex situations where you want a longer, in-depth answer, but can wait days, weeks or even months for your answer.  Questions and situations which are NOT time-sensitive (like pregnancy risks or scares, current health problems, or help you need to find as soon as possible). Questions and answers you are comfortable having published widely for all to see (even though they should not ever contain any identifying information where anyone reading could know it was you asking).

How fast will you be answered? As noted on the input form, most advice questions will never be answered, particularly if we've already written a column that has already answered a question. Otherwise, the wait can be anywhere from a day or two to several months. The advice column is intended for longer, in-depth answers to issues that are not particularly time sensitive or immediate. It is acceptable to leave your question in the queue, but then also bring to another of our direct services for a more immediate and guaranteed answer.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"One person's sexuality, experience or understanding of sexuality can be radically different from another person's, but that doesn't mean one person is right and the other wrong, or that one person has a sexuality and the other doesn't.

Like anything made of people and our collective lives and experiences, sexuality is hella diverse, and while some sexualities (or more accurately, the way some sexualities are expressed or acted out) are physically, emotionally or interpersonally healthier than others, there's no right way of having one; no one sexuality that is the default, or the way sexuality "is," while others are deviations, derivatives or "perversions.""

-Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Do you have any advice/ stories for people that don’t feel like they belong in the community?

I actually do. I think there is a bit of a healthy split to have in your interactions with the queer community. Because there is the queer community, and then there are queer people who are a part of your community. The queer community you have to take as a whole, messy as it is. But you are also allowed to make a smaller, separate community of queerness for yourself.

For me, the split looks like this: I talk about my gender journey, unpack hurt, share joy, and call in my community. As for the wider queer community, I put out resources, I volunteer, and I support financially and socially when I can. This split can look different for you. I don't engage, and I don't let people engage with a certain side of me unless they are in MY community. Sometimes, it's for comfort; sometimes, it is for safety.

If you feel removed from the queer community, ask yourself which version of the queer community you're feeling isolated from. Is it that you don't have a community that feels personal and close, or does it feel like you don't have your roots in the wider community? Each issue requires different work.

If you feel disconnected from the wider community, my first prompt would be to see if that is caused by a feeling of imposter syndrome that may have been pushed forward by gatekeepers. If so, it's not uncommon, and it's worth seeing if you can unpick that. Then the next step (or first if imposter syndrome is not the issue) is volunteering at a local queer org or finding a way to share your voice through creation.

If it is a feeling of disconnect from having a personal queer community, it's the same advice to anyone looking to build a community. Be the person you want to find. Nurture yourself and reach out to others.

A book that I would recommend picking up for a very in-depth look at the queer community and its complications is:

I Hope We Choose Love: A Trans Girl's Notes from the End of the World

Kai Cheng Thom

(Affiliate link above)

I hope this helps, and I hope you find both forms of community soon!

[hellyeahscarleteen]

New from Douglas Laman! The Importance of Becoming the Examples We Want to See: a piece about how Douglas has been learning to find social comfortable environments as an autistic person and the value of those experiences

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Gaslighting isn’t the same as lying.

Gaslighting also isn’t lying a lot, or lying and deflecting the lying by shaming the victim for not believing the lie.

Gaslighting is a long con. It is a practice of ongoing emotional/mental abuse, that doesn’t just involve lying, but manipulating or altering someone’s reality in order to make them question both the truth, and more importantly, question their own mental and cognitive wellbeing.

The reason that it’s called gaslighting is because the tactic was demonstrated in a 1944 film called “Gaslight” starring Ingrid Bergman. In the film, Bergman‘s character’s husband tries to make her have a mental breakdown.

He tells her that she is having blackouts (she’s not) and doing things that she didn’t do.

He steals things from her, and tells her that she lost them herself.

He makes noises in the attic of the house, then tells her that he wasn’t in the house at all.

He steals things from other people, puts them where she will find them, and then tells her that she stole them.

He puts his pocket watch in her purse and tells her that she stole it from him.

He isolates her from the world by telling her that her behavior is too erratic to be safe near others.

He encourages their housemaid to be cruel to her and to repeat his lies about her behavior.

And, to apply the title, he repeatedly causes the gas lighting (it’s set in 1875) in her bedroom to go dim, then comes into the room, and when she says that the lighting is dim, he says, no, it’s perfectly fine.

It goes well beyond just lying. Gaslighting is a setup to make the victim so confused that they’re unable to trust themselves and their own perceptions of the world around them or even themselves.

It’s beyond time to stop calling run of the mill dishonesty gaslighting.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

New from Alice Rona, a personal route to bisexuality acceptance and sovereignty: From Erasure to Ownership: A Bisexuality Journey

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"School districts that don’t respect transgender and nonbinary students’ pronouns or force them to use restrooms that don’t align with their gender identity could be committing federal civil rights violations beginning this fall.

Today, the U.S. Department of Education announced the issuance of a final rule under Title IX to protect people in public schools from sex-based discrimination and harassment. The announcement marks a significant update in federal efforts to combat sex discrimination in federally funded educational institutions. During a call with reporters, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona emphasized the administration’s dedication to ensuring that Title IX effectively serves all students by providing safe, welcoming, and rights-respecting educational environments."

Read the full piece here

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"Getting a new doctor. Holding hands. Walking into a bar. Using a public bathroom. These everyday situations have become fear-inducing for over 60 percent of transgender Americans, according to new polling from the left-leaning firm Data for Progress.

Amid a growing effort by far-right politicians and conservative policy groups to curb LGBTQ+ rights — a movement built on targeting transgender people with hostile legislation and rhetoric — this hostility is taking its toll on trans Americans’ sense of safety.

However, a political shift in anti-LGBTQ+ legislation may be under way. The Human Rights Campaign and several state advocacy groups believe the tide is turning against anti-LGBTQ+ bills. Florida and West Virginia ended their legislative sessions passing only a single bill each, and Georgia Republicans failed to pass any anti-LGBTQ+ bills this session. Kentucky is likely to be next on the list of states to block all of its anti-LGBTQ bills, as the state’s general assembly did not advance any such legislation in time to meet its deadline for veto-proof bills."

[hellyeahscarleteen]

If you do come out to your friends, remember: you’re the same person you were before you came out to them. Hopefully, your friends will be totally cool with it, and they’ll understand that, too. They might ask some questions that could sound silly or obvious to you, and of course, it’s up to you whether you answer them or not. It’s not your responsibility to educate others, but if they genuinely want to learn more you may be able to help them.  They might have questions that come from a place of genuine curiosity, much like they might if you’d recently gotten into a new movie or games franchise that they don’t know much about, or if you practiced a religion they’re unfamiliar with.

Hi, Bi Guy: Coming Out to Your Friends by Adam England

[hellyeahscarleteen]

"This song reminded me that there was a life beyond my days as a teenager in public school. “You’ve got so much up ahead,” Paisley crooned to his teenage self, “Have no fear, these are nowhere near the best years of your life.” Those words were incredibly reassuring to me and have lasted with me long after I left being 17 years old in the rearview mirror. They’ve proven so enduringly resonant that I’ve often thought as an adult what I would say to my teenage self if I had the opportunity. If I could pull a “Letter to Me”… what would I communicate to teenage Lisa? What important thoughts about dating, relationships, life, and anything else would I say to my younger self in a letter?

For starters, I would divulge to my 17-year-old self the wonderful news that we’re actually a lady. Such a revelation would be simultaneously a shocker to teenage Lisa and also not too much of a surprise. I didn’t know about transgender⁠ people as a larger community full of actual human beings until I got to college. Up to that point, trans people were a punchline on Family Guy and R-rated comedies. I couldn’t have comprehended the idea that I could actually be a woman in real life. On the other hand, I did spend several months as a 14-year-old engaging in a nighttime ritual where, just before going to bed, I prayed to God that I would wake up in the morning as a busty 30-year-old blonde woman living in Los Angeles. I was always thinking of myself in femme⁠ terms and contemplating that “it sure would be fun to be a woman…”, I just didn’t have the language to express those feelings. Writing a letter to my younger self could be a chance for me to impart that language to myself. Just as important as gender⁠, though, would be making sure this letter contained reassurances and clarifications about relationships."

Read the rest of Lisa Laman's piece to her past self!

[hellyeahscarleteen]

part of being an ally to trans men is not being a dick to cis men for their appearance btw

[hellyeahscarleteen]

via Buzzfeed