iused2bcool

[iused2bcool]

so i didnt even set my blog posts up right.

Thought i had 4 that would auto post but i saved them as drafts. oops sorry guys give me  a few and ill post them tonight want to revise them first thank you guys.

[iused2bcool]

what hurts the most

have you ever lost something that was so important to you?

Once you can’t have that feeling of what you had and it’s only a memory that’s when you know it hurts. That’s when you know it’s real. Even to speak of what you lost makes you want to throw up and you get a lump in your neck even thinking about it and you can’t speak and you choke on your own words. Because that’s how much this honestly hurts. I feel like words will never express my actual feelings because this feels so awful that I don’t know that words accurately portray the events in these next few blog posts.

I can’t even get to the damn point of what I’m writing due to the exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, sad sad depressed I am over this loss. It’s unlike anything other and I’d never wish it on my worst enemy. I lost my kids. Haley and Brayden ages 7 and 1.

I think having your child taken from you is by far the worst loss you can ever even expierence.  It hurts like no other. Without them my life is meaningless , pointless, and it’s like just going threw the daily motions but nothing is enjoyable. I feel like I just pretend to be happy and that my true joy can’t be returned until I have them.

(Follow me for many more blog posts on this most pre written and set to go live with timers. Many more posts to come explaining each feeling associated with this) Yeah, I guess you could say this is going to be a blog series of how I lost my children. How I didn’t even think it was possible to feel this low, and be this sad, angry , upset, frustrating are just a few feelings I currently feel. Remaining calm don’t want to break any laws.

My daughter has a different father than her brother. Her dad has her and my little baby boy. He is wish his grandpa cps is involved with him.

My case has been set to cps. How did it get so bad? What happens now? My life is over!

This is the worst and saddest story I will ever tell in my whole life. Why am I doing this? Sanity. I will fight I will get my kids or die trying too. Theirs still something inside me that’s keeping strong. How? I’m not even sure myself. But I have to fight for them that’s all I know.

It hurts to much to talk in person about this. It hurts to be home and see that you have “some” of their stuff butt know they won’t use it anytime soon. You can’t bear to part with it or box it up. You have to have their things out it would be crazy not too. You remind your self inside their not Coming back anytime soon. Period. It sets in. It really does. Never felt this way befor and never want anyone else too. (if friends or family read this please I don’t like to talk about this periodically it hurts too much respect that stay positive)

[iused2bcool]

Digital art by me

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I made this quote not mine but artwork is

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New me new hair

[iused2bcool]

Well

when someone sends you to jail but you think they want to help you. When you feel so lost you can’t explain even how you feel. Well when you sit in jail and all your thoughts are eating you alive you see who helps you. that showes who really cares. Why does it take such a fucked up feeling to make you realize these things 

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Here's A First Look At The Super Mario Maker Mystery Mushroom Unlock Page

Here’s A First Look At The Super Mario Maker Mystery Mushroom Unlock Page

[iused2bcool]

Oh shit. Repeat.

kinda been here done that. Seems so finalist by one mans kindness and so stressed with one mans anger. One is sweet soft and nice one likes to argue and throw words like knoves.. Learn a lesson the first time it’s a choice after and a dumb choice I’ve made. Also I get to go to the doctors office air wait and who knows what else 😑

[iused2bcool]

He’s admitted it. Finally. well it's bittersweet. Sucks to see someone hurt so bad. But it's also nice to know that they are capable of having emotions but I feel like he plays them like a deck of cards.

[iused2bcool]

Photo.post. My favorites

Photo.post. My favorites my kids

[iused2bcool]

Pregnancy troubles 

Positive test. Lots of blood. It’s gone. I felt I miscarried. Not the worst of my problems. The dates add up to the short lived time with the return of Haley’s dad and then it’s also confusing because it’s been a month back with youngest kids dad and well it’s a toss up. Er in the morning to get blood test done which I’m terrified of. Either the baby’s dead. I’ve been pregnant with multiples lost…

[iused2bcool]

Im just anxious

Im so sick and tired of being tired. Do any of you have anxiety? do you know what its like daily to not want to even do anything other than lay in bed ? its not that im just a lazy ass or not a morning person its just that i have anxiety. I dont want to go to that doctor visit. not because it wont benefit me but beacuse im just nervous about leaving my house dribing my car , the awkward waiting…

[iused2bcool]

i tried tumblr.

i tried tumblr.. via i tried tumblr.. via i tried tumblr..

[iused2bcool]

that girl is my sister

As ive gotten older I realize you have less and less friends. Less people will be there for you and less people will talk to you. Its not about going out or going to a party. Its about genuine conversation and compassion. If you cant show compassion for others then im sorry because thats just something everyone should understand. anyway on with my point here. Like I was saying I dont have many…

[iused2bcool]

That Girl is my sister

That Girl is my sister

As ive gotten older I realize you have less and less friends. Less people will be there for you and less people will talk to you. Its not about going out or going to a party. Its about genuine conversation and compassion. If you cant show compassion for others then im sorry because thats just something everyone should understand. anyway on with my point here. Like I was saying I dont have many…

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Social media. How does it really take its effects on people.

Okay so honestly ive been wanting to do a little side project other than hair. Coming across websites like Social media insights Makes me want to try to give it a go. to see what i can do with it and see how far i can push it and heck if i dont make money thats fine and if i do even better. So honestly what would you expect a social media helper or consultant whatever you would like to call it.…

[iused2bcool]

ask me anything about hair and get a responce and possibly featured on my blog