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[leavemeslowly]

KAYA SCODELARIO as SUSIE GLASS THE GENTLEMEN (2024) 1.06 All Eventualities

[leavemeslowly]

Except from my new fanfic about Eddie and Susie:

“After helping with the shoes, he lingered a bit, with a hand on her knee and eyes meeting hers. They were darker now. It was his doing. He caused this storm to unravel and fight inside of her. Soon, it will swallow them both, cover them with waters of want and oblivion, when they fall together into the ocean foam of his white, starched sheets in the master bedroom. With only one touch, he was making a promise, silently saying, I still want you, I did not forget.”

Note: I wanted to publish it a long time ago but I liked the idea so much that kept on adding things to it. It is also the first creative prose I write in English which at least remotely resembles prose I write in my native language. So, can’t promise the final date but will arrive at some point!

[leavemeslowly]

Oh, mother, I killed a poet in me. I covered her mouth with my palm and snapped her neck. The body fell soundlessly to the ground and stretched itself on a sidewalk. I was staring at it for countless hours, trying to revive it, anxious about life without my most faithful companion. After looking at it long enough, it stirred. It curled its fingers, blinked and raised in front of me. I had tears in my eyes. My poet came back to me. She caressed my cheek and tenderly whispered into my ear: ‘I am the one who kills.’ I nodded. The poet stepped behind me. Covered my dry lips with her fingers. Grabbed the back of my head cautiously, almost lovingly. I closed my eyes in sweet anticipation. The time has come. Goodbyes were redundant. At last I was prepared to be killed by the poet in me.

[leavemeslowly]

i realise not much has changed over the years. i still go to bed alone. scroll or listen to music until late.

however, there is no one to wake me up. the choice is entirely up to me.

[leavemeslowly]

[leavemeslowly]

the only thing i really want to know is whether all those side glances and silent communication were scripted, suggested by Ritchie or just Kaya and Theo were that insane

[leavemeslowly]

I might hang myself right side down and drip dry my self from swinging hooks, so that you might have room to make a home beneath my skin.

I want your hands against these bones which ache, too much, for your touch, and for your heart to beat in unison alongside the endless murmurs of mine.

I wouldn’t mind having you under this skin, so would it be too much to ask, to have you make your way in?

[leavemeslowly]

I ship this ship because:

I have eyes

I can see

I am the smartest person in the room

I receive divine revelations about them in the dead of night, alone in my chambers

[leavemeslowly]

as i grow older, i realise more and more that emotions that have been ripping me apart all those years were never really mine. they belonged to my family members, my friends, or to people i have met just in passing. i thought i was a blank canvas. not mine but theirs. i did not know who i was. never knew it was possible to learn about myself.

there was never any point in pretending. i only learned about it after such a long, long time.

the dam had to be broken. i had to be torn apart by what was always there. splitting me open, flooding me and swallowing. i had to be destroyed to understand who i am.

i still sometimes think that i am not truly me anymore. this person from before stayed on the other side, and i never got to know her. i never let her live her life the way she deserved to. i wish i could wave at her. Smile, at least.

if she had stayed, maybe we would have been in a different place. maybe, instead of separating, we would have connected and been whole.

[leavemeslowly]

James’ performance as Eddie functions almost like that of a straight man. He is a pillar of zen amid constant madness, which is why “The Gentlemen” works so beautifully. Yet, as one managed challenge creates another, his balmy disposition morphs into something more sinister. Intrigued by Susie and her ability to get shit done...the pair each have distinct ways of solving problems, but they find themselves interested in one another, even when suspicion colors the building chemistry between them.

Aramide Tinubu - The Gentlemen: TV Review (Variety)

[leavemeslowly]

it is not merely about forgetting that you can be loved, held, understood. it is even more about forgetting that you are capable of love too.

[leavemeslowly]

I like ttpd, but I do agree with you. I don’t feel like it’s a comprehensive album, and it’s not in my top three bc it just doesn’t have the weight some other albums do.

I think we need to separate the relationships too. I can listen to Reputation and see it as both a personal story and a work of art, with a clear artistic vision, but ttpd are songs I like that are on the same album

I can't even imagine the pressure she lives under. But I am separating her life from the album because I do not follow her life at all, it is just thrown into my face from time to time through media. it does not seem that this particular craze is about how good of an artist she is but who is referenced, where, or who she loved more. How on earth can they know that?

I was expecting solid, relatable writing and some nice tunes in the background, but it is just not, and it is just fine. I do not see any point in people being forced to say that this album is her best or even, as you said, in the top 3. i saw not an overly positive review by, i believe the new york times and the author was literally receiving death threats in the comments or opinions that taylor cannot be criticised. like how she can't be? she is a public persona, an author, and a performer. all she does will always be judged and realising an album is an implied consent to such treatment. I can't even imagine how often painful it can be or unfair. the only things she should not be judged in public are her affairs, but well people think they can do it because her writing and private life are intertwined. in a perfect world, people would put her love life aside and just assess her music, not a personality they think they know.

thank you for attending my ted talk.

[leavemeslowly]

my problem with ttpd is that it is not an artistic vision. it is not an album worth praising because of her storytelling, which in this one misses its sharpness, or music which is repetitive as well. It is not at all special or even above average.

people are obsessed with it because everyone knew about her relationship with healy and kalce and alwyn. not because she is a great singer, or a creative, honest writer. everyone is on the witch hunt to catch which one of these guys is referenced and where. this album is about gossip and drama than anything else, and i think taylor can be more than that.

[leavemeslowly]

For most of my life, I thought I had no body.

As a child, you don’t realise it at all. You run, you sweat, you bruise and bleed. Still, you don’t really understand why. Your body and mind are joined together in their unawareness of each other.

Then, you became painfully aware. Your period starts, and suddenly, your body bleeds every month, and you are wondering how much blood you can spill. Normally, bleeding is a bad thing, right? It hurts, people bleed out to death. In a way, bleeding feels like the beginning of an end.

Gradually, you learn your body is unwanted in its current form. Everyone has an idea about how it should look. Legs need to be a bit longer, perfectly smooth, a waist thinner, eyes bigger and clueless with mouth painted red and slightly opened. It began to be too much. Expectations, diets, and injuries from excessive training. Life cannot be lived trying to achieve unachievable, I was telling myself.

I gave up. I decided that I didn't want this body. Thereafter, I was only made of my brain. I became bodiless.

At the time, I didn't realise the danger. When you don't have a body, nothing can balance out your thoughts. You are still bleeding but in a different way. You start living inside your brain, not noticing reality, because reality is a subject for your body which you believe you don't have.

Not having your body is not only completely abandoning sport, losing any sense of reasonable nutritional plan, but also ignoring your health. Am I in pain? No way, how can I feel it without having a body. It does not matter that my pelvis is collapsing or that my spine hurts with every move. They are not there. This pain is conjured by my brain, and it should only be cured there.

You abandon your body, your reality. Who are you then? You cannot be yourself if body and mind do not work in some sort of unison.

I still do not know who I was without my body. When I started to come back, it felt like returning to a room I left many years ago. It was destroyed, old and dusted, with smashed furniture and paint chipping off the walls. Everything was in shambles.

I guess you have to rebuild yourself. How can you do it when all you know is destruction? What is your reality now?

[leavemeslowly]

riccardo having orlen’s sign on his costume will never cease to amaze me

[leavemeslowly]

not Rosberg wearing Louis Vuitton yesterday and Hamilton wearing it today

[leavemeslowly]

yes, i am ready to write a whole script about nico and lewis, netflix show me where to sign