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[heresthepitch]

Mrs. Doubtfire: The Sequel

Studio Exec: The 90s are so hot right now.

Screenwriter: Yeah they are! Let's do another blockbuster with Kevin Costner! Or Andie MacDowell! Or Robin Williams!

Studio Exec: You know what movie is culturally irrelevant and will take a step back in the progress that's been made of transgender/transsexual people represented in the media by taking advantage of stereotypes? Mrs. Doubtfire: The Sequel.

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Source: http://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/2014/04/a-mrs-doubtfire-sequel-is-happening-21-years-after-the-original/

[heresthepitch]

Potential Peeps Movie

Adam Rifkin: The Lego Movie is doing great! Sounds like movies based off of anything can be successful, if we market them well enough. What ideas do you have?

Screenwriter One: Um...lamp?

Screenwriter Two: Uhh, salad? Can we make a movie about salads?

Adam Rifkin: No, we need something for the kids! Do you think kids will ask their parents for a plush lettuce leaf?

Screenwriter Three: Candy? Something fluffy...How about Peeps?

Adam Rifkin: DONE! Make sure there's potential for a sequel!

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Source: http://www.avclub.com/article/looks-theres-just-peeps-left-movie-idea-basket-203746

[heresthepitch]

Premium Rush

Producer: You know what niche we are lacking to fulfill? Urban hipster action movie!

Screenwriter: Well, do I have the perfect film for you! It's like Steve McQueen's Bullitt, but instead, it's Joseph Gordon-Levitt on a fixie bike!

[heresthepitch]

Dark Shadows

Tim Burton: Remember Austin Powers? What if he were, like, a vampire, and then he came back to life in the 70s? Except the role is played by Johnny Depp! And hilarity ensues!

[heresthepitch]

Glee

Creator: It's a show that's the adult equivalent of Kidz Bop!

[heresthepitch]

America's Next Top Model

Producer: We all know that Tyra will never ever be the next Oprah.

Writer: Right.

Producer: But let's still inject it with some self-esteem building stuff, like Tyra talking one-on-one with the models, making them cry about their past, etc. And we'll throw in some "challenges" in which other models will be hired to tease the contestants, to see if they can handle it. We'll put them down while Tyra builds them back up again!

[heresthepitch]

Lost

Damen Lindelof/Carlton Cuse: Ok, so it's a show about a plane that crashes onto an island. At first it is about survival, then they realize that they aren't alone. There are Others. These Others do experiments and start kidnapping some of the survivors of the crash. Then you find out there are more survivors than you previously thought. And there is a guy who has lived on the island for a long time, in an underground bunker. He is there to keep the world from ending by typing numbers into a computer. Then you find out there are spirits who whisper in the jungle, perhaps from previous generations, or from dead spirits. Off the island, they find the wreckage from the plane crash but it isn't the real plane crash; it's a mock-up filled with dead bodies dug up from graves so the world will think the plane was found while some dude named Charles Widmore goes back to the island to become the new spiritual controller/ruler of it. Some of the survivors escape the island and go home, but some stay on the island. After three years the ones who left come back to the island to get the people they left behind, but they can only do so if they get on an airplane and re-create some of the stuff that went on in the original plane crash, like the seating arrangements and such. Then there is some time travel, and the island disappears then reappears, then there are two separate timelines because an atom bomb explodes and works to correct the time flashes but also doesn't work. The survivors are trapped in these two timelines until they finally correct it, only to find out that none of this didn't even matter because all that mattered was that they meet each other in the afterlife.

J.J. Abrams: Sounds...complicated. Let's make it happen!

[heresthepitch]

Black Swan

It's a psychological thriller about--wait for it-- BALLERINAS!

[heresthepitch]

The CW

Writer: It's a show about a girl in law school who becomes a cheerleader to get a scholarship. I call it Hellcats.

Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?

Writer: It's a show about vampires in a small town. I call it Vampire Diaries.

Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?

Writer: It's a show about a sexy spy killer. I call it Nikita.

Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?

Writer: It's a show about pretty white kids with problems. I call it One Tree Hill.

Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?

Writer: It's a show about privileged teens in New York who deal with having lots of money, having sex, and scheming. I call it Gossip Girl.

Network Exec: Can it have girls in their underwear?

Writer: It's a show about privileged teens in Beverly Hills who deal with having lots of money, having sex, and scheming. I call it 90210.

Network Exec: Sounds like that last one.

Writer: I know, but this one takes place on the west coast, so there's water and beaches.

Network Exec: Can it have girls in bikinis?

Writer: It's a reality show about girls trying to become supermodels. I call it America's Next Top Model.

Network Exec: I'm not even gonna ask this time; I know the answer. But let's throw in some "nude modeling" just to be safe. Alright, looks like we're set with our new fall lineup!

[heresthepitch]

Catfish

Ariel Schulman: It's a documentary about my brother who meets this chick on Facebook.

Person: And...?

Ariel Schulman: Anything beyond that will spoil the plot.

[heresthepitch]

Lord of the Rings

Peter Jackson: It's a trilogy about elves and hobbits and other mythical creatures chasing after a ring.

Producer: They just run around for 7 hours of film time looking for a piece of jewelry? Do you really think it'll hit it big?

Peter Jackson: I know what you're thinking...but I have two words for you: nerd following.

[heresthepitch]

Across the Universe

Late show host of some sort: Tell us about your new movie.

Evan Rachel Wood: It’s a musical set in the days of MLK, the Vietnam War, hippies, and change, all set to a soundtrack of the Beatles! It’s serious business. But I can’t wait to see how the paper mache puppet scene turned out!

[heresthepitch]

Flash of Genius

Philip Railsback: It's about the guy who invented intermittent windshield wipers for cars.

Producer: That's it?

Philip Railsback: Yeah, but it's more of...an emotional journey.

[heresthepitch]

Red Riding Hood

David Johnson: Remember the story about Little Red Riding Hood that we all knew and loved? Forget it. This story is about a girl in the woods, lost and alone, sexy and sensual. And there are wolves. She even sleeps with one.

Catherine Hardwicke: After Twilight, I have millions of teenagers in the palm of my hand. Trust me, it'll sell.

[heresthepitch]

Lady in the Water

M. Night Shyamalan: It's a fairytale of sorts, about a girl who lives in an apartment pool. But there are wolves chasing her, so that's the dangerous part.

Producer: I don't know about this one.

M. Night Shyamalan: Oh, please. It can't be worse than "The Village."

[heresthepitch]

Fred: The Movie

So you know those popular FRED skits on youtube? Oh, you don't? They're some 16 year old boy who pretends he's like 5 or something by speeding up his voice to a high-pitched shrill and whining a lot. That's the joke: his voice is super annoying. Well, I was gonna write a script about it, you know, to extend the joke to about 90 minutes or so. I don't care what you say, this is gonna be as big as Gigli.

[heresthepitch]

Yes Man

Agent: It's a comedy about a guy who is only able to say "Yes" to everything in life. From Korean language lessons to riding his girlfriend's motor scooter to helping out anyone who asks, it'll be a laugh riot!

Jim Carrey: So is it like "Liar Liar" except instead of telling the truth, I just say yes?

Agent: Exactly.