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Is it ableist if I think, as a dyslexic, autistic system, that typing quirks aren't *inherently* bad, as long as translated properly? Like, translated text before the typing quirk?

Not at all!

While most people can't help their typing quirks, it's normal to want or need translated text, especially if you use a screen reader! In fact, it's more ableist of someone to refuse to provide the translated text at all than for you to ask for it!

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Am I ableist if I a lot of people I find annoying happen to be autistic?

It's not that I think that all autistic people are annoying, or that autistic traits or people are intrinsically annoying, I have just met autistic people and have seen autistic coded characters and found them annoying.

Idk if I'm explaining this well, and if this does make me ableist then I'm sorry and I promise to work on myself and that perception.

Not at all! You don't find them annoying BECAUSE they're autistic, you just find them annoying and they happen to be autistic! As long as you're still nice and respectful, then there's nothing wrong here :)

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"endos are ableist" shut the fuck up. YOU'RE the ableist one. We don't know everything about plurality so to say it can only be caused by one fucking thing is ableist. Every bit of anti endo sentiment is easy to debunk with even the most basic thought processes. You're lying about your plurality for fucking pity point. Go actually get traumatized if you want to be a traumagenic system so bad. Sincerely, a traumagenic system with critical thinking skills

Sorry, but if you're so afraid that you have to hide behind anon, then I'm not taking you seriously. Endos are ableist and that's what we believe here. If you disagree, go fucking cry about it. I don't need this today. I don't care what bullshit you're gonna spout at me, I've completely burnt through my spoons for the whole week and I'm not gonna deal with this shit.

We're not "lying" about our plurality, we're experiencing it. Fuck off.

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god i'm having an aneurysm atm

is it ableist for the mod of a discord server to mention the server not being screenreader friendly after i mention that it would be nice if people added translations for typing quirks that exchange letters for symbols and for said mod to continue to make excuses about how the server is still in the works when pointing out how we did not know because it was literally never mentioned until that moment

the server rules haven't even been made yet btw it's supposedly "unspoken"

They're actively taking resources away from disabled people. Yes that is SO ableist.

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Some people don’t want to hear this but sometimes accessibility is not sustainable or eco-friendly. Disabled people sometimes need straws, or pre-made meals in plastic containers, or single-use items. Just because you can work with your foods in their least processed and packaged form doesn’t mean everyone else can.

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Follow up on FP/CP ask!!

We use FP since BPD (just seen chosen person a lot hence the original ask) but curious as to how/why they're different and why it's ableist?

Mainly because, google does NOT want to educate me on it, and I'd like to learn if you know :D /nf

No problem! Someone in the notes actually explained it better than I could:

From my own understanding and experience, CPs can sort of be chosen in a sense... Hence the name *chosen* person. For me, I acknowledge that this individual is "on my level", so I can make an effort to be nice to them, listen to them, ect. Whereas with FPs, it's not something you are able to choose, you NEED their attention *specifically*, you can be triggered into a euphoric episode or split easier by them. But what they have in common is the amount of supply/joy their attention brings, in comparison to someone who isn't a CP/FP.

These can overlap, too! We have both BPD and NPD, and we have 2 FPs who also are our CPs. They're not the same, but they're not mutually exclusive either!

As for why it's technically ableist, in short, using any terminology that's not "yours" (used for your disability), esp intentionally, is ableist. But like I said, it's something small compared to other things someone could do. Especially if there's no malice behind it, it's an easy thing to change! And honestly, all that matters is that you try :)

Hope that clears things up for ya! If you have any other questions please send them in!

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Two things:

When it comes to terms like FP / CP (favorite person chosen person) I see a few different versions. Curious if each one would be specific to their "originating" disorder and if say, you have BPD use "chosen person" instead of "favorite person" if that's considered ableist? Gonna be honest I just thought about it too hard and I can't find much on it and all the terms and which where way they come from

Or if they even have a specific disorder origin at all

Also this part is not an "is it ableist if" but if y'all have any resources you haaaaappeen to have on hand for NPD that isn't ableist or unreliable if I could have it /nf (questioning and getting desperate for good sources to research)

Thanks anon!

So, the thing is, "favorite person," "chosen person," etc. all have slightly different meanings. Yes, it would be technically ableist because you're using incorrect terminology, but it's an easy fix ^^

And, I don't have any resources at the moment, but I'll keep looking and try to expand the resources page ^^

Edit: "From my own understanding and experience, CPs can sort of be chosen in a sense... Hence the name *chosen* person. For me, I acknowledge that this individual is "on my level", so I can make an effort to be nice to them, listen to them, ect. Whereas with FPs, it's not something you are able to choose, you NEED their attention *specifically*, you can be triggered into a euphoric episode or split easier by them. But what they have in common is the amount of supply/joy their attention brings, in comparison to someone who isn't a CP/FP." <- insight from @/vastseaofstars ^^

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This explains why it’s ableist to be anti-self dx from the perspective of sanism in the world.

people hate self diagnosis because it provides Mad people with autonomy.

self diagnosis goes against the idea that psychiatriac professionals have unique knowledge - knowledge only obtainable by someone who has studies for years, specifically from a removed & outside perspective to any individual's Madness: even if that student, themselves, is Mad.

self diagnosis goes against the idea that Mad people are inherently incapable of telling their own story - that any ways in which they do communicate, express themselves, etc. is tainted by their Madness and thus unreliable.

self diagnosis says "i know my own bodymind better than anyone; i live here. this is my life. i get to define my experiences." self diagnosis holds self compassion. self diagnosis holds self empowerment.

diagnosis is typically something "given to" Mad people. in psychiatry's eyes, diagnosis is something to describe us that we must have, yet can never attain for ourselves.

so even though self diagnosis takes from the boxes that psychiatry has prescribed, it is still a rebellion. it may not be The Solution to freeing Mad people from psychiatry - but it still means something. to me, at least.

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To add onto this, they are accesible stalls for disabled people, not exclusive stalls for disabled people. Able bodied people can use them just the same.

But for many disabled people, that’s the only stall that can use. If you’re going in for a quick pee, yeah, go ahead if the other ones across the building or something. But if you’re like in the bathroom to skip class or burn time on the clock go for the inaccesible one.

Is it ableist to use an accessible bathroom you don’t need if it’s the only one nearby? At my college, most of the bathrooms are accessible and it’s a long walk to the non-accessible ones. I don’t even know where they are in the main building tbh. My thought is that since there are so many of them, a person who needs to use one will always have one open and nearby so it probably wouldn’t hurt anyone, but I’d love a second opinion

I mean, I don't know exactly how far the non-accessible ones are, but imo all bathrooms should be accessible. Plus if you're about to like bust then you don't really have a choice. I think it's fine to do it as long as there's nuance. If there's a lot, then that's great, just make sure that if someone who does need it comes along that you do give it to them.

A lot of bathrooms have just one accessible stall and if all the other ones are occupied, then you don't have a choice. The same goes for it in general, if you don't have access to the non-accessible ones, then you have to use what you can. It's just a bit ironic.

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Is it ableist to use an accessible bathroom you don’t need if it’s the only one nearby? At my college, most of the bathrooms are accessible and it’s a long walk to the non-accessible ones. I don’t even know where they are in the main building tbh. My thought is that since there are so many of them, a person who needs to use one will always have one open and nearby so it probably wouldn’t hurt anyone, but I’d love a second opinion

I mean, I don't know exactly how far the non-accessible ones are, but imo all bathrooms should be accessible. Plus if you're about to like bust then you don't really have a choice. I think it's fine to do it as long as there's nuance. If there's a lot, then that's great, just make sure that if someone who does need it comes along that you do give it to them.

A lot of bathrooms have just one accessible stall and if all the other ones are occupied, then you don't have a choice. The same goes for it in general, if you don't have access to the non-accessible ones, then you have to use what you can. It's just a bit ironic.

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tw for RAMCOA discussion, though it's nothing bad i don't think

is it ableist for alters to use number names and say you have sidesystems when you aren't a RAMCOA system? we're a system- not RAMCOA- who has a few alters with number names who have ended up having to change their names incase it was offensive to RAMCOA systems. we've seen a BIG amount of systems say number names aren't exclusive to RAMCOA and say they aren't that deep, but a small amount of people (including a few friends of ours) have said that they are exclusive, even though we'd never even heard of them being exclusive before. even if the alters just generally have number names instead of actually being numbered in order, those few friends kinda look down on them and talk shit about them? so our alters end up feeling mega pressured into changing their names

also, we've had sidesystems for YEARS and been using that term instead of just subsystem because it feels more correct. (since they're a separate part of the system who has no contact at ALL with the main system, and who tend to not know about eachother. which we definitely have) and a very small amount of our friends have been saying sidesystems are RAMCOA exclusive even though we couldn't find ANYWHERE that that's true?

but yeah tldr; is it ableist/offensive to use number names (even though they're not used in the same way RAMCOA number names are) and the term sidesystem if you're not a RAMCOA system?

First one no, second one yes.

I myself am a RAMCOA system and have alters programmed with number names. A lot of survivors will also agree with me when I say that non-RAMCOA systems using number names makes it easier for survivors to hide, because we cannot change our names that easily, and so normalizing number names makes us stick out less, especially to handlers looking to find their victims. (Edit: one of our programmed parts agrees, they'd actually like to voice their concerns on this matter in a reblog)

However, I hate to tell you this--you do not have sidesystems. Subsystems can act similarly to sidesystems, like having no contact with the main system. We have several of those. Side systems are another collective entirely and are unique to RAMCOA systems. I'm sorry, but you're either misinformed, or are in fact a survivor--in which case, please don't rush to figure things out. It's not fun.

Yes, it is very ableist to use the term sidesystems if that's not what they actually are, in the same way endos using the term system is ableist. I hope this helped, and keep yourself safe anon ^^ (literally, keep yourself safe, not KYS. i have to specify this bc of the internet lol)

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is it ableist to get annoyed with others for out of control things/symptoms of things?

i see others as below me (i do not voice that out loud) and that plays a big part in the sense that i get irritated extremely easily and i tend to start fully hating people for really petty reasons (like one time my ‘friend’ who loves grammar corrected the way i worded something and now i just hate her because it was annoying)

but i noticed that things such as symptoms of things and things people cant control (like my brothers compulsive clapping) annoy me a lot and i end up getting extremely irritated by these things. I dont mean to, and i dont voice this irritation, but i worry it’s inherently ableist which makes me fearful of ruining my image should anyone find out i think this way which makes me worry even more if thats ableist for worrying more about myself and my image than actually having an ableist mindset

I struggle with this too, anon. Don't worry!

My father worded this really well (granted, it was in the context of racism, but I feel it still applies): "Everyone experiences prejudice, everyone experiences judgement, everyone experiences irrationally negative thoughts about other people. Having those thoughts in the first place isn't bad if you can recognize that they're there and not try to suppress them like people will tell you to do. What matters is how you handle it."

I see others as below me as well (NPD goes crazy) and for me too that plays into my irritation with others. My little brother is autistic and makes chattering/chirping/talking noises to himself. It's annoying as fuck to me, and I'm autistic as well! I will admit, I do say a little too much about it, and that's something I need to work on, but experiencing the annoyance and irritation isn't in itself ableist. It's not necessarily great, and if you (general you) could work on it, great! But you have to take baby steps in breaking that train of thought.

It's when you say or do something about it that's the problem. Sometimes we have to remember this discomfort and irritation is just as much out of our control as it is theirs (if that makes sense). And yeah, some might argue that having those thoughts is ableist, but I don't think so! As long as you don't linger or act on them, you're not a bad person :)

Something I would recommend is if you know it's out of their control, imagine them as a puppet for a moment. The puppet-master could be whatever you want--a deity, or just some imaginary being, whatever. The puppet-master is making them do this thing that's annoying you--your brother clapping, my brother making weird noises, what have you. There's no way to cut the strings and you can't stop the master either. The "puppet" is probably embarrassed too, so the best thing you can do? Just don't say anything. It's a hell and a half of a lot easier said than done, I know, but this has helped me trememdously!

Also, don't worry, you're not ableist for being concerned with your image. I'm not jumping to conclusions here and saying you're a narcissist, that's just the vibe I got, in which case it's just a side effect of being dope as fuck. But also it's perfectly normal to care about how you appear to others!!

Hoping this helped! Have a great day and remember you're amazing!

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Shoutout to everyone helping spread this blog btw! and to everyone sending in asks! I started this blog on a whim and expected it to just never get any traction, so the fact that I have 2 other mods helping me plus a fairly decent following, and more than anything the fact that we're able to help people in any way is so so so comforting!! tysm!!

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Hi :3

Is it ableist if .

I dont like when my friend trauma dumps but i dont have the heart to shush (theyre 17 im 14 if that helps :3!!)

Thanks for asking!

No, it's not ableist. In fact (assuming you're using the correct definition of traumadumping & not the tiktok version /nm) it's actually quite ableist of your friend to do so. Here are a few screenshots that might help!

As well as the citation from the first screenshot :)

I hope this helped! Remember that your boundaries are valid and you don't owe anyone anything

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Is it ableist if I don't really care that my mother can't always help her behavior?

My mother is bipolar, has C-PTSD, and suspects she has BPD. None of these things make a person abusive. But I feel like I'm on eggshells around her. She'll start fights for no reason, accuse me of not treating her like a human being, get mad at me when I say something she did is wrong.

I know some of this is because of her mental illness, but she is in therapy and on meds. And I still hold confusing views about her because of how she's acted around me all my life.

Thanks for asking! I think I might have a bit of a similar experience to yours, in which case unfortunately, there's a bit of nuance here that makes it hard to tell for sure.

None of these things make a person abusive.

Great!!!! Job!!!! for recognizing that!!!!! That's always bonus points!!!

It depends on what you mean by you don't care. If you mean that in a, "I don't care that the behavior stems from symptoms, she has work to do and I don't feel she's putting in enough effort," then no. Even if a person suffers from mental illness(es), if there are resources available and accessible, that person should utilize them.

However, if your mother IS using said resources, then she's probably doing her best. That's not to say your reaction isn't valid though.

Let's think of it this way. Having XYZ disorder doesn't make a person inherently abusive, but a person with it can still be abusive, and at least in my experience, sometimes the disorders can worsen the behavior. I relate very heavily to the Bipolar example. My father is bipolar and used to be emotionally abusive. The abuse was entirely his choice, but it was worse when he had episodes. Because of that, I feel very on edge around him.

He is, like your mom, on meds and in therapy, and he's an entirely different person. However, he is still very mean and pushes the border of his past behavior. In that case, I would say, "I don't care that you're having an episode, it's not okay to treat me like that." That's not ableist, that's standing up for myself and my safety.

However, even though he's working on himself, he does still have bad days, and that does cause him to, like your mom, start fights. He has baaaaaaad anger issues too sometimes. If I were to have the mindset of simply "I don't care," without a caveat like before where I had a specific thing and a reason why, then that would be ableist.

The best advice I can give you, anon, is just make your best guess. It takes a long ass time for those issues to be resolved–the issues with my dad lasted for 2~3 years and more than 10 years later it's still shaky between us. But even though it's hard, it's worth it, so keep trying. I hope this helps, and if it does I'm glad my experience could help! Remember to eat breakfast for me and if you need anything else we're all here to support!