joneevarts - Tumblr blog

[joneevarts]

[joneevarts]

why yes I AM making boop gifs from screen recording

[joneevarts]

in light of israel blocking insulin pens' entry into gaza, this site has been compiling the gofundmes of diabetic gazans and their families. being diabetic without insulin leads to a slow and painful death by starvation which all of these people are at risk of. please help them get to safety.

[joneevarts]

[joneevarts]

Reblog to let your followers know that they’re safe from jumpscares/screamers/etc from you on April 1st but they are NOT safe from getting boop’d like an idiot amen

[joneevarts]

The only reason why transphobes always ask “what is a woman” instead of “what is a man” is because we all know that a man is a featherless biped.

[joneevarts]

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

[joneevarts]

[joneevarts]

Absolutely loving this!

Also little Lambert has that orange cat energy and I'm here for it lmaoo

The best version of the witcher is the very specific one rattling inside my brain.

And that is very cool & sexy of my top organ to do.

[joneevarts]

[joneevarts]

[joneevarts]

[joneevarts]

The best notes written in manuscripts by medieval monks

Colophon: a statement at the end of a book containing the scribe or owner’s name, date of completion, or bitching about how hard it is to write a book in the dark ages

Oh, my hand

The parchment is very hairy

Thank God it will soon be dark

St. Patrick of Armagh, deliver me from writing

Now I’ve written the whole thing; for Christ’s sake give me a drink

Oh d fuckin abbot

Massive hangover

Whoever translated these Gospels did a very poor job

Cursed be the pesty cat that urinated over this book during the night

If someone else would like such a handsome book, come and look me up in Paris, across from the Notre Dame cathedral

I shall remember, O Christ, that I am writing of Thee, because I am wrecked today

Do not reproach me concerning the letters, the ink is bad and the parchment scanty and the day is dark

11 golden letters, 8 shilling each; 700 letters with double shafts, 7 shilling for each hundred; and 35 quires of text, each 16 leaves, at 3 shilling each. For such an amount I won’t write again

Here ends the second part of the title work of Brother Thomas Aquinas of the Dominican Order; very long, very verbose; and very tedious for the scribe; thank God, thank God, and again thank God

If anyone take away this book, let him die the death, let him be fried in a pan; let the falling sickness and fever seize him; let him be broken on the wheel, and hanged. Amen

[joneevarts]

can someone hire me as a lighthouse keeper. my grip on reality is soooo stable and i will behave so normally under conditions of extreme isolation. and i promise i wont try to fuck the light

[joneevarts]

if your favorite flavor of something is “mixed berries” then you have a sick mind

[joneevarts]

Re: whether or not Miles actually has the real Mona Lisa: while it being the real thing does provide greater commentary I propose to you that the painting being fake unlocks the potential for a short film about the horrified and pissed off Louvre employees who can’t believe they’ve been asked to turn over The Mona Lisa to this guy scrambling to put together a fake and hide the real one. In terms of the commentary, you can even have your cake and eat it too, if the French government agrees to loan it out bc billionaire corruption and so it’s the average museum employees lying through their teeth to the government and risking felony offenses to protect the art.

My proposed cast of characters:

1. The elderly curator who’s forgotten more about da Vinci and renaissance art than most people learn in a lifetime, was mentored by a dude who smuggled art out of France to hide it from the Nazis and the second he sees the request from miles is like “M. Laurent did not get shot in the leg by a Nazi shithead for me to simply hand over Joconde to this idiot, he would crawl out of his grave and murder me himself and he would be right to do so”

2. The art conservation and repair expert who has worked on the Mona Lisa personally for the past decade, knows her better than just about anyone else in the world, one of probably like three people alive who’s allowed to actually touch her, comes across as high strung and business like but has the deepest and most genuine love for the art pieces and is fiercely dedicated above all else to the idea that art belongs to EVERYBODY, that her job is not the preservation of art for art’s sake but the preservation of art for future generations to see and fall in love with just like she did

3. The 18-year-old who was supposed to be here on an internship except The Covids Happened and now they’re in a bizarre employment limbo where they are sort of still interning but the actual job is not at all what it was supposed to be. Enthusiastically anarchic and socialist and almost concerningly Down For Crime

Together they have to team up for a mini heist-like adventure to convince Miles Bron and the French government that they are handing over the real Mona Lisa while engaging in shenanigans to keep the real thing safe and hidden

[joneevarts]