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THE GRID Koyaanisqatsi (1982) dir. Godfrey Reggio

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Amsterdam (2022)

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do u think xiao rerun is coming soon? saving for him but i want kazuha too. if xiao banner is on next update i'll skip kazuha, sadly •᷄⌓•᷅

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hell naur i feel poor

they’ve got fucking laptops what???

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overtly black mirror-ish but overall a 6.5/10.

goofy ahh Chris xD

Spiderhead (2022)

Directed by Joseph Kosinski

Cinematography by Claudio Miranda

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A take on grief - Demolition.

A car accident. A dead wife. A widowed investment banker finds himself annoyed by a packet of M&Ms at a hospital vending machine. Thus starts a series of tell-tale psychopathic signs. Davis is obsessed with miniscule details. He seamlessly lies to strangers on the train to work. Pulls the emergency cord of the train to avoid emotional confrontation. He practices crying in the mirror at his wife’s funeral. I think all of us had indefinitely passed him off as a potential psychopath when he admits to never having loved his wife, Julia. Which would explain his disengaged state of emotions. He claimed marrying Julia was an easy thing to do.

I would account for the contrasting similarity of another yet investment banker (yes, Patrick bateman) and his unconventional morning routine. Davis wakes up to the void beside him. He, however, goes to work the morning after he is horrendously widowed.

At work, he is confronted by his father in law and also conveniently, his boss. However emotionally repressed Phill appears to be, the loss of his only daughter has him on the verge of breakdown. This sets up a deliberate contrast. Phill is suppressed while Davis is unable to respond emotionally at all.

He writes to the vending machine company to complain of the circumstances of his poor vending experience back at the hospital. Through a plot device that can be considered as personally quirky, he picks up yet another sheet and writes confessional letters addressed to the vending company where, it turns out, are being read.

He pours out. His humbled becoming, the first time he met his wife at a college party. Of how his father in law confesses his indefinite dislike for Davis for the first time. He wrote about Julia. About how she snorts while she laughs and cries when the television shows the 9/11 towers crashing down. he does not end up writing much about Julia because he as he remarks that he didn’t know who she really was. Julia always said he didn’t pay attention.

A late night phone call was all it took to jumpstart a path to understanding Davis’s emotions or more accurately, the lack thereof of it. He begins to connect with the vending service customer operator, Naomi. He eventually meets her equally offbeat son Chris who happens to struggle with his sexuality.

This part of the film is most arguably shot with self conscious symbolism. He demolishes his house with a sledgehammer which he refers to it as “destroying my marriage”. In doing so, he comes across an unsettling revelation about his very much dead wife.

This is not a movie about mental illness. Its not about psychopathy. Its about delayed emotional reactions. Davis goes through emotional torment as he makes up with his late wife’s family and funds a carousel for children as a memoir for Julia. As the carousel spins, the film comes to a resolve.

Grief is natural. But not too much. But not too little either. What many feel ticks the right boxes for the particular circumstances of time and space. Davis breaks the preconceived socially-sanctioned barriers. And I couldn’t be more grateful.

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semiatlantic - sulfur burns blue. 

the first song my favourite person sent me!

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Loser band for losers? - weezer.

It is universally accepted that weezer fans hate weezer. However, that’s not entirely true.

Rivers Cuomo rose to success at a time when nu metal and grunge was hot topic. The debut weezer album also dubbed as ‘The Blue album’ is criminally underrated. Hits like surf wax America and sweater song makes use of quirky analogies to subvert the emotions that Rivers ultimately wanted to convey. Weezer reminds me of Salinger’s ‘Catcher in the rye’ a lot, well the protagonist atleast. Holden Caulfield was discriminatory to a lot of things in his angsty rebellious teenager years. His minimized voice, much like River’s lyrics, is a sort of self-protection from translating the gross acidic glug in his head.

Understanding weezer comes naturally. Its not a loud or flashy revelation. It’s quiet, yes with all the droney guitars too. Rivers’ tracks are apparent of his anxious nature. He’s constantly worried if people listen to him. I think that was the point of contention when Pinkerton wasn’t received well in 1996 and weezer was disbanded.

“Do you believe what I sing now?” Yes Rivers. I hear you. I’ve always listened to what you had to say.

None of Rivers’ songs are ironic. Yes. Not even ‘No one else’. It is arguable that it is borderline sexist but it is sort of implied that it was more of a passive break up letter and or silent fantasy of the boy since he cannot afford to lose the girl or have the prospects of getting a better one.

Drunk on power chords, Rivers sings ‘Buddy Holly’ which is about his willingness to protect this girl he refers to as his Mary Tyler Moore. It is annoyingly catchy and has a despicable solo.

‘In the Garage’ was probably the one where I felt the most exposed. He describes the elements that make up his safe space. What can I say, the chorus hit someplace close to what I call home.

‘Say it ain’t so’ is probably one of few songs in which Rivers confronts his feelings for the first fuckin’ time. He lets out his pain into what we regard as one of iconic melodies in the industry. All this over a can of beer he found in the fridge smh.

If there was a perfect ending to something, it would be the equivalent of what ‘Only in Dreams’ is to the blue album. For someone that has spent quite a lot of time fantasizing about perfection from the comfort of my yellow bed, I could not begin to articulate how it felt to be understood for once. Or as Joe Goldberg from You put it, “It’s nice to be seen.”

Hmm weezer. I’d end this ode with gratitude and all things expected of. But I believe it would be injustice. We dwell in the things unsaid and the things unfelt. You are meant to be sad but goddamn do you come off funny. And that’s okay. For the most part. I think.

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Happy 100th Birthday in the afterlife to Jack Kerouac!

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sigh. i think i like flowers guys.

instagram | floretflower

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apparently my math syllabus has integration. idk what that shit be.

girl help my to-do list has tasks on it

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feeling suicidal. in general.

feeling embarrassed . in general

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:'')

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i don’t go to many concerts and im sad about it

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