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idk-what-to-do-so-fckoff · 2 months ago

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OBSESSED — Kakashi Hatake

synopsis: your childhood acquaintance, kakashi, turns into something greater after a rather terrifying day.

a/n: happy valentine’s day(ish) babes!! hope you like this one, it took me soooo long to finish❤️

obsessed kakashi, yandere!kakashi, ANBU!KAKASHI, kakashi is mean + touch starved, slight loser!kakashi, mentions & depictions of violence (LOTS OF VIOLENT THEMES), p in v, creampie, abusive themes throughout, READER IS SENT VIOLENT PHOTOGRAPHS FROM UNKNOWN SENDER!!, virgin!reader, mentions/depictions of blood, cherry pop, lmk what i missed!

whoever says that distance makes the heart grow fonder has never met your boss. for the last twenty years, a ravine has existed to segregate yourself and the man the entirety of konoha respected: kakashi hatake.

as kids, it made no big difference. certainly, you kept your distance at school and focused on your friends rather than the likes of kakashi, however, those times had long since passed. neither of you were children anymore, despite the fact that kakashi decides to act as though he is one whenever you come around.

you sat at your desk, steaming and simmering over the alienization. despite learning to love spending time with yourself, being blatantly ignored at work seemed to be getting to you, even if you didn’t really desire to make friends. an hour prior, you were called to a meeting that involved yourself and a few coworkers, along with your boss, although, judging by how much time he spends actually talking to you, he was more of a stranger. a stranger who’s face you can never forget, and a stranger who also happens to hold the title of the anbu captain. despite your efforts, kakashi never — never — recruited you to do anything actually meaningful.

no, instead, you spent a majority of your life in the room next door to the anbu’s quarters. your parents were never ‘meaningful’ creatures outside of their home lives, so working in the same quarters as the nin of the leaf should be like a dream come true, right? wrong; it was miserable, and if you were so paranoid, you’d think your captain wanted you in that room forever. despite spending your childhood helping mom at the library and waiting for dad to return home from his traveling work, being employed by the anbu was never the dream come true. it’s come to the point that kakashi’s presence alone makes you scowl behind a masked expression of boredom.

in your defense, kakashi never really liked you to begin with. having grown up in close proximity of him, you were continuously pushed aside and ignored in childish games before he made it into the academy. during that time, whilst you were busy attempting to be a normal child in a normal world, kakashi was set on becoming a strong ninja of the lead to live up to his father. his father, on the other hand, happened to be a very nice man who constantly pushed kakashi to engage with you as children but was always faced with distaste. you had once overheard your father’s talking; sakumo envied the childhood you lived and wanted kakashi to have it as well, but in the end, that was never up to him.

while you didn’t posses the power to control your chakra like kakashi, you at least wanted to help the village in a meaningful way that didn’t include stacking boxes of old records and files that you weren’t allowed to read under any circumstances. you’ve tried sneaking a peak at one of the year-old manilla files before when kakashi immediately came to reprimand you, leading you to believe that either the man has an excellent sense of hearing or there were camera’s in the room. either way, you never tried again, despite your distaste leading to slight rebellious behavior.

you unfolded a new box, ensuring the lines remained crisp and untouched on the cardboard as there was only so much you had control over in this room. the smell of permanent marker forever etched into your nostrils as you marked the lid of the box accordingly. in the last two years of working here, there had only been one circumstance of any anbu member or leader entering this room to pull a file, and even then, you had to leave the room.

talk about borderline useless work.

you didn’t complain; not to friends, bosses, or anything. you were happy to be contributing to a larger cause but you couldn’t contain your resentment for much longer. you were stuck in this dead end job due to the fact that kakashi hatake hated your guts and wanted nothing more than to see you suffer for all eternity.

you stacked the box neatly against the shelf, skimming your eyes over the organized stacks that you had personally placed before. it was something to be proud of — before you began working here, the records room was a wreck of damaged boxes and overall entropy. you had even went as far as cleaning the place up and making it more welcoming with extra lights and a coffee maker by your desk, back when you believed your hard work would eventually pay off.

as though your thoughts summoned him, your daily routine was interrupted by the door being closed in a gentle manner. you watched as his hands eased the door back into it’s closed position, partially surprised that kakashi was capable of being gentle with anything. regardless of the intrusion on your work area, you remained silent unless kakashi spoke first for a majority of the time. you were far over the obvious bouts of annoyance he seemed to get at the sound of your voice. still, you made eye contact with him for a mere second as he turned back to approach the shelves lining your office, intricately put together. your entire body tensed as his fingertips brushed against the cardboard boxes; your stomach bubbling with anxiety that he would destroy it.

“actually. . .” his voice, softer than you had recalled it being, muttered as he made a bee line towards your desk, his eyes planted on the sheet of paper he held in his hands rather than actually look at you; typical. kakashi wasn’t exactly known to be friendly, however, you had assumed that, due to growing up together, he would at the very least be courteous enough to acknowledge you. “i may need your help. looking for this. . . file number seven-sixty-three.”

763. 100 files in one box, gone in numerical order. despite your immediate knowledge of the whereabouts of said file, you decided against giving him the silent treatment or being rude in response. instead, you stood up, lip tucked beneath your teeth as you walked opposite of his position to the correct shelf, silently counting along to yourself as you moved.

“should be in here,” you finished counting at seven, poking your finger towards a box in the top shelf that took an embarrassing amount of time for you to lift on your own to it’s proper space. as you reminisced on how fucking difficult it was, getting the gigantic box in it’s place approximately a foot and a half above your head, a wave of heat flushed over your body and one thing became certain; kakashi was there. this heat was his. he didn’t wait for you to move out of the way; his chest against your back as he reached above your head, nearly pinning you toward the shelf as he retrieved the box easily; not a struggle in his body. “s—sorry.”

“it’s in numerical order?” he asked, disregarding your pathetic apology as you instantly became embarrassed for even apologizing in the first place.

“mhm,” you nodded, watching as the shinobi set the box onto the floor, take the cardboard lid off, and skim his fingertips along the labeled files. he was overly concentrated on finding the file while you became overly concentrated on the way his fingertips pinched at each tab. you had to blink your eyes to look away from him when he finally sighed.

“figures,” he stated, putting the lid of the box back before lifting said box without any hesitation, much unlike yourself. “it’s not here.”

you frowned, watching as he put the box back into place. it had to he there. perhaps he wasn’t looking hard enough. you never missed a beat; the one thing you had control over in this room was your organization.

aside from the glaringly obvious, kakashi didn’t seem too upset not surprised that the file was missing at all. when he looked back at you, you nearly froze, preparing yourself to be screamed at or worse, fired for losing a file.

“you’re the only one with keys to this room?” he asked. you nodded in return, your throat running dry. “and it’s locked when you’re away?”

“y—yeah, ‘course,” you nodded again, finding that maybe being silent wasn’t your best option here, but neither was your stumbling vocabulary. “i mean, people come in all the time when i’m here, but i haven’t —”

he stared at you, waiting for you to continue. although, you weren’t certain if kakashi was interrogating you, or if he was maybe suspicious that someone stole it without your knowledge.

“haven’t, um, seen anything. . . strange,” you finally finished, shifting around as you immediately felt stupid for being so mindless in front of someone you’ve known your entire life, despite the fact that neither of you really got along before.

he stood silently, his eyes moving between the boxes, taking note of the neatness with each piece of cardboard.

“can i ask who it’s on? maybe i can look on the computer,” you tried, but really it was just an excuse to give your knees a break as they were still buckling from kakashi’s body pressed against your own.

“it wouldn’t be on there. it was sealed, years ago,” kakashi said as you sat down again, looking at him with uncertainty. you’ve heard of files being sealed before, but that didn’t mean they disappeared completely, just that they were only able to be reviewed by higher ups; not even kakashi could see it, in fact.

“well. . . that doesn’t mean it’s gone forever,” you tried, your voice falling into somewhat of a quiver, and you swore you saw kakashi smile beneath his mask.

“it’s a juvenile file. you can try,” kakashi said. “search my name.”

now, you were curious and dead set on finding this file. a juvenile record, which in the shinobi world, can be ‘wiped clean’ after you turn fifteen, depending on what was on it. meaning that the file would be sealed, but still be eligible for review in certain circumstances. for instance, if it was about kakashi before he turned fifteen, the feudal lords could review it if kakashi were to attempt to become hokage or something in those ranks. elders, too, were susceptible to this review.

also, if kakashi didn’t even know where it was, who did? you didn’t exactly picture kakashi to be aiming for the kage chair, nor did he necessarily care for the higher ups in general, not since the fourth passed. you wondered if it was the fourth hokage that sealed it for him.

“okay,” you shyly responded as kakashi circled your desk, leaning beside you a little too closely. if it weren’t for his mask, you would probably be able to feel his steady breath run down your neck.

frantically, you typed in kakashi hatake under the filters of juvenile or sealed files. as expected, the system spit out a variety of possibilities, and the one you were looking for was still logged on as being in the box kakashi just put back on the shelf. you didn’t have to explain what it said, as kakashi seemed to understand pretty quickly how the intricacies of your job worked. he was always fairly punctual and knowledgeable, so it didn’t surprise you in the slightest.

still, he seemed nervous about something. he stood up straight again, sighing.

“maybe i missed it. would you mind looking, too?” he asked, now locking eyes with your computer screen. without skipping a beat, you complied, moving from your chair and back towards the shelves. to ensure yourself that you weren’t going crazy, you quietly counted the boxes in order until you reached the same on kakashi pulled.

“um. . .” you trailed off, feeling your cheeks redden with embarrassment as you looked back at the shinobi, who now seemed much bigger than you; stronger, taller, everything you had admired about him before. “i can’t reach it.”

you thought you saw him smile again as he came closer, again. your mind went fuzzy as he reached over your head again, glancing at you as he retrieved the box. setting it down, he stood back, but not by a whole lot. quietly thanking him after being embarrassed to ask for his help, you bent down to search for yourself, counting each number in your head as you moved through the files. surely enough, there was 762 and 764, but no 763. you frowned, recounting again and again with no luck.

“i don’t see it,” you finally caved, glancing back and up to find kakashi nervously shifting around. you had never seen him so disheveled, so uncertain. “are you okay?”

you had also never asked him that question.

“uh — uh huh,” even his voice had changed. something higher pitched. he didn’t elaborate, and instead, moved the box back into it’s place for you. you’d be lying if you said the way his arms moved and flexed as he lifted the box wasn’t attractive, but you see shinobi men all day long. still, something about kakashi was different. like you’ve seen a side of him nobody else has.

“i can keep looking, if you want me to,” you tried to ease, and he shook his head.

“no, that’s alright,” he responded softly, like it didn’t effect him at all whether or not the whereabouts of the file were known. “um, just let me know if. . . you need help with anything.”

“o—okay,” you nodded with wide eyes, unable to look away as kakashi exited the room the same way he came in.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

several days later, kakashi stood by with a clouded mind. not only was he unable to get the sight of you bending over in front of him out of his tainted mind, more importantly, he needed to figure out where his file went. there was no reason for any higher ups to review his past as far as he was aware, and even if that were the case, you would have known of the file leaving the room. it made his skin crawl, incapable of thinking clearly or rationally.

just as kakashi was leaving his office once more, he couldn’t help but notice the smell of flowers looming through the hallway. he watched as a package delivery shinobi was just leaving the building, not paying kakashi any mind. frowning, kakashi glanced at your closed door; right beside his own, just the way he liked it.

he was always glad to have heightened senses when he listened through your door, and sometimes through the shared wall between you. he never heard any juicy information, but just listening to your sighs of content let him know you were okay. after all, he couldn’t let anything happen to the girl he grew up around and now supervised. at first, he thought you weren’t fit for the job, that is until he made up the dumb rule that you wouldn’t be able to look inside of the files you were in charge of. surprisingly, you fell for it, and accepted the position beneath kakashi and beside his office, where he could keep a close eye on you.

kakashi was just about to leave after he heard your soft giggle; likely at some sort of joke you repeated in your head which you had a habit of doing. he thought it was cute; but he never pointed it out.

he was walking down the hallway, towards the exit when a blood-curdling scream brought him to a stand still. in a second, he had debated on going into your office to ensure you were okay between going outside to track down that delivery man. he opted for the first option as curiosity piqued, and he knew not to jump the gun on things like this; things that involved you. anything that could alter your view of him took utmost importance.

with that, he charged back, pushing the door open so harshly that it may have cracked in half from the force but he didn’t care. you sat at your desk, tears streaming down your cheeks with a never before seen look in your eyes; terrified. you were shaking, your hands hovering over an envelope and a pile of photographs with it.

kakashi rushed over, his mind going into overdrive when he saw you so weak. his blood boiled, rage nearly consuming him until you practically threw your body towards him, wrapping your arms around his torso so tightly that it worried him, but it kept him still and grounded. without any words being exchanged, kakashi wrapped one arm around your crumbling figure protectively, using his free hand to move extra pages from his way as he eyed the photographs you were looking at.

his stomach dropped, his heart pounding in his chest.

one thing about being in the anbu was that every piece of it was diligent. the foundation of the anbu was designed to be a machine; each part working together to ensure it was the deadliest group of shinobi around. this includes but is not limited to accurate documentation of each and every mission. photographs are taken of every dead body, every mutilated body, every disposed body, every cut and scrape, every bruise. kakashi’s heart skipped several beats as he scanned a page, a photo of his pale-skinned arm with a large gash stretching across the muscle. he remembered how badly it stung.

another photo, and likely the one you saw before screaming; a mutilated body. a man’s skin was tormented with burn marks, cuts, and more. his hands were severed from his body, his face burned and several teeth removed by force. torn clothes, misshapen cuts going vertically down his inner wrists, and his eyelids weirdly misshaped. kakashi remembered that mission clearly — albeit it wasn’t his worst, he recalled torturing that particular man for seventeen hours before kakashi finally got what he wanted out of him. kakashi was fifteen. that man was nineteen.

kakashi grasped at the photocopy, crumpling it in his hand until it was nothing more than a ball in his palm, squeezing tightly at the paper, hoping to every imaginable god that you hadn’t recognized kakashi’s arm in one of the photos.

an envelope sat at the edge of your desk. kakashi flipped it over with his free hand, feeling as though he was operating normally, just with a sobbing mess of a woman clinging to him, he sighed when he found no return address, of course, but the letter and flowers were made out to you — first and last name.

“who’s this from?” kakashi asked, his voice low and soft, but loud enough for you to hear throughout your sobbing. you shook your head against him, uncertain and entirely caught off guard. “okay.”

kakashi sounded calm, but he was boiling beneath the facade. not only did someone steal the file regarding kakashi’s past, but they seemed to somehow know of the people kakashi considered to know him fairly well. alternatively, the sender assumed you to be a secretary of some sort, possibly just attempting to get under his skin. however, the addition of flowers made kakashi think that it may have been something more sinister; something more purposeful than black mail.

much like any other organization, the anbu did have it’s limitations, and should they be exceeded, you were reprimanded accordingly. apparently, cutting the eyelids of a target in order to keep their fucking eyes open while being tortured was one of those limitations, and kakashi was subject to ‘torture in a similar fashion’ for the anbu to get their point across, hence the large gash over kakashi’s arm that was photographed and scarred into his skin. furthermore, the anbu often utilized metallic branches, finely tuned to mimic a hard hitting whip. several searing scars across kakashi’s backside from that incident; a photo of the fresh wounds certainly exists, although kakashi wasn’t certain if they were included in the envelope. it was too late to check now.

aside from the obvious, kakashi felt decent with you pressed against him, crying out for him. while the idea of you ever begging for kakashi’s assistance seemed impossible before, he relished in being the only person that you could turn to, the only person you could count on.

kakashi recalled the incident so clearly due to his thought process at the time. obviously, a job needed to be done and kakashi wouldn’t accept failure, but more notably, kakashi was insufferably angry at the time. while he was busy destroying his mentality in the anbu as a teenager, you were being — well, you. a normal girl that kakashi had been pining over in secret. with that, normal men would attempt to get with you and it just so happened that two days prior to that mission, you had attended your very first romantic date, but not without kakashi supervising from the shadows. despite the goriness, what the photos didn’t capture was kakashi’s repeated apologies to the dead man. he didn’t want to kill him, but something snapped in him. he recognized his ability to actually take a life, and he couldn’t stop himself when all he could think about was you, happy without him.

and now here you were, nearing a decade later and not a single regret looming into kakashi’s mind. in fact, he was borderline grateful for everything leading up to this moment as he held you close, despite the fact that you were crying.

“it’s okay,” kakashi finally eased, although, granted, he wasn’t particularly skilled in soothing anybody. kakashi could hardly focus on the fact that someone had access to and was dangling his past over his head while you buried your face into his chest, searching for a sense of security.

“who does that?! i mean — what,” you inhaled sharply, attempting to ease your breathing back to normal, “what kind of person sends that out? what kind of person does that to somebody?”

well, kakashi does and he’s done it millions of times, but you didn’t need to know about that.

“don’t worry about it,” kakashi assured, “you’re safe here, huh?”

you wiped the tears from your face as kakashi attempted to get a better look at you; to see you so close to him. afraid to turn away from his protective embrace, you glanced around the room with the corner of your eye, uncertain now.

“you are. i’m just next door,” kakashi answered for you in a matter of fact tone, still managing to keep his sweet, high pitched cooes in order. “hey, i’m sorry you had to see that.”

kakashi really was sorry. if he had known that what he’d done would effect you like this, he may have never done it to begin with. poor defenseless girl; it was the reason kakashi found himself so allured by you to begin with. you weren’t something capable of seeing that, let alone partaking in anything like that, but rather as a creature made for men like kakashi to protect, and to take care of.

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆

later that night, kakashi found himself once more entranced by your journey home. he had spent about an hour with you during the day, primarily easing your panic attack from the strange envelope you received and disposing of the flowers. they were red roses, likely bought from the yamanaka flower shop within the village. thankfully, knowing the owner of said flower shop would give him some access to whoever could have ordered them. in the meantime, though, kakashi was far too worried about you to leave you alone for now. he wouldn’t be capable of forgiving himself if something were to happen to you in his absence.

he knew he was pathetic. he knew all of it; he just couldn’t stop. kakashi had long since passed the blurry line of what was okay and what was not, running into a rather tedious tug of war of morality years ago when he first started following you home. in fact, it wasn’t until after your first date did kakashi feel a need to follow you, watch you from afar. up until that point, you were normally accompanied by your parents everywhere you went.

now, though, as he swung his legs from the tree branch outside of your home, watching through your window as you slowly peeled the day off — clothes first, then a shower — his increasingly irritating erection was getting harder to ignore. you were perfect in every sense of the word; smooth, untouched skin that made kakashi bite his lip towards. something so unknown, all for him to take and conquer. eventually, he would be in there with you. eventually, he would have you in the shower, then to bed. he wanted every part of you, and after today, his desires were becoming harder to ignore. your body fit too perfectly against his own.

by the time you left the bathroom and returned to your bedroom, towel wrapped snuggly around your body, you still seemed somewhat on edge. clearly, though, not enough on edge to close your curtains as you revealed your body to kakashi. perhaps you knew he was watching and did it on purpose; that’s what he liked to think. you weren’t trying to impress him, just your mere existence did that on it’s own, but you were you; natural, albeit slightly nervous from the day you had. how he wished to he able to tell you not to worry again, that he was there to protect you.

he started by palming himself through his pants, breathy groans escaping his lips in tiny increments as he teased himself before he actually got to see you naked. by then, his aggravated cock was out, slowly being pumped by his hand as he fought to suppress an animalistic moan. he loved this part; naked, alone, putting your panties on first. you’d bend over just how you did at work, days prior, enough to bring a man to his knees, and not just any man, but kakashi. he picked up the pace of his hand as you slowly, painstakingly pulled your panties back around your hips, sliding past your smooth legs and perfect thighs. kakashi whined, watching you tease him. you turned slightly, picking at the clothes you laid out for yourself for the night, giving kakashi the best view of your tits that seemed to shine in the light; he loved them, he loved you.

normally, he’d watch as you touched yourself, gasps escaping your parted lips that he so desperately wanted to hear, cursing the pane of glass in his way, but not tonight. you were too shook up from the day and kakashi couldn’t blame you for it. instead, his self pleasure was cut short as you left your bedroom, heading for the kitchen instead. kakashi bit the inside of his cheek, his nerves jolting in anticipation as his neediness grew too fucking hot.

before he knew it, he was at your front door with the sole intention of fucking the fear out of you; whatever he needed to do to prove that he was made for you; sexually, romantically, even platonically. you were busy pouring yourself an oversized glass of wine by the time a knock on your door made you jump out of your skin.

before even seeing who it was, you debated on calling the police due to paranoia. shortly after, though, you shook the fear away, knowing that whoever it was was likely a friend, coming over to debrief about their day.

you went to answer, despite your hand trembling as you unlocked the door and slowly opened it.

“kakashi,” your voice was a mixture of relief and confusion; mainly relief. his name coming from your lips was enough to make his cock twitch again. “what are you. . . doing here?”

kakashi lived down the street from you, having been neighbors your entire life. it wasn’t strange for him to be in the neighborhood, but he had never knocked on your door before now.

“i wanted to see if you were okay. if you needed anything from me,” kakashi said, a little too quickly for his liking but he managed to ignore it as you finally smiled softly.

“oh,” you responded simply, incapable of removing your smile because kakashi had never done anything like this for anyone before; perhaps you did see a side of him nobody else saw. “i’m okay. i was just — actually, just about to have some wine. wanna join me?”

yes. a thousand times yes. he would walk through fire for you, but he simply nodded instead. he entered — the first time, ever — immediately reminded of your recent shower. with kakashi’s heightened sense of smell, he was easily able to depict the scent of your shampoo, nearly making his eyes roll as he basked in it; sweet, like you. he swore, watching you go back to the kitchen counter, grabbing another glass from the upper cabinet made him feral. he could live this day forever, repeatedly. you, him, alone with a bottle of wine. kakashi didn’t even drink alcohol, but he would pretend to like it if it meant quality time with you.

you poured his glass, finally turning back to return to him at the dining room table, where he sat contently. his gaze never left you, whether it was eye contact or just watching you. no intimidation, no fear — you envied it, and all the while admired it.

“it’s chick wine. sorry,” you giggled softly, somehow feeling more comfortable with kakashi, who should be considered more of a stranger than a friend. in fact, up until a few hours ago, you were certain he hated you.

kakashi cracked a smile beneath his mask as you set the glass down in front of him. this time, you were certain you saw it; your mind wasn’t playing tricks on you. you were actually making the copy ninja smile.

“thank you,” he spoke softly as you sat down beside him, keeping the bottle of wine within arms reach, knowing you’d need more than one glass to bring yourself to sleep tonight. “so, you’re okay?”

you swallowed a sip of your wine, unknowingly making kakashi shift in his chair as he watched the way a small dribble of it leaked from the corner of your mouth, quickly gone as you padded your thumb over it.

“as okay as i can be,” you tried being optimistic, but truthfully, you couldn’t get the photos out of your head. not only did they exist, balled up in kakashi’s trash can at work, but also in your mind; each detail engrained into you. you shivered. “sorry. i’ve just. . . never seen something so brutal.”

“why are you apologizing?” kakashi was genuinely curious. you apologized a lot without any particular reason. you shrugged, a shy giggle escaping your lips as you relished in the fuzziness beginning in your mind from the alcohol after a few more sips of it. kakashi hasn’t taken a single drop, not that you noticed.

“i dunno. don’t you see that kinda stuff a lot? am i a big baby?”

“no,” kakashi chuckled, making your heart warm at the sound of it, “you’re not a baby. but, it’s definitely not anything a woman should see.”

you clicked your tongue against your teeth. figures — kakashi is a chivalrous man; women shouldn’t be subjected to anything violent, but especially you. you, of all people, knew that you were not equipped to see things like that, and even you knew it, deep down. in fact, you doubted any normal person would have such a small reaction as kakashi did. still, at the same time, it made your core twist pleasurably, knowing kakashi had the stomach to see just about anything. he was strong — too strong — always had been. you remembered attending his father’s funeral — your family being one of few attendee’s due to sakumo’s reputation as a shinobi — and kakashi never shed a tear during it, despite your mother rubbing his shoulder, repeatedly asking if he was okay, or if he needed anything. you, on the other hand, have someone ask if you’re okay and you nearly burst into a mental breakdown after a long day at work.

“i’m looking into who sent it. you shouldn’t worry,” kakashi eased, fiddling with the stem of his wine glass as he watched the red liquid swirl around.

you grinned slightly, leaning forward as you rested your head in the palm of your hand, closely inspecting kakashi’s stoic expression before he finally glanced back at you and smiled, suppressing yet another chuckle.

“what?”

“why’re you being so nice to me?” you asked, another smile creeping on your lips, mainly because you were proud of yourself for finally asking, but also out of genuine curiosity. he looked at you with a questioning glance, seemingly uncertain as to what you meant. “you know what i mean. . . you aren’t particularly. . . approachable.”

“i just care about the well being of my employees,” kakashi lied, also proud of himself for coming up with that on the spot. still, your grin kind of faded as his answer sunk in. quickly, he changed his mind, “and, we’ve known each other for a long time. i do care about you.”

that was true, and it made you smile again. brighter this time. your eyes fell to your wine glass, sitting nearly empty. upon close inspection, kakashi seemed to take notice; grabbing the bottle to pour a small amount more into your glass. in the meantime, and to show your gratitude without outright saying it, you lifted your hand, mind fogged with intoxication already, to brush a strand of hair on kakashi’s head. you’d spent your life admiring his hair from afar, and touching it was just as you had imagined, even a little better. soft, silky strands that laid perfectly for him.

he somewhat flinched, barely noticable as you took another sip of your replenished wine.

“are you a virgin, kakashi?” now, he was nervous. so nervous, in fact, that his entire skin flushed a faded pink. he wasn’t a virgin, but the question coming from you made his stomach flip. you sat with a small grin, waiting for an answer while being so innocent; not knowing of the effect you had on him.

“n—no, why?” kakashi shyly answered, his mouth feeling dry and his throat feeling as though it was closing in. he set his hand against his cheek, poking his fingers beneath the fabric of his mask as it felt like he may be water boarded by his own sweat if you continued.

“why’d you flinch?” you asked, repeating the motion with your fingertips again, brushing the soft strands of his hair back. he swallowed hard, using every muscle in his body to not flinch again. “not used to a woman’s touch?”

he wasn’t used to anybody’s touch. people didn’t touch him. nobody touched him, at least not without the intention of killing him. but he could get used to yours. soft, warm, calm.

“well, are you a virgin?” kakashi asked, undertone evident that he already knew the answer to that question. unfortunately, kakashi wouldn’t be your first. spending too much time observing you from afar, he didn’t have the opportunity to take that part of you when a lone traveller stayed in konoha for three weeks a few years ago. he said he came from the land of iron — no shinobi experience prior — just a man traveling the lands as some sort of spiritual trip. it was stupid. kakashi went away on a mission that lasted one week too long and upon his return, saw the strange new glow in your skin and the sparkle in your eye when you looked at that guy. the hair on the nape of kakashi’s neck stood straight as he recalled every detail. he had gotten suspicious, and for your own safety, he told himself, broke into your house. he hadn’t done it before, and has not since. it was easy; finding your panties and being overwhelmed with the scent of another human being. devastated, it took everything in his power to remain collected until the day that man left the village, moving on to the next after promising to return to konoha later on. kakashi caught up with him a few miles out, and still remembers the sound of his neck breaking, squeezed between kakashi’s arms.

“maybe,” you shyly responded, taking another sip. kakashi leaned forward at this, looking to you with uncertainty and a hint of surprise. he knows your lying; the nerve you had, lying to his face. “i haven’t met the right guy!”

“but —” kakashi paused, attempting to make sense of your insistence. he felt as though he was going crazy; he knew he sensed something. “what about that traveler guy? what was his name?”

“ah, we fooled around a bit, not too serious,” you responded, waving your hand in dismissal at him. “he was only in town for, like, three weeks! what kind of girl do you take me for?”

as if on queue, the tension kakashi felt within him shattered, along with the stupid glass of wine he failed to realize he had been clutching onto. nearly immediately, you stood, yelping at the red liquid quickly beginning to spill over the table and onto the floor.

“‘m sorry, i -” kakashi stuttered, standing as he muttered apologies, already beginning to scoop shards of glass into his hand. despite the entirety of his skin flushing pink out of sheer embarrassment, your soft, small hands on his forearm brought his body to a screeching halt.

“kakashi, stop,” you breathed, “look at your hand.”

so he did, although he almost wished he hadn’t. the blood oozing from his palm nearly made the stone-cold jonin faint. swiftly, his mind worked overtime to think of some excuse to leave. he felt it. the hitch in his breath. the flash of white overtaking his sight. he was having another panic attack.

“come on,” you urged, not waiting for him to deny you as you pulled him towards the bathroom, his body — nearly twice the size of your own — seemed light as you dragged him down the hallway. “it’s okay. gosh, that looks deep.”

kakashi lost all rationality. he didn’t care if you noticed his glazed eyes staring at you as you scurried around the bathroom, flicking the light on and retrieving some bandages from the cabinet. you did notice his staring, but didn’t meantion it as you flipped his hand, closely inspecting the fresh cuts from the broken glass.

“does it hurt?” you asked, frowing as you looked up at him. still, he had that glazed expression under his mask. he was star struck. still, he shook his head, afraid that if he spoke up, he’d choke on his own words. despite his change in demeanor, you got to work, carefully cleaning the cut with lukewarm water and plenty of tissues. you were by no means a nurse, nor a medical nin, but you weren’t going to screw it up for him.

you worked in silence, focusing on the cut as it rapidly began to clot and close. you wrapped his hand with the bandages, almost embarrassed by your tactics as you knew kakashi probably knew more about patching up wounds than you did.

“i-i um,” kakashi muttered finally, after what felt like forever. it caught your attention, only glancing up at him as you continued to work the remaining bandage around his palm, “‘m sorry. i think i’m having a panic attack.”

“wh —” you shook your head in disbelief, noticing the eery calmness in his gaze that he still didn’t tear from you. he had never looked at you for this long. whenever you happened to meet his gaze before, he was always the first to look away. “what?”

kakashi felt ashamed, but he couldn’t control his body anymore. he was breaking down, and he felt it painfully slow under your attention.

“the blood on my hand,” he stuttered out, “‘m having a panic attack.”

“what can i do?” you asked, regardless of your suspicions. carefully, as to not disturb the shinobi any further, you lifted your right hand to place over his heart. he wasn’t lying; his heart rate was spiked. his hands began to sweat.

“‘t’s okay. . . i’m okay,” he released a shaking breath, not entirely certain how long he held it in for. “i can’t breathe.”

“you’re okay, kakashi, i’m here,” although you weren’t certain your words would soothe him, you said them anyways as you slowly reached further up, hooking your fingers into his mask. you hadn’t seen his face since childhood, and even then, it was scarce. he froze, going stiff as your fingers touched his cheeks, grazing against the five o’clock shadow hidden beneath. slowly, you mimicked his breaths as you pulled down his mask, allowing the shinobi to breathe without anything restricting him. he did, taking deep breaths as he continued to hold your gaze, not daring to look away. you didn’t even dare to look at the rest of his face. just his eye.

you reached for his headband, not noticing his hands until he grabbed onto you.

“don’t,” he warned, still staring.

“it’s okay,” you eased, quieter this time. “it’s just me, kakashi.”

it took a few moments. you counted fifteen seconds before he finally nodded, releasing his grip on your arms to let you continue. his warning couldn’t have prepared you when you lifted his headband over his unruly silver strands of hair. red, bloodshot, crying; kakashi hatake’s sharingan was crying.

you didn’t realize how close your bodies became. he leaned against the counter, just beside the sink that still ran with warm water. you had leaned into him, letting his uncertain hands place against your hips as your chest touched his, locking him into position.

“‘m okay,” he repeated once more, this time sounding more assured than before. his breath calmed, and his heart rate slowly retreated to it’s original thumping.

“do you want something to drink?”

“please don’t,” he responded quickly, “please don’t move.”

you nodded, feeling his grip on your hips grow stronger, more vicious. you felt his heartbeat, only believing him when it finally shallowed out again, gently tapping against your palm. the gnarly scar stretching down the left side of his face only added to his intimidating stare, despite the fact that it looked as though he was staring through you.

you stayed put until the trembling of his fingers subsided. despite the vice grip he held onto your hips, you could still feel him shaking. the tears in his sharingan dried, seeming as though it was a force of habit almost. kakashi never cried, or at least never showed that he did.

by the time kakashi came back into what was reality, he could hardly recall coming into the bathroom, or how the bandage got on his hand. still, he knew he likely blacked out and decided against moving for a few more moments until he was certain it was over. if he would have known, he would never had come here.

you didn’t say anything to him, but rather continued to monitor his heart beat and, more recently, the heat he was giving off. his forehead felt warm, and not only from the headband, but unnaturally warm. your fingertips moved between his chest, over his heart, to just above his brow. he didn’t flinch when your skimmed across his scar, and the intense gaze remained between the two of you.

kakashi was going to excuse himself as to not allow what just happened spoil your opinion of him, however, something stopped him. maybe it was the way you looked at him. whatever it was, he couldn’t physically peal himself away from your body. instead, he stayed; still and silent, attempting to read your mind through your eyes. while he wasn’t very successful, he was never a man to cower away from a risk. he leaned forward, craning his neck to meet your lips.

you wanted to stop him. it was wrong to kiss your superior. it was wrong for him to even be here in the first place, but his soft lips on yours seemed to freeze time and you couldn’t do anything other than feel him.

his body relaxed against yours, seemingly caught in the same predicament. his fingertips no longer vices against your body, but gentle as he held you closer. you didn’t feel afraid anymore, and you decided it was likely why you enjoyed it so much; why you enjoyed him so much. your hands went to his shoulders, which felt stronger than you had imagined them to be. his neck was firm, and his face was warm and soft, despite the light prickle from previously shaved facial hair. by the time your fingertips touched his hair, he was lifting you up easily, turning your bodies so that you sat on the counter. kakashi’s hand left you for only a moment as he blindly turned the sink’s water off, immediately returning to pull at your shirt.

despite not exactly knowing what sort of emotions would come after, you assisted the jonin in removing your clothes; you needed him, you realized. it wasn’t until you were so close to him that you felt safe, protected, even. you didn’t think the stone-cold anbu would be so gentle when they needed to be. his calloused fingertips dragged along your torso, finally pulling the tedious shirt over your head before he began pulling at his own shirt. you didn’t see him, but you felt his stomach; toned, muscular. years of treating his body like a temple that it nearly was one. you were almost afraid to touch him.

kakashi rid that thought out of your head quickly enough as he finally pulled his own shirt off, lifting your body again to carry you elsewhere. despite the fact that he found your bedroom rather quickly, you let him continue on as he laid you on the bed, hovering over top of you without any intention of leaving arms distance.

his fingers hooked into your pants at the hips, slowly pulling the fabric down without leaving any room for protest by suffocating you with his kisses. his mind was too far gone, going faster than his body was capable of in the moment. he groaned, silencing himself as his lips seemed to drag across the skin of your jaw and neck. in a state of bliss, he could only bring himself to worship your body, although the feeling of his hands hovering over your body was enough to satiate your desire as you bit your lip hard.

“kakashi —” your excitement, despite being nearly all-consuming, could not seem to trump your anxiety as the shinobi’s lips grew closer towards your hips. goosebumps traveled along your entire body as he stopped, his eyes averting to meet your gaze. he looked dumbfounded and beautiful; perfect, even, as his lips parted ever so slightly. he waited for you to continue, and the guilt made your saliva thicken. “do you have a c—condom?”

he stayed silent for a moment, his shoulder blades rising and falling with his heavy breaths that danced across the skin of your stomach.

“i want to,” you continued on, almost afraid that you said the wrong thing. your mind worked overtime in order to keep up with him. “we should use protection, though. . . right?”

he kissed your lower stomach again, his eyes closing for a moment in pleasure as his hands gripped your hips, harshly, but not enough to bruise.

“i can pull out,” he finally cooed, and despite the fact that the sentiment should warn you to stop immediately, your clouded mind almost wanted him anyways. you’d never seen the cold jonin so soft and gentle.

you nodded anyways, letting him continue his journey down your heated skin. not a single inch of you was left untouched or unkissed. soon, you’d let him be where no one else has. no amount of previous resentment could hold a candle against the feeling from the pit of your stomach. you didn’t want him, you needed him.

“relax,” he eased, kneeling before your legs, now. his hands on your thighs felt the underlying tension. you released a breath, closing your eyes to focus on his instructions rather than the instinctive response. kakashi felt the muscles in your legs ease ever so slightly, smiling as he noticed the look of pure concentration on your face. you didn’t want to disappoint him now.

whilst too preoccupied on keeping your body at ease, you hadn’t noticed his positioning, nor did you expect the soft, cool but warm feeling bursting from your cunt. your eyes snapped open, looking down towards your superior as he continued his actions, his tongue sliding between your folds like a starved man. he had manners, looking up his lashes towards your reaction. your back arched, angling yourself further against his tongue. your lower jaw quivered and your lungs had an overwhelming urge to release a sound you were not at all familiar with.

“you taste so sweet,” he offered from between your thighs, his tongue gently gliding over your clit; your knees bent, and kakashi grabbed your legs to move overtop his strong shoulders. his words made you moan, biting down on your lip again to stay quiet against the pillow.

“k—kakashi, ngh. . . d—don’t s—stop,” you whined pathetically, feeling your orgasm begin it’s ripple through your body. you were so close, you nearly forgot about the anxiety you felt. his fingers dug into the meat of your thighs, pinching you softly but enough to remind you where you were.

“want you to cum on my cock, baby,” he mumbled, his lips lazily kissing at the bundle of nerves between your legs as you sighed, feeling your orgasm pull away from you further. he looked at you, his bottom lip shining in the little light offered within the room from your slick. “need you to cum when i say you can.”

dumbly, you nodded. kakashi could have said anything just then, and you would have agreed. your mind felt primitive and unstoppable, chasing after an orgasm so harshly that you’d do anything.

you felt his calloused fingertips pry at your now weeping cunt, his middle finger circling around your hole as he admired the way it clamped onto nothing. a shiver ran down his spine as he pushed one finger inside, slowly, and often glancing at your face for a reaction. you moaned again, delayed from the strangeness of having another person’s fingers inside of you. while his fingertips weren’t very girthy, they were long and slender, capable of pressing against a spot you had not known about before.

“right there, babygirl?” he asked, the pad of his fingertip brushing against the spot with each soft thrust in.

“y—yes, there,” you managed to choke out.

“yeah?” he reiterated mindlessly, hypnotized by the way your cunt squeezed at just his finger. “you should see it. perfect pussy.”

“need more, ‘kashi,” you pled, obsessed with the way your body tensed with each stroke of his fingers. upon adding a second finger, kakashi’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head; how easily your cunt accepted his second finger made him groan. piling onto it, the uncontrollable sound you released as soon as he continued at a slightly faster pace, he was rock hard.

“fuck — little virgin pussy. . . and it’s all mine,” he mused as your moans steadied in pace against him. you nodded again, your entire body clenching as he fucked his fingers into you. “let me hear you say it.”

“y—yours, it’s all yours, k-kashi,” you whined out, feeling breathless already as his pace turned vigorous. despite the clouded state of your mind, you were pleasantly surprised by kakashi’s possessive nature, even in the bedroom. you’d fantasized about finally being swept off your feet, absolutely devoted to another person, but never expected it so suddenly. to think he was within reach this whole time; you’d call yourself stupid if you had the mental capacity to do so right now. “god! fuck, ‘m gonna c—cum!”

at your announcement, he retreated, his fingers violently pulled from your aching and weeping cunt with a loud, disappointed sigh from your lips. “not yet.”

unclear as to whether or not he was simply fast or if you momentarily blacked out, by the time you looked towards kakashi again, he had his pants off, slowly stroking himself with your slick as it still remained on his fingers. now, he leaned closer towards you, hovering over your shaking body to kiss your lips again.

“taste so good, baby,” he mumbled, growing needy as his cock waited mere inches from your opening, covered in your juices.

“s—slow, kakashi. . . go slow, please,” you begged, the reality of the situation becoming more clear in your mind after catching sight of his lengthy cock. he nodded, kissing you again like he couldn’t get enough of it. he moaned into the kiss, reminded that he had been looking through the window to his right mere hours ago for some sort of relief, and now he was on top of you, taking every last bit of your body for himself.

gentle, his left hand grabbed onto yours, interlocking your fingers as he pinned you to the mattress, his other hand busy aligning himself. he shuddered as the tip of his cock pressed against your wet folds, nearly pulling at him with an invitation.

the first inch was the worst. his thick head piercing through you so painfully slow that you were certain you’d rip in half. you could practically feel the pleasure as you toppled over the pain, adjusting your hips in subtle ways to achieve the perfect angle.

“that okay?” he asked, watching your brows furrow. you nodded as he bit down on his lip, resenting the pain he had to put you through to reach the pleasure. still, he continued, feeling the warmth of you wrap around him in a tight squeeze, he had to stop himself from cumming so fast. inch by inch, he spectated your reactions carefully. with each painful dip in, your hand squeezed at his. “so good, taking it so good.”

“it hurts, ‘kashi,” you whined, feeling hot tears begin to prickle at your eyes within a blink. he lifted his hand from your leg, wiping the pad of his thumb across your cheekbones to rid of the tears.

“so close, baby, just a little longer,” he encouraged, feeling a nearly electric sensation all over his body just as he bottomed out, being all consumed by the sensation of your hot, wet cunt squeezing him in so vigorously. “oh fuck — that’s it, baby.”

you nodded, tears continuing from the corners of your eyes as your free hand stroked and scratched at his hair instead of paying any attention to the pain bursting from deep within you. you felt his tip against your cervix, wincing when he moved even in the slightest.

“o—okay, i think it’s okay,” you finally instructed, feeling a hint of pleasure you were desperate to follow after. “keep going.”

he listened, despite his apprehension that you were lying to him. he didn’t care how long he had to wait there, however, he was dying to move. he kissed you again, soft and gentle before pulling away, his hand still locked with yours beside your head. he needed to see it. his body ached to watch his cock move in and out.

slowly, but not as slow as before, he pulled out, shivering as the base of his cock smeared with your virginal blood and slick. pushing forward again, he felt his cock brush against the spot you enjoyed from his fingering. you released a soft whine, feeling it again before he bottomed out.

with each slow thrust, kakashi felt your body ease. by the time your expression of suppressed pain turned to that of pleasure, kakashi was already panting and whining at the sensation overwhelming his cock.

“god, you were fucking made to take me, huh?” he breathed, picking up the pace slightly just as he had before. you moaned in response, your gaze meeting his in the heat of passion.

“u—uh huh,” you whined, somehow sounding more pathetic than earlier. much better than his fingers, he pressed every possible button with each push, moving your hesitation to the back of your mind.

“keep your eyes on me, baby. . . want you to remember who makes you feel this good,” his voice sounded soft but dark — demanding rather than asking. still, you listened anyways as kakashi’s free hand pinched at your cheeks, keeping your head still as he continued to fuck into you. his mismatched eyes would have terrified you in any other situation, half lidded and focused as he stared into you, he nearly looked feral. he was too gorgeous like this.

“g—go faster kakashi, please—” you cried out, despite his somewhat harsh grip he held on your cheeks. still, he obliged, releasing your face only to return his hand back to holding your hips in place, it seemed. sweat began to bead onto his pale skin shortly after pounding into you at a relentless pace. he wasn’t sure how much more he could take of the consistent squeezing and the sinful, lewd sounds you made in response to his every movement. “f—fuck!”

“waited too —fuck— fucking long for this,” he mused, nearly breathless as he continued his assault on your cervix, hypnotized by how well your cunt pulled at him, milking him. “innocent fucking girl — who do you belong to, huh?”

“y—you! fuck — i belong t—to you! mm—i’m gonna cum!” you cried out, barely coherent as your lungs were robbed of air. your body tensed again, pleased that kakashi continued at the same pace without edging you any further. tears boiled in your eyes again as you became used to his harsh cut off’s before you could finally orgasm. repeating his name in a soft hum as the wave of relief began pushing at you like waves on a shore. so close. dots clouded your vision. your legs felt as hard and heavy as rocks, bent and wrapped around kakashi as your toes curled behind him. your mind felt fuzzy and cleared at once, you breath continuously alluding you.

you practically fell onto the mattress from how harshly your body contorted against his thrusts, arching forward to feel more of him. more, more, more. the tears threatening to spill had began falling immediately after your orgasm, pleasure coarsed through your veins as kakashi still continued, never letting up on his pace.

“perfect, so p—perfect,” he repeated in a soft moan, his eyelids becoming heavier with each thrust.

your head spun, kakashi’s continuation overstimulating you to a new ground of consciousness, a new place of lust. you could practically feel his cock throb at your soft walls, pulsating and begging to paint them white. pulling soft whines from your lungs forced the jonin deeper, his steady stature now turning frantic and sporadic, breathing heavy.

“f—fuck, yes baby,” he finally released, his breathing long and smooth as he attempted to calm his overwhelmed nerves. still, his cock remained inside, snug as he spilled his seed into you. it was partially on accident, he convinced himself.

you couldn’t even bring yourself to mention it to him, nor could you even question if he came inside of you. you were star struck, staring up at him as though he was the one that made the sun rise each morning; like a diety of some sort. he liked holding a lot of power over you, but he liked holding you higher even better. he leaned down again, his cock still inside as he kissed you softly but messily. as you both laid, him hovering over you, attempting to catch your breath, he knew he’d gotten exactly what he had previously only dreamed for; your cunt full of him, your mind full of him.

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