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You just have to play with the cards you're dealt. Petey? That guy is an ace. Russell is the king up my sleeve. Derby is my old maid. Zoe is my queen. Algie is like the instruction card you throw away. Johnny is a solid seven. Ted is probably, like, a two. And I'm obviously the joker.

Jimmy Hopkins

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Peanut: I can't find Johnny.

Norton: Hang on.

Norton: [uses hands as microphone] I just made out with Lola Lombardi!

Johnny: What the fuck did you just say?!

Norton: There he is.

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Jimmy: 'Sup, girl? How's the weather in your world?

Zoe: Sunny with a chance of ass-kicking.

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Gary: How did you find me?

Jimmy: It was easy, really. I just listened to the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.

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Ivan: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so let's go for 12 more just in case.

Constantinos: Ivan, that's a coma.

Ivan: Sounds festive.

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Science fact: the world around you is made up of protons, neutrons, morons, and electrons.

Donald Anderson

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Gary: What's wrong with me?

Pete: You're a sociopath.

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Johnny: He's not my boyfriend!

Peanut: [hands Johnny a can of beam cola] It might be a bit warm - the cooler's off.

Johnny: Thanks, babe.

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Hattrick: Mr. Galloway is utterly, laughably unqualified to be a teacher. Some offense.

Galloway: Uh... some taken?

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You should post more

you’re probably right, but i’m also a busy person with a life outside of tumblr. i’ll try to set up a queue, but there are no guarantees i’ll make more posts before it runs out.

submissions mean i post more, so you could always send in some of those!

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Peanut: Hey, how much money do you have?

Hal: Uhhh... 69 cents.

Peanut: Ayyy, you know what that means!

Hal: [choked up] I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets.

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Jimmy: You're gay.

Kirby: Obviously I'm not gay.

Jimmy: You were having a romantic relationship with a guy.

Kirby: You got me there.

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Hal: [sits on Ricky's lap]

Ricky, thinking: Jesus, Hal is so fucking heavy. If he sat on my face I'd probably die.

Ricky, thinking: It'd be a good death though.

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I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away.

Algie Papadopoulos

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Pete: Is there a word that's a mix between angry and sad?

Gary: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated...

Jimmy: Smad.

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Ted: It's Mandy. She's kind of boring. It's weird hanging out with her friends. And, I mean, all she wants to do is make out and stuff.

Casey: I'd kill to be that bored.

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Kirby: It sounds like you're asking me out on a man date.

Trent: Kirby, why are you so afraid of loving me?