hownottoadult-blog
How Not to adult:
An anonymous autobiographical instructional manual based on the lives of 2 non- adults created in order to inform the youth how not to go about growing up. All accounts are entirely true although names have been changed to protect the innocent. We couldn't make this stuff up. Also one of us is a Jedi. Thank you.
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I miss juli
I miss having a bestfriend like you, the first and last true bestfriend I ever had. I could tell you anything and you could read me like no one else and I know you still can. But I miss the way you died to be. I want my bestfriend back but I know I never can. You’ve changed so much and hurt me so...
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How not to adult Christmas parties
Receive free drinks at your boyfriends work Christmas party. Assume dinner will be served so don’t eat all day. Get hammered. Call the police on yourself. Wind up in the drunk tank.
#christmas#christmas party#drunk#drink#boyfriend#food#jail#cops#hownottoadult#lol#oops#phone#dont#police
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Guest story teller: my Boyf
How Not To Adult Get drunk and dance into everyone at the bar upsetting them. Spill your guts to your girlf but then leave her and your friend stranded in a parking lot with no way to get home because you thought it was a funny idea to walk 10 miles home.
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How not to adult food courtesy at work
Hungry? Why wait? Eat your boss' lunch or whatever people left in the fridge for their next shift.
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How not to adult
Hold your middle finger out of your car window because no one will let you get over to the left lane.
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Food to ketchup ratio should be 50/50.
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How not to adult vacation
Drink to much blue moon. Wake up in the morning having spent $75 unremembered on gingerbread men decorations from a Christmas store at the beach.
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How not to adult working weekends.
Show up 20 min early to all your weekday shifts. Stay out till 5 am before your Saturday morning shifts and forget you have to be at work at 10am. Show up around 11.
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How not to adult: Living expenses
Get paid Friday, be hood rich all weekend. Spend the next 2 weeks broke, Take jug of change to coinstar for gas.
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How not to adult: social behavior.
Go to retirement party. Take flask of captain Morgan 100. Get home. Realize you forgot to wear underwear.
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How not to adult gypsy-ing
Forget getting an apartment or house for the first 8 years following your high school graduation and fill your car with necessities and gypsy around from friend to friend. This will also always get you out of driving anywhere because no one can ever get into your car.
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How not to adult meeting boyfriends family
Show up shy and quiet, get hammered, curse like a sailor, talk super loud, drop the baby while running uphill.
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How not to adult: Grocery shopping
Keep fridge fully stocked with beer and condiments to pair with all the fast-food and take-out you will be eating.
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How not to adult: GI issues
Have Diarrhea for 2 months. Decide not to see doctor until you shart yourself at work. Throw away underwear. Call co-worker from bathroom. Co-workers dad brings you clean underwear and pants.
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How not to adult: bathroom manners
Boss has to use bathroom. Block hallway. Sing the following lyrics "poop poop doopity doop doop doopity dipple, I'm dropping these poppies all over your nipples." Blame Nicholas Megalis.
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How not to adult: technology
Spill giant bowl of cereal on lab top. Take lab top to work to use manager's electric duster to clean it. Thank abba you're lactose intolerant otherwise lap top would be dead.
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How not to adult: housekeeping
"Forget" to do your dishes for 2 months. Throw them all away and start over.
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