justawriter926-blog

[justawriter926-blog]

Ok so....

I know I haven’t posted in a really long time. I forgot my password and discovered my old laptop had it saved so I figured it out and.... I’m back guys. You might notice if you go through my older posts that I deleted a lot and some of my previous posts may have missing consequential numbers. 

[justawriter926-blog]

I’ve never been drunk. I’ve never smoked. I never killed anyone or raped or stole. But why do I feel guilty. I feel trapped by myself. Like being tied to the bottom of a pool and my face is only 3 inches from the surface. But no matter how much I scream and kick, I cannot get myself there. I will never reach that surface. I will never be good enough.

[justawriter926-blog]

[justawriter926-blog]

Never Good Enough

I try, try, try to show you

But it's not enough

Im just an irresponsible little tramp

Who doesn't know what she has

Weigh too much, Eat too little, it doesn't matter

You'all never notice if I have all A's

Don't see how hard everything has become for me

Only how it affects you

No Privacy

Sometimes I just need to cry and you have to be there bc where am I going to go

It was getting better. I really was. He's really good for me. I just wish you could see it. He's the only thing holding me on the ground rn.

Can't help but think would They be that worse off without me?

They'd all get over it. Except for him. Don't take it personally. You're my only reason to stay. For you.

[justawriter926-blog]

It kinda sucks that everyone has to grow up. Not at their own pace until they are mentally ready to become adults and take care of themselves. Just like hide and seek, ready or not here it comes. Adulthood. Always looming around the corner as a teenager, constantly worrying you, unable to decide if you’re ready, not knowing if you will be. Becoming an adult is like jumping into the deep end of a pool for the first time. You aren’t completely sure that you won’t drown. 

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Does your mind ever just wander and you end up in the future? Am I the only one who can lose themselves for hours dreaming of the possibilities and what will be? I could see a glimpse of a wedding dress and plan out my entire bridal party, wedding, and reception, then come to and realize almost an hour has passed. My entire life is less about the present and more about what could be. Even something as simple as my ice cream flavor choice is thought out and planned before hand. I do not think everyone has to deal with this, as I don’t see much about this, but it has consumed my life when I let it. It is a constant battle, pulling myself into reality and into the present. 

[justawriter926-blog]

You are mine, forever and always.

My boyfriend to me when I asked him what he was promising with the ring

[justawriter926-blog]

Definitely need to try this

Three Minutes

Rules are: write a title, set a timer for three minutes, and write like mad! Post whatever you come up with, whether it’s turned into a story or not. Feel free to join! (And to tweak a few sentences once the timer runs out. No judgement! It’s just for fun.)

Shepherd

The sheep are quiet tonight. So are the trees. Our firelight reflects off the dark branches, the stirring foliage, and I watch. The hills, the edge of the forest, our flocks. The dog is with me tonight, but the others are gone. Off with their own flocks. I am alone. A breeze stirs the loose ash of my fire, and I look up at the sky. The black fields overhead, the stars burning. The Kelaye are gone. I haven’t heard anything from them in three days. The last attack was a week ago. An entire week. They are gone, or they are very, very hungry. The herd stirs restlessly, and the dog raises its head. Watching the trees. Watching the leaves sway and the darkness bleed from among the trunks. I clench my hand around the staff I always carry with me, the bones whittled into its length digging into my palm. They’re not gone then. Not gone. Only hungry.

[justawriter926-blog]

Life will give you a lot of rainy days, but every storm ends eventually.

words-are-everlasting (via words-are-everlasting)

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Writing Prompt #11

Topic I Saw: A candlemaker is either good or evil. There is not in between. 

My Twist: A set of triplet candle makers. One completely good, one evil, and one who just wants the other two to finally get along.   

[justawriter926-blog]

Daily Writing #8

I will be answering a series of questions about reading/writing/my literary history.

1. Do you prefer writing in black or blue pen?

        - I prefer writing in blue pen because I feel more creative and less boring. When I write in black ink, I feel as though I am very business-like and more productivity than expressing thoughts and emotions.

2. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

       - I would learn how to meet my car’s basic needs such as changing the fluids and oil, changing a tire, and change headlight an brake light bulbs. I feel as if these are not difficult tasks, but I have been putting it off because I have people to do it for me at the moment.

3. What was your favorite fairytale/story as a child and why?

            - My favorite story as a child was Beauty and the Beast. I loved how Belle did not let anyone get her down about her love of reading. When Gaston made fun of her books and reading habits, she brushed it off and supported her choice of reading, not letting others feel negative in any way because she loved books and stories. She encouraged me to read, because if any other kids called me a nerd or a dork or anything for reading, they were the real victims, as they were missing out on all of the wonders and fantasies a book can bring to life, especially as a child. Belle showing me that reading is one of the best experiences you can give yourself at home in a comfortable position.

4. Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

        - I prefer reading paper books. I love physically turning the pages and seeing my progress instead of just seeing a number on a screen. 

5. Do you keep a diary or journal?

      - I have tried many times, yet was unsuccessful with every attempt. I am hoping that posting my writings only will encourage me to write more and seeing others post will help inspire me.

6. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

       - I prefer to write with a pen, as my thoughts should be permanent. I prefer seeing scratch-outs on my paper instead of erase marks.

7. What was the last thing you read?

      - The last thing that I read was Bartleby, the Scrivener by Herman Melville for a school writing assignment. It was very introspective and a great read. It was both humorous and had deep meaning. 

8. Do you eventually want to write and publish a novel?

       - I would love to write and publish a novel. My two main issues are that I cannot stay on one topic long enough to complete a novel and I re-edit and second guess myself on everything that I write, not knowing if it is good or if anyone else would like or appreciate it.

[justawriter926-blog]

Daily Writing # 7

Topic: Writing Prompt #7 (Describe the days of the week as people.)

Sunday was always the most positive of the seven children. She was always a ray of hope and positivity, never shedding a tear and constantly wiping them up. Her smile would light up the room and draw attention to her, yet she never was arrogant. She owned a flower shop and had a bit of yellow on no matter the occasion, whether a sundress or a slightly dirty smock from her greenhouse. 

Monday was always a little blue, from her third cup of black coffee forcing her into reality to her well-earned retreat to bed that night. Her army green combat boots and jet black hair never brought much optimism to the room as her older sister. She was always a realist, if not slightly pessimistic, constantly having great plans to start a new workout routine or diet and it never quite working out as she planned. 

Tuesday consistently did what she was supposed to and a little more. She gave nothing her all, for fear of not having enough energy to do other things. She loved all living things almost as much as she loved soft pastel sweaters, which is why she became a veterinarian. Taking care of others gave her a sense of purpose without overexerting herself or stretching herself too thin. 

Wednesday was the helpful one. He had to become laid-back to even out his sisters’ outgoing and extroverted personalities. He provided comfort and stability, as he understood people better than they understood themselves or their own intentions, which is most likely why he became a psychologist, to help people with problems a pill can’t fix. He truly loved minds and how others thought and figured things out.

Thursday was always planning for the possibilities in his corduroy pants, carrying his sketchbook. He kept notes and records of everything that may ver be of any importance and creating minuscule doodles on the corners of the pages. He keeps to himself and would rather observe a physical interaction with others than engage in it himself. He became a Research Analyst, always studying and learning about things and never creating himself, which was just how he liked it. 

Friday was the hot mess in every sense of the word. She loved partying and going out sometimes she began before work was over, taking a late lunch and an extended break. She regularly changed her appearance in hair color, eye color, new piercings, tattoos, and nail designs. She could never keep a job for long but that did not keep her down, as she was a jack of all trades, moving from saleswoman to teachers’ aide to realtor to receptionist to maid to librarian to middle school guidance counselor. 

Saturday was the messy one and the baby of the family. His room was never clean, but didn’t bother because he knew Wednesday would clean it if it got filthy enough. He would love to party with Friday but never follows through with his plans, instead either drinking at home or spending all night on the couch watching Netflix. He was not lacking in friends, but had no problem being alone.

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Daily Writing #6

Topic: (I can’t believe I’m actually posting this for the world to see.) What is the one thing you would change about yourself if you could?

I would love to say something physical like my chubby thighs or my booty (or lack thereof) or my little belly. But I can’t because that isn’t the truth.

If I could change one thing, it would 100%, without a doubt, be my anxiety. I stress about every little thing and overthink things that shouldn't require a second thought. I instantly think of 1,000 things that could have gone wrong when he doesn’t text me back as fast as normal. This causes me to overreact when he just went to the bathroom and left his phone in the other room. It’s not being over-dramatic because I do it with everything. It causes stress and panic attacks and sometimes severe depression and suicidal thoughts. My anxiety is not something that I can take some deep breaths and make it go away. It is entwined in the way I think, live, and behave like a cobra around its prey. It weaved its way into my life at a young age until it had found a home and changed the way I think, tightening its grip. I feel it getting tighter and tighter as I try to slip away, but it is always one step ahead, plotting my every move and squeezing just a little bit tighter so that I am contained but barely surviving. 

[justawriter926-blog]

Writing Prompt #6

Write a short paragraph ending with these words: He would give anything to turn the clock back five minutes.  

[justawriter926-blog]

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

Joseph Addison

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Writing Prompt #5

Pick up the book closest to you. Turn to page 49. Use the first full sentence at the top of the page as a writing prompt. 

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Daily Writing #5

Topic: What is the importance of reading from an early age?

Reading from an early age expands the mind to things they thought were impossible. All things are possible through reading. As a child, reading is often difficult and thus, parents stop reading to them and making them read. This is detrimental to the child’s mental growth, as they only read inside of the classroom. The limited exposure to literature does not give them the intelligence that they need to reach their full potential. Reading shows the child an entire new world of fantasy, drama, science fiction, history, science, philosophy, psychology, romance, and dreams they would not otherwise get to experience. Parents who do not read to their children limit their full potential and stunt their growth as an individual.