kuckookat

[kuckookat]

*DpxDc wherein Danny works for Tim, and after a big deadline Tim takes Danny out for coffee*

Tim: So, do you have a favorite coffee shop?

Danny, tiredly: As long as the Barista gives me 4 expresso shots to mix into this monsterxred bullx5 hour energy concoction I made this morning*holds up a bright green 64oz tumbler with a ghost sticker on it*, I don't care where we go.

Tim, amazed: How are you alive?

Danny, lizard blinks: ...I'm alive?

Tim, now worried: Is this how Alfred feels when talking to me?

Dick, apearing from nowhere: Its how we all feel about you.

Tim, jumping: The hell did you come from? Are you wearing a fake mustache?

Dick, who is, in fact, wearing a fake mustache: No. Also we totally weren't spying on you or your friend.

Tim: We?

Jason, from the bushes wearing a green afro wig: Dick promised me office romance drama.

Cass: *shrugs*

Damian, scowling while wearing glasses and a silver wig: Richard said we were going to the dog park.

Titus, painted like a tiger: woof

Tim: ...Danny I am so sorry for my family.

Danny, near crying: Oh thank the Ancients you see them too!

Tim, frowning at his family: Look what you've done.

Jason, Dick, Damian, Cass, and Titus, all surprisingly genuine: Ma Bad-Sorry-Apologies-sorry-woof

[kuckookat]

danny phantom au where danny’s excuses get increasingly ridiculous as time goes on but no one questions it

[kuckookat]

You know what would be HILARIOUS?

The Flash Family, know sceptics. Men and women of SCIENCE(~✨️!). Just?? Casually rolling up one day to work like "oh BTW, ghosts are a thing. Very cool."

Like? EXCUSE ME?! Shouts furious and outraged magic users. ALL of whom had tried to explain that fact and failed... just... just SO MANY TIMES.

And the Flash are like "What?! Of COURSE Ghosts are real! There is SCIENCE to back this up!"

And? JLA Dark might? Spit blood? They are incoherent with rage. You FUCKERS.

Where are the papers? WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMNED PAPERS!? What was it? What convinced you, that their FIVE HOUR LECTURE failed to do!?!?

And it's some NOBODY named Daniel Fenton. A rebuttal of his parents earlier works.

Mother fuckers. Are these idiots POKING AROUND THE REALMS!? They... they need to sit down. Oh sweet Jesus. They feel faint.

And frankly, Barry doesn't get why ya'll are being so DRAMATIC. Why could you just explain things like THIS? Not all that... hand wavey, smoke and mirrors nonsense. This makes WAY more sense.

See? His friend, Sam, did a study on how judicious use of magic can help the environment! If you just TOLD him the "ghosts" you were talking about were just inter-dimensional extentions of life, he would have understood you! Now the NEVERBORN! Those are cool.

You should really read the paper, guys.

Might learn something.

@hdgnj

[kuckookat]

Dude has a death wish

[kuckookat]

Danny x Tim soulmate au where they are disgustingly cute and very much head over heels in this long distance relationship. Danny plans to move to Gotham when he turns 18 and work under his soulmate at WEs science department. Danny swears to himself that he'll tell Tim all about Phantom then, face to face.

Unbeknownst to him, Tim makes a similar promise to himself about being Robin/Red Robin (whichever he is in this). So neither know about the other.

Ras comes up with a plan to kidnap Tims soulmate for whatever reason and sends assassins to capture him.

...but they keep failing. Not because of the pesky local hero. No, he doesn't even seem to notice thier presence. No, not because of the local supervillian mayor-he's an incompetent fool. No, it wasn't because of the over abundance of freaking pit demons running around (he would definitely need to look into that)

No, hs assassins, the greatest fighters in the world and even worlds beyond were being defeated by an insane

Home security system

Danny doesn't even know he's being hunted...by the assassins at least. They can't even get to him at school because Casper high has a version of it now too thanks to all the ghost attacks on campus

[kuckookat]

Jason: *looking at a bunch of colorful crochet blankets laid over Dick’s bed* oh, these are pretty nice. I didn’t know you could crochet Dick: thanks, they’re my trauma blankets Jason: Jason: they’re what Dick: y’know how some people stress bake? Namely, you? Jason: . . . yeah . . . Dick: well. I crochet. So *points to a blanket* see that one there? The red one? That was when Bruce died. The blue one was after Spyral. The orange one was actually right after my parents died, that’s my oldest one. And the one right there that I’m still working on is ‘cause I’m depressed as fuck and my therapist is on vacation so she told me to crochet her a blanket Jason: Jason: what the fuck, dude

[kuckookat]

DCxDP: dead tired/brain dead short idea:

Tim: dad, everyone, I want you to meet Danny my boyfriend

Danny: hi sir! Nice to meet you! I promise to treat your son really good and rip apart anything or anyone ever trying to harm him before obliterating them,their family and everything they know and love *flash the biggest brightest smile with too many sharp teeth*

Bruce:....

The bat kids in the room:...

Duke: *turning to Tim putting a firm hand on his shoulder* never break up with him.

Duke: seriously. Never.

[kuckookat]

Do I look like your Father?

Danny was walking down the street late at night, suit jacket draped over one of his arms, feeling down. The blind date that he had been set up on had been a bust. The only thing he wants to do now is to go back to his apartment and spend the entire weekend relaxing.

When passing by a quiet alley something very suddenly slams into his leg. It causes Danny to momentarily stumble in his steps. It isn't until he regains his footing does he finally look to see what is clinging to his leg.

It's- it's a baby or more like a toddler really. If Danny had to guess he'd say the little boy was 2 or 3 at most. That thought is quickly thrown to the back of his mind when he notices that the kid is wrapped up in what is obviously a large, black cape. How on earth did he get that?

"Daddy!" Two tiny, watery blue eyes shine as they stare up at him, "You found me! I don't know how I got here, but you found me so we can go home now, right? Is mommy waiting for us there?"

What in the world is he supposed to do in this situation? "Ah, yeah buddy we can do that. Just as a fun game real quick though what's mine and mommy's name?"

"You're silly daddy! It's Thomas and Martha Wayne!"

"…Bruce?" He can't help but say the name. Is this really THE Bruce Wayne? It can't be, something else has to be going on right now.

"That's my name, great job daddy!" Bruce raises his arms for Danny to pick him up. "We go home now?"

"Sure uh let's go…home." Danny, not knowing what else to do, picks up the kid and starts making his way towards Wayne Manor.

He’s also going to continue to ignore the fact that it’s probably Batman’s cape wrapped around Bruce, and what that probably means.

[kuckookat]

so turns out the batfam has accidentally and unknowingly been going viral, and not in the way you’d expect. Nope, their names aren’t even attached to it. Whose fault is this, you might ask? Bruce. Bruce, who has a social media page devoted entirely to shit his children do, and no one realizes that said children are Gotham’s princes and princesses.

Damian paints his room. He spends over two weeks on the murals. Bruce, walking in to ask Damian about patrol, snatches a couple pictures before he leaves and absently posts them. Within the week they’ve gone viral and people are asking for commissions, but Bruce never answers.

Jason’s been annotating his copy of pride and prejudice so hard that there’s more handwriting in the margins than actual text. Bruce thought it was adorable, so he posted a page. There are now literary professors asking if his son has been to college and if he would like to.

Steph and Cas wrote their own song on a dare from Dick. Bruce posts a short audio clip of it and his secretary has to rush to copyright it because people are using it as audio in All The Videos

Bruce doesn’t even realize what’s happening, really. He posts is ‘cause he’s proud, then pretty much doesn’t check the page again. It’s more a blog to him than anything else. He has no idea that he’s become almost an internet celebrity/cryptid. There are Reddit forums dedicated to the “dad with way too many fucking skilled children”. Some people say that there’s no way he has this many kids who are so good at things. Some people think he’s just one really crafty person posting a bunch of his own stuff and claiming to be a proud dad.

Tim Drake, resident Reddit Addict, is LOVING it.

Jason: *lugging a body down the street* dammit, someone took a pic back there. Fuck, this is NOT what I want to go viral for Tim: so being a Jane Austen fangirl was the better option? Jason: *trips* what—

[kuckookat]

I just needed to draw them again

[kuckookat]

Fun fact, there's a Green Lantern called B'ox, who is, you might guess from the name, a box. Who only speaks in box shaped speech bubbles, and whose text is all, you guessed it, boxes.

So consider how much ridiculous chaos and nonsense happens when actual holder of a Green Lantern Ring B'ox the Box is discovered by the Box obsessed Box Ghost (BEWARE!) who already has a track record of going after boxes he reeeaaalllly shouldn't.

Danny just finished up school for the year and was looking forward to his first actually summer vacation since he died, what do you mean the Box Ghost has somehow managed to start an intergalactic incident and might have just kicked off a war between no less than four different incredibly powerful alien governments???

Well, at least he gets to go to space?

...He's going to have to do so much Ghost King paperwork after this 😩

[kuckookat]

Imagine an AU where the GIW are less Ghost Hunters and more scientific. Being Ecto-Biologists and trying to learn more with as little harm to creatures, but of course fumbling a bit because it's a new field of science.

Just, the GIW getting lucky and capturing Danny as Phantom, knocking him out in the process. No vivisecting or cruel tests happen. Instead he's put in a room they designed with the younger ghosts in mind, (here's soft toys and blankets, Legos, books for a wide range of ages, things of that nature) but it's not perfect because they didn't know who'd they get.

They feel terrible when Phantom has a full-blown panic attack when he wakes up and crams himself into a corner so he can see the whole room. They quickly send in the onsight psychologist to help him through the attack and explain his new situation. His reactions are way too real for them to be faked.

A few days later, while trying to let Phantom settle into his new environment, they catch a second ghost and learn he can tell they have someone new, but the other ghost can't sense him. Phantom's fear and depression turning into worry (for both the ghost and humans) and determination, his attempts to break out of his room increases significantly. It makes them realize Phantom is a very social ghost and probably needs to see his "friends" to be healthy, but since they know what "ghost fights" look like they can't allow it yet. They need to ghostproof a large area without destroying anything.

Cue the GIW catching a few more ghosts and realizing Phantom is a bit odd for ghosts. He's the only one that they NEED to send the psychologist in regularly because of panic attacks, and start to realize Phantom is getting sick. They're not quite sure what his obsession is, they think it might be either space related or protection related since he's very passionate about both, but the poor ghost is literally starving and it's devastating to the scientists observing him. They can't understand what makes this ghost so different to the others, whom they've all gotten settled and, while not exactly happy, content. They've gotten really good at providing what the other ghosts need and gained enough trust for them to talk to them about their species. It helps when the GIW explain that this is meant to be more of a catch and release program, they just don't have access to a portal yet and are using the time it takes to build one to understand them all better.

A good chunk of the other ghosts express genuine concern over Phantom when they're told he's been there the longest. No one is sure it's healthy for Danny to be ghost so long, but aren't sure how to explain without outing the Halfa.

Phantom ends up passing out and reverting back to Danny, outing himself, because of lack of food or water. He'd be less skeletal if he could indulge in either of his obsessions, but neither were plausible while captive in a secret government base. He wakes up very distraught in a ghostproofed medbay.

The GIW is VERY confused and concerned by Danny's everything, but several behaviors make sense to them now and they start providing for his human instantly.

He ends up explaining his situation and how it happened the best he can. He realizes they weren't trying to hurt him or the other ghosts, but still feels better when they wheel him around the base to see the ghosts (he's too weak to walk or turn ghost currently) and the scientists are intrigued by how happy and concerned the ghosts are to see the kid still kicking.

The ghosts were more meh to see either other, but are literally vibrating with glee to see the kid. They later explain they tend to see the "little protector spirit" as a cute baby or annoying little brother.

The GIW aren't sure what to do with the kid now. They originally planned to send him through the portal with the rest, but he's part human? They are even less sure when they find out his parents are the FENTONS who definitely didn't know. The whole situation turns into a mess, but this is their kid now. They shall help him.

[kuckookat]

Fucking Lab Rat - chapter 1 -Part 5 – Spar Day.

The knife in Jason’s hand bit deep into the training dummy before he tore it out and sent the dummy reeling with a solid kick. Stab, slice, kick, circle, slice, the movements methodical and familiar, and not exactly comforting. He’d learnt a lot by Batman’s side, but he’d learnt more under Talia’s thumb in more recent years. It was hard to be here sometimes, away from his responsibilities in Gotham proper, and stuck in close quarters with two brothers he wasn’t on amazing terms with. He wanted things to get better between them, he really did. He wanted them to be able to be brothers again but there was just so much between them now, it was hard to believe they could really make this work. But they were, making it work. For Danny’s sake and their own they were making it work.

Sometimes it was easier to just lose himself in training than to think about how it felt to share the same house, the same rooms, the same table with his brothers. Safer to not think at all than to think about how badly he had treated the others, and how much he didn’t deserve to feel accepted or welcomed in the house with them. Now was one of those times.

--

Tim watched Jason train in the courtyard, his movements precise and packing a punch that Tim himself could never hope to achieve without assistance of some kind. It was…. Nice, to see Jason training. He’d never moved like this in his time as Robin, not that Tim had seen anyway. Jason had always been a great brawler, keeping pace with the adults that he’d take on in the mask, but now he had a technique that had been honed to savage precision. He had to admit it was pretty fucking impressive.

He'd missed this, getting to see Jason in action. He had quietly admired Jason for so many years when he was Robin, and now he got the chance to see him again, alive and breathing and moving with such an incredible power and grace. He’d really missed this.

Tim squashed down the part of him that said he didn’t deserve it. That said he’d taken Jason’s place and that he would leave again and it would be his fault. That he would drive Dick away, that he wouldn’t be good enough for Danny. Jason had forgiven him, and he had forgiven Jason. Tim told himself firmly if Jason could forgive him then he could be forgiven again, even if he did fuck up, they wouldn’t leave him, it was going to be fine.

Suddenly Tim was sick of sitting and watching from the side lines. He’d watched from a distance for years, and now here Jason was, alive and kicking, literally. He grabbed his Bo and descended on the courtyard below.

Jason whirled around in time to deflect the staff coming at him, no where near hard enough to actually hurt him, a warning shot then, that was almost insulting “gotta try harder than that replacement”.

Tim grinned, ignoring the little twist of guilt at his nickname, and circled round coming in fast for another hit and laughing with glee as it struck true. “couldn’t let these dummy’s have all the fun.”

Jason snorted a laugh at that, shrugging off the blow “so what” he struck out with the knife lightning fast but catching nothing but air as Tim dodge away “you brought a staff to a knife fight?”.

Tim’s grin grew a little wild as he thumbed the button that sat flush with the staff, hidden from prying eyes, and the razor sharp blade slid smoothly out and into place at the end of the staff. Jason paused for a moment to reassess the situation. The little shit had a hidden blade “Batman know you’ve got that?”.

The momentary glimpse of panic and guilt in Tim’s expression was all the confirmation Jason needed. This little shit had a hidden blade that B didn’t even know about. Damn, he might actually like this little shit more than he wanted to admit. There must have been something in his own expression that gave some of his feelings away because Tim noticeably relaxed back in to his earlier playful mood.

“Don’t worry” Jason assured him “I can keep a secret. Now come on, show me you know how to use that thing”.

Jason found it was surprisingly easy to fall into step with the kid, and training with him was a lot more fun than just beating on the lifeless dummies. He was glad, and not for the first time, that Dick had convinced him to take a chance and reach out to Tim. Regardless of the shit they’d been through, and put each other through, he was glad Tim was here with them.

Tim felt like he could fly with the exhilaration he felt. Jason, the real Robin, His robin was sparing with him. Not trying to beat him to a pulp in blind hatred, not smacking him around for being less than he should, not drilling him on moves to iron out his imperfections. Jason was meeting him as an equal, acknowledging him as capable, accepting him into his space! They were sparing! Together! For fun! It felt fucking amazing.

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[kuckookat]

Fucking Clowns

A Danny Phantom x DC crossover Inspired by this prompt from @greenmango-kai

Arkham

Fucking Arkham

Arkham Arkham Arkham

The insane asylum

For the insane

Of course

Of course he was in FUCKING Arkham. Because where else would he be right? Studying to be an astronaut? Hahaha fucking Nope. Maybe an engineer? Nu uh. Flying free as you like as Phantom? No fucking chance. Because he, Danny Fenton, was clinically insane.

Obviously. Obviously he was insane. Obviously because ghosts Don't exist. No. Nope. MmM. Especially not vengeful ghosts that kidnap half dead kids and try to make them kill their murderers. No, no that's crazy talk.

Hahahahahaha haaha ha shhhhhhutup shut up shut up shut up Shut Up Shut UP "SHUUUT UUUUUP" Danny screamed at the gaggle of restless ghosts that sobbed, and yelled, and laughed around him. It didn't help of course. But! Hahaha bonus though! He didn't need to worry about anyone calling the cops on the screaming crazy kid in the dorm, no, because he was already In the place the Dumb Fucking Cops put you AFTER being called on the screaming crazy kid.

Fucking Arkham.

With all the damned assholes trying to tell him he's crazy, trying to psychoanalyze him and find what horrible trauma of his past could have triggered this episode. Apparently "I died" didn't cut it here.

God Jazz would be so disappointed in him. But Jazz, well, Jazz didn't have to deal with ghosts harrassing her all the time. No, no Jazz was Nice, and Normal, and fully Alive. No, Jazz didn't have to run away from home! She gets to live with parents that actually Love her! ALL of her! They didn't even try to hunt down and exterminate her even a little!!

No, no she got to go to school and get good grades, and make lots of friends, and didn't have anyone screaming in her ear to Fucking kill the got damned psychopath Clown next door.

No. That was just Danny.

It wasn't all bad though, he'd been admitted under a threat to self risk, and if he could prove he was no longer a risk to himself he could leave. He could leave. He could leave. If he could Just get a little bit of sleep maybe he could get a hold of himself enough to leave this shithole.

Okay shithole might be an exaggeration. He'd been fortunate enough to land in The Actual Batman's pet project asylum. The place being well funded was a massive fucking understatement. The food was good, his room was private and secure, and the staff were all well trained and vetted Heavily. So when he'd (slightly manically) explained that he has a phobia of needles and being treated like a lab rat would absolutely make him spiral they had actually listened!

Insane. But like. In the unbelievable way. Like that shit is not how Real Actual insane asylums function. But apparently Batman having a vested interest really meant something.

Now if only the damn bat didn't have such a strong moral compass and had just killed the Damn clown...

Why'd it have to be clowns. Why the fuck is it always got danged creepy ass clowns. They're supposed to be funny! That's literally their entire purpose! Why then. Why. Does Danny have to keep dealing with these fucking creep shows!

They were creepy. But they weren't what Danny was afraid of. No. Nonononono. It can't be as simple as just that can it. No. Danny gets to be scared of becoming a murderer or really truly permanently losing his fucking mind. Both options were fucking terrifying actually. And he was stuck here until he figured out another option. Stuck here with all these traumatized ghosts that just won't "Shut UUUUUUUP. OKAY! Okay okayokayokayokayokay shut up and I'll listen okay? OKAY? SHUT UP. one at a time. One at a time and I'll listen. I'll hear you out okay? I'll listen. And then... And then I'll see what I can do"

Gloriously the wailing quelled to an almost bearable level as a small wavering shadow of a child stepped forward and took the first turn at recounting his passing at the hands of the man that slept on the other side of the facility.

The nurse on shift noted the usual outbursts of yelling and slammed fists that came from their newest resident had calmed over the past hour, and when checked found the child laying calmly, crying softly, and muttering to himself. They made a few more notes as the shift passed, hopeful this change was for the better and might mean some much needed rest for the boy.

--------

Decided I'm going to continue this one so feel free to subscribe to updates here

Part 2

If you enjoyed this post please leave a comment, I really love getting them! If you're not sure what to say just comment a lil emoji, I'd love to get one of these guys ❤️🥹🔥☠️😯, or one you feel suits the post.

[kuckookat]

Fucking Clowns - Ending

Jason, dick, and Tim settled into their new routine over the next few months. Setting aside old, and not so old, gripes and grudges for the sake of this kid that none of them really knew. They'd all expected it to go to hell one way or another, but they were nothing if not stubborn and doggedly dedicated. They had each decided for their own reasons that taking in this kid and making him safe was what they were going to do. And together they were making it work.

Tim had told everyone he would be out of town for work or for a mission and was enjoying the relative down time working remotely from his hill top house in the woods. He wasn't sure when his parents had acquired the property, he certainly had never holidayed here with them, but it had been easy enough to get the place set up for the four boys.

Dick had mentioned at the right time here and there that him and Jason were working to repair things and would be spending some time catching up at a holiday house. After some interrogation questioning he was pretty sure the cover story was solid enough that no one would bother them. B knew they'd be out in the woods and they'd be together, and that both of them would come and go from Gotham and bludhaven so it wouldn't seem from the outside like anything was other than what they said, and there'd be no reason for anyone to check on them at the holiday house they were sharing.

The other birds and bats and even Oracle had pitched in to make the cover story more solid. Some of them would check in on the boys occasionally and would give a sanitized report when B would inevitably asks. Making it less likely B would feel the need to check himself.

They'd known what to expect when they took Danny, Tim had been very thorough checking the kids status in the aftermath of The Joker incident and the lead up to their rescue. They knew he had been unresponsive during that time, and fully expected it to be a Long recovery even with the kids Meta powers keeping him stable. They'd set up a false room in one of the lounge areas, so Danny would have some privacy but not be isolated from the rest of them. Tim had combed through all the recordings and notes he could to try and figure out anything Danny might like and had decided setting up his bed near a big window with a good view would be best. He thought Danny might like the sky, or the stars. Either way if he came too he'd be able to see them.

They all got into the habit of keeping the boy company, trying to find the line between giving space and crowding. Tim made a second coffee each time, one for him, one for Danny. Dick would chat about his day and the latest gossip, as ever perfectly capable of keeping up an active conversation on his own. Jason would read aloud his favourite books while Tim and Dick pretended not to listen. Jason suspected they both liked having someone to read stories to them, but that neither would ask for it themselves, it'd probably been a long time since either of them had someone in their life that did that for them.

It gave the brothers the opportunity to see each other wound down in a calm and welcome environment, and though only Dick would admit it, it was actually really nice to be in each other's company.

Time passed comfortably and Tim made notes about Danny's recovery, how he'd never needed fluids or food, seemingly kept going by some other force, an affect of being meta they assumed. After a few weeks he started noticing Danny stirring for a few seconds and he tried to note down anything environmental that could be encouraging him to consciousness.

From what he could tell Danny was closest to awake when at least two of three things were present: a strong smell like a fresh coffee or something cooking, the stars visible through his window, or at least one of Dick or Jason talking near by.

With that information they were able to purposely create wakeful conditions more often and soon enough the kid had opened his eyes and eventually started to say a few words.

It was a relief to them all when Danny didn't panic upon coming too enough to understand his environment. It was a thought that had been weighing on all of them that maybe the kid wouldn't feel any safer with them than he had at Arkham. But as the weeks passed and Danny started staying awake and chatting with them that worry passed.

Danny didn't have the energy to do much at all, and he had to lay down and sleep after even just an hour of light activity. But he enjoyed the company of the three boys he found himself with, and was grateful to be out of Arkham, that there were no more fucking Clowns to worry about, and that there didn't seem to be any ghosts clamoring for his attention. He knew there were people and things he was forgetting, that his tired mind couldn't quite bring to the surface. But he felt that was fine, for now he was safe, and his new friends had promised to keep him that way. He was grateful, and tired, and safe. And for what seemed like the first time in his life he let that just be enough.

For now, he would just rest and enjoy the company of his friends.

--

Prev | First

Although this is the end of Fucking Clowns I have decided to continue the story with Fucking Lab Rat and you can read that here

[kuckookat]

I was just being nice, is that a crime now?

The Bats were scared when they learned of the Jokers newest obsession. A young man, he owned his own little repair shop at the edge of Crime Alley. Jason told them about the man, Danny, who liked repairing things or tinkering with them and letting people pay whatever they felt most comfortable with.

"His Godfather is a billionaire apparently. Gus heard them talk one day, Danny seems to take the guys money but won't spend it on fancy shit."

So they watched, they stalked, they researched and found out about Danny. What made the Joker so obsessed? Steph was the one finding the video, she was watching tiktoks with Cass. And there was a video from a baffled gothamite in a shop, the Joker entered, starting his spiel, then Danny entered.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" Joker looked at Danny.

"How about I make it up to you, here take my pastry. I can just get another one." Danny smiled and gave the Joker a pat on his shoulder, then left. Joker held the bag with unidentified pastry.

And then they found footage of the Joker, always near Danny, stalking him. He seemed to not want to do anything to the guy, but he kept looking. And then they saw what had started the investigation. Someone tried to mug Danny.

Danny smiled and pulled out all his cash from his wallet to give the guy. "Take it, looks like you need it more."

Bruce was getting flashbacks, desperately trying not to see his father hand over his wallet to his soon-to-be murderer.

The mugger took the cash and ran off, Danny kept going on his way, the Joker met the mugger just two blocks down. The mugger was still laughing, Joker took the money and broke into Danny's shop, leaving it with a note on the register.

Again, again and again they found footage of people trying something, Danny letting them go with no worry and the Joker seemingly getting revenge.

"Do you think he's in some twisted kind of love?"

"Ew, never say anything again Timbit!"

Danny was nice, the Joker was obsessed and at some point Harley met Danny, hugged him and slipped something into his pocket before she left, Danny waved her goodbye.

Babs eventually found a camera feed with the Joker talking about Danny to one of his goons.

"He is to not be touched! His world is sugar and candy, no spice! Look at Gotham trying to corrupt him and yet! And yet! He keeps being nice. Ahahahaha! Brilliant! A shining star in Gothams smog!"

Whatever this new obsession was, it was still dangerous and they were going to get the clown back to Arkham. They should probably make sure they kept an eye on Danny, just in case something happened.

[kuckookat]

Death and Taxes

Title: Death, Taxes, and the Fenton Exception

Gotham was a city used to chaos—supervillains, vigilantes, the occasional alien invasion. But for one day a year, fear reigned over even the most hardened criminals. That day was April 15th—Tax Day.

And there was one man who became a model citizen exactly once a year: The Joker.

“Oh, you can gas the mayor, blow up the zoo, or replace the city's water supply with lime gelatin,” the Joker once told Harley, lovingly licking a stamp. “But you do not mess with the Internal Revenue Service.”

Danny Fenton didn’t get it.

“Why is everyone so freaked out about taxes?” he asked, lazily floating upside-down in the Batcave, sipping a soda. “It’s not like they’re gonna send hitmen after you or something.”

Jason, perched on the edge of the Batcomputer, stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “They literally will, Danny. That’s exactly what they do.”

Bruce, arms crossed and trying to make sense of Danny's W-2s—which were somehow written on ectoplasm paper thank you ghost writer and referenced “liminal hazard bonuses”—grunted. “Everyone pays taxes. Everyone.”

Danny shrugged. “Not me.”

Tim looked up from his tablet, eyebrows slowly rising. “What do you mean, not you?”

“I mean,” Danny said, setting his soda down with a slight fizz of anti-gravity, “the Fentons don’t pay taxes.”

“…You’re evading federal law?” Damian asked flatly, already reaching for the Bat-phone. “Father, allow me to call the IRS.”

“No no no,” Danny said, raising his hands. “We’re not allowed to pay taxes.”

Silence.

“What.”

It took less than twenty minutes for Oracle to hack the federal database and confirm the impossible.

The Fenton family has not paid a single tax in six generations.

There was a note on their file. A glowing, pulsing, red note—signed and sealed by multiple high-ranking officials and stamped with a Department of Defense warning tag. It read:

FENTON EXCEPTION ACT - CLASSIFIED DO NOT ENGAGE. DO NOT CONTACT. DO NOT AUDIT. THEY ARE TO BE LEFT ALONE. [Subnote: In the event of unsolicited contact, consider immediate relocation and witness protection.]

“Why?” Dick finally asked, trying not to sound hysterical. “Why in the actual haunted tax-code hell are they exempt?”

“I dunno,” Danny said. “Mom said something about Great-Grandpa Jack accidentally collapsing a dimension when he filed with the wrong form. The IRS has left us alone ever since.”

“What form?” Bruce demanded, looking more distressed than he had when Gotham was overrun by Fear Toxin.

Danny scratched his head. “I think it was called... uh... Form 66-Ectoplasm-B? Or maybe that was the one that summoned a wraith accountant? Oh, wait—that was Grandma Fenton…”

Meanwhile…

At an undisclosed IRS location deep under D.C., in a steel bunker reinforced with both magic and nuclear shielding, a red light began to blink.

The agents in the room froze.

“Is that…?” one whispered.

“Fenton ping. But it’s passive. Someone looked them up.”

The lead agent, an old man with a cybernetic eye and an exorcism tattoo burned into his hand, swore under his breath and lit a cigar with trembling fingers.

“God help them. Someone in Gotham must’ve tripped the file.”

Back in Gotham…

The Joker, halfway through filling out his Schedule C, saw the alert pop up on his monitor: Fenton Account Flagged – Gotham Search. He dropped his pen.

“No… No no no no no.”

He reached for his emergency bag: clown nose, fake passport, and a one-way ticket to Fiji.

“Harley!” he screeched. “Pack the hyenas—we’re going off-grid! The Fentons have surfaced!”

That night, Batman received an anonymous, trembling message from the IRS:

“Please, for the love of all that is holy, tell your newest ward to never attempt to file a tax return. We still haven’t recovered from the last time. The Department of Dimensional Finance sends its regards.”

Bruce turned to Danny. “What did your family do?”

Danny shrugged. “I mean, one of our fridge magnets is a minor god of debt collection, so maybe that’s part of it?”

Bruce just groaned and added “Fenton Family Finances” to the Batcomputer’s Top Threats—right between “Joker’s Laughing Gas Variants” and “Demon-Summoning TikTok Teens.”

And so, the truth became legend in Gotham:

There are two things certain in life—Death and Taxes.

Unless you’re a Fenton.

Then even the IRS fears you.