jason-lancaster12 - Tumblr blog

[jason-lancaster12]

everything is too much to ask these days.

[jason-lancaster12]

Wrote about hope, smiled at it bitterly and deleted it.

It was beautiful. Just the way it was untrue.

[jason-lancaster12]

[jason-lancaster12]

People be like you are so skinny kuch khate pite ho ya nahi?

Nahi bhai. I actually get my energy from the sun,wind and nuclear fusion through photosynthesis in my daily life :)

[jason-lancaster12]

Going actually fucking insane.

[jason-lancaster12]

Trying so hard is taking away pieces of me i don’t want to give up

[jason-lancaster12]

I’m ruining her with my own two fucking hands. All this trying and fucking up and trying and fucking up in a brand new way. It’s making both of us just want to fkn die. I’m just not fucking enough for her. I’m taking undue advantage of her understanding and kindness. God i don’t even understand why she’s still even trying with me. Or maybe she’s not anymore. Maybe this was it. This was where she saw how fucking unfair and wrong i am for her. I knew this would happen. God. I knew it. I always said that if we’re in the same college it’s going to get fucked because we’ll spend more time together. I told her that she’ll realise I’m not good enough. And I’m not.

Fuck.

[jason-lancaster12]

Putting my energy into resisting to pull away, because it feels like all of my relationships are crumbling around me

[jason-lancaster12]

Hope as a thing with teeth. Hope as an expectation you wait for with a heart so desirous it devours you. Hope with its jaw locked around promises.

[jason-lancaster12]

wtf why do I always forget I’m untalented and a piece of shit

[jason-lancaster12]

I keep wondering is there something wrong with me that I can’t seem to understand things. That the things that at one point I can grasp, I can no longer grasp mentally…wondering is life always going to be this back and forth journey for me or is this just a phase/season that I’m in; that maybe before long, the smoke will clear and the clouds will dissipate and everything will make sense and I can finally put EVERYTHING that I have learned so far into action without a hitch due to lack of adequate mental processing.

Because it’s rough going through life being frustrated with myself because I think I should have understood certain things by now to the point that the wisdom from what I learned is a part of the way that I live my life. But instead I just feel very dumb, inadequate, irresponsible, and lazy.

I don’t get it at all.

[jason-lancaster12]

Sometimes I get really engrossed in a spicy romance, unable to sleep because I can't put it down, and afterwords I feel... Sad.

Just empty, and miserable. And I look at myself in the mirror, or look down at my body, and all previous feelings of sexiness are gone. And I just feel disgusted in myself.

[jason-lancaster12]

Its funny, even my reason to want to die feels inadequate.

[jason-lancaster12]

oh to be dead in these trying times

[jason-lancaster12]

FuckT.

[jason-lancaster12]

Has anyone else noticed that it's bad

[jason-lancaster12]

Has meal -> sad because I have no control

Skips meal -> sad because I’m being ungrateful