leafnyx

[leafnyx]

2nd year doing artfight!!

I finally feel like I’ve got a grip on my style so I’m excited to draw some characters this year :)

Come fight me!!

[leafnyx]

Oc art dump! Navya is a Rdr oc (ofc) but they just pop up every once in a while (kinda like Trelawny). They spend most of their time in nature and they’re fairly peaceful.

[leafnyx]

Im just gonna answer this for my RDR2 oc Tobias :)

1. What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

There was a character creation challenge thing in a server that I’m in, it was to create a cowboy/outlaw character so I designed Tobi without really and thought into him becoming a fully fleshed out character but then I got into rdr so I just decided to throw him into the story lol.

2. How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (Or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

His design has barely really changed since I created him, he’s still a fairly new oc, but his personality has changed somewhat. When creating his design I think I thought of him as more of a cocky character but he’s ended up being very kind, still with a confident exterior. I also often forget how my characters exactly act when I don’t think about them for a while so o think bcs of that some parts of Tobias’ personality have definitely changed but not to the point where he’s unrecognizable from how he was at first.

3. What was the first thing you decided on, the character’s name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

Like I said before, I made his design first for a challenge then his name i think, cause I usually create names for all the characters I make, then personality and role in the story.

4. And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

Mostly personality and some of his role. I have a hard time grasping my characters personality, even though I made them lol, so sometimes I can’t figure out whether something feels like something Tobi would do or not. Little parts of his personality change fairly often but the big picture of it hasn’t changed very much. Then his role in the story was a bit difficult to figure out but in the grand scheme of things, he’s just a bg character in the vdl gang. I like to think of how my characters would fit into the actual story and for Tobi I think he would be a Kieran situation where he’s there, and you have like one or two main missions with him in it, but mostly you’ll see him if you loiter around camp.

5. How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

Like I do for most of my characters, I looked up a list of names online and picked the one I thought fit his vibe the most lol. There’s really no meaning behind it.

6. What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

I think it was mostly aesthetics when I made him, then I based parts of him and his personality off of the design.

7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

I like his clothes, cause I think it’s something I could see an actual, proper, cowboy character in a piece of media wearing. I also like his eyes because I used to struggle with drawing thinner eyes, even though they aren’t that thin lol, so I made all my characters have really wide eyes but now that I’m better at it I think he just looks so him, like before he just felt a bit off.

Also he has very, very, light freckles that you can’t see unless you really look at him :)

8. What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

Honestly I really don’t remember why I made him act how he does. But shockingly I think he’s one of the characters I project onto the least since he’s very outgoing and I can barely even talk to my friends comfortably lol.

I started off at first with the idea of Tobi having strong morals, then it at some point went deeper and ended up with him having a sort of morality ocd where he has to truly be a good person, even though his standards and morals are ones he can never truly reach in his line of work. (Previously a sheriff, now technically an outlaw)

9. How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

If he was in the actual game he wouldn’t show up in many parts of the story. I think Arthur would have like one stagecoach robbery with him in chapter 2, where Tobias would refuse to kill anyone, then maybe a few optional missions and interactions around camp, and he’d be in like one or two of the bigger jobs pre-chapter 5.

10. What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

He doesn’t really have a particularly tragic past but he’s still not very happy in Colter, at the beginning of the game (he joined the gang during the Blackwater heist). But he gets happier in chapters 2-3, he thrives in small towns like valentine, and he ends up getting closer with the gang even with his preconceived notions of them. But then when things start going downhill, especially after Kieran’s death, Tobi’s mental health drops aswell. He has to go on bigger jobs and kill people, betraying his morals, and eventually it becomes too much for him. While the main pets of the gang are out in Guarma Tobias runs off and ends up dying in the middle of the forest near their makeshift hideout. (Once the gang gets back there’s a chance for Arthur to find Tobi in the forest and either pay some sort of respect to him and free/take his horse as a high honor thing or rob his corpse for low honor.)

11. Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?

Honestly not any that I can think of. Someone once compared him to Chuuya from Bungou Stray Dogs but I don’t really see it.

12. Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

I do but it’s very small with only 2 songs, I’m trying to think of more that would fit him.

The songs on it are ‘I bet on loosing dogs’ by Mitski & ‘Let Down’ by Radiohead

His story is fairly tragic, especially near the end, so I thought they were fairly fitting songs.

13. Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

I don’t currently have a voice claim for him but I imagine him having a southern accent with a somewhat high pitched tone? Like not Bill Williamson levels but higher than Arthur.

14. Do you have any quotes tied to the character, either from the story itself or from another source that fit them?

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Or really any other motivational quote like that

15. Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

Yep! (It’ll be at the end of the post)

16. Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

Not really, but I suppose one thing the people in game might joke about when it comes to Tobias would be his naivety. He truly wants everything to be good in the world and for there to not be bad things like killing or even really robbery but everyone else knows that it’ll never happen. (And in the back of his mind Tobi knows it too)

17. Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

Tobias has a yellow flower clip on his hat, it was given to him by a young girl he saved when he was a sheriff and he treasures that clip. It’s truly the only part of being a sheriff that he liked, he loves helping people. Yellow flowers also represent happiness, something that Tobi is trying to achieve and he gets momentarily before loosing it completely.

18. Does the character have other characters connected to them? Do you have a family tree and "offscreen" connections made up for them or do they exist in a vacuum purely for the purpose of the story?

I have a basic idea of hsi family but nothing too in depth.

His dad moved to a small town when he was a young adult from a larger city that he lived in. He eventually became the sheriff of the town, married Tobi’s mom, and had Tobi. Tobi was raised knowing that he would take the role of sheriff from his father when he was old enough. His mom died when he was a teen and his dad was still alive when Tobias ran away from everything because he couldn’t handle the bad parts of the law and being a sheriff.

19. What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

One of the things I love about Tobi is how respectful he is. A majority of Tobias’ friends are girls and he knows how to do many things for them to the point where people thought he had a sister. I also like how confident he is, and how he’ll flirt with people without really processing or knowing he’s being flirtatious, but the second someone tries to flirt back he becomes a mess.

Honestly there’s nothing I really dislike about him, I feel like I’ve made him a generally likable character lol.

20. Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

In the gang I imagine Tobi’s closest friends are Kieran, because he pities the guy and doesn’t understand why people are so rude to him, Molly, and most of the girls even though they view him as a bit naive, and Pearson since Tobi willingly helps Pearson out a lot.

Character asks!

These are more focused on the background stuff rather than the usual "what would the character do in XY situation" kinds of asks. I've been looking for something like this for quite a while and in the end decided to make my own. Feel free to use, go wild, enjoy

What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

What was the first thing you decided on, the character's name, appearance, personality or their role in the story?

And reverse, which one of the four things did you struggle with the most?

How did you choose their name and why? Was it simply based on vibes or is there any specific meaning behind the name? Are the reasons behind their name different in- and out of universe?

What was the thought process behind their appearance? Did you go mostly for the aesthetic or are there other reasons they look the way they do?

What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

How big is their role in the story? Do they make a frequent appearance or are they a character with little "screentime" but big influence? Or are they just a favourite background guy?

What is their main character arc in the story? Where do they start and how do they develop? Do they get a happy ending or is their story a tragic one?

Is there any existing character from other media that your character resembles? Was the resemblance intentional or was it a coincidence?

Do you have a playlist for the character? What songs do you associate with them and why?

Do you have a voice claim for the character? What do you imagine the character sounds like?

Do you have any quotes tied to the character, either from the story itself or from another source that fit them?

Have you ever made a moodboard for them?

Is there any memes or running jokes associated with the character, both in- and out of universe?

Are there any motifs or symbols associated with the character? How are they represented, in their design, personality or in some other way?

Does the character have other characters connected to them? Do you have a family tree and "offscreen" connections made up for them or do they exist in a vacuum purely for the purpose of the story?

What is your general favourite thing about the character? What is your least favourite?

Bonus question: share any additional thoughts, art, favourite scenes, anything you've been waiting for a chance to ramble about

[leafnyx]

in the field. straight up “shakin it”. and by “it”, haha, well. let’s just say. My rat

[leafnyx]

I saw that one picture of Nam-gyu in the teasers and was inspired to draw this, we’re so back guys

[leafnyx]

Just because someone’s a bad person doesn’t mean you should misgender them. If a cis person did something bad you wouldn’t call them the opposite gender, you don’t look cool you’re just being transphobic. Disrespecting someone’s identity, no matter who they are, is just doing bad to the trans community. It shows that you don’t actually view them, or really trans people, as their gender.

They’re not a trans person who did something bad, they’re just a person who did something bad, simple as that. There’s no need to bring their gender into it.

But people aren’t ready for that conversation yet ig.

[leafnyx]

NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

[leafnyx]

An ENA thingy for my oc Kiru :^

One in my style and one closer to how most ENA ocs look :)

[leafnyx]

Possibly a hot take but those girls who overly sexualize ghost, w/o a care for his backstory, are no better than those guys who sexualize every female character they come across in games.

[leafnyx]

Young Morbell with O’Driscoll boy Micah :]

Im actually obsessed with these two, like I can’t go more than an hour, tops, w/o thinking abt them.

[leafnyx]

Claustrophobic Micah :)

The idea and everything is based off of @/amrass’ ‘Salt’ and ‘The Devils’ but also just their idea of Micah’s backstory and young Micah in general.

Micah’s design is based on @/meeks-just-wants-to-scroll’s drawings of young Micah

[leafnyx]

There isn’t enough Owen content sooo here’s a papercraft of him :)

Feel free to print him out if you want a little Owen!

[leafnyx]

Here’s a drawing of my Rdr oc Tobias Chandler

I’m really happy with how this drawing came out cause the last time I tried to draw him it just didn’t feel right, but I feel like I captured him well with this one :)

[leafnyx]

I wrote it :)

(It’s the post before this on my profile)

I’m really happy with how it came out, I think it’s the saddest fic I’ve written tbh 😭

I found a book about the history of diseases and there’s a part about Tuberculosis and all I can think about is Arthur 😭

Get ready for the most soul crushing fic about Hosea living and having to watch Arthur slowly deteriorate from TB

[leafnyx]

And One Day, I Am Gonna Grow Wings (A Chemical Reaction)

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: Whump, Tuberculosis, Hosea lives (but is that really a good thing?), Father and son Hosea and Arthur, not beta read, Rdr2 spoilers

Setting: Chapter 6 - Beaver Hollow

A/n: ‘I know the colour of that blood! It is arterial blood. I cannot be deceived … That drop of blood is my death warrant. I must die.’ - John Keats

Summary: Hosea, who doesn’t die during the Saint Denis bank robbery, has to watch Arthur slowly deteriorate.

Hosea knew Arthur was a bit sick, he’d seen him coughing a bit in camp, but he never thought it would be this bad. The occasional coughs turned to coughing fits that ended up with Arthur wiping his hands up his pants, streaks of red being smeared along with the rest of dirt and grime on them.

Never did Hosea think he would see the day where the camp workhorse would be slowed down to a trot, having to take frequent breaks to breathe. Never did he think he would have to watch is own son die. Hosea always thought he would be the first to go, with his asthma and all, but now he’s not so sure.

Hosea begun noticing small differences in Arthur since his return from Guarma. He never put much thought into them though, everyone was different after Guarma. Dutch has been getting more paranoid and with the death of their youngest member, excluding Jack, almost everyone seemed to be feeling down.

But Arthur specifically seemed to be worse. Immediately Hosea noticed that Arthur seemed to be sick. He was coughing more than usual and Hosea noticed him sweating heavily in his sleep.

Hosea’s always been a worrier, whenever Arthur or John got sick he’d be all over them, caring for them like a mother hen. Dutch had joked about it frequently, he always waved off Hosea’s concerns, saying that they’d get over it, it was just a little cold. So when Hosea noticed Arthur seeming sick he began to check on him more often.

During the day, while Arthur was at camp, he’d walk by the man, offering some tea or just striking up a conversation. He always watched out for little signs, but whatever it was, Arthur seemed to not like showing it in front of others, holding back coughs as best he could, frequently clearing his throat, but Hosea could tell. Arthur had always been the type to hate showing weakness, and Hosea thinks part of the reason has to do with how often Dutch focused on Arthur’s strength, especially as he grew older. Arthur cared so much about being seen as strong that he refused to even let the man who practically raised him see him being the tiniest bit weak. It saddened Hosea.

At night Hosea would pass by Arthur’s tent and check up on him, often he would find Arthur drenched in sweat looking miserable.

Hosea brought it up to Arthur once but Arthur had just brushed it off, saying he’d be fine and it was just a little cough. And Hosea knew bringing it up to Dutch would do nothing, he’d just brush Hosea’s concerns off.

He hoped Arthur would get better like he usually did, Arthur never stayed sick for long, but he never got better. In fact Hosea noticed him getting exponentially worse.

He only truly noticed how pale Arthur had gotten a week or two after he came back from Guarma, before then the sunburn he had covered it. But once he noticed it was glaringly obvious, Arthur’s skin was almost translucent, Hosea could practically see the man’s veins with how pale his skin was.

And from there Hosea only spotted more and more things wrong with Arthur. For one, Arthur seemed skinnier. He’d always been fairly built, a strong man, but his muscles were dwindling. Hell, Arthur almost had the same mass as Hosea himself, and Hosea was far from being built.

He’d also noticed how big Arthur’s eye bags seemed to be. Arthur had always had eye bags, one of the things Hosea always told Arthur to do, which he never did, was to get more sleep. Arthur had always been out and about, if he wasn’t out on a job he was out exploring wherever they were camped at, and that ment he very rarely got ample sleep. But they were much worse than they’d ever been.

And the cough just kept getting worse and worse. It went from a few coughs every once in a while, to frequent coughing that sometimes turned into coughing fits. At this point, Hosea thinks everyone in the camp has noticed Arthur being unwell, but no one has brought it up. It must feel odd for them, seeing the strong man of the gang deteriorating every day.

Sometimes after a coughing fit, Arthur would rub his hand off onto his pants thinking no one noticed, but Hosea always did. He noticed how the top of Arthur’s pants would get more red with every wipe, how he was too self-conscious to even ask the girls to wash his pants anymore, putting it off until he just ended up washing them himself.

Hosea couldn’t just stand by and watch Arthur slowly get worse, he had to atleast talk to Arthur about it, and talk he did.

One day, Hosea decided to pull Arthur away for camp for a bit, offering to go on a short ride with him, just something to get their minds off of what was happening with the gang, he said. And Arthur agreed, riding off on his horse, one Hosea had gone with Arthur to pick out months before, alongside Hosea on Silver Dollar.

They only got so far before Hosea brought up the big question.

“Arthur” Hosea starts, in an almost sad tone. “I’ve noticed you seem unwell recently, and I need you to tell me truthfully, how bad is it?”

Hosea immediately cringes at how it came out, but he doesn’t take it back. He knows that Arthur knows what it is, what’s happening in his body, he can tell how much Arthur tries to hide it from everybody.

Hosea looks over at Arthur who just looks defeated, like he’d expected Hosea to bring it up.

“Tuberculosis” Arthur says, simply. “I’m dying Hosea”

Hosea pauses, everything seems to freeze, but of course it doesn’t. The world keeps spinning, the horses keep moving forward, even if it seems like Hosea’s world has ended.

“Oh Arthur” Hosea says, sounding on the verge of tears. “My boy”

And at that moment Arthur breaks, feeling like he hasn’t felt since he was a child. Having his dad, not a biological one but still just as important, fuss and worry over him. He wants nothing more than to curl up in his father’s arms and sob, but despite everything, no tears come. The two men, father and son, just stay looking at each other, no words needing to be exchanged.

Hosea stops his horse, Arthur following suit, and steps off onto the ground. He walks up to his son, who has also stepped off his horse, sensing that is what Hosea wanted, and hugs him tightly. After a beat Arthur hugs back. As despite the age difference between the two, an older man and a younger, still in his prime, they both hug each other just as tightly, having been reduced down to the same strength.

And as much as the two men pray that the world would just stop there, that they could stay in this eternal hug, eternal comfort, the world keeps going. And they know the father will eventually outlive the son, but neither of them want to think about it now, all that matters is the embrace.

[leafnyx]

I found a book about the history of diseases and there’s a part about Tuberculosis and all I can think about is Arthur 😭

Get ready for the most soul crushing fic about Hosea living and having to watch Arthur slowly deteriorate from TB

[leafnyx]

Prescription (Make it Stop)

Chapter 1 - Descending into Delusion (pt.1)

Aka. Nam-gyu as Kim Seo-wan

Word count: 3.8k

Warnings: Drugs, Probably not realistic to actual psych wards but I tried my best, Delusions, Not beta read, Everything that happened in squid game 2 happened in this fic/universe

Setting: Post-squid game 2, pre-ddos

A/n: I was planning on making this into a series but I’ve lost interest in Squid game and Ddos (Rdr brainrot has taken over). But I’ll still try to finish part 2 since this piece isn’t completed :)

“You think I would lie about something like this?! My friend’s fucking dead, man! I saw it! I wouldn’t joke about that!” He opens his fists up and bangs against the door again, this time with his palms.

“Fuck” Nam-gyu bangs one more time before giving up, walking across the empty floor towards the singular bed in the corner of the room.

He plops down onto the bed and stares at the equally as blank ceiling. He still can’t believe they put him into a fucking mental facility, like, he’s not crazy?!

But they don’t believe him. They think that the death game was all just a delusion but he knows it wasn’t. He can still feel Thanos’ blood on his hands, his clothes. He hates it.

And now that he’s here, and was forced to sober up, he feels like he is actually going crazy.

Especially now that they locked him up in some sort of prison room cause he was “misbehaving”. He thinks his reaction was justified. He’s being held here against his will because apparently his parents, who he hasn’t talked to in years, signed a form or something. Who wouldn’t be mad if they found that out?

He also hates the doctor and nurse that he was given. The nurse barely even acknowledges him and the doctor reminds him too much of Se-mi with the way she talks. Straight to the point and like she’s better than him. At least he doesn’t have to worry about dealing with one of them anymore.

Nam-gyu’s made a point to not mention the fact that he’d killed anybody in those games. He doesn’t want to risk going to jail if they finally realize he isn’t mentally ill.

After what felt like an eternity, and probably was, he hears the sound of a door open. Nam-gyu’s head turns to the side as the second door to the room clicks open. The annoying nurse steps into his room with a glass of water and some pills.

He wishes they were the ones Thanos had, but he knows they’re the type they give crazy people. Hes not crazy, but he won’t pass up taking pills. Who knows, they might have some effect.

He takes them out of her hand and pops them into his mouth, swallowing them dry. Only after does he take a gulp of water.

“Open your mouth.” The nurse says.

Nam-gyu wants to make a snarky remark but he doesn’t bother, it’ll probably make them keep him in this damn room for longer. He opens his mouth.

“Good. Ms. Cha wants to have a talk with you. Follow me” She walks out of the room and Nam-gyu follows suit.

She leads him into the main hallway, Nam-gyu takes a look around and sees a bunch of crazies. He’s not like them. He keeps repeating this to himself like it’ll change his situation, but as long as the doctors think he’s crazy he’s stuck here.

They enter a small room with a table. The doctor sits facing the door so Nam-gyu has to shift around to the other side before sitting down. The nurse closes the door and walks off.

“Mr. Kim Seo-wan-“ The doctor starts before Nam-gyu cuts her off.

“Nam-gyu” He says.

“Excuse me?” The doctor sounds confused.

“I go by Nam-gyu now”

“Alright then, Mr. Kim Nam-gyu.” The doctor starts up again, scribbling something down on a paper. “Do you know why you were admitted?”

“Because everyone thinks I’m fucking crazy when I’m not. I’m telling the truth.”

“Alright-“

“I am!” He hits the table with his fist. “I’m not insane, I’m not like all these crazies, I don’t have delusions!”

“Calm down please.”

“Mother fucking-“ Nam-gyu cuts himself off, rubbing his face. Atleast Se-mi acknowledged when she was being a bitch. She didn’t try to hide it.

The doctor pauses for a second, letting Nam-gyu collect himself, before speaking again. “Can you remind me what these.. ‘death games’ were?”

“A bunch of people, like hundreds, were given cards by this guy in a suit. He said we would get like 40 billion won if we won these games, so obviously I went. They made us play red light, green light and everyone who moved got shot.” Nam-gyu realizes why people think he’s crazy. Putting hundreds of people in a room and making them play deadly children’s games for money? “I’m telling the truth” He hisses out.

“I never said you weren’t.” The doctor responds in her infuriatingly calm voice.

“How about you draw what you remember.” The doctor says, pushing a piece of blank paper and some crayons towards him.

“Draw? I’m not a fucking kid, I’m not gonna draw out what I saw!”

The doctor looks like she’s about to snap but she keeps her professionalism. “It’ll help to know exactly what the event was like, Mr. Kim.”

Nam-gyu grumbles to himself but eventually gives in. It’s humiliating, some random woman telling him to draw what he saw, like a fucking kid whose parents don’t believe them but aren’t saying that cause they don’t wanna hurt their kids feelings. His feelings aren’t hurt.

He grabs a crayon and starts drawing on the page, pushing down on the paper harshly. The crayon snaps and Nam-gyu looks up at the doctor, glaring at her.

“It’s alright, just use the broken off bit.” She says.

He groans but complies. After a minute he pushes back to her a crappy drawing of red light, green light. Stick figures are littered around the white page, some standing, most on the ground with scribbles of red surrounding them. Weird looking woman, the doll, stands at the front, facing a tree.

A kid could probably do better than whatever he made, but it doesn’t matter. He’s just doing this to comply with the doctor to hopefully get out of this hellhole sooner.

“Hm” She says, looking over the drawing.

She thinks he’s crazy, he can tell, and it pisses him off.

“This was it? You went home after this game?”

“No, we played more. Some race thing with obstacles you had to complete in a team, and mingle.”

“How long were you there?”

“Probably like three or four days.”

She nods. “Alright. Thank you for sharing all of this. I think that was enough for this session, you did well. You can go back to your room now, the nurses will check in on you in an hour.”

Nam-gyu stands up from the table and walks out of the door right as the doctor finishes her sentence.

“Fucking bitch..” He says, under his breath.

He walks through the pink corridors towards the room they put him in. It’s annoying having to share a space with 3 other men, but at least it isn’t 400.

Nam-gyu opens the door and goes to sit on his bed in the back corner, against a window.

He lets out a frustrated sigh, he wants nothing more now than to be back in his crappy studio apartment. He shouldn’t have said anything about the game, he should have just forgotten about it, acted like it never happened.

It doesn’t matter now anyways.

As he stares out the window shapes in front of him warp, the building turns into a cliff, and he swears he sees Thanos-

Nam-gyu looks away. Maybe he is going insane? It’s probably the meds or something. It doesn’t matter, so what if he’s going crazy, people think he’s crazy anyways.

He decides to take a nap. It’s quiet in here, not as quiet as it was in the isolation room but a more comfortable quiet. He can still hear patients outside the room but there’s nobody in here.

Nam-gyu lays town and turns away from the window but his eyes land on an object on the table beside him. In front of his glasses, which he refuses to wear, is Thanos’ cross. They took off the chain, because they thought he might harm himself with it, and obviously they took the pills out too, he’s checked, but they left the cross.

Nam-gyu reaches for it but then pulls his hand back. Why’s he getting so sentimental anyways? It’s not like him and Thanos were close, the only reason they were buddies was for survival.

Nam-gyu shuts his eyes tightly, willing himself to fall asleep. In the back of his mind he can hear Thanos talking, fucking up his name, as he drifts off.

He wakes up to someone touching his arm, which he instinctively pulls away. He sits up and looks at the nurse who’s holding one of those squeezey cuffs.

“I just need to take your blood pressure, Mr. Kim”

Nam-gyu grits his teeth, irritated that he was woken up, but holds his arm out.

She puts the cuff around his arm and takes his blood pressure before pulling it away.

“I have to check your belongings now.”

“Didn’t you already do that yesterday?”

“We have to do it every day”

“..fine” Nam-gyu sits on his bed criss-crossed, leaning against the back wall. He lets out a sigh and looks out the window. Everything looks normal now, thankfully.

He doesn’t want to tell anyone that he might actually be seeing things now, he just wants to get out of this ward.

“Alright, everything seems to be fine” The nurse says.

He looks back over at the nurse as she’s walking away before looking back out the window. Blood splatters onto the outside of the window as he looks over.

He flinches and backs up further against the wall, but he can’t stop staring. The blood drips down slowly, covering almost the whole window.

Nam-gyu turns to the rest of the room, checking if any of the other 3 people there saw what he just saw. But it doesn’t seem like they did, they’re acting like everything’s normal. He turns back to the window and… everything is normal. There’s no blood anymore, not even a drop.

Shit, maybe he is going crazy.

Nam-guy slumps down into the bed, covering his face with his arms. He doesn’t know why all the sudden he’s started seeing shit, this hasn’t happened to him before.

Except maybe when he’s really high, but even then it’s not this vivid. This feels real, but he knows it isn’t. It can’t be.

He decides it’s best to go back to sleep even though he just woke up from a nap. Hopefully the next time he wakes up it’s morning and he’s not seeing stuff anymore.

He drops his arm to the side, off of his face, and turns his body away from the window. After a few minutes of tossing and turning, he manages to fall asleep.

He gains some consciousness in the middle for he might when he feels something touching his arm but he doesn’t care enough in his half asleep state to actually fully wake up.

But soon enough it’s morning and Nam-gyu opens his eyes to see the white ceiling of the mental ward. For a second he thinks he’s in the game, he can hear the music playing over the speakers, but the sound fades away as his eyes adjust.

He moves his hands up to his face and rubs his eyes, getting off all the crust that accumulated while he was asleep. Just then the door opens and the nurse enters with a cart.

She begins giving food and pills to the people closest to the door and Nam-gyu watches. Soon she gets to him and without a word he takes the pill.

“Open your mouth”

He does so and it’s empty. The nurse nods and pulls a tray down onto his bed then places the food there.

Nam-gyu realizes that he’s starving. The food doesn’t look all that good but it’s better than what they gave them in the games. A singular piece of fucking bread, like come on? How is that enough to sustain a person.

He grabs a spoon and begins digging in, his mind blank, only focused on the food.

Before he knows it he’s finished but he’s still hungry. He doesn’t bother trying to ask for more, though, since the last time he did, in the game, they almost killed him. He knows this place is different, they’re not in the business of trying to kill people, but his weariness prevails.

Nam-gyu gets up and walks out the door. He sees a few patients putting their empty food trays in a pile by the nurses station so he goes over and does the name.

The nurse standing there jots something down before speaking. “Mr. Kim, you should come to our therapy this afternoon in the recreation room. It’s not mandatory but it could be beneficial.”

He nods, not really planning on doing it, and walks off. He doesn’t know where he’s walking, the ward is bigger than he thought it was, but he’s going to find somewhere to breathe. Hopefully somewhere with not many people around since it feels like no matter where he goes there’s always a group of people there. Either a group of patients or nurses, he gets it’s their job but can’t they get off his ass for one second?

He finds a smaller room with a tree in the middle, it’s fairly close to the main part of the ward but it’s still quiet enough. He enters the glass room and sits down on the floor. For a second he just sits there, his mind empty as he stares at the tree and the sky through the glass behind it.

He’s finally able to think in this, almost, quiet space. But he finds he doesn’t have much to think about, or more realistically much he wants to think about. The game flashes through his head, which he knows was real, but he doesn’t want to focus on any memories from it, they make him want to crawl out of his own body.

Even though in the moment he was perfectly fine, now if he had the chance he wouldn’t want to join back in the game. It was fully the drugs which gave him the confidence to keep pressing O, without them he would have chickened out and voted X even though there was really nothing waiting for him back home.

His parents live far away and he doesn’t have very many friends. He has his colleagues at the club, sure, but he barely talks to them outside of work or getting a drink together. The only person he would really consider a friend now is Thanos, which is stupid. He’s pretty sure Thanos was just with him for survival, after all it’s better to stick to a group than to be solo. That’s the reason he was with Thanos as well, at least that was the reason at first. He doesn’t want to think about how attached he got to Thanos, or about Thanos in general.

Whenever Nam-gyu thinks about him his mind always thinks about the bathroom, and seeing Thanos writhing on the floor with a fork sticking out of his neck. That’s was the first time he truly saw Thanos in pain and it shocked him to his core. His eyes, blue but you could barely tell because of how blown wide his pupils were, staring almost helplessly up at Nam-gyu.

But what could he do? Thanos was already basically dead so, he grabbed the fork, and of course the drugs, but more importantly the cross so he could have a piece of Thanos, and began mutilating some guy with the bloody fork. Everything from that moment up to when he got back to the beds was a blur. Not even thinking about which bed to get into before realizing he was in Thanos’.

Nam-gyu snaps out of his thoughts, so much for not thinking about the game, or Thanos. He realized he’s trembling, the memories fucking him up more than he would like to admit. He would blame it on the wind but there’s no air coming into the room.

He shakily lifts his hands up to his face and he swears he can feel the sticky sensation of blood on them, Thanos’, but it’s not there. He can’t see it and he knows logically that he’s clean. But he feels it, he always does.

Nam-gyu drops his hands down to the ground, cursing to himself under his breath, and he leans his head back against the glass wall behind him. Through the glass behind the tree he sees a dragon flying towards a building and crashing into it, fire explodes all over the city from his view. But he blinks and it’s all gone. He doesn’t have it in him to dwell on this, just wanting to sit here and let his mind go blank, which he now realizes he’s been trying to do for the past few minutes to no avail.

He can’t help how much his mind races, and it always goes back to that bathroom, to Thanos. But he refuses to think anymore about that.

Before he can actually relax the nurse from before with the short hair walks up in front of him. “Mr. Kim, you should join our therapy session, it’s going to get started soon.” She says, smiling down at him. It makes him feel weak and small.

He wants to argue back, to tell her to fuck off and threaten her, but he finds that he has no energy to do that. He realizes that he hasn’t had much energy today in general to do anything other than sit and laze around.

This isn’t unusual for him, with his work completely draining his energy, but he usually at least has the energy to be rude.

“Fine” He spits out. Nam-gyu stands up from his place on the ground, he’ll remember this spot for later, he likes it.

The nurse walks out of the room and he follows.

She leads him into the common room which now has more tables in it where people are- “Drawing? Seriously?” Nam-gyu says, annoyed. Why are they making them do so many fucking drawings, the people here might be off but they aren’t babies.

“You can draw whatever you want to, think of it as a creative exercise” The nurse says.

Nam-gyu mumbles to himself but walks towards a table where he’s given a paper and some drawing and coloring tools. He picks up a crayon, since the only thing he can actually somewhat draw with are oil pastels and crayons are close enough, and he starts mindlessly drawing.

He doesn’t realize until halfway through his drawing who he’s actually making. The drawing is a person with a fairly slim face and the beginnings of purple hair. He’s drawing Thanos.

Why the hell is the first person who always comes to his mind Thanos? He only really knew the guy for like a few days.

The nurse with the short hair comes up to him again, walking through the rows of tables “What are you drawing Mr. Kim?” She asks, obviously trying to be friendly, but Nam-gyu is already irritated so it doesn’t help.

“Nothing” He grabs the paper and crumples it into a ball. Great, now they’re gonna be suspicious of him.

She looks a bit confused but simply says “Alright” and gives him another piece of paper before walking away.

He throws the crumpled up paper into a trash can near him, he doesn’t need any more reminders of Thanos.

Nam-gyu rests his head on his hand, thinking of what to draw. He’s not a kid. But… he used to draw a fair amount after he’d dropped out of studying and left home. He decided to take up the hobby since he had so much time on his hands. Well that was until they ramped up his hours at the club. He’s not the best at drawing but if he puts in the effort he can make a decent piece, and it’s a fun thing to do to pass the time. Well it is when he’s choosing to do it, not being forced to by some stupid doctor.

He begins drawing again with the crayons but this time he’s decided to draw that dragon that he’s seen out of his window. He knows he’s actually going crazy now, imagining dragons and shit, but he refuses to bring it up with anyone. They’ll lock him in here for longer.

Nam-guy’s pretty sure he knows where the dragon is from, though. He remembers it as a boss from a game he used to play, also after he dropped out.

Before he got a full time job at the club and had all the time in the world, and art wasn’t interesting enough to spend hours on, he used to go to a gaming cafe and play this game online. He forgets the name of the game but it was a fantasy type. He used to play it for hours, he was basically addicted, until he didn’t have time for it anymore with work. He always loved playing as the Mage, he was a high rank too.

Those were some of the best times of his life, wasting away in a chair playing a fantasy game, not having to think about the real life. He used to wish he was actually in the game, but he now realizes how stupid that is.

So why is he now suddenly imagining some dragon from the game outside his window? It doesn’t make any sense to him, he hasn’t thought about that game in months, maybe even a year.

Before he knows it he has a rough sketch of the dragon, mouth open, breathing fire onto a building. It’s in the middle of the city, building surrounding it with not much sky. It’s not an exact picture of what he saw but he hasn’t been here long enough to picture the landscape of the city without looking at it.

Nam-gyu starts coloring in the drawing, this time Willy letting his mind go blank, only focusing on the sounds of the crating against the paper and the quiet chatter of the people around him. He does his best to color inside the lined and doesn’t add very much shading, just a minimal amount, and before he knows it, he’s done.

But he doesn’t really want the drawing, he’s never been the type to obsess over the art once it’s done, it’s just a way to pass the time. And to brag about, cool people do art.

He has a whole drawer back home of pieces of art he’s made, he never bothers to show them off. So he doesn’t really care about keeping this piece. Nam-gyu gets up, leaving the drawing on the table with all of the crayons, and walks off.

Some people look at him, other patients, but he doesn’t pay them any mind. Why should he care about what some psychos think about him. The only person whose opinion matters is himself. (And Thanos but he doesn’t want to admit that)