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[letartisticvisionsarise]

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[letartisticvisionsarise]

Why Am I Here

A bit of a forewarning, I’ll be addressing topics including Mental Health, Abuse, Self Harm and more. It’s directed in way that people can see these stories and relate or have place to escape to and even know that they aren’t alone, nor that it is “wrong” to get help or seek help.

This is not a call for help, this is just my story and what it has turned me into.

I’ve always wanted to write my feelings out, but I thought that what I witnessed and experienced would be too much for others to know about. However, I quickly realized that there are probably others that thinking the same thing. Whatever you’ve experienced, been a victim of, survived, or is still surviving, is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are simply here today and is seeing this, then just that is an incredible achievement and you’re stronger than you know to be still standing.

Your tears, your frustration, your questions, your scars, are stories in their own words and there’s nothing wrong with that or you.

To be honest, I was already aware of Medium so a while, however, I didn’t think it would be any good of a platform. Mostly because of my terrible experience with Blog Sites. I tend to have bad luck with the whole process of making websites. And I was always interested in having a blog or some place where I could let my emotions be expressed freely.

It wasn’t until recently, when my one of my Best Friends suggested that we should try it out. To be honest, I was pretty reluctant, but with a little research, I’ve got the jist of how Medium is supposed to work and what you can do on the platform.

Currently, I do prefer it to other sites, like WordPress and Wix, mostly because it doesn’t force you to start any ‘Trails’. It’s there and when you’re ready or able to, you can start and support fellow writers. What a lot of other sites tend to do, is just force that price in your face, as if everyone is able to afford it. Many people, especially those during this Pandemic, have been struggling with bringing in income or there are simply those that don’t have the means to start.

For me, Medium will be a place that I will use to share my thoughts and experiences in life. If it brings in some income, that would make things better too. And Medium makes it pretty easy, so there’s no complaints.

I don’t know if you’d call it Blogging, ’cause to me it’s just a way to rant, whether it be for something negative or simply something that I’m passionate about.

Over the past few years, I’ve been writing a Book Series and in 2021, I’ll be staring something I’ve been working on for a year. There will be future posts giving hits about what I have planned or what it entails. It’s something I wanted to do once I noticed that there are a lot of negative families out there and many people that don’t have the motivation or tools, to do what they love. At least, where I’m from, many of us are ridiculed for wanting to begin a creative career. Such as something along the lines of; writing, poetry and even art or music.

I am very passionate about what I want to do in the future, or even now, and I am more than grateful for the people that do support my dreams. Unfortunately, many of the people close to me, don’t have that. I’ve come to notice that the families’ support plays a massive part in a child’s future, so when they aren’t given the support in what they want to pursue, something such as art, they tend to become unmotivated, depressed and even give up on their dreams to work in an industry that would only make them unhappy.

I hope my words will, at most, let someone know that they can pursue their dream career. It will take a lot of hard work and some motivation, but I say, once it makes you happy, just do it.

[letartisticvisionsarise]

Mental Abuse

Experiencing Mental Abuse

Why and Some Ways to Help

Before I begin, I would like to get across that I am grateful for everything I have, a roof over my head, food and my mother and the memories given. I have never been physically abused but that does not mean that emotional or verbal abuse is any less. Any type of abuse is not to be condoned and anyone suffering from it must know firstly that they are valid and loved.

The Beginning

I always told myself that the only way I'd ever write about myself, it would be a fantasy book. I never imagined that it would be just something I start on a whim of negative emotions. But I have to find a way to tell my story before its too late and no one can hear me. Because I know there has to be, at least, one person that can relate to this story. I’m here to rant my emotions and let someone know, that they are not alone. That the years of pain and tears are not unheard.

Where I live its supposed to be a homey place and it’s known for it’s diversity and acceptance. But from a young age, my mother and I weren’t accepted. In the household where we live, surrounded by supposed ‘family’, we’ve been shunned and cursed at, hated and pushed away from. We are, essentially, the black sheep.

What we go through…

I’m not the most social person, because of these people. They are supposed to be people I can trust and lean on, but instead, on a daily basis, we have to tip toe around them. Because my mother did her best raising me, bless her soul, I’m little different from them. I know right from wrong, I wouldn’t say I’m better than them, I’m just more “literacy” inclined and I try not to take shit from people.

To continue, for years I have suffered under these people’s words and actions. I am not perfect, but that does not mean I do not take responsibility for my actions. Any child has made mistakes but eventually, we all grow out of those bad habits and I am fortunate to have the guidance to grow out of them. These days, at almost an adult, I am blamed for taking something worth five dollars and threatened to be kicked out. If my mother and I try to provide facts and deny these accusations, (because why would we steal something), we are always told the same thing- 'Get out the House, get out my house!'

The people I live with, I do not even consider to be family anymore. Family is supposed to give you advice and help you when you’re down, not kick you. Family is supposed to trust your judgment and see that you have changed. Family is supposed to give you a chance. Family is supposed to give you hope and tell you to pursue your writing career, not laugh and make fun of it or saying that I think I’m better than them. My real family, I have made up from people that understand and accept me, because, if there is one thing I’ve learned from Supernatural, is that 'family doesn’t end in blood’.

I would like to think I have incredible patience but once I saw my mother cry, that’s where the patience ends. My mother is the strongest and most incredible woman in my life. Without her, I don’t where I’d be in life. She has sacrificed and has continued to for me but has to fight every week to simply survive in this household.  But, I at least wanted others to know. I’m not looking for pity or anything, I’m just getting it out there that  I understand what those who go through the same daily emotional and mental struggle. I am with you and wish I could tell you it gets better, but I don’t even know anymore. Most of these days I just sit and ask the same question.

Why us?

Why do people deserve this? What have we done to even be singled out and hated. To be the odd bods. Are we bad people? What did we do? Why is God just not doing anything to help? Why are they laughing while we get threatened to leave? Why are watched every second of the day, anything we eat, anything we do, is measured constantly. Why is our life so bad? Why aren't we good enough? Is it because we don't want to be like you? Because we just want a better life for ourselves than living at rock bottom with you? Why is that so bad? To want a better life? A happier life? Is it wrong to work for that, to wish for that?

The Big Why?

When I was fifteen, I was hit with something big. Not only did I find my passion, but I also answered that question.

Creative careers, here are rare and in between, plus are believed to be a 'waste of time' or 'not a good future job’. Many of my peers were either too afraid to try art or poetry and writing, or, they simply weren’t allowed to. Many of us grew up in very unsupported and mentally abusive homes, or homes that weren’t financially able to support.

The answer to Why, goes in two ways;

They are Depressed or suffering from sort of Mental Illness.

Don’t attack me, hear me out first.

Depression or any Mental illness is not an excuse for a person’s destructive behavior, especially if they are hurting others. But, it could possibly be part of the reason to why. Please understand that where we come from there are strict religious upbringings, so whenever Mental Health is brought up, it’s considered ‘taboo’, so to speak. Many families never receive the right help and tend to blame themselves or others for their problems. Therefore resorting to alcohol or abuse, whether it be mental, physical or emotional, to others or themselves.

*note, this is speaking from my experiences.

Their Upbringing Plays a Huge Part

Whether they come from a religious, strict, negative or even abusive family, that shows in their future. It doesn’t determine that they will become terrible people. They can, in fact, become strong and good members of society. Then there’s others that take their negative experiences and force it on to their families or children. If they are from religious backgrounds, they tend to ignore signs of mental illness or worse, try to ‘force it out' by religious means. If they’d have a negative background as well, this may be portrayed with their bad habits, such as smoking or drinking excessively. This is because of what they saw and experienced when younger and all that they know or chose to know.

*again, this is from personal experience and growth

Now…

Mental Health is so important and is a definitive part of Self Care. People should know that no matter your background, your race, gender, sexuality, religious beliefs and values, your mental health is not to be put aside. If you have to take a day off from work, that is more important than breaking down weekly and wondering what you did wrong.

Some things that I do to take care of myself;

-Write down my thoughts,

-Listen to Music, Podcasts or AudioBooks,

-Watch YouTube,

-Do Yoga in the Morning and before Bed.

So, I have made it my destiny to make sure that others, know that they are not alone and to help them by encouraging to pursue that goal. My sisters know firsthand what it’s like to have no support or motivation from family, including myself. I have witnessed and been the victim of these stresses, knowing that it can place permanent trauma on someone’s self-esteem or future life. I would never wish that on another person and will use my experiences to make sure that, at least someone, knows that they 'can do it’!

Now, I’ve used those method above, to keep sane in my circumstances and I can’t say the same for others. Please, if you are in a situation where you cannot leave, please, find a support system to keep you going. Or message me on Instagram and I’ll add you to a group where we can keep updated and help each other out. If you situation is dire, contact immediate help from authorities or a professional, be it a psychiatrist or councilor. You deserve to be heard and you deserve to be happy and free. I hope this reaches at least one person, someday. Thank you, Jazie.