jupiitersvents

[jupiitersvents]

“you look awful” thanks my mom slapped my ass and threatened to take away something extremely important to my mental health within the same week and i can’t even breathe properly right now because it gebuinely feels like my body is shutting down and im dying.

but yknow.

im fine i guess! no need to try and pay attention to me even though im actively crying outfor help ever fuckjbg day!!!!!!

[jupiitersvents]

having autism and bpd is sobbing in frustration and saying you’re going to OD next month over your emojis not posting to tumblr.

chat, is this a reasonable crashout?

[jupiitersvents]

what if i became a bad person on purpose.

i want to be abusive and hurtful just to draw in bad people so i will get hurt. i want to experience trauma worse than what i have. so what if it causes permanant damage? i want that. i want to be fucked up and forced into a mental hospital. i want to cut deep enough that it bleeds for hours

it's a shame i'm too scared to let myself get that bad.

[jupiitersvents]

“but i used to proship” it’s okay, i love you. /fam

“but i used to be abusive” me too, i love you. /fam

“but i’m at my worst” i want to help you, i love you. /fam

“but i’m sourced from __” you aren’t your source, i love you. /fam

“but i’m a terrible person still” you’re trying your best, i love. /fam

“but you don’t need me” you changed my world, i love you. /fam

“but most of the people i meet leave and/or hurt me” same for me, i love you. /fam

“but… why do you still bother with me?”

in the year and 2 months i have known you i have seen you grow, change, get hurt and heal. having you in my life has kept me from suicide several times, and i could never imagine a world without you in it.

you are amazing. you are strong. you help people when you get the chance. and sure, you’re unstable, but so am i. and i know we will always be here for each other, because we both care. i could have never asked for a better siblingsys. we’re both broken and flawed, we’re imperfect and hurt, and that’s okay.

because we’re both healing. i’ll stay by your side no matter what happens to you or who you are, because i love you /fam. you’re the best sibling ever.

[jupiitersvents]

when you can’t cope so you pull out the “space out so bad for so long and use taco as a sole anchor identity” card and compare your situation to taco and pickle (i am extremely hurt and upset and can’t understand why they weren’t just honest with me from the start.)

[jupiitersvents]

i’m so fucking sick of everything. i want to kill myself so bad.

[jupiitersvents]

i don’t know how much longer i can do this

[jupiitersvents]

running out of room on my skin to put marks on now, being forced into being clean for a while because otherwise i won’t even be made of skin- i’ll just be made of scars