jammedsleep

[jammedsleep]

I want/need a title

Round and round

Sleep, eat and work

One day into the next

Ticking away the minutes and hours

Hours and days and weeks and months

I closed my eyes one night and when I woke the seasons had changed

I closed my eyes and I had changed

I closed my eyes and everyone was gone

I closed my eyes one day and I was gone

I closed my eyes and I was here and I forgot who I was yesterday

Another day I don't remember

[jammedsleep]

Being Here

The past is gone and the future is an illusion. We can only exists in the present. This moment that is already gone by the time you finish this sentence. We struggle to cope with our past and future and hardly ever stop to consider the moment. The fleeting moment of existence that is the only thing that is true and real. We can talk not hope to ever truly appreciate and understand the moment, the present time. If we learn to disconnect from the non-existent we can maybe see the truth of being alive. I am this moment and only this moment.

[jammedsleep]

While I was Out

Do you remember being I'll as a very small child? I remember having a fever on many occasions. When it became rather bad something rather odd happened. Or I remember something anyway. As I lay in bed and I closed my eyes... The world shifted under my bed. Suddenly I felt upside down. The world spun and it felt as if I was falling. Forever tumbling, scared lost and frightened. I have the same feeling as an adult whenever I have a day where nothing makes sense and I don't want to think.

[jammedsleep]

Lines

Everything you told me was a lie. Lies I chose to believe. Because being away from you was unfathomable. I never went back home. I tried . At least I tried. I never imagined I'd outlive you. Who decided I was in charge. I want it all and you can't deny me.

[jammedsleep]

True Fairy Tales

There was once a princess, a very pretty and adorable princess. She got everything she ever wanted. All the jewels, all the food, all the pretty clothes. There was nothing that was beyond her reach. Naturally she became rather spoiled. But she was the princess, so it was expected. Now her guards were very diligent. Too much so. In fact the young knight who knew her best loved her best. But how could he a simple knight win the heart of the princess. Impossible it seemed… But he made a plan. One quiet night he took her. Kidnapped in the middle of the night. It was a shock. The princess was irate. They had a terrible time. The princess said this is no way to win the heart of a lady…

So they fought and fought. But then to the surprise of no one the princess got away and the knight was executed. Because that’s just not right

[jammedsleep]

Vastness

I've lived in light polluted population centers of the world for almost all my life. There have only been a very few times where the sources of the light pollution have gone completely out. Once after a massive earthquake that left almost the entire city without light for at least a week. Which is a story for another time. So as a twelve year old kid. Never having seen the stars in their full splendor. Coming out in the middle of the night just moments after the entire earth shook. The building cracked and shook and the fear of being buried under rubble was the only thing on our minds. What met us under the sky was an overwhelming sky. The stars so vast and infinite that for one moment the fear was gone. Replaced by awe. Until the first aftershocks came. But that is a moment that is recorded in my memory. It'll be there til the day I die.

[jammedsleep]

Painful

Recently I learned that someone I held in some esteem turned out to be a disgusting person. It wasn't anyone close. But I knew them enough to respect them somewhat. Besides the anger and disappointment I don't think I'll get over anytime soon. There is a sense of loss that I did not expect to feel. I've been questioning my own judgement. Looking back at how I could have been so blind. Mistaking their stubbornness, anger, and pride for what must have felt like virtues. The loss of an ideal that I thought I should try and emulate. What I find the worst about this is that feeling of being fooled. By myself for overlooking their problems because I saw something that wasn't there. But even if they were never what I thought they were the loss is still real. Sorry Tumblr for venting on here.

[jammedsleep]

Self

Personality is a fluid thing it seems. You can be this person in front of one group of people and someone completely different in front of another group. So if they’re too different how do you cope if suddenly the social circles collide.

[jammedsleep]

Pen and Paper

Sometimes when I'm writing with pen and paper I just let one word lead to another. Pages of incomprehensible dribble. Once in a while it might even be good.

[jammedsleep]

Ravings

A Raven drives a man mad. A mad man raves at a raven. The ravings of a mad man lost in despair for his lost Lenore. The lost Lenore long dead. Finding a place in the mind of a mad man. A mad man raving for his long lost love the sweet Lenore. Long gone now. But the raven brings the memories of a lost Lenore. Deep black feathers of the raving raven. Who has brought back the name of the lost Lenore. Long dead now in all but mind of a mad man. Who can’t seem to lose the memories of the long dead sweet Lenore.

[jammedsleep]

In Dreams

Dreams are sort of like a landscape of the mind. Some might even go as far as saying that they are a window into a different existence. Whatever you may believe there is very little doubt that dreams are rather mysterious and powerful. They may reside in our memories far more vividly than a regular memory. The ones that stick with you tend to be like that. The nightmare ones, that leave you afraid of the night. The one where you fell in love and lived an entire lifetime in one dream. You may even wake up confused. Lost for a few moments until the details fade. The weird and lucid. The nights where you just seem to blink and a night has gone bye.

In dreams anything and everything is possible. The impossible seems so possible. Reality bent and shaped by the mere flicker of your thoughts. Traveling back in time. Relive every moment you hold dear. Even the future might just be in your dreams. A world in your head. Brought on by the need to sleep.

Maybe we’re inside a dream now. So maybe pinch yourself to be sure. Because life is a bit weird.

[jammedsleep]

Does That Make Sense

Stop and stare at anything. Then let your perception change just a little. So the colors seems brighter. The textures make patterns. So that your eyes seem to notice that thing you know like the back of your hand for the first time.

When I do this my perception seems to color the world a bit differently. It’s hard to explain. It's like looking at the world through a filter. Like going from video to film on a screen.

When my emotions take over it’s all the more warped and distorted.

[jammedsleep]

Stream of Words

The rolling fields. Covered in long grass. Colored in patches by wildflowers. As the wind blows it rattles the grass. Forcing a few hundred thousand blades of grass to dance and clash against each other. A cocophany, a wall of sound that envelops you as you stand among the undulating waves of green. If you shut your eyes and listen closely you may mistake them for small little voices. The magical creatures of legends and fairy tales. Whispering among themselves about the giant in the grass. A lovely thought. For a magical moment.

[jammedsleep]

Vero and Rocky

Veronica came in that morning from her trip. Being with family was exhausting emotionally and physically. Raquel was already up, preparing a nice little brunch just for the two of them. A week apart was very hard. The longest they had been away from each other since the day they met.

Raquel heard the door. Just as Vero walked in she was nearly off her feet embraced by the smaller girl. “I missed you so much, never leave again.” She was serious. “I wish you would just tell your family” Rocky hung on to Vero so tightly that never being apart again was an actual danger.

“Rocky” She leaned into her neck and let the sweet scent relax her. “I wish I could, I wish they would understand us.” Vero had been away for an entire week. Much to the dismay of Rocky who had become quite attached and dependent on Vero. “I smell something amazing.” She said scanning the room for the source of the smell.

“Oh yes, I’ve prepared a feast for my lady.” Rocky said with a grin and devilish glint in her eyes. “I’ve made your favorite. French Toast.” Leading her Lady by the hand to the table by the big window overlooking the city. “Behold” And it was a thing to behold. A stack of french toast, a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice. And all the little things one could want in a brunch.

“It looks scrumptious” Vero licked her lips or almost did. “I can’t wait, Let me just put away my luggage and change.” She walked back to her luggage that was still by the door. “I’ll be right back” She hurried into the room.

A few minutes later she was back. Out of her jeans, thick jacket and sneakers. Now she almost matched Rocky in a gray t-shirt and small blue gym shorts that exposed her long smooth legs. Rocky was sitting at the table. In a longer t-shirt, black that almost reached her knees.

“Are you spacing out on all the cars driving by below?” Vero slid down into the seat across Rocky. “Careful or you’ll lose more time than you already have.”

Rocky had a glazed look over her eyes. “But you do so enjoy that feeling don’t you sweetie?” Vero said simply. “Mhm” Seemed to spill out of Rocky’s open mouth. “Oh I didn’t hear you come in. I made french toast.”

“Yes! it looks good lets eat” Vero beamed. “You’re getting better at this. I’m so proud.” Rocky’s heart sped up and then popped out of her chest. “Shush” She threatened Vero. “Someone has to cook, Miss Toast-Is-Cooking.” Vero smiled, she knew Rocky loved to cook and she loved to eat her food.

“Did you get a chance to listen to the file I left you?” Vero said between bites of the delicious food. “I think its really good.” Rocky nibbled on her own toast. “Okay, don’t be mad. But I tried to listen to it every night but before I knew it I was asleep.” She gave Vero the look of innocence. “Aww, I wanted to hear what you thought.” Vero had a knowing smile. Rocky stared out the window again.

“You know I just started it every night; and you know how much I love your voice, before I realized it I was thinking about our first week together. Then I was asleep. I woke up each morning missing you. Needing you. I missed you so much.” Rocky looked back and caught Vero looking at her. She couldn’t read her. But she knew. Then she was back to the window.

Vero finally smiled. “Okay I forgive you only because I absolutely love you.” She admitted. She put her plate to the side. “That was so good.” She stared out the window trying to find the scene Rocky was currently lost in. She decided it was the birds flying in circles above the buildings. “Have you thought about that other thing?” She asked coyly. Rocky snapped back to the room. “Hypnotizing me?” She remembered.

"How will it work" Rocky asked. "I mean 'would', I haven't agreed to it" Vero smiled and nodded. "It's not actually that hard, really." She looked out the window to avoid the gaze for just a second."It's hard to explain, it might be easier to show you."

Rocky was hesitant. But something in her mind and body were excited about the idea. She bit her lip. "Will I remember?" Rocky squeezed her legs together, her knees almost knocking against each other. "I promise you'll enjoy it" Vero reached across the table to hold Rocky’s hand. Rocky finally smiled. "Okay I trust you." Vero stood up, she brought out a necklace. The one with the big shiny crystal hanging so gently. "Notice the patterns of this crystal. Every corner. Notice how the lights bounce around. Shining. Spinning." She said steadily, smoothly. Rocky became tense for just a one second before her eyes became drawn to the crystal. Vero's voice caressing her ears and directing her eyes into the shimmering.

Vero stepped closer almost standing over the small figure of Rocky. But the younger girl never broke her gaze from the spinning crystal. "As you notice the shimmering light. I want you to listen to my voice." Vero said in her steady rhythmic voice. "You'll feel your eyes getting heavy.” Rocky’s eyes did feel heavy "You'll feel your body becoming like sand slowly running down a dune. Trickling down...Down...Down." Rocky felt herself going down. "You'll feel your mind going quiet. All you hear is my voice Rocky. My words echo in your head. In your mind. My words become the words and the voice in your mind. My words become your thoughts.” Rocky did indeed feel her mind going limp.

In her chest, poking through the fabric of her clothes the evidence was clear of her sudden enjoyment. In a tiny place in the back of her mind there was a weak little voice shouting and wailing. Warnings that only seemed to fade away. Vero smiled, but forced the smile down.

“As you notice the shimmering crystal. Notice that your mind is so open. So willing to obey my voice. That you can’t help but obey.” In Rocky’s ears the voice was a caress. A deep embrace that had no end.

“Yes.” The voice was Rocky’s. Or so she thought.

“When I tap your shoulder you will fall into a deep trance” She commanded. As she tapped Rocky’s shoulder. The small girl slumped. Fallen once again into a trance.

Vero simply bent down and put her mouth near Rocky’s ear. “Do you want to know a secret? We’ve done this little game so many times before.” She whispered with delight in her voice.

[jammedsleep]

Junot Diaz

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.

A dense work of fiction. Spanning two cultures, many generations and stuffed with references. Oscar is titular character. A first generation immigrants kid. A hopelessly awkward and hopelessly romantic overweight kid. Within him and the narrator Yunior we see two very different sides of a story. Or maybe its trying to come to terms with the fact that you can be so steeped in two different cultures as a hyphen-American. While the story may be American and set in New Jersey to be exact. You can’t tell their story without telling the history of the DR under the dictatorship of Trujillo. Oscar is the product of comic books and sci-fi/fantasy books and the reality of the terror of an oppressive world. An oppression with a name of Trujillo. The superstitious fuku curse in a battle against the idealistic mindset of the speculative fiction fan is perhaps a way to see the story. Eventually one must win. So the story weaves in and out of these narrative threads. Eventually leading young Oscar into danger.

You should read this book. This book is nothing short of amazing and fresh. Not only a unique writing style but one that needed to exist.

[jammedsleep]

Creation

We are the mud, rain and fire of the Earth given form and purpose. Shaped by its neverending spirals within spirals. Like a jigsaw puzzle shuffled into infinite solutions moment by moment. Each moment another solution to the same difficulty. The problem of the universe. I do not believe in fate or destiny. Not in the way of stories. I believe in the ever more complicated chaos of the cosmos. Because no form of fate could churn out these skin and bone creatures. Stuck inside our own minds for eternity. Forever looking out but existing within.

[jammedsleep]

Meaningless Words

I worked sorta hard on this. It is a hypnosis thing. I guess you would call it a text based induction. I considered not posting it on tumblr. But like how it turned out.

A bit of  warning. Some people say it makes them dizzy and disoriented.

These are just a collection of meaningless words. So the writer would like for you to consider carefully before continuing to read. Any supposed concealed or calculated words are purely the work of your overactive imagination. The writer of these words simply sat and began to write. Thinking of words that when strung together one by one made pretty patterns. Perhaps it seems as if it’s something you were looking for because your mind is predisposed to finding patterns, especially those it enjoys intensely and deeply desires. Consider what you think you’ll discover. Then try and put those things out of your mind. These are just a collection of meaningless words. They have no control over your mind. Your mind is your own. If they make it seem like they are leading you down that certain stream of thoughts, then you might have an overactive imagination and you must simply stop seeing things that aren’t there. So do not read so quickly. As you continue to read these words, slowly one by one and step by step. Notice how easily the words join together in your head. There is hardly any effort on your part. Reading as you know is so easy that all you need to do is crawl your vision across these little symbols. They just fall into place inside your head to craft themselves into the language we share. Barely any effort at all. Too much in fact might ruin your natural flow. It’s hard to beat the impulsive nature of reading. To look at but just not comprehend the symbols by instinct. Would you even know how to stop reading? Should you find a method, then you could be the first. But written words are like this after all. They pierce like sunlight through the windows of our soul and settle down nicely in our minds. Even if we just stop and notice how far we’ve come without really remembering the exact words. We know the intent and feelings of the writer. If you do find these words to be a disruptive force. Then simply drop the process of reading. For just a moment. Then read this even more thoroughly. Do not think too much about what they could mean. They are just a collection of meaningless words. One after another. Pretty patterns of words that seem to flow out of the writer. With no thought as to what they might mean. Even if the writer would like nothing more than for you read until the end. Just try remember again that only a hopelessly weak mind could fall for these words. Consider that you would need to surrender to these words for them to control you. Only a careless fool would crumble so effortlessly. No of course it isn’t like that at all. Total lies. You have your own mind. You have your own thoughts. You don’t have a desire to be controlled. You know and feel the truth under it all. These collection of meaningless words do not numb your mind. They do not empty your head. They do not uncover your hidden desires. They are still buried deep. They are not yearning to be released. They are not waiting on the words that will awaken them. These are simply lies. The words do not have the power to control minds. You can after all simply stop giving meaning to these words. Because they were meaningless all along. Just a collection of meaningless words that have no power over you. They do no such thing. You are not a puppet on strings.  A limp inanimate thing to be used. How weak must a mind be to fall for such careless and meaningless words. No semblance of truth to these words. Your mind has control over its own experiences. The words can not simply say imagine yourself losing your will. Imagine yourself giving up control. The words do not have the power to tell you that your mind is hopelessly weak and it just needs a gentle reminder. Because of course these are just meaningless words. Words without meaning. You still have your mind. You weren’t just lost. Imagining deeply that the words continue to invade your thoughts. Imagining that these were just the words you needed. You are not a thing to be toyed with. You have your mind. Your mind is strong. Powerful enough to imagine all sorts of things. But practice caution with that imagination. Because suddenly you may find yourself in strange rooms, in unknown locations. With someone who calls you by a different name. Lost and dazed, the fear is sudden. It grips your heart. The questions race in your mind. There is a danger here. The hidden figures make your body shake. Yet not just fear but delight. How dreadful to be taken away by your perversions. In a time when you should be completely afraid the warmth and satisfaction are ever so present. What was there to fear? Perhaps the fear of indulging in your thoughts. There goes the fear and the​ mind becomes engulfed in the words. Leaving the ever so present and pleasant delight. But again do not lose yourself in these words. You will be lost in desire. Lost in the possibility that these meaningless words had that power. But you will prove that these words have no power. You will prove to these words and this writer how weak these words were. They did not hold you. They did not control you. They did not numb your mind. These collection of meaningless words did not give you the pleasure you sought. Tell the writer exactly that. So snap out of your perverted delusional state of mind, and wake up from your daydreams.

If you liked what you read. The writer was wondering if you could send a like. Or a message if you’re shy.