littlesleeper

[littlesleeper]

i hope my unwashed hair and deer in headlights type stare has captivated you

[littlesleeper]

babygirl your enormous eyebags and just barely noticeable tremor have captivated me

[littlesleeper]

I got "stained bi".

I don't know exactly what that entails, I just know that it is indeed true.

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

[littlesleeper]

*scratching up the yellow wallpaper in my room* GIRLS NIGHT!! GIRLS NIGHT!! GIRLS NIGHT!!

[littlesleeper]

romanticizing your life is such a powerful tool and it’s a shame that it’s mostly used by people on tiktok to justify the purchase of expensive breakfast smoothies when there are few better ways to force oneself through unpleasant shit than imagining a cinematic backstory for your extremely quotidian suffering

[littlesleeper]

Today I went back to my childhood home. I was extremely distressed and decided it might be nice to go back.

I did things that I used to do as a young girl;

Laying awkwardly on the outside furniture while drinking a sugary drink, listening to the birds and taking note of the budding flowers. Letting my arm dangle over the side of the furniture and brush along the yard.

I went into my room and dug out my old toys, deciding to try and play with them again. I didn't feel anything. This gutted me.

Not my room, nor my toys, nor my pass-times made me feel any of the comfort that I used to feel there and on my way home I mourned for the link to my childhood self that seems to have dissolved. I think she's a memory now instead of a shade still living within me.

For someone who doesn't really know how they are like without looking through the lens of illness, I feel like I have lost the only tether of guidance that I had.

It's not a circumstance I can chalk up to human novelty such as the position of the planets now or at the time of my birth. Or that its something I would be told was a part of "God's Plan". It simply just fucking sucks, and I can't even frame it in a poetical way or make it seem pretty.

It fucking sucks.

Art Works Featured

Normal Rockwell, Little Girl With Lipstick 1922

Briton Riviere, Play Fellows 1900

William-Adolphe Bouguereau, Child Braiding A Crown 1874

[littlesleeper]

I never expected to dip into bakeblr but this looked so damn good that I had to reblog so I can make it sometime.

Lemon Blueberry Cream Cheese Danish

[littlesleeper]

do not underestimate therapeutic powers of pride and prejudice 2005 dir. joe wright

[littlesleeper]

The Four Seasons, Alfons Mucha, ca. 1897

[littlesleeper]

Right now the only thing keeping me together is the habit of imaging myself as an archetype. I cant stand to be something tangible and hyperaware of it all.

[littlesleeper]

a place to rest. ig: parkingonthewildside

[littlesleeper]

Currently struggling with the realization that I find so many parts of the world overwhelmingly beautiful, yet for all my love I feel unattached to every part of it.

My soul incessantly pleads "take us home" but neither of us know where that is.

The innate task of existing feels so overwhelming to me all the time.

I long to enjoy the simplicities that should be my inheritance, simply for the fact that I'm human.

I'm Human.

Yet disoriented in wide open space that is tailored specifically to me.

How do I reconcile the fact that I am constantly invading my own space?

Art Works Featured: C. Michael Duhash, Woman, Flower Suite #1. Oil on Linen Reynier Llanes, The Poet, 2021. Oils Euan Macleod, Seated figure Beneath the Rocks, 2012. Oil on Linen