honeybeeznutz

[honeybeeznutz]

[honeybeeznutz]

It's Better This Way: Part 2

Part one: https://www.tumblr.com/honeybeeznutz/785301063173603328/its-better-this-way?source=share

Summary:

You fall for Bob but you aren't the only one, but it gets harder to hide how you feel

Warnings:

swearing, brief use of Y/N, angst, unresolved feelings, drinking

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I didn’t anticipate the evening going this way. I just planned on sitting around in sweatpants and an old tshirt from high school, but here we are. Now I’m dressed up in a dress that shows off everything I’d normally hide, in a dingy bar with music blasting. I take another sip of my old fashioned and observe the group. Alexei is watching over the group, a bottle of vodka in hand. Ava and John were arguing over some tv show, I have no idea. I look to the corner and Yelena is nursing a vodka cranberry with Bob by her side. I take another drink. Bucky sidles up next to me at the bar. 

“You good kid?”

He asks knowing I’m not

“Just tickled shitless.”

I respond without looking up from my drink. Bucky knew what was going on. Of course he did. I wasn’t exactly being cryptic about my swooning at the moment. 

“You’ve gotta tell him. ”

He starts. I go to argue but he cuts me off. 

“Trust me. I know what it’s like to love someone you feel like you can never have…. To love your best friend…. But learn from my mistakes. Take that chance. Talk to him…. Before it’s too late… Before he chooses her without knowing you were an option.”

With that he grabs another beer and leaves me alone. 

Before long we’re all crowded around one table and John is trying to get us to do shots. I look over and Yelena whispers something in Bob’s ear. He giggles. I take a shot. One turns to three, turns to too many to count. One minute I’ve got a light buzz, the next I’m partway through a bottle of Tito’s. We’re all laughing and carrying on when someone starts playing the run down jukebox in the corner. Your Man by Josh Turner starts blaring through the background and John looks like he’s won the lottery

“Someone dance with me!”

He begs. Everyone groans. Yelena rolls her eyes and leans more into Bob. I take John’s hand and follow him to the makeshift dance floor to the sound of whoops and hollers from our group. I turn to see Bob. He looks…. Almost upset. I shake my head and turn back to John. We start to slow dance and he holds me close. 

“So,”

He starts

“When are you gonna tell him?”

“Tell who what?”

“Bob that your madly in love with him”

I pull back and shoot him a look. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re just friends. And even if we weren’t he had Yelena.”

John rolls his eyes. 

“All I’m saying is it’s a bit pitiful seeing a strong girl like you moping over a man.”

“And I think it’s a bit pitiful you won’t shut up and dance with me!”

He rolls his eyes, shaking his head. We finish dancing and I stumble back to the bar stool. I order another round and the shots start flowing again. 

A random man approaches me. 

“Hey there beautiful~”

He slurs out. I start to roll my eyes but I can see Bob out of the corner of my eye. Screw it.

“Hi there~”

He goes on to tell me he’s some business man looking for a good time. I honestly couldn’t care less, my body feels warm the way only too much liquor can make it, and I’m ready to make some bad decisions. I let him lead me to the dance floor and we start to dance. I don’t think too much of it and we’re dancing with my back to his chest. I feel him grind against me and I try to pull away but strong hands keep me there. 

I look around for someone to help but the only person I see is the exact person I don’t want to. Ava and Yelena are dancing, Alexei and Bucky are arm wrestling and John is judging. Bob just sits there and stares at me. He quickly looks away when he notices me looking though. 

“Let go of me!”

I struggle against him. The next thing I know Bob is between me and the guy. His eyes a shining gold. The Sentry is out. Shit. I pull Bob away and we head outside the bar. 

“What the hell was that?”

I ask. 

“I could have handled that myself!”

“Bullshit!”

He grabs me and starts to look me over. 

“Did he hurt you?”

“What do you care?”

I slur out

“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I care.”

“Nuh uh, you’re too busy caring about Yelena!”

I pull away from him and start to walk. To where I don’t know, but I need to be away from him. Drunk or not I know it’s bad for me to be alone with him. Especially in an altered state. 

“Where are you going?”

He quickly follows after me

“Anywhere but here!”

He calls my name but I ignore him. I walk past an alley and he grabs me. He pushes me against the wall and holds my wrists so I can’t move. If I wasn’t so upset I’d be dead from the sheer closeness. 

“What is your problem?”

He asks. 

“What’s *my* problem? What’s your problem?”

I shoot back pointedly. 

“Why are you acting like this? Why have you been avoiding me? Why have you ghosted me? We’re supposed to be friends!”

He sounds tired, and if I wasn’t in so much pain myself I’d feel bad for him.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Bullshit”

“I can’t. It’ll ruin everything.”

“It won’t ruin anything.”

So I do it. Without a second thought I kiss him

Now True Believers it’s your turn to decide how it ends:

Happy ending:

He kisses back with ferocity. It’s like a missing piece slips into place and everything is right in the world. He pulls back for a second. 

“You’re drunk…. We shouldn’t do this”

“But I still know what I want. And it’s you.”

“Is this why you’ve been so distant?”

“I know how close you are with Yelena, and I care about both of you so deeply…. But I love you Bob… I love you and I want you. And I know I’m drunk right now but I need you.”

Bob smiles at me gently.

“Yelena and I are just close friends…. And I love you too…. We can talk about this tomorrow when you’re sobered up, okay?”

I nod and smile. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow. 

Unresolved ending:

He immediately pulls away.

“You’re drunk, we can’t do this!”

“But I want this! I may be drunk but I know what I want. I need you Bob, I love you! And it breaks my heart every time I see you with Yelena! I need you!”

“Look, let’s get you home…. We’ll talk about this in the morning….”

“Promise?”

“Promise…”

I let him walk me home. I let him carry me home. We make it to my room and he helps me into my pajamas. As soon as my head hits the pillow I’m asleep. 

When I wake up my head hurts and I crave water. I stumble into the kitchen. I see Bob making breakfast. 

“Morning sleepy head.”

He says looking absolutely exhausted.

“I drank way too much…”

“Yes you did…. Do you remember much of last night…”

“Not really, were we supposed to talk about something.”

I see the wheels turning in his head. I remembered what happened. I remember him promising.

“Nope. Not that I know of.”

Bad ending:

He immediately pushes me away

“What the hell!”

“I- you told me to”

“Y/N….. No….. Look you’re drunk and you’re not thinking and-“

“I may be drunk but I know what I want! I know I’m not the one you want but I love you Bob! You’re my best friend and I love you! And I love Yelena but not like you. And I’m sorry if you hate me now but I need you to know how I feel!”

He takes a step back and leans against a wall. He puts his head in his hands and shakes his head.

“I’m sorry… but I’m in love with Yelena…. It’s always been her. You’re my best friend too  y/n  but I love her…. Not you…. I should…. I should go….”

“Wait, Bob- please!”

“I’m sorry…. But I just see you as a friend….”

He keeps talking. Apologizing for not choosing me, but I don’t listen. I just walk away. Back into the bar. I remember ordering another shot. I don’t remember how I got home. I don’t remember how I got back in my bed. I woke up the next morning with a note on the side of my bed.

“You’re my best friend. We can talk when you’re ready.”

I wasn’t ready though. I put on a fake smile and walk into the kitchen where the rest of the team were relaxing.

“There’s the party animal!”

John laughs. I roll my eyes and pour myself a cup of coffee. I look to Bob. He has his arm around Yelena. He looks at me as if there was anything left to say. I take a swig of my coffee and sit down next to Bucky. 

“I drank way too much last night….”

“Yes you did, but I’m very proud of you!”

Alexei beamed. Bob looks like he wants to say something when Yelena interrupts

“You kept apologizing for ruining things last night, what was up with that?”

I look at Bob. I bite my lip and then grin. 

“No clue, I was really drunk and I say dumb stuff when I’m like that.”

I don’t know what hurt more. The fact the conversation with Bob never came, or how he acted like nothing ever happened. As if I hadn’t laid my heart out on the line for him and he’d squashed it with a simple “I’m sorry”. It wasn’t his fault. Days turned to weeks, turned to months and nothing was said again about it. My feelings never went away, but I learned to deal with them. Learned to pretend to be happy for Yelena when she confessed she liked him to me. I pretended to be happy for them when they went public. They were my best friends. They were happy. I was broken and hiding behind a mask. But they were happy. It’s better this way.

[honeybeeznutz]

GAH ya bitch, it hurts meh, the unrequited love….. part two? 👀😏

Part two is in the works!! How we feeling about multiple endings? Or should I just write one? Cause I have ideas for both!

[honeybeeznutz]

It’s better this way

Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/honeybeeznutz/785977526850846720/its-better-this-way-part-2?source=share

Summary:

You fall for Bob but you aren't the only one.

content warnings:

all angst no comfort, depression, the void, unrequited love

(This is my first time writing in almost three years so sorry if it's straight ass)

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Imagine being one of, if not Yelena’s only friend after Natasha died.

Imagine being sent by Valeria to the same vault that day to make sure noone tried to steal any of the inventory.

Imagine meeting Bob and automatically feeling something special for him

You notice the attraction between him and Yelena though

How she smiles when he’s nearby

How he is the only one to make her soften

Imagine going back to the New Avengerz compound and thinking everything is going to be great

Imagine becoming close to Bob

The inside jokes

The glances only you two share

The way he makes your heart sore and makes you feel seen like never before

But then theres Yelena

And she’s fallen for him too

And she’s your best friend

For the first time since Natasha she seems truly happy again

And it’s all because of him

So you push your feelings down

You shove them down until they are just below that void in you that makes you want to give up on everything and everyone

The void that calls to you that you’d be better off ending it all

You push it down to the deepest recesses of your psyche

Because they’re happy together

So you’re happy

Even if it breaks you a little more every time you see them embrace

They’re happy together

It’s better this way

That’s what’s important

And maybe one day you’ll actually believe that too

[honeybeeznutz]

"I asked ChatGPT--"

Yeah well, I asked the wasps nest in my attic. It sang its answer so beautifully to me, but I am so very afraid of it. Perhaps it will soothe my itching soul...

[honeybeeznutz]

"Are we going to live in the next day Or Not "  🥺💔

Verified by Butterfly effect project line 355 in spreadsheet🇵🇸🚨here

Yes this is the only thing that all of our family thought about it. Everyday we ask ourselves  if we going to live anymore or not .  Everyday in this cruel war we imagine one of us dead and feeling so sad about what will happen next day.

Now after the war all the building are destroyed here and there is no life around us please we need to evacuate 🙏🥺

Please help my kids and my family to evacuate from here. Gaza now is not for human being living we need you support to stand with 18 members of the family to travel to another place that could find some peace and start new life without wars.  We live in many wars and we are so tired. 

Please share for more people you know can help me and my family. 

Please donate here

Or

Via PayPal here

[honeybeeznutz]

Ted Hitchcock you beauty

[honeybeeznutz]

Let them one day find my bones

My ribs

My hips

My femurs

Let them see the dents

The cracks never healed

Let them assume they knew me

They do so now

Let them find my body

My heart

My larynx

My ovaries

Let them see the scars

Rip open my flesh

Naw upon my muscle

Savor my tendons

I am nothing if not serving

So let them find my bones

Let them find my body

So I can feed them

Their minds

Their stomachs

Let them find my bones

Let them find my body

Let them find my worth

[honeybeeznutz]

I am not a straight people.

Reblog if you are also not a straight people.

[honeybeeznutz]

The 141 as quotes from my world religions class.

Soap: “I would assemble as birds…. I would poop on all of you (thats how you know I love you)”

Ghost: “My love for Chocolate cake could be related to when I murdered a chocolatier in the 1800s”- (the source of desire)

Ghost: “Puking and shitting. But oh so worth it.” (after eating all of the chocolate cake in sight)

Price: “Who wants to pay 12 bucks at Taco Bell? Nothing works how we wanted” (The boys asked for MacDonalds because it was on the way and they wanted it.

Gaz (about Soap):“You don’t hear the car crossing the street. Oh my God he’s wearing airpods”

Price (tired of their shit): “Don’t wear airpods while crossing the street”

Soap: *Gives the whole Team America World Police speech without any context infront of all of the 141 and Los Vaqueros)

[honeybeeznutz]

darth maul and padme amidala: discarded pawns

iain mccraig on doing concept art for the phantom menace / wookieepedia / james dillon / star wars tales volume 6 / paul mcdonald

[honeybeeznutz]

If you're fifteen or older an still sleep with a stuffed animal please reblog this.

[honeybeeznutz]

Spoiler warning TMA SASHA!!!!

Hear me out: Celia is Sasha. She knows so much about The Magnus Institute but also so little because when she was not them’ed she suffered some memory loss and was sent to an alternate universe.

[honeybeeznutz]

[honeybeeznutz]

everytime i see someone being "so obviously fucking wrong" about something online and i want to correct them, i think about this comment and it helps me remember the futility of it all. thank you u/YARGLE_IS_MY_DAD you are like the patron saint of online patience to me

[honeybeeznutz]

jason as a child looking to bruce with so much love and trust is extremely important to me

[honeybeeznutz]

His name is Mr.Bonzo. He is my son and I love him.